Falling on my face and getting back up again..and again!

This blog is sort of a record of my many falls on my face and gettings back up again.  I guess in a way that is good, because I am still getting back up.  But I could be okay with not falling on my face so much.  I had been doing really really well on my eating plan for a couple of months when Thanksgiving hit, which was only supposed to be a one meal, then a one day, and has ended up being a week-and-a-half eat-crap-fest.  Well, not total crap, but enough crap that its crappy.  (could I say crap anymore?  Can you tell the mood I am in now, oh nonexistent readers?!)  I am bound and determined to climb back up on that paleo wagon tomorrow and get my caveman on...again.  No more sugar, no more grains, and no more crap!  I also need to get my coconut oil ramped up so I can get to ketosifying all that fat I am carrying around.  Lets just hope I don't end up in the bathroom all day!  That has been my coconut oil issue this past week.  I just got tired of seeing the bathroom.  No other details necessary, right?

I am also trying to get back up on the running thing.  I love my bike, like truly love my bike--but I know if I want to see this weight move, I am gonna have to get this butt to running again.  I started Couch-to-5K (again) this past week.  I mean, I have run a full stinking marathon, and lots of halves, but I am so far removed I have to find my way back somehow.  I finished week 1 with one extra fun run with the kids, so now its time to get serious again.  I think I have about 8 more weeks left of the C25K, so I am tentatively planning on running the Surfside Shuffle as a celebration and a goal, which will be close to the right timing.  I am also thinking of shooting for a half in maybe April-ish.  Just did some googling and found one that looks like fun north of Houston called the Bear Chase.  One of my boys, the bear-crazy one would be excited about mommy doing that one.  I also have a birthday 50-mile bike ride picked out, tentatively in Victoria the weekend before my bday.  That one would just be plain fun!  So yea, those are the latest goals to shoot for. I just hope I can keep my eating on track so all the exercise does me some good.  I am sure tired of being fat.

And honestly, right now, I just need some heart-work too.  I am about to shut down this computer and spend some time just me and the Lord by the Christmas tree.  I am so....dry, I guess is the right word.  I am thirsty, and in such need in my spirit.  I have been trying to do it all on my own, and I know that isn't how He designed me.  I need His presence, and I need to be intentional about it.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I am thankful.  His mercies are new every morning...hallaloolah!  (misspelling, intentional!)  Peace, ya'll!

Has it really been that long?

Has it been really since June that I last blogged?  Well...actually no, it hasn't been quite that long.  Sometime late in the summer I blogged, expressed some opinons, and had a bad experience with someone that used to be a friend who got really, really nasty with me because they disagreed with my opinons.  They crossed some lines and got quite out of hand, so I was scared off a little from the whole blogging deal for awhile.  I am not scared now, but I would be quite happy to not have a situation like that again.  I didn't apologize for any of what I said, because I don't believe any of it was offensive or out of line.  But I took it down, because I was sorry if it was taken in the wrong way and I didn't want to risk it being taken in the wrong way by anyone else.  So...that post is gone, and here I am back, to give it another go.  Me and Jesus are just fine and if not everyone else is fine, I can't let that be my issue.  So...onward!

So...there is so much to update...so little time.  Well, not really, but the phrases sort of go together, right?  On the weight front:  Hey, guess what...still fat!  But (as always) trying really hard not to be.  I signed up with Just for Women Weight Loss, who has an office in Houston, and I have been faithfully following their program for 26 days now.  I skype with my contact there, who keeps me accountable and helps me to konw what to eat and how to approach this weight loss thing.  Between this accountability, but more than that, the fact that I am actually paying for this program, I have been very very well behaved.  I lost 16 pounds in the first 2 weeks, which was awesome and I was so excited.  But of course,  now in the past week and a half haven't lost an ounce, which really frustrates me.  This program is sort of a primal/paleo type eating program.  The first 30 days are a detox-induction type phase where you don't eat any sugars, sweetners, drink any alcohol, eat any grains, processed foods etc.  You are supposed to take in a lot of fat from animal sources and coconut oil and such as that.  I am wondering if I am not eating enough.  I am not hungry and my cravings have gone away (thankfully), so that is all good.  I just don't know why my body is  hanging on to all this weight.  I skype with them on Friday, so I will ask about it and hope this weight starts moving again, because I have a loooooong way to go!  I can eat bacon.  That is the one time in my day when the clouds part and the angels sing...bacon time.

The other big thing going on is the re-launch of my little crafty business, SLS Creations, which I was going to begin many years ago--got the DBA filed and everything, but then I started doing youth ministry, had kids, and before I knew it 8 years had passed by!  So, here I am.  Got started because I made a cute little froggy afghan for one of my boys and posted a pic on facebook of it.  Then, later posted pics of  the bear I made for the other boy and some of my other projects.  Had some friends go nuts over it all, and the idea  hit me to take orders and see what happened.  I have since gotten an embroidery machine, have made many more afghans, sold several cute little candy-corn dresses, and have more orders to fill.  I have a little facebook page www.facebook.com/SLSCustomcreations and things are going well.  Not too busy, but busy enough to make a little extra money and have some fun.  The only bit of stupid I engaged in was financing my embroidery machine.  Felt like I made a pact wtih the devil by taking on debt.  I am hitting it hard now though, and trying to knock it out as soon as I can.  Its been fun because my kids enjoy the things I do and they are getting fun things I make too.  Also, on the weekends, I can say "gosh, I HAVE to sew!" or "gosh, I just HAVE to crochet!--darn!"  It has been a blast.  My house looks like hell, but I am keeping up with that when I can.  I think I may actually take a couple of nights off of work to clean house.  Sad, but true!

Guess that is about the extent of it.  My husband still makes me crazy, and not in a good way.  I sorta want to kill him most of the time, but not as bad as I did a few years ago.  Almost as bad, but not quite.  My  kids are still the light of my  heart and make me smile and so proud.  I still am tired of living in the swamp and want to move somewhere pretty.  God is still good and He still loves me even though I am a big fat mess, and I am grateful. 

So....wherever you go, there you are---and here I am!  I will try to be a little more faithful at this blogging deal, nonexistent readers!  Lets hope I can!  Til next time...tata!

