It's been awhile...here's where its at!

Well, not that anyone has been waiting with bated breath for this blog or anything, but it's been a couple of months since I posted anything, so I figured it was about time! I'm still fat..but I'm still working on it too. I'm not really okay with that, but I am doing what I can do for right now. This full time night shift I am doing at the hospital has made everything a challenge. I love it on payday, of course, and I love that I can pay the bills without wondering where the grocery money is going to come from, but I'd be lyin if I said I feel like I have it all together and that it isn't taking its toll in some ways. Trying to be mommy and youth lady with this added on makes for pure chaos at times!
Of course, probably the biggest challenge I have is sleep (or lack thereof!) I work four 10-hour shifts a week, so I have only 3 nights out of the week to sleep, 2 off at any given time. When my work nights are during the week, I am home during the day with my kids, and mommy has to veg a lot! It's not really the way I have ever wanted to spend my kids' toddler years, but I guess its what we have to do. They are pretty wonderful about it, and I try to make up for it by making the most of the time we have together that I am awake. I will say, I believe I have the 3 coolest kids in the world, and I do cherish every moment I have with them. I just hope someday they will understand Mommy did her best, and why I have had to always work so much. Eating and exercise are other big-time challenges I deal with on this shift. Eating gets all goofed up because your days and nights get all goofed up. And you can try as hard as you want to to not eat, but doggonnit, when you are up all stinkin' night, you get hungry! I try to not eat as much during the daytime when I know I'll be working at night and keep the meals really light, but establishing routine is very difficult when you are constantly changing back and forth between being a day person and a night person.
Finding time to exercise was a challenge before I began this full-time gig, so it's even a little crazier now. I don't really have the option of getting up early to go, when I don't get off work til 6 am and have to tag team when I get home. I do manage to make it out maybe 3 or 4 times a week either for bike rides or runs...even if it is for a commute of some sort...but I do crave getting to be more consistent and the endorphins that come along with it! One cool thing as of late, is that my boys are playing soccer, so they are all about going and running around at the track to get faster and running around on the football field up at Slade....we've been doing a lot of that lately, which has been way fun.
I did get to do the Monster Dash 5K on Saturday, which was way fun..and surprise surprise, there were like 4 people behind me! A month or so ago, I did the swim and run leg of the Brazposport Relay Triathlon...didn't get to do the bike, since it was getting rainy and that sort of thing by then. But I did have a LOT of fun with what I did..and I did it right after a night of work too..crazy, I know! I am planning on doing the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half marathon this next month, which should be big fun. I haven't been able to train the way I'd really like to for it, but I'm not there yet either, so I'm hoping for a few more good training runs before then. I figure, if worst came to worst, I know I could walk the whole thing and still finish in time, so I'll take it for the experience that it is and have fun with it.
So, yea, overall things aren't much different with my goals and things than they were the last few posts back when...just a different timetable is about it. I did get to thinking about it, and I am pretty sure I won't be fat forever...one of these days, the "real" me will be back out and visible again! When my kids are in school, I know I will use some of that time to get out and run and bike and stuff...I crave it so much, and now I use whatever free moment I can muster (which are few and far between) to hop on the bike or whatever, so I know I can become at least a little more consistent...and will get a little bit of sleep too! Not only that, but the bigger my kids get, the more they will be running around and running my big butt out on the track and football field and stuff! That can only be good for me as I get out there and it gets more and more challenging to chase them around! So uh huh...I am encouarged to think that this fat-deal is really just a season...I mean, its been a pretty long season, mind you...but still a season, nevertheless! Right now, I am trying to get out and do whatever I can, but I also want to make sure and cherish every moment of my kids right now that I can. The boys are 5 and Gabriella is 3, and those are such precious ages! These years go by way, way too quickly as it is..I don't want to rush them anymore...so for now, I will have to be okay with being the fat-momma-wannabe-has-been-uglier-than-a-mud-fence-who-I-am-for-now me and know that hopefully someday that won't be the case anymore!! Time with my babies is precious, and I want to enjoy it for every moment.
So...that's where it's at for now! There are a couple of areas of my life that cause me grief and pain and make me go yeeeech...but then I look at my kids and see that the Lord has indeed blessed me, more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined. Those sweet little smiles and little giggles are the best!!! I will also say, that I adore my youth that I work with at church...yes, at times they make me want to scratch my head and yea, scream sometimes too, but wow...what great kids we have been blessed with. I do so love my job at church, and I look forward to when I can devote more time and more of me to the work I do there...because it truly is fun!
Life can be hard...but, God is good...and I am so very, very grateful! And that's all I have to say bout that!

Back at it....again!!!

Well, it's been a long while since I had much good to post about, but now I can truly say I am back at it! This past week, I got in 5 runs...the first running I have done in well over a month. In fact, the last run before this was on the 4th of July at the Firecracker 4...and later that night/morning of the 5th, was when my gallbladder started talking to me--really loudly! I had been having attacks on and off for at least 6 months or so, but when they passed, I felt fine and went about my business, not really tying it all together. But when I had this "mother of all attacks" on the morning of the 5th and then another one about 3 days later, I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. Went to the ER, since I couldn't get in anywhere and felt like..well, pretty much like I was dying...and the ultrasound showed a gallbladder full of stones. Had an ERCP (scopy-type procedure) to make sure there were no stones stuck in my common bile duct and a stent installed, had the gallbladder out the next day with a laparoscopic surgery, and another ERCP the next week to un-install the stent. I had my surgery on a Tuesday and was back to work Saturday, so I had a pretty quick recovery.

I hadn't been feeling great for awhile, and didn't really realize it I guess, and between going full time at the hospital and all the crazy gallbladderness, I had really lapsed in my exercise...and boy oh boy, could I tell! A Stacy who gets out and sweats is a much happier Stacy, I have found! Well, my doctor gave me the go-ahead to run when he took my staples out, just with the warning that my "organs would bounce around where my gallbladder used to be" so...uh...yea, that was encouraging...but, I went ahead and got out there....so, I am back at it!!!!!!

Last week, I got out to run/walk, and, being the first one back in awhile, it was tough. That, and the fact that it felt like it was about 200 degrees outside didn't help! But I made it through 3 miles, and felt pretty good after. The next day, I made it out again, and still felt slow as molasses, but made it. The next couple of nights I had to work, so when I got home in the morning, I went and ran before I went to sleep. Now, I was getting somewhere! It was so much cooler in the morning, and between that and just getting back with it, man oh man...did I feel good!!! I am now back to being able to run about a half hour before having to have a walk break, which is a HUGE accomplishment. Now, granted, I am WAY slow...and I am pretty sure I look like a giant ungraceful...hmm...hippo perhaps...plodding along! But, I can do it, I can do it!! It is absolutely amazing to me how the body can remember what it once could do and can get back with it relatively quickly! I was doing pretty good this Spring with my half marathon in Feb and then the triathlon in April, and after that was when it all sorta fell apart...but now...I feel like I'm back with it!!! Yay for me! So grateful for the gift of a good sweat...God is truly good, all the time!! Yep, I am blessed!

To keep me accountable and to give me a goal to work toward, I SIGNED UP for the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half marathon in November....WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! We've got a hotel booked (for free..with Marriott points...even better!) and everything, so I'm totally excited! Now, just to figure out how/when to get my runs in with this crazy schedule of mine...but I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!!!!

