Goodbye, Phase 1...Hello Phase 2!

Well, it is officially day 15 of South Beach, and though I had a few cheats over the weekend (all fessed up to already in the previous entry), the first 14 days went well and I believe have me well on my way. I am doing pretty good in the moderation area, and I was good all day Sunday, so I feel like I am back on track. Now, to keep on keepin on and to stay that way! I hope to get my exercise on regularly again soon too...usually that is what kicks in easily, but with summer and all we are doing, it's been inconsistent at best...that's okay...I am eating up every minute of the time I have wiht my babies, because I know I will miss them all terribly when they are back at school. There should be (I hope) plenty of exercise time this fall...I am hoping to ride my trainer in the mornings when I get home from work before the kids wake up (did I talk about this already a few days ago?) and on Mondays when I am awake to do either a long run or long ride...and would love to start doing more running on the weekends...like with the kids alongside on their bikes. I am sure it will happen in it's time...so thankful....until next time, imaginary readers!

So....

So I haven't exactly behaved myself in the eating department this weekend...I mean, I wasn't out and out awful, but I wasn't exactly South Beach Phase 1 good either. Yesterday, day 12, I caved due to the fact I really just wanted to go out to eat and also due to the fact that I was working on about 3 hours of sleep total, that had been broken up into two different segments and I was stinkin tired! So, we went to Lupe's, which happens to be my kids' favorite, and I ate Mexican food. Not like drippin with cheese (I don't like cheese anyhow) enchiladas or a deep fried chimichanga or anything, but I did eat. I probably had about 25 chips, which is actually a huge improvement from my nearer to 25 basket of chips habit that used to be the norm. I also ate the 2 tortillas wrapped around my tacos al carbon too...another no-no. Oh yea...and I ate almost half of my rice too. Oooohhhhh....Dr. Agatson, I really blew it! BUT....I still feel like I did better than I used to. And I did get right back under control today...well, most of the day I did! Woke up and weighed in at 236.5, which is another pound down, thankfully, and proceeded to behave the rest of the day..until dinner. At dinner I wasn't awful. We went to Baytown Seafood, which initially I wasn't excited about, but it ended up being pretty good! I got grilled chicken and it came with a salad, vegetables, and some dirty rice. I ate about 4 bites of the dirty rice (a no no) but everything else I had was within reason I think, and then I brought home half my chicken. Oh...and I almost forgot the sweet potato fries! Not great, but still a better choice than regular fries would have been. So, like the country song says....I aint as good as I once was, but I'm as good as I ever was--or somethin along those lines anyway. I feel like I am learning how to live this in real life...the whole concept of "moderation" that seems to have escaped me somewhere along the way my whole life. I hope I am learning it anyway. I guess time will tell! So....hopefully tomorrow I can be good....I know I will try! Until then, imaginary readers....tata!!

Slowly but surely!

Well, today weigh in was at 237.5. It's not fast, but it's happening, and I am thankful. This morning my friend Emily and I went and rode bikes when I got off work...pretty sure I burned a lot of calories there, especially when a dog came out and chased us and hit my wheel! I am thinking I probably took its nose out with my spokes, so poor doggie...you go what you had coming, I guess! And thankfully, I was able to keep on riding! Officially its day 12 now on Phase 1, so it won't be long now til I get a few more options in my eating...so thankful for that! Have a lovely day, oh you imaginary readers o' mine, and I will check back in tomorrow!

Down a couple more....

Well, today weigh in was at 238...down a couple more from yesterday, so I am glad. Now if I can get consistent with my workouts, I will be set! So weird...usually its the other way around...my eating stinks and my working out is on like donkey kong! Have just had a hard time with consistency lately, I guess. I am doing good with the food thing...after this weekend I will start phase 2 of South Beach. Did some reading up on it today, and I think it'll be do-able. I can start adding in the healthy carbs slowly, and I am looking forward to that. Anyhow....until tomorrow!

Day 9 and feelin fine!

Okay, it's day 9, and I haven't misbehaved! I am getting pretty used to my eating plan now, although I am pretty excited for next week when I can reintroduce a few things...like some whole wheat crackers to eat my hummus on...or a little whole grain rice to add to the veggies...or whole grain bread to eat a sandwich on....or well...you get the picture! Phase 1 is doing its job, and I am getting in the groove, so phase 2 oughta be a piece of cake...well, not really cake, but you know! Weighed in at 240.5 today, so I am good with that....ttfn!

One week down!