Music and Memories

Here is a post that is a bit of a departure from my usual, but its one of those you just have to put down as it sort of spills out all over and writes itself. I was headed into work this evening, driving the back country roads through Wild Peach on my way to work in Sweeny. It was a pretty normal evening with a sun that isn't quite yet setting and me trying to find what I wanted to listen to while I drive the half hour to work. I listen to audiobooks a lot on these drives, and podcasts too, but I have recently discovered Spotify. Spotify is an ap you can get for your phone where you can pull up most any music you can think of and listen to it. I have been listening to a lifetime worth of memories since I have had this ap. I have been back to being a little girl in my daddy's pickup truck listening to Linda Rondstadt on an 8-track tape in between his police radio and CB. Charley Pride also brought me back to Daddy's truck, and also my uncle's truck, who I remember loving the song "You're my Jamaica." Kenny Rogers and Neil Diamond were played most every Saturday morning for clean-the-house songs with my momma. She and I also listened to a lot of M-M-M-M- Mel Tillis. Dancing around the house together, as I recall. All I have to hear is a few bars of "Send Me Down To Tuscon" and I can see her dancing around and feel myself dancing with her, just like if I were about 10 years old again. And of course, there are the songs like Jose Cuervo by Shelley West and Afternoon Delight and Knock 3 Times that a kid sings at the top of their lungs, having no idea what in the world they are singing about. The soundtrack I found of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas movie takes me back to girl scount camp where I sang those songs by the campfire to my friends...Wow. What a stellar example of a kid I was, huh! Then of course, there were the junior high years of trying hopelessly to be cool with my Stevie Wonder "I just called to say I love you" and my Madonna Like a Virgin LP that puts me back in my little upstairs bedroom in Kingwood listening to my stereo in a heartbeat. And 7th grade wouldn't have been 7th grade without Chicago 17. Along comes a Woman, Hard Habit to Break and You're the Inspiration with Peter Cetera's falsetto voice made my heart swoon, and somewhere inside when I hear it now, a 7th grade girl inside still swoons. Moving to Marble Falls just before high school is where I go with many of those same junior high songs--I had a little red cube radio with a tape deck on it, and when we moved I remember drinking Diet Dr. Pepper in the old blue cans while I sat on the deck of our condo with my red cube radio which was picking up the faraway Waco 100 station while I looked out over Lake LBJ on Horseshoe Bay. Pretty sure every boy I had a crush on had a specific song, but I won't name names here! I also had 45s from all of our drill team routines from the year I was a Mini Mustang. Everybody Wang Chung Tonight puts me right back in a tiny little purple skirt and support hose with bright Mary Kay makeup on every time! Then, at A&M I rediscovered country music, because the cute boys all seemed to like it and liked to go dancing at the Texas Hall of Fame. This new guy not many people had heard of named Garth Brooks was one of my favorites, and though I only went to the Dixie Chicken once, I heartily sang our changed up lyrics to Friends in Low Places where we "slipped on down to the Dixie Chicken" with the best of em. And of course, David Allan Coe's You Never Even Called me by my Name, which was like the national anthem at A&M is still one of my favorites, and takes me back to those fun times as a college kid.Then, I had a boyfriend who introduced me to Contemporary Christian Music like Steven Curtis Chapman, who I still like even now that he doesn't have that mullet anymore, and Michael W. Smith. This boy used to play Rockettown on the piano in the lounge area of the dorms we lived in and I of course would Swoon. Just hearing the chord progression of Rockettown takes me back to being that awkward girl who really liked that boy who could play the piano. Then, when I was living on my own working my first job out of college in Brenham, Texas, I had a serious relationship with a boy I had grown up with, and there are a host of songs that take me back to that time--most anything by Little Texas, The Bellamy Brothers, and a few others too. Those are bittersweet memories, of good times that didn't end the way I'd have chosen, but in hindsight know it was for the best and I can look back and be thankful for how it unfolded. And that brings me to this evening and where my Spotify playlist brought me to on my way to Sweeny tonight. I have a playlist of starred or favorite music that I haven't quite figured out how to edit yet, and one day I saved nearly a whole album of Caedmon's Call to this list. The year is probably 1996 or 1997, and I am about 24 years old. I have been heartbroken over this broken relationship and daily was pouring our my heart to the Lord to, as I wrote in my journal "put back together the pieces of my broken heart." I was convinced I would probably never find another who would love me and that I would feel lost the way I did forever. I also had an acute sense of having wasted time. I lived in this town for about a year, and who did I know? All my effort and heart had been focused on this relationship, and when it ended, I didn't have any close friendships that I had cultivated. I was very down for quite some time. And then, I was asked to accompany our youth group from the church I was a member at on a trip to Dallas because they needed another adult. I was single, young, had a weird work schedule and vacation time I coulds use. So, I agreed, thinking what did it matter...It wasn't like I would ever have a date to think about again ever. (crazy how the mind can drag you down!) So, I agreed to go on the trip, and discovered more about who the Lord created me to be through that time. I remember listening to Point Of Grace sing and starting to sing with them during the conference. I remember having fun making the kids laugh and thinking to myself that I was laughing too, which is something I hadn't done in a very long time. I fell in love with youth ministry, and with teenagers. I began to accompany the youth to anything and everything that I could, and spent my remaining time in that community pouring into the kids the Lord put into my path. Caedmon's Call was just beginning to be known around that time, especially in the Houston area since they helped lead worship at the Metro Bible Study. I really liked them, and felt pretty hip when I'd listen to them. And I suppose that is some of what I was feeling tonight on my way to work. I was taken back in time, about 15 years to a time when the Lord put back the pieces of my broken heart. He put them together in such a way that I was able to see more clearly who He had created me to be. I discovered a passion that would later lead me to jobs I adored with Young Life and with my beloved First Presbyterian Church in Lake Jackson. I felt hope, I felt loved, and I felt like I belonged. There have been a lot of defining moments in my life since that time of course, and music played a role in all of them in some way or another, I suspect. But on June 6, 2012 on the road through Wild Peach in Brazoria County, I got to be 24 years old again, feeling a newfound freedom in the Lord and a hope for the future again. I was a girl who had so many dreams and knew my times were in His hands, and it felt good. It was good to feel that way again. And I am ever thankful for His gift of music and the power it has to help us see a little of what time travel must be like. Thanks, God, for music. It is a pretty amazing gift!

So far, so good!

Well, I believe that My Fitness Pal ap tells me I have been at it for about 37 days on the eating and exercising routine, and I have been behaving about that many days as well. I have lost 22 pounds and couldn't be happier with my progress. Now that the sugar cravings have abated and I am used to eating smaller portions, as long as I can keep from having some crazy binge that throws me into a tailspin, I think I can keep it up! And, I have a good month and a half, almost 2 months before we have big change in our routine with our vacation, so I should be able to get these habits well ingrained by then. Only in His strength, which I know is perfect! I have been cycling on the trainer and running some on the treadmill and can tell I am getting stronger, which is such a great feeling. Oh Lord, just hoping you will keep me on track! Until next time, nonexistent readers!

Still chuggin!

Well, so far so good! I think that My Fitness Pal tells me I have been behaving for about 17 days now, so go me! I am pretty excited about the consistency I have been able to maintain. Of course, I know its not me, but rather the strength of the Lord that is pulling me through. It is His strength that has kept my hands out of the bags of cookies my kids' have from their grandparents. It is His strength that is keeping me from buying the Milk Chocolate Blue Bell on HEBs shelves that I saw yesterday at the store. I am thankful for His strength. I really think this time will be different. Lord, how I hope it is! I have also been either riding the trainer or running/walking most every day too, which I am sure is helping. So far, I am down 13 pounds, and that helps keep me going too. I am still very much aware that I am big time obese, but it is truly amazing how just a couple of weeks of consistency can make you feel so much better about everything. I am really thankful. Here's to hoping it will continue! In His strength!

Let's Do This!

Yep...here I am, back again, me, myself and I.  I know nobody really reads this thing, but its fun to write and it helps me sort through all the stuff bouncing in my head, so I am all for it, even if it ends up being for my eyes only.

Well, we had a killer day at church this past Sunday.  One of those days where the Lord just speaks and keeps speaking to you and it really does effect a change in your attitude and in your heart.  It also gives tremendous peace to have an encounter like that.  I remember one of those life-changing God-encounters when I was single and struggling with it.  I was volunteering with  my church at the Super Summer camp we went to with the youth and the last night of the camp we were in the auditorium at Hardin Simmons University in Abilene, and Dave Edwards gave the talk and Joel Engle led worship and the combination of what Dave said and the song "All I can  Say" by Joel Engle was used by the Lord to minister to me in mighty powerful ways.  It gave me peace with being single and helped me to know whatever happened, He was big, I belonged to Him, and it would be okay.  Of course, I met my husband soon therafter.  Not sure if that was all God-ordained or not (just kidding...my kids help me to know it was supposed to be!), but whatever the case, it was part of God preparing my heart for what was to come.  For making ME ready to receive what He had, because prior to that I wasn't ready.