Just wanted to update...I have some good sweatin' to update about now, so I couldn't resist!

There is a Deeper River Still

Today I was at the gym working out (yay for me!) and I of course, had my ipod on. There is a song on there from an old Young Life CD I have called Snapshots of the Bigger Picture called Deeper River Still. It was one of those random CDs I bought at camp one year and it has a nice little variety of artists who have played at camps before and stuff. I've heard it many times, but for some reason today, it just reached out and grabbed me...or rather, I think the Lord sorta reached out and grabbed me with it. I actually went back and listened to it again to catch the lyrics. Just thought it might bless someone else too, so I thought I'd share it. I can't find the lyrics anywhere at all by googling it, so I guess the guy who sings it, Ian Morgan Cron didn't make it big in the music business (although I saw lots of other hits for him on google). Anyhow: Here are the lyrics. I hope they bless somebody today they they blessed me:

Deeper River Still--Ian Morgan Cron
(from Young Life's Snapshots of a Bigger Picture CD)

Well I believe there is a larger story written
And I will meet the Author face to face one day
And that joy will fill our hearts as He reveals to us the parts
That He wrote when time began for us to play.

With every month its like another chapter ending
With every year its like another dot connects
But it is the Rock of Ages that turns all of our pages
Oh I'm sure of this, the older, the older that I get

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
Though the plan seems so obscure, Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

So for the young ones who go to bed tonight with hunger
For the mother who lies awake without her child
For the old ones trapped in silence, that must settle for the violence,
Oh I swear one day The Master is gonna make all these wrongs right

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

So in the midst of all your darkness and confusion
When it seems this world is putting out your fire
Hold on to this point of light
Let it guide your ship this night
And remember, God will buy back every single painful hour

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

Anyhow...I just thought it was a cool song, and I wanted to share. I never really listened all that closely to the lyrics before, but to me, they were powerful. God is way bigger than anything I face...and though we KNOW it, it is good to be reminded--and often--that He indeed has a plan...and that he can redeem us, our choices, our pain, and whatever we may deal with. What a gift it is to belong to Him. He calls us to be a part of what He is doing...not because He needs us, but because He loves us and wants us to be a part of His story. Oh, if I could only remember EVERYDAY that its not about me.....its about Him...everything we have, we only have because of His amazing grace.

This song spoke to the part of my heart, that for several years now has been claiming and holding onto the promise of Joel 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--" Yes, this is referring to the locust plague in Judah way back when, but this Great Story of God's redemptive love is our story too! We live in a world that is fallen. Wrong things happen. We hurt. We screw up. Others screw up and hurt us. We hurt other people. And what we end up with, apart from the Father's grace is a nasty chewed up mess of a place! It reminds me of the summers back home many years ago, where it seemed like there were grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! I can't remember if it was when I was at A&M or back in the Brenham days or when, but I remember going back home to my mom and dad's house and they didn't have a leaf on any tree or plant and the grass was like a blanket of grasshoppers. I mean, there were those big honkin yellow grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! They made a HUGE wreck of everything...killed pretty much everything because they were so out of control. As do we, with the choices we make and the things we do.

But, I am so thankful that in Joel--and for us-- there is a call to turn back to Him....to "rend your heart...return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love..." (Joel 2:13) And...that there is that promise, that He will give back to us those years that have been eaten away to nothing. I know that I have way more of those years than I wish I did. Many, many years ago, I remember writing in a journal, through the process of grieving over a great loss, that I finally understood what hope was about--because I felt I really didn't have anything much to hold onto. I have been learning that lesson of hope ever since that time....and though I struggle to be thankful for the situations that bring me to that place, I am so grateful for the hope that I have.

He will give us back those years....and there IS a deeper river still! Thanks for the reminder today, Lord!

Frustration: Night shifter turns into COW!

I just had to vent a bit...I am really so grateful to have my full-time night shift at the lab now..truly I am! For the first time in I can't remember, I am able to get the bills paid and have the hope of getting this debt gone once and for all....so excited about that. I knew it'd be a transition and a challenge though...and I'm in the midst of that right now!

If you know me, or have read what I've written, you know I am an athlete-wannabe! I really, really love to get out and run (very slowly, yes...but it's still great!), to ride the bike, to swim, to challenge this fat-girl body of mine to get out there and push the limits of what I can do. I have known for several years how much I have liked doing this....but I am really starting to see more and more how much I NEED to do this.

Yes..I am fat...and yes...I want to lose weight so I can recognize the girl in the mirror and not be disgusted by her the way I am now. Yes, I want to be healthy so that I can be a better mom, better youth lady, etc...but I think more than that...this whole exercise deal is a matter of sanity for me, in a lot of ways. I really do function better with it than without it. My mind is clearer, I feel better, I am more patient with my kids and all the other challenging individuals in my life.

So....here is my question: How in the heck can I figure out how to get out there and run/bike/swim/climb a tree/wrestle a rattlesnake/whatever-you-name-it when I am working a full-time night shift.....ummm...and a part-time day job....ummmm...and oh yea, p.s. taking care of 3 adorable kids (they really are....I know I'm their mom, but ya...they really are cute!) under the age of 5???? I have got to try to get this deal figured out!

I know I've only been at it a few weeks (with the full time hospital gig and all) but man....it feels like every spare minute I have, I am just trying to sleep and catch up with that. I had a kid I work with tell me he got like 13 hours of sleep the other night....I was guessing I hadn't had that much sleep...like all week! I get home from work at 6 am, my kids are awake at like 6:30, and anyone who has ever been around little kids knows...once the kids are up, you are up!

My eating is all goofed up too...when you work all night, you pretty much get hungry and end up eating an additional meal. Then you may or may not eat later when you get home, and yea..it does weird things to the body. I worked nights for years, years ago...but it was before I had kids. I was on my own time schedule and it worked out okay. But trying to do it on their time schedule is really challenging. I need that exercise for my sanity...and to keep me from getting to be an even bigger cow than I am now. I am grateful to have it that night shift, because I do need to be able to support my family, which I am so glad to be able to do, but yea...I can feel my fat cells expanding everyday I don't get to get out there and sweat somehow! I really, really want to sign up for another triathlon...but I just don't know if I can be trained up enough with the way this schedule business is working out.

Anyhow....it's just frustrating....I know there probably aren't any easy answers. And I don't think I'm even looking for any. I just felt the need to vent somewhere about it though. So, since my kids don't really understand, I thought I'd vent here!!

Wish I didn't feel this way, but I do

Sometimes this whole concept of "seasons" of life sucks...I know that sounds crass, but I just have to put it where it is. I am in a crappy "season" right now, and it is getting more and more difficult to deal with at times. I know I am loved by the Lord, and I know He has a plan for me. I am blessed beyond belief by my babies, and I couldn't be more thankful for the gift of being their mommy....so I really need to get out of this funk.

Much of the time, though I know its not intended as anything of the sort, I feel very....hmmmm..inept? irrelevant perhaps. not necessary. useless....yep..all of those seem to hit it where it is--and it hurts.

I feel that way in pretty much every area of my life, except with my kids, where I KNOW I am needed. I may not be the world's best mom...but at least I know I really am needed there, and I haven't screwed that up too too bad (yet...hopefully I won't!)I used to feel like I had something to offer. Gifts and talents that were needed. But lately, I just feel that everyone is afraid I am too overloaded and will drop the ball and screw things up. I don't necessarily think that perception is 100% accurate, but I nevertheless, the perception is there and I am affected by it. Which makes me go: maybe I am inept. Maybe I am a screw-up. Maybe I don't really ahve that much to offer.