Well, it's been one week of South Beach Phase 1, and so far, so good. No misbehavin, no cheats...it is looking like I have some momentum, which I am thankful for. The weight was like 242 this morning, but I am not despairing...I may have had more water or something, so it's all good. Got to ride my bike on the trainer last night while I played Super Mario with my family, and it was great! It has been a while since I had the bike on the trainer, but I actually really enjoyed it. I think I may try, when school starts, to ride when I get home from work early mornings before the kiddos get up, and then when its time for them to get up and go to school, I will have gotten in a workout. Sounds great, but of course, when I am tired coming home from work, the bed will be calling my name! Gonna try though! It is just too hard to try and figure out when to exercise in the afternoons, and right now, its too stinkin hot. And, the boys are gonna be having legit homework next year, being first graders, so we are going to have to make sure we put some effort and time into that for sure. Sure am looking forward to a day shift....someday!

Total Depravity

Weight update for blog purposes: Day 5, haven't misbehaved, and weighed in at 240 today...which is down a couple more....but....here is the more important stuff below:

The last about 48 hours, I have really seen a lot. A lot of great things for sure..like the love of my family and my friends, the smiles of my kids, and the refreshing feeling that comes from getting some sleep. I tell you what though....I have also seen example after example of the fallen world that we live in. Of course, working in a hospital you see lots of things; and of course, working in a hospital means I can't say anything specific about the things I see. But I can tell you this--in a lot of ways, this world is really messed up. We are really messed up, as people. I think the last 48 hours I witnessed that fallenness with more than one of my senses. I saw sights that made me wince, heard cries that broke my heart, felt the grip of desperation on my hand, and smelled things I would rather not have encountered. Some of these things are brought about by the choices we make. Some of them are totally out of our control. Some of them are inflicted on us by others. Some we inflict upon ourselves. Common thread to it all though is that there is a lot of brokenness and a lot of pain out there. This common thread of brokenness really was vivid to me the last night or so. It tore at my heart and occupied my mind. And, though it broke my heart, it also drove me to my knees. I am so thankful for times like these, that open my eyes to the hurt, to the pain. As much as these times hurt, they are beautiful, because it "breaks up my fallow ground" (Hosea 10:12) and shows me that truly...apart from Christ, we can do nothing (John 15:5). I mean, I know that, but knowing it and KNOWING it are two different things.
Times like this stir my heart and move me to action. Seeing the hurt in the world makes me mad...engages me in the battle. And I love that. There is One who is bigger than all these hurts, you know...One who sees every tear and cares about them all...and hey...I KNOW HIM! I believe He wants us to bring the Jesus in us to the world of hurt around us in whatever way we are able, and to be engaged in the battle wherever we are.
I believe He is using times like these to give me some peace and clarity. Most of you probably already know, that I made a really difficult decision at the beginning of this summer to step away from my job as the youth director at First Pres and to step away from vocational ministry. (at least for a time). Along with this decision has come a lot of sadness, anxiety, and I guess just a grieving for the end of this season. I know it's the right decision, but sometimes what's right isn't always easy. As much as I am looking forward to having my Friday nights and Sunday evenings free and not having trips each summer, and not failing anymore at the administrative tasks I am so bad at, I know I will miss the sweet times with kids, the feeling of being "somebody", and of feeling like my work has an eternal purpose. I will miss having that "front row seat", as I like to call it, to what the Lord is doing with the kids I work with. Not gonna lie--there have been many occasions since I shared the news with my youth that I have second-guessed this decision.

I will say though, that clarity and peace has settled on my spirit now though....through of all things, seeing the total depravity that we as humans live with and live in on a daily basis. Having the "front row seat" be for all this depravity helps me to know that there is a battle to be fought and a war to be engaged in, and I don't have to have the label of being in "vocational ministry" to be a part of it. It's a really, really important job to train your soldiers well....but it's also really important to be out in the battlefield too. (and please don't misunderstand....being in vocational ministry is still being on the battlefield--I KNOW this....but, in a different way, I know He can use me wherever I am, no matter what environment I am in.) As a follower of Jesus, and a part of the Body of Christ, who spends time in a secular environment, opportunity to be His hands and feet abound. It may be a well-timed smile, a kind word, or even prayers that are uttered that are only heard by His ears....but I can still be a light in a dark place. (Phillippians 2:12-16)

Not sure if any of this makes any sense or not. And if it doesn't, that's okay....it makes sense to me. It reminds me of the simple facts: People are messed up. God still loves us. God and God alone can fix what is messed up. And you know...really, that may be all I need to know.

What the heck?!

So, I am in the midst of day 3...though it is technically day 4, I guess, if you wanted to count "days", but for us night shifters, when days start and end is different than it is for the daywalking crowd. I am in the middle of the third waking cycle since beginning....hows that? Anyhow, my "what the heck" title refers to my weigh in from earlier today. Now, I know good and well weighing each day is really not a great idea...I mean, I could sneeze or go to the bathroom and things could totally change. But, of course, I am feeling like I'm behaving super well, and I had major intestinal distress last night (must be all the jicama I have been eating!) and in general I am just feeling like I am on track. The first day I was down several pounds, and now.....up .7 of a pound!! What the heck! I'm still behaving though....maybe I could sneeze and show a loss...guess we will see what tomorrow holds. For now, I am thankful I have been holding on and behaving. Here's to keepin on keepin on!