Well, this past Sunday at church felt a lot that same way.  Maybe not quite as dramatic, but I still believe He spoke to me in a calming-lets-do-this kind of a way.  It was primarily in regards to my weight.  You know, I have been trying to lose weight for just about as long as I can remember.  Its hard to remember not being fat, because I have been varying degrees of fat since about 1999.  Yep, 13 years of fatness, baby.  I think I have had my doubts as to if it can really, actually happen that I could get un-fat and stay that way.  Like I try, but then get derailed and with every derailment I become more and more doubtful that I could ever not be stuck in this trap.  Well, this Sunday was a breakthrough, I believe...I am claiming it as one anyway.  Alan was preaching about Abraham and his faith.  Our church is doing the E100 Bible Reading Challenge, where we read 100 essential texts from scripture.  We are at the beginning, hence Abraham's story.  Alan talked about how Abraham had a command or a charge...and he had to be obedient...and he had to have FAITH!  Faith is believing what we cannot see.  We also sang "Healer" and my friend Lori sang the lead on it, and since I wasn't singing in the mic on that one, I was able to just stand back, sing, and be ministered to.  "Nothing is impossible for You...Nothing is Impossible..." we sang in the bridge.  And you know what...I GOT it.  I really think I got it--NOTHING is impossible for Him...not even my weight issue.  I have to trust Him and BELIEVE He can give me the discipline I need to make it happen.  I also am believing that He can work my schedule out somehow in such a way that I can get enough sleep as well as have time to exercise.  I don't know how He's gonna do that, I don't know what its going to look like, but I am asking boldly for that to happen, and asking Him, knowing He WILL answer to give me what I need to get healthy.

Good stuff!!!  The kind of stuff that makes you want to storm the gates of Hell with a water pistol.  I am only on day 2 of my eating clean and healthy, but one day at a time and I know it will happen.  I feel like this time can be different because I am trusting, believing, and relying on His strength and not my own.  My strength sucks...His is perfect.  Holding on tight to that! 

I am using My Fitness Pal on my phone to log my food and calories and workouts.  I think it is helping.  I withstood the lure of red velvet cupcakes here at work tonight even...I really am trying!

So yea...Let's Do this!  I am ready, and I am so thankful that I belong to the One for which nothing is impossible!  If He can raise the dead from the grave, surely he can transform a lardbutt into a svelte and  healthy thing of beauty!  Woo hoo!!!!

Facebook Friends-- Top 10 List

Ok...here is a total departure, but it's something that keeps making me laugh some, so I thought I'd write about it. This post is somewhat in the vein of the "Stuff Christians Like" blog by Jon Acuff, which I am a regular reader of...but, hey...it's fun, so why not?! So, without further adieu, here are the Top 10 types of Facebook Friends I have...maybe you have some like this too??

1. The Food Picture Poster: We all have that friend (heck, sometimes we ARE that friend) who posts endless pictures of their food. Sometimes its stuff they have cooked, so they can brag on how great of a cook they are, and sometimes its beautiful restarant food, so we can feel totally jealous we aren't eating there too. They will post pictures of a big roast chicken, browned to perfection...or maybe some ribs on a bbq pit, or a big hunk of chocolate cake. Sometimes its a pretty dessert with strawberries on it. These friends often also post check-ins at restarants and frequently have statuses about meals as well.

2. The old-picture person. I have a few friends that have pictures up on their facebook profiles that are at least 20 years old....and nothing recent at all. I guess this is supposed to make me feel bad for how badly I have aged, when they still look 20 years younger. Sometimes they will fess up to it being old when someone is like "Wow, you haven't aged a bit!" and sometimes they won't, but yea...its just funny.

3. The vague status poster: You know the one who likes to make you wonder what is going on, good or bad in their world. They are the statuses like "Sometimes, I just feel like I could..." or better yet just "I am______".....like, fill in your own blank and guess how they are. This can also be used for exciting times. Like a countdown for something that no one else knows about. Or prayers for something exciting to happen, but not actually saying what it is. Yea, I see a lot of those.

4. The person who posts mostly those cutesy little pictures and sayings: We all have a few of those. We steal their pictures too, because they are so darn cute and funny. Sometimes because they are thought-provoking and sentimental...naaah, nevermind...I would only steal the funny stuff!

5. The person you keep around as a friend just because they are a little bit of a freakshow! You know them, but really you probably wouldn't want to hang out, but its sorta fun to see neuroses on parade. Cmon, you all know we have those friends!

6. The person you really don't even like, but you keep them as a fb friend so you can just not like everything they post....Please don't tell me I am the only one this shallow! I do have a couple of folks on there that are simply for that reason. I am so wrong for this, I know..but sometimes it just makes you feel better...ok--even wronger.

7. That person you forgot was there because they only creep and never post, and then...you hear from your mom that your great aunt Bessie found out that you were at Wal-Mart at 11 pm because you posted it on facebook and why were you out so late...you know how it works!

8. The person from high school that was so cool, and you feel cool-by-association now that you are grown ups and friends too! I was never a cool kid...but facebook sometimes makes me feel like one now, since it is a place where I can actually hang out with the cool kids! Growing up can be a great thing!

9. The people you vaguely remember who they are but not really but since you have tons of mutual friends you accept because they are legit. Yep, that says it all. I have several of those. I mean, I think I remember who you are, but not really, and I am certain we never talked, but yea, I will be your friend.

10. The people you wish you'd have gotten to know now that you see how amazing they are through a window like facebook. I must admit, I have several friends like this from my past. People I knew who were nice people and all, but I never knew what a strength of character they have or realized how much I would admire them for the beautiful person they are inside, by God's grace....Facebook gives us a little window sometimes into a person's brain and their heart. We can see what someone's thoughts are, and you realize what a great person they are through that window. Those are really fun..the kind that make me want to seek that person out and hang out with them now.

Birthday Bike Ride!

I just realized I never did post about my birthday bike ride! We went to Liberty Hill, which is very near to my hometown, and I had signed up for the 44-mile version of the Spokes and Spurs Ride, which benefits a beautiful ranch up there, Spirit Reins Ranch, where they do equine therapy with children. Beautiful, beautiful area and a near perfect day for a bike ride! We had also gotten Craig his road bike not too long before, so he took it and he and the boys rode in the 6-mile family ride, while GG went and had an amazing girl-day with my mom. Anyhow....My kids did amazing. They were super proud after their 6 miles, and did a great job! My 44 mile for my 40th bday was super fun...but tough! First of all, I saw a friend from high school that I have kept up with on Facebook, but haven't seen since high school, over 20 years ago. He is all into running and triathloning and such and in great shape, so 40-year-old me was sort of embarrassed to show my fat self, but I was friendly and it was good to see an old friend. The day started out a little overcast and cool, but felt great. The first couple of miles weren't too bad, and then we hit some hills, which to locals up there who are used to riding them aren't so bad--but for someone who mostly rides in the flat swamp, it was tough! I was kicking in my Granny Gear within the first 5 miles on some of the hills, and was thinking to myself "Good Grief, how I am I gonna do THIS??" And sometimes I would kind of have to stop and tell myself it wasn't a race...not that I am fast...but I would feel like I had to hammer out and keep a certain pace, and really, I didn't need to. So, once I kept remembering it was for fun and just relaxed, it got a little easier and more fun. Well...for awhile! Just before the first rest stop at around 13ish miles or so, we came around a corner, and were looking pretty much straight up a wall of a hill with a sign at the bottom that said "Get ready to climb"...holy cow! They weren't lyin! I had to dig in and give it all I had to keep moving and almost fell before I was able to unclip and I had to walk up it the rest of the way. I always feel like a weenie when I have to walk, but this was killer! There was one other hill I had to get off and walk up later on, but I was able to ride to the tops of the rest of them. By the time we hit 30ish miles or so, it was getting out and out hot outside, and somewhere around 35, my phone started to lose charge, so I had to quit using my Cyclemeter, because my power button on my phone is broken--I am afraid if it turns off I will never get it to turn on again! so, the last 9 miles or so was kinda tough not knowing exactly where I was mileage-wise (oh, how spoiled we get!) but it was fun! I hit 40 miles and thought to myself that I could technically quit there if I wanted to, since it was for my 40th bday...but I kept on going and made it the whole 44, and it was awesome! I didn't feel great after that (headache, etc) but got over it later that night and had a great bday dinner with my mom and dad. My mom had made an amazing chocolate cake for me with chocolate cool-whip stuff inside it and I indulged freely since I had ridden so far. Gosh, it was good! The next morning I got to sit beside the San Gabriel River where we were staying and just sorta think and be thankful for the 40 years I have been given. I want so badly to get healthy so that I can have many more birthdays...not because I want some long glorious life, but because I want to see my kids grow up and know my grandkids, and I often pray that I might get to meet my great-grandkids. Kind of a bold prayer for a woman who didn't have kids until her 30s, but I pray it anyway. My God is big enough....and He is big enough to help me get smaller....Here's to an amazing 40 years! Thank You, Lord!