Painful, raw, depressing stuff, I know. Probably too much honesty for a blog. But you know what...that is where I am. I have to own it and turn to the Lord and pray He will make sense of things and make it all clear to me. I know He created me with a purpose. I know He wants to use me...He wants to use all of us in some way. So, I will keep on keepin on and wait on Him...trying to hear His voice more than I hear the others.

Lord, please help me. I am hurting, and I need Your help. I want to be useful..and the I need to understand that as long as I am doing what is pleasing to You, I am on the right path. "Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your power is made perfect in weakness.....that is why I delight in weakenesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Team World Vision

Hey there, everyone,
As many of my buds know, I spent last week in Chicago at a youth ministry conference put on by Willow Creek Community Church--which is ginormous! I had a great time, learned lots of cool stuff, and was, as usually happens at these sorts of things--inspired! I wanted to share one of the things that particularly inspired me this past week, in hopes that maybe, just maybe it could inspire a few of you as well...and that you could be crazy with me!

Most of you know me, and know I am an athlete-wannabe, and have been for some time. (I am also a musician wannabe, an artist wannabe, and lots of other wannabes too...yes, I know, jack of all trades, master of none!) Anyhow..this thing I learned of appealed to the athlete-wannabe in me--and also, to the sense of purpose I have as a believer in Jesus Christ. What a cool thing when the passion of your first love (ie, Jesus) comes together with the other passions He wired us with! Back in the day at the Aggie BSU, I remember going through the then brand new study Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. There were many great things about that study, but one of the ones that has stuck with me...oh, nearly 20 years later, I guess it is...is this: Take a look around at what God is doing, and join Him there. This sorta fits into that piece of advice.

Okay...get on with it, Stacy...Why yes, I think I will!

At the Shift Conference at Willow, there was a table and a short presentation made by World Vision, a Christ-centered relief organization that seeks to be the hands and feet of Christ in the world. In their words, according to their website: "World Vision is an international partnership of Christians whose mission is to follow our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in working with the poor and oppressed to promote human transformation, seek justice, and bear witness to the good news of the Kingdom of God." They do many, many different things from child sponsorships where you can provide for the needs of a child from anywhere around the world, relief for children with AIDS, disaster relief and supplying the needs of those affected by poverty not only abroad but also around the United States. Personally, I have always been somewhat leary of some of this "justice" stuff..simply because much of what I have seen of it in the past has left Christ out of the equation. I have shyed away because I felt that if it wasn't centered on Christ, well, then what really was the point?

I am beginning to see some of this in a new light now...We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ in a world that is without. The whole story of the Bible is that of a broken world that He came to redeem. He invites us to be a part of that. While it is grace alone that saves us, His doing and not ours, I believe that in order to truly have the "life and life to the full" that Jesus desires for us in John 10:10, we must live out our faith...There are many, many ways to do this, of course...but this particular way put forth by World Vision caught my attention this last week, and really "jingled my jangle", so to speak. World Vision has Christ at the center of all that they do, and their mission is a living out of that faith--and I was quite impressed by that, and inspired to join in the work...as Blackaby put it!

So..where does the running thing come in? So glad you asked! (yes, I am a bit crazy, I know, to be able to carry on my own conversation in a blog!) Team World Vision. It is an effort, very similar to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program, or even akin to the MS150 bike ride which raises money for multiple sclerosis research...or any number of organizations that raise money and awareness for a cause, by a commitment to train for a honker of an athletic endeavor and asking people to join you in your effort by supporting the cause you are running/biking/whatevering for.

Team World Vision is in its baby years, and only has a few "official" events as of now, but they are growing like crazy, which is really cool! They want to challenge people to run a marathon or a half-marathon in support of the work that they do. You choose an event, set up a little personal fundraising website, and train for your event. Ideally, it would be a group of people training together as a group in a community, to where you do your daily shorter runs on your own and have a weekly group run together, which is the long-run component of the training program. They have a support community of others doing the same thing and coaches etc. who can communicate with you and your team via email, but it would work optimally if there were a local "coach" so to speak, who knew the ins and outs of the training process, and who could help the group with the challenges of training for such an event.

There is no minimum amount that has to be raised...there is no obligation or catch...other than the accountability you have from the others who are taking on the same challenge and will be spurring you on! The shared time together training is cool...and so is the fact that you are running for something bigger than yourself is too.

I got all the info and heard some really cool stories of folks who have taken this challenge on. Their website is www.teamworldvision.org if you'd like to see more, or feel free to call or message me about it. I would love to take on this challenge with a group of friends....would love local friends, but even friends who are far away would be fun to keep up with and stay accountable to! You don't have to be a super athlete to do it (look at me...truly...if I can run a marathon--which I have--ANYONE can do it!) and you don't have to have any other special stuff....just a desire to challenge yourself and commit to something cool, and a desire to combine that with helping out with a really cool cause, that of sharing Jesus in very practical ways with a world in need.

Let me know if you want to know more!

ps...for anyone interested in the Chicago marathon in October--it is sold out, as of last week...but Team World Vision has a couple of hundred spots available...I can hook you up! (sounds like "pst..I know a guy! heehee!)

Lone Star Triathlon--I did it!!!

Yay me!!! I did it, I really did it! Yesterday was the Lone Star Sprint Triathlon, and I did it!!! ! third of a mile swim, 12-mile bike, and 3.1 mile run. This was my first try at a tri (love the word play there!) and it was really, really fun! Today at church, lots of people were asking me how it went and all that sort of thing, and my standard answer has been: "I finished and I am alive--and it was fun!"

So, it ends up I went and did this deal all by myself...We decided it would be way too long of a day for the kiddos to come and try to kill time in between all of my stuff (especially as slow as I am) and that it was way too early to have to get them up and at em...so I ventured out on my own to Galveston for my big adventure. The night before I tried to get everything together, and everything came together pretty smoothly, with the exception of my goggles. I couldn't find them, because I used the bag they usually live in to go with the youth group to our weekend at Conclaves just last week, and I think I must've taken them out in an effort "not to lose them", so, I was up way later than I planned trying to locate those..which thankfully, I eventually did! I have my alarm set to wake me at THE buttcrack of dawn...Seriously...it was like 4:30. I often stay up that late, but to wake up in the 4s just seems insane to me--oh yea...it is me, so I guess that fits after all!

I get up and get the bike in the back of my truck and all my other stuff, and I didn't have much good to eat at the house, so I decided I had a few bucks, I would see what I could find on the way--because I just can't do something like this on an empty stomach. Yes, I do have enough fat probably to last me years, but I guess its not readily enough available, so I needed fuel. I was so, so sad to be told at the taco-stand-formerly-known-as-Mendozas that they didn't open til 5:30...and man oh man, did it ever smell GOOD! So, I drove off sadly to head to Galveston and see what I might find on the way. Well...uh...that would be nothing! Hitchcock is about the only town I went through, and...well...there isn't much in Hitchcock! So, I crossed the Causeway onto the Island, missed the exit for Moody Gardens I should've taken (which was a good thing) and low and behold...I found the place for my breakfast of champions--Shipleys! Oh yea...I'm an athelete, dontcha know! A coupla sausage kolaches and chocolate donuts later (yes, disgusting I know, but by golly, I was going to be in a triathlon!) I was back on the right road, headed to Moody Gardens. I find where I am going fairly easily, and as I pull up to the parking garage at the hotel, there are lots of people unloading bikes and stuff, so I figure I'm in the right place.

