I need to get some sleep, which would probably help me a lot, but I am really just sort of drained right now. My frustration level is high, my anxiety is way up too, and I have more dissapointment with the situation that I find myself in than I ever would have imagined.
I am crazy about my God, my kids, my friends, and my work--and those things are what hold it all together for me now....these are the motivation that compels me. I need so much to get some wisdom so I know what to do. I need to know how to please Him and what is best for my kids. It is more of a struggle than I think I even comprehend sometimes.
Lord, help me to be who you want me to be. Help me to come back to the joy You once filled me with, but that I have allowed my circumstances to steal from me. Help me to choose to look to You and to be filled with Your joy once again. I pray you'd provide, and I pray you'd love through me. Lord, I need You, and am more aware of it than ever.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Facebook can be fun, but humbling!
This is a copy of a note I put up on my facebook tonight:
Wow...I haven't been on this thing (facebook) for very long, and it seems we could have a virtual class reunion from my high school class on here! Not to mention several friends from my college years and beyond I've found too. It really is amazing how technology has made the world a smaller place. I continue to be amazed by that.I am so enjoying seeing what people are up to, seeing pictures of their families and where life's journey has taken everyone. It is so much fun to see where everyone is at and a little slice of what their life is like, through pictures and just seeing what they are up to. It is quite humbling though....especially when I see everyone from way back when! I am thinking I must be the only one who has aged in the last however-many-years its been. Everyone else looks so young and still so beautiful....not really any different than what I remember them, truthfully. Pretty amazing! And then I see my pictures from even 10 years ago. Whew! Have I ever aged....and expanded...and aged...and expanded! Humbling for sure, if not maybe even downright heartbreaking! I know Jesus loves me...and that's the thing that matters. Really, I do know that! It is still difficult to confront the years (and the pounds, and the debt, and the dissapointments, and the....well, yada yada yada) sometimes though. I love the Switchfoot song that goes "This is your life, are you who you wanna be...this is your life...is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger....and you had everything to lose...." Well....I hate the song and I love it all at the same time! I hate it because it reminds me that...well, quite frankly, there is a lot that isn't all I dreamed it would be. I try not to blog or otherwise publically complain about those issues, so I'll leave that at that. I love the song though, because it reminds me at the same time, to ask myself that question and to try to "press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me....forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead...I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." I am grateful, that when I am at my weakest, and at my lowest, that His strength is at work within me. I am also grateful that I can have hope in the face of some awfully humbling times. This is my life...am I who I wanna be??? Well, not really...but I am here, and I'm not alone, and I'm not done; by His grace, hopefully someday I will be who I want to be. For now though, I will rest in knowing I belong to the One who loves me more than I could ever imagine.
Wow...I haven't been on this thing (facebook) for very long, and it seems we could have a virtual class reunion from my high school class on here! Not to mention several friends from my college years and beyond I've found too. It really is amazing how technology has made the world a smaller place. I continue to be amazed by that.I am so enjoying seeing what people are up to, seeing pictures of their families and where life's journey has taken everyone. It is so much fun to see where everyone is at and a little slice of what their life is like, through pictures and just seeing what they are up to. It is quite humbling though....especially when I see everyone from way back when! I am thinking I must be the only one who has aged in the last however-many-years its been. Everyone else looks so young and still so beautiful....not really any different than what I remember them, truthfully. Pretty amazing! And then I see my pictures from even 10 years ago. Whew! Have I ever aged....and expanded...and aged...and expanded! Humbling for sure, if not maybe even downright heartbreaking! I know Jesus loves me...and that's the thing that matters. Really, I do know that! It is still difficult to confront the years (and the pounds, and the debt, and the dissapointments, and the....well, yada yada yada) sometimes though. I love the Switchfoot song that goes "This is your life, are you who you wanna be...this is your life...is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger....and you had everything to lose...." Well....I hate the song and I love it all at the same time! I hate it because it reminds me that...well, quite frankly, there is a lot that isn't all I dreamed it would be. I try not to blog or otherwise publically complain about those issues, so I'll leave that at that. I love the song though, because it reminds me at the same time, to ask myself that question and to try to "press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me....forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead...I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." I am grateful, that when I am at my weakest, and at my lowest, that His strength is at work within me. I am also grateful that I can have hope in the face of some awfully humbling times. This is my life...am I who I wanna be??? Well, not really...but I am here, and I'm not alone, and I'm not done; by His grace, hopefully someday I will be who I want to be. For now though, I will rest in knowing I belong to the One who loves me more than I could ever imagine.
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