And...again!

Hey there, me myself and I! Well, here I am again...recommitting myself to getting this crazy weight off. How many times is this in the last year now? The last 10 years? I took some really nasty "before" pictures of myself (you know, iphone in the mirror pics) and they will never see the light of day unless I get to a point of having some "after" pictures. They are a great motivation though, because I sure am disgusting. I really have had it with this weight battle. I have tried to reel in the eating and have done pretty well for about a week now. I have successfully kicked the Diet DP habit, having only had 3 or 4 cokes in about 2-1/2 weeks. I went 2 weeks without, and then Craig got some free diet cokes at the kids' school festival to bring home, and so I did drink a couple of those the past few days, but overall, I have that part kicked. I am trying desperately to get back into running. I still think cycling is my favorite--there is still nothing quite as fun to me as sailing through some miles on my bike. But, I have seen a common thread among many I know and just those I have read about who have lost big--running, more often than not, plays a central role in the weight loss process. I have done it before, have done well at it before, so I believe I can again. Just takes a lot of discipline. I am trying to have some grace with myself and get back to it slowly, but consistently. The kids and I have been going out on walk/runs, which seem to work pretty well most of the time. Well, most of the time. Today was a bit of an exception. My boys were sticking really, really close to me, one of them in particular, and I could hardly move on the sidewalk. When he wasn't beside me (like, right beside me) he was trying to hang on my back or hold my hand. And let me tell you...there is no way--no stinkin way--this momma is EVER gonna turn down one of my kids who want to hold my hand. It may be sweaty and really tough to walk much less run, but I know there will be a day when they don't want to hold my hand, so I will never turn it down now. I love that they are wanting to be close, and I love getting to hang out with them. I just think between my allergies, lack of sleep, benadryl hangover, and just general pissy mood I was in that today's run was sorta rough. I fussed at them more than I should have, and I really want to work on not doing that so much. Anyhow, we are trying to get a routine of the walk/run stuff in the evenings before we eat dinner after school and then going longer on the weekends when we have more time. Time is the biggest problem for us right now. We only have about 2 hours between school pickup and my work leaving time, which cramps the time quite a big, especially when you add in cooking supper, sitting down to eat together, and kitchen cleanup, no matter how limited. But, we are trying! I am also trying to kick the sugar habit, and get my portions down. Haven't been terribly successful at either yet, but I have made small steps in the right direction, so I am hoping my small steps will add up to some results at some point! So there it is!

So much swirling in this little pea brain!

Well, first of all, you nonexistent readers you, I am VERY happy it is my Friday! I am sooooo sleepy! One week til I turn 40, and I am feeling every one of those years right now because I am so tired. Just a bunch of random t houghts swirling around my head I thought I'd spill out here. Please forgive the random non-cohesive nature of this post...well, I guess no one really looks at this anyway, so its probably all good :-)

On the food front: I made a spaghetti squash the other day and it was GOOD! The first time I made it, it wasn't so great, but this time around it was yummy! I probably went a little heavy-handed on the olive oil, but that could be part of what made it so good. I am thinking if I could get hooked on that, I might be able to lose weight after all! I have a buttload of seeds from it now I can plant...we may be eating LOTS of spaghetti squash if I can actually grow it! Speaking of which I planted all sorts of goodies last weekend: tomato plants, tomatillo, zucchini, lettuce, peppers, basil, cilantro. I still yet need to get the strawberries, kale, and cucumber into the ground, but baby steps! If even 70% of what I planted works, we ought to be so set on vegetables! If I can figure out how to post pics I will....but no promises, non-existent readers!

On the exercise front: I am officially in love with biking, I would say. I really, really am passionate about my bike and spending lots of time on it! Outside riding, is obviously my fave, but even the trainer beats most anything else. I need to parlay this passion into pounds gone! (is that alliteration or what?!) The latest bike misadventure happened on the trainer in my very own driveway yesterday. It was a beautiful day, perfect in fact, and I had done crockpot food so I had a little bit of time I could drag the bike to the driveway and ride out there while the kids played. It started out awesome enough......and after about 20 minutes POP and I see out of the corner of my eye a little piece of red flick off into the distance off to my right. Before I know it, my foot is flying out of my moving pedal and I realize that little red flying object was part of my cleat and the pop was it breaking off of my shoe. Good times. I use LOOK pedals and am forever chewing up cleats and having them break, on MS150 rides, or even just clompling around in them between my bedroom and the living room where the trainer is. I could probably buy another pair of shoes for what I have spent in cleats for these. They just break so easily being on the outside of the shoe. So, I am going to meet my husband tomorrow afternoon to go to the bike store and shop pedals and shoes. I am thinking of going with SPDs this time around. Not totally sure on that one, but I am contemplating it. It'd be nice to not clompity clomp so bad, but also nice to not forever be replacing cleats, since on SPDs they are more recessed into the cycling shoe. I don't really wanna spend the big bucks, but I have to figure something out before my ride next weekend back home. So, I guess we will see what I come up with. Any trip to the bike store is fun anyway!

On the random-I-don't-know-where-else-to-put-this front, we are going to see the Hunger Games on Saturday night at 10:15...WAHOOO!!!! Blew through all 3 books in about 48 hours, and I am super excited to se how the movie turns out. Got a babysitter and got tickets ordered...life. is. sweet!

And....on the serious-spiritual-type front: I am not sure what word to use here, but I am, I guess, convicted lately of how I need to be seeking wisdom as well as knowledge, and how much more of an understanding of truth I need to be living in this world we are in. It's an election year, and there are so many things in the news where the worldview of a disciple of Christ is under attack.....from Planned Parenthood, to homosexual stuff, to HHS bill about religious liberty, to the fight and advocacy for life, to so, so many other issues. Really, it is mindboggling. I listened to the audiobook by Andy Andrews How to Kill 11 million people, as well as Eric Metaxas's Bonhoeffer, and I am struck by how similar our world and the United States today is to Germany during the rise of Hitler. As disciples of Christ (I want so badly to say "Christians", but I listened to a super interesting podcast last night by Andy Stanley that addressed the proper vernacular of the aformentioned words....a matter of semantics: yes, but still one worth considering), but as disciples of Christ, we need to be ready...ready to defend the Truth of Scripture and ready to stand up for what is right. I read a lot and listen to a lot of good stuff, but I feel so woefully inadequate to be an effective soldier in the battle. I want to be able to engage lovingly, but also intelligently with those who don't agree with me and my worldview which is based in Scripture. I want to be able to debate the issues without a lot of ummmms and aaaahs and getting flustered. I want to know Truth so well that it is the most natural thing in the world for it to flow from who I am. I want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit that I can't help but spill over with all that He is. So I am praying for discipline to study and to try to be a worthy bearer of the blessing. My discipline for spending time in the Word really stinks the past few years. I don't know if my brain cells washed out with my placentas during childbirth or what, but there is definitely a difficulty focusing that I used to not have. I am also praying for wisdom. Solomon asked for it and it pleased the Lord. I pray He will be pleased with me also, and that I may become wise too.

Lord, help me to dream and to dream big. I am thankful for belonging to You, and I pray my life would reflect that gratefulness!

So...not much to say, I guess

I haven't written in a while, because there isn't a whole lot going on terribly exciting to write about at the moment. We were home on Spring Break this last week and just trying to get back in the groove. I began eating like I hadn't eaten in a year or so while we were in Wimberley last weekend, and pretty much kept it up for the rest of the week. I am trying to get back on track some now. One thing exciting was that I did cook and really enjoy a spaghetti squash today! Now that was good! If I could get myself hooked on something like that, I am thinking weight loss could actually happen...maybe?! Next weekend is my bike ride in Liberty Hill for my birthday, which I am super excited for. I have been riding some on the trainer and rode outside on Sunday afternoon and it was great. I really want to get consistent on my bike again....I do love it!