I proceeded to get all my stuff out, lock up the truck, and followed the herd. I really had no idea where we were going. It was dark (buttcrack of dawn still), I'd never been to Moody Gardens before, and I certainly had never done a triathlon before! So, I just followed the people pushing bikes who all looked way more athletic than me, and hoped we'd get to the right place! There was an old guy who must've could tell I was a newbie at this, and he was really nice and told me I'd be hooked after this first one. That was cool, just to have someone encourage me...especially since I was by myself and all...made it not quite so intimidating. So, I get my packet and head over for the "body marking" place, which sorta tickled and made me laugh. (yes, I am also the one laughing my head off when I donate blood, because it tickles when they rub the betadine on my arm!)...incidentally, that marker they use is pretty darn permanant! This morning at church I proudly sported my "945" race number on my leg and arm, and the "37" on my calf that said how old I was!! Craig told me they must mark your body because it is too hard to swim with a toe-tag on...yup, I was encouraged!

So, after I'm all marked up, I find my little about 8 inches of real-estate in the transition area, and get everything all set up and ready to roll.....Didn't know for sure what all I was doing, but the nice thing was, they had us arranged to where it was all first-timers where I was at...so I guess no one around really knew what all they were doing either, which was actually sorta nice! I met 2 nice ladies from Sugarland who were right by me there--Susie with some sort of a British-sounding accent, and Rita...whose name I remember because I was thinking one of those might taste sorta good when this was all over, if I managed to survive! (as in a "marga"...) I, being the cheesball I am, got them to take a picture of me before the race, which was cheesy but fun. So, by this time, its getting time to get down to bidness, so with everything as prepared as I could get it, I kicked off my chacos and left them in my bag, and headed off barefooted...and no wetsuit....to await my wave for the swim.

I follow the herd of mostly wet-suited out people with all the different colors of swim caps on for the different swim waves over to the beach area behind the hotel that looks out over the bay, and for the first time, I see the swim course. Hmmm...it looks sorta long, but maybe not too too bad. And I hear the announcer guy say that the "65 degree water is a little chilly this morning"....Holy cow! Sixty-Five! And I have no wetsuit...I would have loved to have had one, but honestly there was no moolah for renting one, much less buying one...so I just decided I'd give it a shot without one...just tell myself it would be miserable and gut it through. As I dug my toes into the sand waiting and watching I got more nervous and thought that even my feet were cold in the sand! I had a good 35 minutes or so to get good and nervous before my wave of first-timers were on deck, so yea...that was fun!

By the time my wave got up there, they were saying the temp was up to a balmy 66 degrees...mmhmmm....yea...I am pretty certain at that point I really am short of brain cells! What in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks was I thinking to sign up for this thing!?!?!? Oh well...no turning back now....so I put my feet in the water and I think "that's not SO bad"...and I get in to about my waist and I am thinking "holy guacamole, I can't breathe, I can't brea..I can't...."and I seriously couldn't get my breath, it was so cold. I don't want to say I panicked, but I did have a moment of "crap, I am so not going to be able to do this...I am gonna have to turn around" but then I thought to myself that I couldn't stop before I even started, so I just started moving and moving and got my breathing to start again and calmed down, and then honestly, the cold wasn't so bad. So, I swim....freestyled a little, but the saltwater in my mouth got to be a little too much, so I flipped on my back a bit, then breast-stroked a bit, and sorta rolled back and forth between those two. I kept on moving, and felt better when i saw someone had to hold onto one of the surfboards out in the water for a bit to rest....I didn't have to do that, so I felt like I must've been doing okay. I push on and keep on swimming, however I could, and I made it to the ramp to get out of the bay. Yay! I had the biggest ear-to-ear grin at that point, because I knew if I could do the swim, I could finish this sucker...yay me!

I go to the transition and pull off my wet shorts that were on over my swimsuit and throw on a dry pair, put on my running shoes and helmet, and get the bike. This was my FAVORITE part! Oh my goodness, was it ever fun! I started out with not quite enough air in my tires, but at the halfway point, I got the Bike Barn people to give me some more air, and man, did I feel like a new woman then! We rode along the Seawall in Galveston and it was just so fun to be riding there! I know its Galveston, and I know it's not fabulous or whatever, but there is still something so cool to me, about cresting a little hill from where we were and coming up over the top and there is the Gulf. Yea, its sorta brown and yea, who knows whats in there since Ike, but doggonit, its still saltwater and its still the ocean...well...you know...sort of! Anyhow...the bike part was way cool! I even passed several people, which was really fun! When you are as slow as me at so many things, its sort of amazing to think about passing anyone...so I fully enjoyed that part, since it is so rare! I even used the aerobars a little bit....for sure when I passed the photographer...I felt like a real athlete then!

So I finish the bike part, get it parked back in its spot in transition, and its time for the run....er...more like the "pedestrian" part of the tri....I was pretty spent by this point, so I had to alternate my running and walking. The run wound all around Moody Gardens and was really nice...with the exception of all their little man-made bridge-y things and what not that required uphills! But, I was still able to run a decent portion of it..albeit slowly...so I felt good about it. I even passed 2 little skinny 16-year-olds...and that felt really good! muwahahaha!!! So, I come to the finish, and I see the big archy-thing with the clock on it, and man, was I ever happy! The announcer dude said my name and age and that I was a first-time, from Lake Jackson, all that sorta thing...and it felt good! I got my cool towel and water bottle, and ya...I now can say I'm a triathlete!

It was really a fun experience, and I think I'd like to do another sometime....I'm not really up for anything longer than what I did, unless I suddenly had way more time on my hands and way less big-butt on my body than I have now....but I'd certainly do another sprint...it was fun! And, I guess, because you are floating for part of it and riding a bike for part of it, my body isn't nearly as sore as it was say, from the half-marathon I did. I mean, I can tell I did something, but it's not like the day after Surfside, when I could hardly move!

So, after calling home, so they knew I was alive, and a few friends, I hopped back in my truck and headed for home. Made the mistake of trying to go over San Luis Pass to Bluewater Highway....I think there is more washout than road from the hurricane between San Luis and the Surfside City Limits..it was a slow trip!

My kids watched me on the internet...at least we think they did! They saw someone finish at about the right time they thought was me, and they said "Mommy won, Mommy won!" Their daddy explained to them that mommy didn't win....when they asked why, he told them that it was because mommy was slow....they asked why again, of course. I asked him if he told them "its because mommy is a big lardbutt who eats Shipleys before a triathlon" and he assured me that wasn't his answer, so I guess that was a good thing.

Anyhow....it was really, really fun, and I loved it! I feel strong and like I accomplished something pretty cool, and I do hope to do it again sometime. I cannot thank my friends who encouraged me enough, and helped me to know what to do....especially Abbie and Donnie--man oh man, I would have been COMPLETELY clueless if not for their help! Incidentally, Abbie did the quarter ironman there today...and did so completely awesome!