Has it really been over a year??

Wow! Has it really been over a year since I blogged? I guess I have been quite remiss in my blogging...due to a variety of things, of course. Three kiddos who are growing up way too quick, two jobs, about to be one with one that has changed in the last year, and well....the fact that I was well on my way out of lardbutt-dom and have found my way back...not really what I would like to be writing. But, it's time to call it like I see it and to get honest and to be back on track...hopefully, this time to stay!

I had lost about 50 pounds in the fall, getting me down nearly below 200 pounds for the first time since I have been a mom, about 7 years ago or so. Sad, yes, that getting down to 200 is so freaking exciting, but like I said...time to get honest and call it like it is. I was doing the whole Medifast thing in the fall, and took weight off quickly and was feeling pretty good about things. I was running, and did 2 half marathons, was able to run about 7 or 8 miles without walking (albeit slowly), did an MS150 in San Antonio in October, that was WAY better than the one in May, when I was carrying a ton more weight, and though I had started to gain weight back already, in April did the Houston to Austin MS150 ride and was able to finish the whole thing. Now, here we are, midway through June, and I have put back on nearly all that I had lost. Was back in the land of 250, SO not where I wanted to be....

It is amazing how different your outlook can be when you are off track, as opposed to what it is otherwise. I have struggled this past Spring and it has been tough. I started my new med teching job at a small, wonderful hospital in February, and that was really when the weight gain began in earnest. It's not the job's fault, but it did get my schedule out of what enough that regular exercise was more difficult to schedule and as a result my eating went out the window. Now, I am still riding my bike, but its more of a struggle than it was, and I can run, but my endurance (and what tiny bit of speed I had picked up) is pretty much totally shot. I am signed up for an MS150 AND a half marathon in October, and hope to do another half in November, so goals are set...it's time to GET BACK TO BUSINESS!!!

I have been wanting to of course, and had a little weight watchers stint, have tried unsuccessfully to medifast again, and that sort of thing, but what really has been motivationally helpful for me lately, was to read a crazy, funny, true book on my kindle that I got for free. It's called Half Assed by a gal of the name Jeannette Fulda, and its her story of having lost a ton of weight. Great, inspiring, and funny read! I found her blog (current one as well as her old one) as well as some other weight loss blogs, and I don't know..there is just something about the kinship you feel with someone who is struggling with your same struggle. It's like you can know that you aren't the only one out there who feels like a lardbutt and has tried umpteen thousand times to lose the weight, only to fail...but you can still keep trying and you CAN do it! I know Philippians 4:13 tells me that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me, but I think that sometimes I forget how true that is. ALL things...even losing weight! ALL things...My God is a big and mighty God...He is able.

So, back to this concept of "This is your life, are you who you wanna be"....well, actually no, I'm not. But Lord willing, I am moving in the right direction! I want to be a momma who lives to see her great grandchildren. I want to be a momma who is able to be there in every way for my kiddos for YEARS to come. I want to be a momma who can run around and race them and have fun with them. I want to be a momma my kids can be proud of. Now, I know that's not all about how much I weigh...my worth is in my Jesus, and that is THE most important thing...but I also know that He gave me this body to be a home for Himself...and I am really a bad housekeeper! Time to get outta the ghetto and get on with it!!

So, where am I and what am I doing?? Well....weighed in yesterday, in my 5'4-1/2" body at 246.1. I am trying to model my eating most closely after the South Beach Diet method of eating...a healthy, sustainable plan that seems do-able. I am on day 2 of phase 1, which is the part that is supposed to rid you of your sugar cravings...so far, so good! Today I weighed in at 243, and have behaved myself. I got some great new cookbooks that are quick and easy, superquick types with simple, fast recipes that don't use a lot of weird stuff, and that helps a lot. Of course, I just got a text that one of my boys just gagged and threw up his food after supper, because he isn't liking mommy's new food experiments very much! Last night I made a peppered chicken with a lemon sauce dish that came from a Quickie South Beach cookbook...and tonight was a turkey cutlet stir fry, with jicama and tomatoes and a salad. Oh, and can't forget the buttermilk lemon sherbet! Yum! Anyhow...I am trying to be a little more adventureous with my eating in hopes of making this fun. I am all about the fun, of course!

Well....I suppose thats it for now. I hope to get more regular with my blogging again! I really don't even care if nobody ever sees it, it helps me to process this journey, as well as have a record of it. So, here's to losing about 100 pounds of me, however long it takes to do it! Wahooooo!!!!!!!