Well....I guess that's it for now. I still am struggling with what to write about. I am still struggling with getting consistent exercise. I am still struggling with spending time with the Lord consistently. I am still struggling with what I want to be when I grow up. I am still struggling thinking I will be fat forever.

Oh Lord, help me! I am crying out to You in my weakness. I sometimes don't even realize just how weak I am....help me to be obedient, and to know the hope I have in You!

What a day!

Well, yesterday was interesting. I have a feeling it still wont make the scale move, but I sure do feel good! I got home from work yesterday morning and rode my bike on the trainer for about 40 minutes, give or take a minute or two, and my phone rings. It is my husband, who is in Alvin (a 35-minute drive away) who lets me know he has my van key. We only have one key to the van, because we bought it used and it only had one, and it is a couple hundred dollars to get another made, since it is a fancy-schmancy electronic key. Anyhow, he had taken the kids to cub scouts the night before, so he had the key and he took it to Alvin. Grrreeeatttt..... So, the kids and I had to hop into high gear to get out the door so we could walk to school. I was kinda irritated at him over the whole thing, until we started walking and it was super nice outside. Mosquitos were bad, even with the one can off Off that wasn't locked up in the van sprayed all over us, but it still felt great outside. And to start/end (whatever a night shifter does at that time) the day with a walk felt awesome. I got the boys to school, had 3 offers for a ride before I got to my daughter's school with her, and then came back home. Figured out it was about 3.6 miles this morning altogether. But the day wasn't over yet! I got to sleep about 3-1/2 hours, and then got up and rollerbladed with the stroller to go pick up my girly at preschool...yep, only a goober like me would be rollerblading down the sidewalk through town pushing a stroller! My girly thought it was great fun, so it worked out well. We made the trip one way in about 10 minutes on the blades, which is about half the time of walking. So, she and I lay down for our little afternoon nap, like we always do, and I wait to hear from my husband if he can get out of work in time enough to come pick up the boys. As it turns out, he was a little late, so she and I got back up, got the stroller, and walked back to the elementary and got the boys. My husband met us about halfway home and we all got in the van. Well, as much as it kills me to spend money going out, I decided after this day, cooking was not going to happen....so we went out and I got a crazy good hamburger and onion rings--and I ate every last bite! I think I could have eaten a small-elephant! It was so ridiculous good...and I didn't feel bad about it, because it doesn't seem eating right is helping me much right now. Not that I'm going to go back or anything, but I just don't think an occasional treat like that will make much difference. So yea...total for today ends up being 42 minutes on the bike, 5 miles walked, and 2.2 miles rollerbladed. Other than being ridiculous tired, it sure was fun! I love how the Lord takes a big ol pile of crap and turns it into something beautiful....today ended up being beautiful!

Can I shoot my scale?

So, here I am, 2 weeks into eating well and exercising consistently, and whaddya know....the scale still hasn't moved! I would really love to take my scale outside and have target practice with it. Sorta like that dad did on youtube awhile back with his daughter's laptop. Seriously! What gives? I have always been able to lose weight. I have always known what to do. But now, its like I have been thrown a game changer and nothing that I used to do works anymore. It truly is frustrating, especially when you need to get about 100 pounds off. It starts to make me think maybe the eating right isn 't worth it. I mean, I know realistically that it is, but when you don't eat any sugars (other than some fruit here and there) and no chocolate and keep it all super healthy and the scale doesn't budge, it's awfully tempting to say it doesn't even matter and hit the cookies. Or ice cream. Or a ton of Cadbury cream eggs.

I am crying out to the Lord to help me. Honestly, I am at the end of myself, and I don't know what to do about this.

One week down....

Okay, so now that it is past midnight, I can officially say I have one week down of Lent...no chocolate, and very little refined carbs/sugar. I have had a few moments, like tonight when I ate a lot more crackers from the breakroom than I ought to, but for the most part, I have been behaving pretty well in the eating department. Which is why it FRUSTRATES me to no end that my weight is not moving....at least I don't think it is. To be fair, I must say I didn't weigh a week ago when I started this, so maybe I had slipped to new places on the scale that I have never seen before...which really scares me, truthfully! But, whatever the case, this week, I am holding steady at what my weight was before the year started. Grand. I have been exercising every day, eating well, and passing chocolate by and nothing is happening. Its enough to drive a girl to buy the chocolate bark at the store, heat it in the microwave and eat it with a spoon! Ugh! Just one more reason why I am glad this is a commitment I made to the Lord for Lent. If this was just a weight loss thing or a challenge for challenge's sake, I would have been at the candy machine down the hall and back to the lab with a Twix faster than you can say fatso. But, since it is a promise I made to the Lord, and to His glory, I have been able to stick with it.

I read a facebook post tonight about just trying to eat right and exercise and to relax on the whole weight thing. They were saying that they did that, took the pressure off and have now lost some more weight. Almost like the "trying" to have a baby thing...(although this never applied to me, since my husband could simply look at me and get me pregnant!)...the harder you try, the less likely it is to happen, and the more you relax, the more likely it is something will happen. Well...I can't relax too much, not with 100 pound to lose. But, I am going to try to relax some by putting it in the Lord's hands. If I am eating correctly, not pigging out, and exercising, doing all the things I need to do to be healthy, I need to rely on Him to fight the battle. I need to ask for His strength for the discipline I need, and then let go and let Him have His way. I always seem to try and make everything so formulaic, and in reality, it often doesn't have to be that way at all.

I am reading a really weird little book right now called Hipster Christianity by Brett McCracken. It's subtitle is "where cool and Christianity come together". Weird little book, but fun to read and interesting nevertheless. It talks about the history of hipsters and what a hipster actually is, and gives examples of things that are found in the hipster culture in general and the Christian hipster culture specifically. Some of the examples of people he uses are people I am not sure how I feel about (Rob Bell for one). Some are people I have never heard of. And some are people I have enjoyed listening to and learning from (Shane Claiborne, Brennan Manning). So, as I am reading this book, of course, I continually am trying to evaulate myself and others I know: "hmmm...am I a hipster? yes...probably so. Well, maybe not...definitely no!" or "Is *fill in the blank* a hipster? Well this fits, but this doesn't". And then I also am evaluating the author's descriptions of churches that could be considered "hipster" churches. Some of what I hear (they embrace postmodernism....praxis over theology) I just downright, with all my sensibilities of modernity that I have always been a part of vehemently disagree with. But then, some of what I read makes total sense to me (putting faith into action, going back to some of the old, historical practices in worship). So, here I am, once again, trying to apply a formula as I read, and it's just not always that black and white. I mean, my faith and belief in Christ is absolutely absolute--black and white as can be. But, my understanding of where I fit into this whole grand scheme of things and how it affects the way we as the Body of Christ minister and seek to live out the Great Commission is not necessarily an either/or...but, because I have to try and be formulaic, I get all confused by it all and tie my brain in knots trying to wrap my head around it all.

So yea....the good thing is, about BOTH of these things I have written about (weight and this goofy book) is that I am learning to relax some in belonging to Him. Yes, I have a responsibility and an obligation to study and show myself approved....and to take care of my Temple. But, I can also rest in Him, knowing my God is bigger than any formula I or anyone else who is like 100x smarter and more educated than me can come up with. He doesn't fit into a formula, and He doesn't have to--He is God Almighty. He loves me....and that really is- enough.

Two Days Down!

Well, I have been behavin so far...two days of chocolate-free, sugar-free Lent. I haven't had too much trouble sticking to it so far, although I have had slightly more snacking of some other things than I should...like a few fritos last night, and one roll I shouldn't have had at dinner tonight. But really, I am happy with how I have done. Also, I finished week 1 of the Couch to 5K program today running. I am bummed that I have to go so far back to the beginning on my running, but glad I am making progress! I am reading a book right now by Kim Bensen called Finally Thin and it tells of this lady's journey to lose 200 pounds! I think if I could read an inspirational book like this every week, it would probably help my motivation. She lost through Weight Watchers, which is encouraging too, since that is what I am trying to follow, even if I haven't been altogether consistent. In other news...I sure am glad its Friday tomomrrow! I am so whipped this week. Hoping to catch up on some glorious sleep and to behave myself this weekend. One day at a time..baby steps....Skinny, here I come!