So...I guess that's about it! That's my race report, and I'm stickin' to it! I am so grateful that the Lord gives us opportunities like this, and that we can see what miracles lie in His creation...namely these bodies He has made. I mean, mine is nothing special or anything, but He still gives me the ability to challenge it and push it and to do some pretty cool stuff! And I think that's very cool!!

Thanks for reading, if you actually made it this far! Below I cut and pasted all my results from the race website....happy trails, ya'll!!!!

Clock Time
2:23:14
Chip Time
2:23:14
Overall Place
179 / 974
Gender Place
81 / 410
Division Place
81 / 99
Swim 500M Rank
178
Swim 500M Time
21:50
Swim 500M Pace
4:22/M
T1 Time
08:06
Bike 12 5M Rank
167
Bike 12 5M Time
59:44
Bike 12 5M Pace
12.6mph
T2 Time
04:13
Run 3 1M Rank
183
Run 3 1M Time
49:18
Run 3 1M Pace
15:54

What might have been....

The Little Texas song "What might have been" is in my mind....because of what is in my heart--and has been for a few days now. Darn facebook...it is so good..and so great...and so difficult sometimes to catch up with folks from way back when.

A heartbreak...really, probably THE biggest heartbreak of my life...from back many, many years ago is hurting all over again. This has hit me from nowhere, and man, does it hurt--probably as much, maybe more than it did so many years ago. Though I probably shouldn't be surprised by this, I am. And it is hard!

Oh Lord, will You please take the pieces of my broken heart and put them back together into what You want them to be....I trusted You with my broken heart so many years ago...and I still trust You now. Help me not to think of "what might have been" but to move ahead into the promise I have in You. I never really understood the concept of hope up until that heartbreak. I pray You'd help me to understand the concept of hope again...as I trust in You!

Surfside Half

Well, this last Saturday was the Half Marathon I'd been looking forward to...It was at Surfside Beach, which is maybe about 15 minutes from home. It was a much simpler day, it seemed, than when I ran my full marathon in San Diego. I guess that's part of the beauty of racing close to home! Much cheaper too!

Anyhow....I had set my cell phone alarm to go off at I think 6 am, thinking I'd head out by around 6:30ish to get there, parked, etc. by around 7. Well...you know what they say about best laid plans! Of course, me being me, I had to snooze that cell phone a few times before I actually got up. Why my brain at early morning hours gets a warped sense of time, I'm not sure, but it does. "Sure, I can snooze til 6:20, and be gone by 6:30 still...yea, right! Well, I left home around 7, after having my little breakfast of champions of some leftover spaghetti (yes, I am weird!) and a Diet DP (uhuh..weirder still, that I don't like coffee!) and headed out to Surfside. This was the first time I'd been out there since Ike, so I wasn't real sure what to expect, especially in what the road was like, driving on the beach etc.. So, I thought I was doing the safer thing time-wise to cross the bridge and go straight to the beach and drive down it to the tent where the race headquarters were (and where my packet was awaiting me still, since youth group the night before prevented me from picking it up on Friday). Well, I think this was probably my first mistake of the day! It was slow going on the beach between the humpity-bumpity sand and all the runners up and down warming up and who I am guessing were the early starters. Not to mention the pea-soupy foggy wet air that morning too! So, I finally make it to the tent and get parked and by the time I did all that, it was probably 7:35ish...and all the prerace stuff was to start at 7:40, so thankfully there was still a decent line of people waiting to get their chips...and they couldn't start til everyone had those!

I get my stuff and they do a few group pictures and then wambamthankyoumaam before I knew it, it was on like donkey kong! We ran down toward the bridge for a little over 2 miles and then turned around...and I was feeling pretty decently strong. It was so fun too, at the point when all the fast people started coming back at us after their turn around, because you could see who was where and it gave you some good distraction! Then, the farther along I got, the more walkers and slower runners like myself were passing by and we were all woo-hooing at each other, which is always fun! So, we turn around and I'm still feeling pretty good, running pretty steady, and right around mile 4 (mile probably 7 or 8 for the fast folk way ahead!) we started getting this crazy, brutal headwind! I mean, it was like lean into the wind and run strong! Everyone where I was at was talking about how it felt like we were going straight uphill...and man, was it tough! I had hoped to try and run pretty much this entire half, and I toughed it out til about 6-1/2 miles, and then I had to walk. That wind just wore me out way more than I'd have thought! And it was weird, because it was almost like my legs started walking without my permission or much thought from me...like they had a mind of their own and just were like "doggonit, we are WALKING!" So...I complied and then when I tried to run some more it was like trying to move rubbery lead! I kept a pretty strong walking pace and got to talk to some new friends along the way, but I was only able to run for a few minutes at a time after that point.

Everyone who was up ahead and had already made the turnaround at mile 9 were telling us how great it was after you turned around. The tailwind was within my reach, and I was ready! Finally, I get to mile 9 and HALLELEUJAH (or however you spell it!) there was no more headwind. And it was much, much easier. But by now, my rubberized-lead legs were struggling, and I still only managed to run a little here and a little there. So, things are good, right? Well....for about a mile they were....and that was when the RAIN started. And I don't mean any ordinary woosy rain either....these were some honker drops that I honestly wondered if they were hail when I saw them hitting the sand in front of me! It started raining pretty good and I was actually ringing water out of my shorts.

Now, I make no bones about the fact that I carry A LOT of extra weight around....I am hoping I won't be doing this forever and that someday I will be a normal-sized human, but for now, I'm one big mama.....but holy cow--I wonder how much EXTRA weight I was hauling from water in my clothes and my shoes! I mean, I probably had the equivalent of a skinny person on my back! Wow...was I ever wet!

So, I managed to run about the last .2 or so miles back to the finish once I got there, because I was bound and determined to RUN across the finish...and there were my babies waiting on me. Craig had gotten everyone up and out there to see me finish, which was really cool. Gabriella was the first to see me and start yelling, and then the boys joined in and they were so cute cheering and jumping up and down. Nearly brought me to tears...I dont' know what it is, but there is something about being so stinkin' exhausted and seeing the ones you love that just gets to you! At least it does me! The boys were so cute "Momma, did you win the race??" Though there were finishers for the FULL marathon coming through at the same time as I did for the half, they didn't care...they were still pretty excited, which made it that much sweeter.

My final time was somewhere around 3:32, I believe. I dont' really ever go for speed, but it was slightly slower than I had hoped for. I had hoped too, that I could run most if not all of it without having to walk....but, honestly I think the wind was my biggest limiting factor. Well, that and I had been sick with a nasty cough the whole week before. But hey...I did it, and I was sooooo happy I did!

That evening, since it was Valentine's Day, Craig had arranged for one of our friends to come watch kiddos while we went to eat Carrabba's, which is about an hour away. Lemme tell you, I could hardly MOVE after riding that far! It was pretty sad! By Sunday morning, I was doing much better though....the healing of sleep is pretty amazing! By Monday, it was pretty much just what I call a "good sore" that I had left....enough to know you did something and to hurt just a little, but not so much that it really impairs your functioning.

Tonight (Wed) I ran to church, which is my first run since Saturday. It felt GREAT! It was only 2 miles, but I was still so glad I went. Anyhow.....I have been talking about this half for awhile, so I thought it only appropriate that I blog a bit about it! I'm looking forward to doing another one, and now its full steam ahead to the tri in Galveston in April....wahooooooooo!!!!!!