One of my new favorite authors--and why you should read The Solitary Tales!

So, I read a lot. I had quite a few dry years as far as books were concerned...having 3 babies in 2 years and working full-time plus being a church youth director will do that to a person. But, one of the joys of working the night shift in a 19-bed hospital in the middle of Nowhere, Texas, is that you have time to read...a lot. This past year, thanks to this job and my kindle, I have been reading. A lot. One of my favorite things to do is to check out the free kindle books on Amazon and read them. (Free is my favorite). I have discovered a few authors I had never heard of before this way, and have some new favorites. I hadn't had my kindle long when I downloaded this book called Solitary, mostly because it had a cool cover and sounded like something I would like since it was about a teenager, and I am a youth-ministry sorta person. It was also put out by a Christian publisher, so I was good with that too. I read it in one night and had a hard time putting it down. When I realized it was part 1 of a series, I was so excited to see book 2, Gravestone was already out, so of course, I immediately downloaded it and read it the next night. You could say I was hooked. The Solitary Tales books are narrated by the main character, Chris Buckley, a teenager who is new to the town of Solitary, NC. He and his mother come to live there from Chicago, on the heels of his parents' divorce. What unfolds in this crazy and sinister town with an even scarier cast of characters leaves you laughing, crying, confused, captivated, and curious. (wow, that was almost an alliteration!) There are more twists and turns and unsolved mysteries than can be described here, but suffice it to say, there is an obvious battle going on between good and evil, and Chris finds himself right in the middle of it. There is romance, there is brokenness, there is humor, and there is hope. Book 3, Temptation, is set for release in April, but because I have a librarian friend who I guess has some sort of connections, I was able to get an advance copy and read it in its entirety last night. Wow. What a ridiculously, stinkin' amazing continuation to this series. I don't want to spoil anything, but let me say, it did not dissapoint. We continue to follow Chris through summer school in Solitary and the beginning of his Senior Year in high school, and some of the mysteries begin to unravel...and I stress "begin"--there is still much of the story to be told, I suspect, in book 4, and I hope, many questions which will still be answered. Temptation answers just enough questions to satiate the curiosity of the building questions, but leaves plenty yet unresolved and even brings up new questions. Book 4, Hurt is due out in January of 2013 (aaahhhh!!!! That would be an exasperated scream because that sure does seem like an awful long time to wait to hear the rest of the story!) I will write a legit-review on Temptation when it becomes available on Amazon, but for right now, this is my recommendation to read Solitary, Gravestone and Temptation! Of course, since I had many months to wait between Gravestone and Temptation, I set about to read more of Travis Thrasher's books, because well...they are just so good! I have now read everything of his that is available on the kindle and looking forward to what is next. I love his stories, because they are not predictable, and no two of them is alike...not even close! He is a believer, and thus writes from the vantage point of a believer, yet does it without being preachy, in-your-face, or cheesy. Cheesy seems to be pretty dominant in Christian entertainment, and that just drives me nuts. Travis Thrasher's stories are refreshing, because they are pretty much cheese-free. There are some crazy-funny parts in just about all of his books too, which is a big deal, because humor is a part of real life. The Solitary books, as serious, scary and suspensful as they are are laced throughout with some really, really funny stuff. It is also not lost on me that, like me, Mr. Thrasher is a child of the 80s with young kids, specifically twins. I think I just "get" some of what he writes because I identify with so much of it. So, for now, that is my recommendation, if you are looking for some good reads by a consistently engaging author. I have a couple of more I have discovered that I will share about in the weeks to come, but Travis Thrasher is my new favorite. You will not be dissapointed if you read his books, and the stories will stick with you--especially the Tales from Solitary!!
http://www.amazon.com/Temptation-Novel-Solitary-Travis-Thrasher/dp/1434764176/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1329875531&sr=8-8

Keepin Fat Tuesday Fat...and then....

Okay, so here I am again with not a lick of anything good to report! I have been bad, B-A-D BAD!!! Well, I mean I have been eating vegetables and have had some bike trainer time, but you know, I have been partaking in copious amounts of chocolate too. And it's time to STOP! Seriously...I want to be here for my kids, and I wanna feel pretty again. I am gonna b e 40 in a month, and I was hoping to already be there by that time, but since I'm not, I CERTAINLY plan to be by sometime in 2012, and for sure before I am 41. All those motivational thingys on Pinterest keep resonating: In a year, you will wish you had started today. Well, this food battle of mine has become more than just about food. I really believe the Lord is calling me to honor Him by taking better care of this temple that is in severe disrepair. I cannot fight this battle on my own, it is something that is going to require daily...okay, hourly...okay, okay--minute-by-minute handing it over into His hands. So, with it being Fat Tuesday and all, I am ready to commit to 40-something days of some better habits to get me jumpstarted in the right direction. My Lord didn't give me this life so I can eat my body into oblivion. Time to get this show on the road! So, midnight begins Ash Wednesday and Lent. I have only (being the recovering Baptist that I am) observed Lent in a give-something-up-and-use-that-to-think-more-of-God sort of way once before. Growing up, Lent/lint was always something I pulled out of my dryer. Then, I went to college and started to see people giving up certain things, but it seemed more of a ritualistic thing than it did meaningful. Then, when I got a little older and began to put my fideistic approach to faith aside some and learned more about loving the Lord not only with my heart, soul, and strength, but also with my MIND, I began to re-visit this whole Lent deal. A few years ago, I gave up chocolate. And though that may not sound like much and may seem very ritualistic to others, for me, this was an intense spiritual battle! Me and chocolate are tight...real tight! As in, I remember when I was single and lived way out in the country driving a half an hour (one way) just for some M&Ms. Its like a drug, and I am convinced chocolate has addictive qualities. It sure does for me anyway! Well, I made it through and began to not crave it so much, and truly, when I was tempted (like with a big-ass cake in the break room that resembled motor-oil it was so chocolately) I was able to focus on the fact that a promise to the Lord is one that is not to be taken lightly, and I used His strength to forgo the temptation. I have toyed with the idea of doing something like this in the years since, but have never felt resolved enough to follow through...until now. This year, it's on like donkey kong! I need to know His victory in my life. I need to commit and get my focus on Him, because I feel I am off track. I need Him. True, observing Lent isn't necessarily for drawing close to the Lord...but I feel like He is calling me to do this. I am going to, Lord willing, give up chocolate and sugar during this season. I am wrestling with Him about Diet Dr. Pepper too, but have until midnight to decide that one. I think He probably wants me to give that up too....anything that I am not willing to give for Him stands in the way of me experiencing His fullness...and oh, how I want that fullness! I have toyed with the idea of a Daniel Fast as well, but we shall see on that one. I think that one may be more my idea than His, but I am gonna continue with some serious prayer on the matter tonight and see where He leads me. I hope I can report back good things soon. I hope I can use this blog as accountability (though it is rarely read). Lord..I need You more; more than the air I breathe...more than the next heartbeat..more than the song I sing...and more than anything Lord as time goes by...I will be by Your side...I need You more!

Off the wagon, tryin to get back on

Well, I have been off the WW wagon since Los Cucos threw a wrench into the slaw on Saturday last weekend, but I am trying to get back with it. I haven't been awful terrible, but just haven't really been good, and certainly haven't been tracking my points since the weekend. Well, we are at another weekend, and its time to get back to business. I could use the excuse of pms-chocolate cravings this past week, but you know, you can't allow those cravings to control your eating for like 2 weeks. Really, Stacy, come on! Also, this week, I have just been crazy, ridiculous exhausted. Not sure why that is, but its true. I haven't been riding the bike in the mornings because all I can do is just sit and lay my head back. My usual 4 hours of sleep feels more like an hour or so. So, yea...not a great week for my health, but a great week to KNOW I can only do better from here on out!

A little discouraged

So, I am feeling a little discouraged at the weight loss efforts. I have been faithfully weight-watchering for a little over a week now, and my weight is only down about a pound-and-a-half. Which, I am thankful its going down instead of up, but for the first week of behavin, I would expect a bigger drop. I am riding my bike trainer and getting fairly consistent exercise too, although nothing like training for a half marathon or anything like that. So yea...makes me wonder if I will ever have success in this whole weight loss thing. I mean, I know I will, but I sure would like it to be sometime before I am 90! Anyhow...I am really trying, and I will continue to try--I just sure hope I see some more results soon! Thinkin I need to step up the exercise and concentrate on eating cleaner. I am doing the right things, so maybe ramping up those right things will help.

In other news...haven't done much writing, but have done a fair amount of reading. One of the most interesting reads lately was the book The Art of Storycraft by John R. Erickson of Hank the Cowdog fame. What a great book! He is such an interesting man with a distinctly Christian worldview and lives it out in his work of writing. He has some very valuable advice for writers in this book, including to write about what you know. He says living life is very important and if you haven't lived any of life it is awfully difficult to write about it. So, I need to figure out what I know anything about...umm...not too much, unfortunately! So, I need to get busy living and learning, I suppose! But I will still try to write in the meantime!

Related to the above, is that I have this past week figured out that I am pretty sure I am addicted to my iphone. I really, really need to work on breaking this addiction, because instead of living life I find myself doing much more reading about it on facebook than anything else. Seriously....do I really need to check the status updates 80 times a day? Ummm...that would be a no. So...I am going to try to leave the phone in my purse more and be engaged in life more. Here's to hoping I can do it!

On Writing....

Okay, so one of the other goals I have, besides getting my body back this year, is to write. I really think I have a decent ability to write and I really enjoy doing it. I have one problem though, and its a big one. Ideas! I seem to have them here and there, but then when I think I want to write, I either can't recall them or they fizzle at the keyboard. I need to be doing some more writing to keep in practice, but am having a hard time figuring out: Do I want to write fiction? Do I want to write for kids? Do I want to write something of a memoir? Do I want to write my own little commentary of Scripture? Do I want to write a book about how running is like our walk with Christ in some ways? The answer to all of the above is YES! I want to write about all of these things and more! Now I just need to figure out how to narrow some things down and actually get words down. I have done some writing, but I need to do some more. Lord, I pray You will inspire some ideas inside this head of mine...help me to write what will honor You!

What a weekend!

What a fabulous weekend my family and I had, camping at Buescher State Park just outside of Smithville, Texas. We had a great time and totally made the most of our 3-day weekend. We stayed in one of their mini-cabins which is right on the camp lake and it was so beautiful and relaxing, and for a camping trip EASY! We love our tent, but these little cabins were a great way to go! I would love to go back and do some more relaxing and also be able to take my bike, maybe. It was great. I couldn't exercise this time, unfortunately, because I am still trying to kick this bronchitis I have had going for a couple of weeks now. I am pretty much over it, but still cough like a maniac. Hoping to ride the bike trainer, which hopefully won't start the cough works up too bad when I get home in the morning. I will say, I was absolutely awful on my eating. I mean...aw-ful! I enjoyed my smores WAY too much and we ate Mexican food out last night in Bastrop which was fabulous, and had a last hurrah with some fried chicken tonight before I came into work. I am about to go down to the ER and though, and get totally honest with myself on the scale. I know I will not like what I see. But, see it, I must...and weight watchering, here I come. I have recently gotten hooked on Pinterest, and some of the cute little sayings/signs people pin catch my eye..one in particular that did said "This time next year, you will wish you had started"...so, so true! I want to be glad that I started now, when this time next year, hopefully I can be down by 100 pounds. That oughta be about 2 pounds a week. Do-able? Totally...with discipline! Oh Lord, please be my discipline! Here's to great weekends and new fresh starts....so glad we can have them each and every day!

Weight Watchers...again!

Okay, my husband told me he is beginning to think I am on the diet of the week plan....because for a long time now, I have been bouncing from thing to thing to thing. Clean eating, South Beach, Medifast, etc. Though I don't dare tell him this to his face...he DOES have a point! I have been flitting here and flitting there trying this and trying that and not getting much of anywhere because I get tired of one way and then try something else. But, I do think I have, through all of this, been moving collectively in a more positive direction (albeit with no weight loss) in that we are eating at home far more than we eat out, and our eating at home has been much more health-conscious than it used to be. Not that it is 100% of the time, but I would say for the most part, I am trying really hard to use the clean-eating principles of using whole foods, staying away from lots of sugars and things like that. Now, making dessert is another matter. I haven't been great about staying away from that. But Lord willing, I will get there.

Here lately, I have been asking myself the question, "do I need a plan at all?" Well, I have gone back and forth, but the long and short of it, I think, is: YES. I do need a plan. I remember Howard Hendricks saying that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I feel like the structure of a plan helps me and gives me some guidance. And so...after much deliberation and wringing of the hands over it, I have decided to go back and try Weight Watchers. I have had success every single time (yes, does this tell you anything...there have been many times!) with Weight Watchers. I have done well and been able to sustain it pretty well in the past....until I get off track, which I just need to not be doing this time. I think I can use a lot of what I have learned about eating whole foods and staying away from sugar and refined flours and things and use the WW plan to keep my portions and my percentage of "cheats" in check. I really do think it will be helpful. So, I bit the bullet, paid the 56 bucks for 3 months of online membership, and I will give it 3 months to see how it goes. I will be hitting my big 4-0 about then. Sure would be nice to have some success to celebrate!

I have been doing better in the exercise department too....until I got sick with bronchitis, that is. I have been suffering this week with the most awful barky cough and chest congestion. We went to see my family last weekend, and my allergies went ballistic on me--cedar, I think. My allergies are always pretty bad, but I think whatever was in the air up there was worse and my throat started to get sore, from drainage I am guessing. Next thing I know, I am coughing and feeling like garbage. My CBC showed nearly 12% eosinophils!!! Which either means I have a parasite or allergies, most likely. That is a really high number. Well, I am thinking if I had a tapeworm I'd be gettin skinny, so since I am not, I will assume the allergies did a number on me. Thankfully, one of our great ER docs here at the hospital wrote me for some antibiotic and it seems to be helping clear up the chest stuff, although it's still there. We are going camping this weekend, thankfully in cabins, so I am hoping that I don't stir something back up.

So, that's the update. Weight Watchers, here I come. Lord, help me. I really need to get well, and need to get disciplined!

Just Do It!

Okay...I have been playing kissy-face with this trying to get healthy stuff long enough....time to JUST DO IT! Gotta say no to eating crap and no to enormous portions and eating all the time and just get it right...I have been playing around saying "Oh, just today I will get the famous amos cookies because they are in the front of the vending machine and they will go well with my coke and then after that I will be good, good, good"--only to do that everyday and even to go so far as to buy the animal cookies in front of the Famous Amos so that I can then buy the Famous Amos and just leave the animal cookies in the breakroom at work, and then before I know it, I realize animal cookies aren't so bad so I just eat them TOO! Seriously, what I am gonna do with me? If I don't get this together like NOW, I am gonna be heading for having to be cut out of my house and have a Discovery Health show about my life called "The 848 pound woman" and it will be AWFUL! Do I want that? Noooo.....I want to be able to run and bike and play with my kids and look cute and not be afraid to wear polka dots and the whole bit! I want to feel better. I want more...so, ok, to do that, I just have to do it! I have been startin to exercise and that piece is coming together, ever so slowly...eating part, here I come. One. Day. At. A. Time. So help me Lord (as Cristy Lane used to sing)....but she was onto something, crazy-lookin perm and all....I just have to make the decisions, one after another, one day at a time.