And.....I must say, a big huge thank you to all my friends who have been encouraging me in this journey of getting back to being healthy (and of being me again)! The encouragement, accountability, inspiration, and help of so many of my dear peeps is more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined. God is indeed good, all the time...and I am so thankful for the friends and opportunities He has given me....okay....can't resist another WAHOOO!!!! What a deal!

I am loving this running thing again!

Well...I must say, I'm having fun with the whole running thing again. Its in the place where its fun again...not the "this-is-so-hard-and-I-am-miserable" stage running is in when you first start (or in my case start back)..but in the really fun part. I do need to work on getting back with the consistency thing. That is slipping a bit, due to scheduling, mostly....ie, working an unexpected double shift at the hospital--an evening-night double at that, preaching the other week and the prep that goes into that, and just generally a lot going on. But, I am still managing to get in 3-4 runs a week...I would like to get back to the 5 or 6 a week I was doing though. I have hopes that this next week may get me going again, as I am not scheduled at the hospital for the next 2 weeks at least...we shall see! I need to get my consistency back with the eating too....we hosted the superbowl party for my youth group this last Sunday, and ....well....can I just say DERAILED! yep...why is it that when I have leftovers, I feel compelled to eat them til they are gone? Oh yea...that whole they taste so darn good thing, I guess, huh! Well...time to kick the leftovers in the butt and get back to eating how I ought to. I haven't gained any weight at all...but I haven't really lost any in a couple of weeks either, so its time to get serious again.

Okay...now to the real point of this blog! I wanted to share about my 10K I did this past weekend....because it was so stinkin' fun! I think I have shared, that I haven't run a race since 2003, when I did my marathon in San Diego. That was a year before my boys were born. Now, I don't really know if what I do is technically "racing" or not, since there is really not anyone back as far as I am running to "race" with. For me, a race is sorta just a run with a number on and some other people who finished up awhile earlier when I get finished. But, it is really motivational to hang out with everyone and have water to drink a couple of times on your run and at least a few people going "woohoo" when they see you.

Well....I hadn't really planned on doing any races until the Surfside Half in a couple of weeks from now on 2/14....but, I was on facebook last Friday night and happened to notice my super-fast friend Abbie had on her status that she was running a 10K the next morning. I was hoping to get out and run Saturday a little longer than usual, but I didn't really have a ton of time, so I wasn't sure it was going to happen or not in between all the other scheduled stuff that day. So, when I see this 10K business, I thought to myself "self, you could go run that 10K for your run tomorrow...wouldn't that be cool!" So, then and there I decided I would give it a go. It was going to cost 20 bucks, which we really didn't have to spare, but I was gonna splurge, baby...Spectacle Spectacular, here I come! Besides...it was going to go for a good cause..spectacles! For who, I am not sure, but geesh..its the Lion's club and its glasses...so, that had to be good, right?!

So, I get my clothes all together, set my cell phone alarm, and am all ready to roll the next morning. I get up and decide to hit Chick-Fil-A on my way out of LJ for a chicken biscuit (breakfast of champions, of course!) and up 288 I went to Angleton. I got there just in time to sign up and get my number pinned on and before I knew it, we were lining up to run. I went way to the back of course, as slow as I am...but I'm okay with that! There was also a 5K race going simultaneously and they stayed with us for some of the course, so that was cool, since they had walkers--I wasn't completely alone running for at least part of the race! I can run as fast as the walkers, thank you very much! Anyhow...it was a gorgeous day, pretty much perfect for running--cold and clear and sunny and beautiful. We took off from around the courthouse in Angleton and I ran and felt pretty good. Got to mile 1 and I think I was just under 13 minutes, which for me right now is pretty good, so I was happy. There was water at mile 2 and I grabbed some, and by this time, I was pretty much out on my own. There was an oldish lady (not old, but somewhat older than me...you know what I mean!) up ahead of me I could see for a little while, but then she sorta took off and left me right around 2 or 2-1/2 miles or so...she was a beast, I tell ya! Anyhow...I told them at the water station as I was passing by that they could probably pack up and go after I was past, since I was the last one. They were so sweet and told me "ah, c'mon..there's always someone behind you!" and I had to tell them...well...no really--I was pretty sure I was it! They laughed and I ran on.....There was one point where we went around a little loop-ti-loop in a neighborhood and that concerned me a little, because there were no cones there, and by this time...no runners in sight but me! So, I followed the directions of the race volunteer at the corner and the spraypaint on the pavement and went on around--but it was pretty much all on my own! There was an estate sale going on at a house on the street I thought about stopping in to see, but then didnt...(just kidding!) anyhow...I kept on and there was more water at mile 4, and I kept going and then about mile 5, a coupla high school girls came out to finish up the last mile with me. One of them is a cross country girl from Bwood who is a bit of a local celebrity and an amazing runner--I see her all over town and she is FAST! The other was a sweet gal from Alvin who I think runs cross country too. These 2 girls were so sweet--they made this old fat momma who has lost lots of cool points feel good, especially by this point in the run! They were laughing at the stuff I had on my ipod and telling me about their running and asking me about mine and they made that last mile go super fast. Poor things...I felt bad for them though, because I think it was probably torture for them to have to run as slow as I was going! They were super sweet though, and a real blessing.

Anyhow...got to the end without having walked any of it, which was exciting. I think my Nike ipod needs calibrated again though, because it seems it gave me about an extra tenth of a mile every mile I ran...so it said I did 6.76 miles. It also said I did it in an hour and 28 minutes for a pace of 13:01 minutes/mile. I know its slightly slower than that, due to the distance being off, but it was still probably one of my fastest runs to date, and I was tickled snotless with it!

So, I get to the finish, and nobody is outside anymore and the time clock is already put up...but I didn't care because it felt GREAT! I so enjoyed it and it motivates me to keep working. And, I got my run in, which was sorta doubtful before I decided to do the race. I went into the church that was hosting the race, and found my super fast friends Abbie and Donnie and talked to them a bit, (they had already been back, for like an hour or so!) and as I was talking, I decided I probably should turn in the taggie thing from my number...you know, just so they didn't think I was dead on the road or anything. So, I go turn it in and said "hey, here's this, just so ya'll know I'm not dead" and we sorta laughed--haha--and then the funniest thing happened....they guy I gave it to came back to me a few minutes later and said "hey, it's a good thing you gave me that tag, because I think you got an age group award!"....HOW FUNNY IS THAT??!!! I was cracking up! Time clock was put up and everything, and I ended up getting 5th place in my age group--because, I suppose, there were 5 entered in my age group! I got a medal and everything....how stinkin' funny is that?! I was laughing at myself they whole way back home! I was so glad I went out!!!

Probably the best part about it all though, was just the encouragement I received...from being able to do it without walking, of course, knowing I can still complete a race, and from my friends and the other folks there who I've never even seen before, who encouraged me just by being there. Everyone was so positive and encouraging Saturday....no matter how slow I was. From the ladies at the registration table, to the other runners, to the water table volunteers and others, to the girls who ran me to the finish-- What a gift to be there and experience that! I truly enjoyed it, and I was sooooooo glad I decided to go!

So....next.....Surfside, here I come! Guess I better get to bed now though, so I can maybe get my big bootay out of bed and get a run in tomorrow morning! I don't want to get up at the buttcrack, but I proably should...so....gnight for now!