Book Review: Shadows on the Sand

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005707OHU/ref=cm_cr_mts_prod_img

Shadows on the Sand by Gayle Roper was an entertaining read, even if at times it became a little predictable, even bordering on a little cheesy sometimes. That being said, once I began, I couldn't put it down as I really was drawn into the story and the characters. Carrie, the main character and her sister Lindsay are well-known around the town of Seaside for the dining establishment owned by Carrie, called Carrie's Cafe. The story is told of how Carrie and Lindsey escaped a very dysfunctional and abusive childhood home at a very young age to begin life in the community of Seaside, and goes on to tell the story of a whole cast of memorable characters who are a part of the town. Greg, who frequents the cafe is Carrie's love interest...and it makes for an interesting story to see their relationship develop as they both work through the emotional baggage of their past. Also woven into the story is the connection of some of the characters to a dangerous cult. The twists and turns that unfold really do keep you reading.I enjoyed the book, even though at times I found myself shaking my head when I saw something coming. It was a fun read that kept me engaged, and I would recommend it.I received this book free from the publisher Waterbrook Multnomah to read and review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 55

Book Review: Essentials of the Heart; by Susan Weagant

Essentials of the Heart is a great and practical little book that truly does get to the "heart" of the matter. It is an easy read, yet full of powerful nuggets of truth from God's Word. All of this is interwoven beautifully with Susan's own personal testimony of the Lord's redemption. I read this book in a short time and was captured by Susan's unfolding story and also had many "aha" moments which really hit home. Perhaps my favorite thing about Essentials of the Heart is its practicality. It is not simply a run-down of theological ideas (although there are plenty of them), but rather a practical guide of how to live these ideas out in daily life. I recommend this book without reserve to anyone wanting a time of refreshment and renewal from the Lord, His Word, and the testimony of one of His faithful.

I had the pleasure of working with Susan during the summer of 1994 when I served as a counselor for summer camp at Camp Peniel in my hometown of Marble Falls. She is a sweet lady and now I also know, a terrific writer with a passionate heart for Jesus. Thanks for the chance to read and review your book, Susan!

You can obtain a copy of it, from among other sources, at Amazon by clicking here: http://www.amazon.com/Essentials-of-the-Heart-ebook/dp/B004E8N3Y4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1325645738&sr=8-2

Happy New Year!

Well, 2012 is here...not sure where 2011 went, but 2012 has arrived, and of course with it that beautiful feeling at New Years of a clean slate and a fresh start. I am thankful that the Lord's mercies are new each and every morning (Lamentations 3), and though I know a fresh start can happen at any time, there is just something special about New Years. I need to sit and do my yearly "year in review" in my journal, which is always fun and a little eye-opening for me, and to make some goals for the new year. Not really resolutions, per se, but I like to set goals. Jon Acuff tweeted the the other day: "Remeber the book you wanted to write, the race you wanted to run, business you wanted to open? I dare you to do it in 2012". That so goes along with my recurrent theme of "This is your life, are you who you wanna be?".....I have so many things I want to do..so many things I believe that, with the Lord's help, I am capable of. Time to quit being a lazy-butt and JUST DO IT! I am revved and ready...just need to define these goals a little and get an action plan in place and then GO! This is a work in progress, but I will begin by taking a stab at these goals here right now:
1. Physical Health: I NEED to get this body in better condition. It is fat, out-of-shape, and a
lousy Temple for the Lord Who lives in me. I feel like so much of what I am lacking stems
from this. So....
a. LOSE WEIGHT: I am about 100 pounds overweight. Maybe 115 even. Yep, I could stand
to lose an entire person in order to become healthy. How will I do this? Well, my biggest
problem in this area is my penchant for sugar and truck-driver sized portions. Time to
kick this sugar addiction. Need. To. Detox! The Skinny Ms. Facebook page has a
no-sugar challenge going for January. I may try to follow this...I say try, because it
includes fruits and things that I think I probably need to cut out, at least for a time. Sugar
is crack, baby, and I need rehab--BAD! I am also going to try to get my portions down
and better habits established by utilizing Medifast again. I lost 50 pounds on it last year
(yes, I know, only to gain them back because I got lazy), and I still think there is little
better way to jump-start things and get those portions dialed back right than something
like Medifast...especially for a crazy-schedule like mine! I also want to embrace the "clean-
eating" lifestyle in what I eat and also what I feed to my family. That means whole,
natural foods, the way God made em, not a bunch of processed crap. I am sure there will
be exceptions here and there (birthdays, etc) but I will strive to make those exceptions
be excpetions in the truest sense of the word...ie, one-time deal!
b. RUN/BIKE/GET IN SHAPE MORE: This goes hand in hand with a above, but it deserves
its own entry, because I have some specific goals here in mind. I feel so much better when
I am exerting myself physically. Running is something I so want to get back to. Its not
going to happen right away, and it will take some walking to get up to speed, but whatever
it takes, I want so badly to run again. I am signed up for the Surfside Half Marathon in
February. Would love to run it, but even if I walk/run, I will be happy to be able to cover
that distance on my feet again. I want to take more long bike rides too. Some will
inevitably have to be on the trainer, due to scheduling, and thats okay, but I would love to
get in at least one weekend outdoor ride most weeks if I can. I would love to do the LBJ
100 bike ride as my birthday present to myself in March. By the time fall gets here, I
would really love to run the Chosen Half Marathon for Adoption in October...and do it in
less than 3 hours. Totally do-able, just gotta do it!
c. Sleep as much as I am able: My body needs more sleep. A lot of the time I can't help how
little I get. Some of the time I can help it. So....I need to quit farting around when I could
be sleeping and I am doing nothing productive, and go to bed!

2. Financial Health: We are closing in on the end of Baby Step 2, paying off debt on our Total Money Makeover, ala Dave Ramsey. Not sure if 2012 will see us debt-free (apart from our home) or not, but I need to do everything I can to control my money instead of having it control me in this next year, so we can get on with the rest of the baby steps. This means practical steps, like doing the budget at the beginning of each and every month, sticking to the budget each month, using cash for food purchases (envelope system), cooking home instead of going out, etc. I am already signed up for 1-2 overtime shifts each month at work...so, I need to make the most of them and make sure they are not wasted hours.

3. Home Health: Not like as in a nurse comes to your home, but you know, the state of our abode! I really struggle here. I endeavor to not leave dishes in the sink, to fold and put away a load of laundry each day, and to clean out and purge crap whenever possible. I also need to spend time in my kids' rooms more regularly so as to stay on top of the ever-increasing mess-tastic world they live in.

4. Family Health: Put. down. the. iphone. Leave it out of sight, out of mind. Be truly present with my family when I am present with my family! Read to the kids more. Play with the kids more. Use the crockpot more so all of the above can actually stand a chance of happening!

5. Work Health: Do my best. Be on time. Go above and beyond when I can. Make myself a
valued part of the team.

6. Mental Health: Read. A lot. I have done pretty well at this the past year. I have done a ton of reading and have loved it. I want to do more, specifically non-fiction reads. I know there is value in reading fiction too, but I want to read at least 1-2 nonfiction books every 3-4 weeks or so in the mix. Readers are leaders! I wanna be in that category! Also, writing....I really have developed a love for writing. I think it has always been there, but I have just sort of given it a name. I want to write in this blog regularly. Maybe not every stinking day, but at least twice a week. I want to write a book...or two or three. Or at least a handful of short stories. I will become a better writer if I write. So, I need to write!

7. Spiritual Health: This one is the most important of all. I need this one to come together before I can expect anything out of the other goals. (Matthew 6:33). I want to develop the discipline to keep my prayer list prayed over. I want to develop the discipline to be in God's Word each and every day. I want to study harder. I want to commit more of the Word to memory, writing it on my heart. If I say I love His word, I want it to be true, and to manifest that love in my life. I also want to be a better, more giving wife. A better, more present mother. A faithful daughter. And yes, even a better in-law (Lord, help me!).

Cool thing is, I know He will. He will help me. This is the time. I have one life. THIS is my life....am I who I wanna be? Well, as I have said before, not really...but by His help, I can be. The only thing holding me back is me....let's do this!