So, here's the deal...

For a couple of days now, I have been aspiring to run a 10-miler as a get-ready for the Surfside Half run...and it hasn't happened. Last weekend, I ran an 8-mile run with NO walk breaks...I amazed myself with that one. I don't think I've ever gone that far without a walk break. I must qualify that by saying my pace (woo...and do I ever feel fast when I do it!) averages about 13-1/2 minutes a mile. I know for many of my friends that is crawling...but for this fat momma, it's like lightening speed! Well, maybe not lightening...but, you know! It's definitely a challenge! I was just tickled to have gone so far without the walk break. The cool thing on my speed though, is that it IS improving. I can look back on my running logs and I am going probably about a minute-faster per mile than I was back in the Fall, and I've even picked up 20-30 seconds a mile faster since the first of the year...so, slowly but surely, I'm getting there.

So...why didn't I do my 10 then? I was planning on doing it Saturday, and opted out because I was going to do it today (Monday) on the holiday-day. Well.....for me, getting out the door is always the hardest part. And Saturday was no exception. I folded laundry...and more laundry..and more laundry (I do have 3 kids, so that is like, totally justified!) and I got to hanging out with the kiddos and I don't even remember what else...and before I knew it, it was like 5 in the evening, which meant I'd have been running til nearly 8 pm for my 10 miles, and I just honestly didn't feel like doing that....so, I opted to do a shorter run, and ended up having an awesome time on a 4.73 mile run. It felt good, I felt strong, and I was planning on doing the 10 today.

Well....I, of course, had a butt-load (and yes, given the size of my rear, that is quite a bit!) of work to do....My kids were out of school Friday, which meant no office time for me, and they were out today, but so was Craig--so he stayed home with them and he graded papers while I went to work this morning. I got quite a bit done at the office and stayed a good while. I am preaching this weekend too, so I have a lot to do to prepare for that, so anyhow....after the office, I went to apply for an additional job. Yes...this has not much to do with running, but it all goes together, so--the deal is, our hospital cut everyone's hours back because evidently we are struggling to make the ends meet....(hmmm...that sounds familiar! At least I know that even the HOSPITAL gets itself into these situations too....its not just us personally!) So, they have (as reported in The Facts--so its not like I'm divulging some big hospital secret or anything!) decided that in an effort to save money to keep us operational, they have cut all the hourly employees hours by 10% and they have cut the salaried people's salaries by 10%. Well, me being a PRN (ie, hole-filler-inner; as opposed to a full-timer or part-timer) employee am at the bottom of the totem pole, so my hours are cut way back....they had already been cut pretty significantly, but now it turns out I lost yet another shift this month, which means I only have 3 shifts total at the hospital the entire next month. So...we were barely making it with me working 2-3 shifts a week, so this hurts quite a bit! Anyhow...that is the impetus behind me looking for a third job. Anyhow....after I left my office at church, I decided to go apply for another job and talk to the lady about it, and that took a little while, so long story a little longer--it was nearly 3 pm when I got home today.

I still had time to run the 10 at that point....but honestly...and this is kinda weird: I didn't run 10 because.....I didn't want to. Lame, yes, I know...but I do love running. I enjoy it so much--and I really thought going and doing maybe 4 or 5 miles sounded awesome...but I just did not want (today) to do 10 miles. So, I thought to myself..self, why are you doing this? What is the deal? Can you not feel good about yourself if you go run 4 or 5 instead of 10? Does doing a shorter run make you a loser? Who is keeping score? Will my facebook friends all think I'm a goober if I don't get to post about my 10 miles on a status update? For goodness sakes..its not like I'm an olympian or anything! Anyhow....so, I decided to do 4 or 5 instead. And I was really glad when I was out there that it was only 4 or 5, because for some reason today, it was extra tough--but I still really enjoyed it, and I am glad I went. I am losing a pound every two or three days, so my weight is moving, and I am certainly eating totally clean too...so I think I'm okay.

If it came down to it, I could go walk that darn half tomorrow if I had to....I could probably run it too, truth be told. Of course, I want to train right though, and get in another long run of at least 10 miles if not a couple more before Surfside on Feb 14. And I can...and I will....but today, I feel okay about my 5. I still earned my shower, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonnit...people like me! (okay..I'll put Stuart Smalley in a box..sorry!) Besides...I think I can relax taking as much time as it takes me to go run that a lot more after Sunday, when I have to preach....because I sorta have my hands full right now!

I guess what I'm learning too, is that I have to keep stuff in perspective. Running 10 miles doesn't define who I am any more than my bank account (thank you, Lord!) does, or my job does, or anything or anyone else in this world does--Christ and Christ alone defines who I am...and He gives me freedom. I don't have to be a slave to a 10-mile run or to anything else...I just need to abide in Him. There is true freedom in that. There is also a beautiful freedom in obedience and trust. He is teaching me so much about those things now...especially where the finanaces are concered. Truly, we are utterly dependent on Him. We always are, of course, but don't always realize or acknowledge it. I am very much aware of that dependence right now...and it is scary as all get out and sweet all at the same time.

Okay....philosophical/theological moment is past, and I need to get a shower (oh yes I do--one I earned!) and do some work on my sermon. Don't know if anything I said here made sense or had any logical order or not...but that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it! (and I will be out running, hopefully 6 days this week, as I have been pretty much every week for a few months now! I am REALLY loving feeling like I can do this again!) Toodle-loo!

Five for Five!

It has been a good week! I have been able to run and run strong (for me, that is!) Monday through Friday. It has felt amazing! Now I know, to many of my friends, my running pace is probably equal to a Sunday stroll pace for them--but as stated in an earlier blog: Cushy shoes and need for the sports bra definitely qualifies my movement as running in my book!

Monday and Tuesday I went out early, like buttcrack of dawn early, and was able to run nonstop for around 30 minutes. That's sort of a big deal for me right now, especially since this was my first week back after having been sick for awhile and the holidays and all. It felt really good...and even though at times I looked for every reason in the world not to go, I was so glad when I was out there, and even more glad when I returned home and could write my miles (woo--like, all 2-1/2 of them!) in my little log book. Wednesday, I was going to get up early and go, but one of the boys kept me up most of the night with being sick...I think I probably did about 2 miles just going up and down the stairs to be with him! Anyhow....I was beat by Wednesday morning, so I slept in, with hopes that I could go run that afternoon when Craig got home. Thankfully, he let me go run Wednesday night and I was so grateful....I was able to make 3.6 miles without any walk breaks. This probably wouldn't be much of a big deal to most...and probably not that big of a deal to me, oh say as late as 5 years ago. But it's been AT LEAST 5 years since this big bootay was able to do that. Certainly pre-kids! I could do it when I was training for and running my marathon in San Diego....but that was in 2003! So, this was a huge accomplishment to me. I was on cloud 9 when I got back home! I mean, I still felt good and I was sweatin all over the place and sore and it so ROCKED! Endorphins really are wicked wonderful, I must say! I think part of being able to do it was how great it felt outside and the ipod, of course, but also the fact that it was in the evening. It makes it so much easier for me at that time of day--I think its more of my "prime time". Man, was it great!

So, I begged Craig for a chance at another afternoon run on Thursday, he kindly obliged, and I was able to do 3.4 with no walk breaks...and felt way, way good again! I know its not just a fluke that I was able to do it...its that whole consistency thing again...what a concept!

I did get up this morning at the buttcrack and went out to run and it was pretty good too. I had my 5th and 6th grade youth group tonight, so I knew there would be no time for an evening run, so I better get it in where I could...which meant it was basically back-to-back with the one yesterday evening. That made it a little tougher, but I was grateful to get out there. I probably could have trudged through it nonstop, but I did have two about two-minute walk-breaks. I decided to cut myself a little slack since it was a back-to-back deal. And I was very glad I made it out.

Tomorrow I am planning a long-ish run. Long for me, that is. Before I got sick, I was able to do a six-miler. Tomorrow its time for a 7 to 8-miler. We shall see how that one goes!

I have sooooo0 enjoyed having that ipod to run with. Who'da thought a little refurb nano from Hastings would be my best weapon against all the excess me! I have to say...I truly think most of my 80s stuff runs better than just about anything. Put Bryan Adams anything on, and man, I'm like a machine! As crazy as it is too, Whip It got me through a trying little stretch too, followed by Shania Twain's Whose Bed have Your Boots Been Under....good running stuff! Sometimes I feel sorta bad for passing by some of my great Christian music, but a lot of what I have just isn't real runnable....I mean, I love me some Watermark and Susan Ashton oldies and all that, but who ever tried to run to that stuff! Now Keith Green has some pretty upbeat stuff, and it makes you want to storm the gates of Hell with a waterpistol, so that's cool...but a lot of it is just too mellow for a run. My Christian running faves would have to be Jars of Clay, hands down. There isn't much they have that isn't great to run to. David Crowder isn't too bad, and I am all about running to Relient K (in my opinion, the Christian Bowling for Soup---who happen to also be great running pals on my ipod!) Yep....I still say when I am half this size I am now and everyone wants to know how I did it....I am going to tell them to buy an ipod! It so helps! I remember the days back years ago trying to run with a CD player thingy strapped on myself...yea, that really worked! Honestly, I think I left it in a friends bushes at her house because well....yea, a CD player worn on a body is cumbersome!

My little Nike+ deal for it is great too. Craig got it for me for my birthday last year. I am so loving it...tells me all the info about my run, will talk to me if I want it too, and saves it all on my computer when I sync up. It's so worth the about $30 it costs....it may not be quite as on as a GPS is, but once its calibrated, it works pretty darn well....I just love having that thing! I'm such a data junkie!

The eating has been going well too.....The only chocolate I've had this week was a slim-fast protein shake I forgot about the chocolate in when I opened it up. That was Monday. I have since sent those with Craig to school and haven't touched chocolate since then. It's harder at times than others, but the cravings are going away for it, and I am so glad. I've been having apples and oranges for my desserts instead....is this me I am talking about? Wow? I'm not recognizing this...isn't that wonderful!

Of course....Matthew 6:33 says to seek the Lord first and then it all comes together...some wise words that Bible has, huh! I know the discipline that has been conjured up in me isn't of my own doing...and I am so grateful for the One Who lives within me, who is changing me daily...and I am so thankful to finally be getting this Temple of His Spirit in a much better state of repair than it has been in for many years! As always....woooooohoooooooooooo!!!!!!

Here come better days...

Well, here I am, 2009 is here. Did I accomplish my goals in 2008?? Uh...that would be a negative. I had fits and spurts of progress, but not the consistent change I need to live this life in the way I ought to be. Well....Praise God from whom all blessings flow, whose mercies are new every morning, and who makes all things new. I love New Years, because it is a time to reflect and to look ahead...sure, you can do it at anytime, but there is just something about the passing of another year that lends itself to reflection and goal-setting..and I intend to do just that!

I haven't been able to run in about 3 weeks due to having been sick with a nasty crud that turned into a sort of bronchitis--as it always seems to...coughing up really attractive and colorful chunks of lovely lung stuff here and there doesn't really lend itself to running! As soon as I started feeling like maybe I could get back out there, Christmas was here and it was nearly impossible to get out and about with all there is to do in that week or so of the year. So...here I am, feeling more slothful than ever! And it didn't help today to see pictures of myself that are...to put it lightly...quite disgusting. I have a beautiful bunch of kids I am so thankful for, wonderful friends, and lots and lots of blessings..but honestly, I don't recognize the person in those photos anymore. I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror. Who is she, why is she so fat, and why can I see the years that have not always been kind to her on her face the way I do? I am ready to recognize what I see again...it may be an older, more weathered version than what it once was, but darnit...I want to at least see some joy back in that smile again! Its been far too long!

There are a few things I want to concentrate on in this New Year we have ahead....one of them is Consistency. I want to learn what this means because in the chaos of the last several years, I have lost the concept. I need first of all, to be more consistent in my time with the Lord. Being in vocational ministry is one of the most difficult hurdles it seems to consistent time with the Lord...at least it is for me! Sure, I spend a lot of time in Bible study and doing "stuff" for God, but what of my personal "Mary" time just to sit at His feet...just for the sake of being with my Savior? It happens at times, but not nearly enough! I have way too much Martha in me for my own good (don't we all!)! Consistent time with Him...which I have hope will lead me to letting Him define me, rather than my circumstances. I have had a lot of discontent with a lot of my circumstances for quite some time now....and I have been letting those circumstances rob me of my joy....It is time to let the One I belong to, and Him alone fill the empty places I am so keenly aware of. There is no reason in this world for me to feel unloved....He loves me more than I can ever imagine...wrinkles, gray hair, excessive adipose tissue, and all! Knowing this, I want to seek to turn to Him...instead of to the other vices in my life to deal with what is thrown at me. Food (chocolate in particular) can no longer be my best friend and my comfort. Food is fuel--period. Food is fuel...some may be able to handle thinking of it in other ways, but for me right now, I have to simply see it as my fuel--nothing else. I don't mean I can't enjoy meal time with my kids or whatever....but I need to concentrate on the time I am spending with them and not what I'm gonna have for dessert later!

Consistency with the Lord is the biggie...I know it will make all the difference. And I am hoping it will lend itself to consistency with my exercise. I have been off to such a great start--this Spring.....and then again this Fall, only to get derailed by stuff each time. Well....it's time to get consistent and serious about it. I LOVE to exercise...I love to run...I love to sweat my butt off (and lemme tell ya, that's a lot of sweatin'!) and feel like I have really done something. I just love that feeling.....so now I just need to conjure up the discipline to get myself in bed at a decent time each night so I can go out at the buttcrack of dawn and get after it...consistently!

I haven't run in 3 weeks. I am doing a half marathon the middle of February....I am doing my first triathlon in April...goals like this help me tremendously in my motivation. I'd like to find maybe something to shoot for after the tri, like a summer and a fall something....something to keep the consistency.

There are other goals too, dealing with finances and getting out of this ridiculous debt...we are chipping away on that. I am trying to perhaps have a chocolate-free rest of 2009 (if I can make it), and I have some big dreams I am dreaming for my youth group at church and a few other ideas I need to be praying more about to see what opens up and what closes...but for now, I guess my word is CONSISTENCY.

Okay...gotta get to bed now, so that I can get up and run in the morning! Here's hoping I will get up and do it.....no matter what the circumstances of the morning bring me! He is in control, and He is the source of all discipline...so look out LJ---this big mama is fixing to hit the streets again...wahooooooo!!!!!