So much swirling in this little pea brain!

Well, first of all, you nonexistent readers you, I am VERY happy it is my Friday! I am sooooo sleepy! One week til I turn 40, and I am feeling every one of those years right now because I am so tired. Just a bunch of random t houghts swirling around my head I thought I'd spill out here. Please forgive the random non-cohesive nature of this post...well, I guess no one really looks at this anyway, so its probably all good :-)

On the food front: I made a spaghetti squash the other day and it was GOOD! The first time I made it, it wasn't so great, but this time around it was yummy! I probably went a little heavy-handed on the olive oil, but that could be part of what made it so good. I am thinking if I could get hooked on that, I might be able to lose weight after all! I have a buttload of seeds from it now I can plant...we may be eating LOTS of spaghetti squash if I can actually grow it! Speaking of which I planted all sorts of goodies last weekend: tomato plants, tomatillo, zucchini, lettuce, peppers, basil, cilantro. I still yet need to get the strawberries, kale, and cucumber into the ground, but baby steps! If even 70% of what I planted works, we ought to be so set on vegetables! If I can figure out how to post pics I will....but no promises, non-existent readers!

On the exercise front: I am officially in love with biking, I would say. I really, really am passionate about my bike and spending lots of time on it! Outside riding, is obviously my fave, but even the trainer beats most anything else. I need to parlay this passion into pounds gone! (is that alliteration or what?!) The latest bike misadventure happened on the trainer in my very own driveway yesterday. It was a beautiful day, perfect in fact, and I had done crockpot food so I had a little bit of time I could drag the bike to the driveway and ride out there while the kids played. It started out awesome enough......and after about 20 minutes POP and I see out of the corner of my eye a little piece of red flick off into the distance off to my right. Before I know it, my foot is flying out of my moving pedal and I realize that little red flying object was part of my cleat and the pop was it breaking off of my shoe. Good times. I use LOOK pedals and am forever chewing up cleats and having them break, on MS150 rides, or even just clompling around in them between my bedroom and the living room where the trainer is. I could probably buy another pair of shoes for what I have spent in cleats for these. They just break so easily being on the outside of the shoe. So, I am going to meet my husband tomorrow afternoon to go to the bike store and shop pedals and shoes. I am thinking of going with SPDs this time around. Not totally sure on that one, but I am contemplating it. It'd be nice to not clompity clomp so bad, but also nice to not forever be replacing cleats, since on SPDs they are more recessed into the cycling shoe. I don't really wanna spend the big bucks, but I have to figure something out before my ride next weekend back home. So, I guess we will see what I come up with. Any trip to the bike store is fun anyway!

On the random-I-don't-know-where-else-to-put-this front, we are going to see the Hunger Games on Saturday night at 10:15...WAHOOO!!!! Blew through all 3 books in about 48 hours, and I am super excited to se how the movie turns out. Got a babysitter and got tickets ordered...life. is. sweet!

And....on the serious-spiritual-type front: I am not sure what word to use here, but I am, I guess, convicted lately of how I need to be seeking wisdom as well as knowledge, and how much more of an understanding of truth I need to be living in this world we are in. It's an election year, and there are so many things in the news where the worldview of a disciple of Christ is under attack.....from Planned Parenthood, to homosexual stuff, to HHS bill about religious liberty, to the fight and advocacy for life, to so, so many other issues. Really, it is mindboggling. I listened to the audiobook by Andy Andrews How to Kill 11 million people, as well as Eric Metaxas's Bonhoeffer, and I am struck by how similar our world and the United States today is to Germany during the rise of Hitler. As disciples of Christ (I want so badly to say "Christians", but I listened to a super interesting podcast last night by Andy Stanley that addressed the proper vernacular of the aformentioned words....a matter of semantics: yes, but still one worth considering), but as disciples of Christ, we need to be ready...ready to defend the Truth of Scripture and ready to stand up for what is right. I read a lot and listen to a lot of good stuff, but I feel so woefully inadequate to be an effective soldier in the battle. I want to be able to engage lovingly, but also intelligently with those who don't agree with me and my worldview which is based in Scripture. I want to be able to debate the issues without a lot of ummmms and aaaahs and getting flustered. I want to know Truth so well that it is the most natural thing in the world for it to flow from who I am. I want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit that I can't help but spill over with all that He is. So I am praying for discipline to study and to try to be a worthy bearer of the blessing. My discipline for spending time in the Word really stinks the past few years. I don't know if my brain cells washed out with my placentas during childbirth or what, but there is definitely a difficulty focusing that I used to not have. I am also praying for wisdom. Solomon asked for it and it pleased the Lord. I pray He will be pleased with me also, and that I may become wise too.

Lord, help me to dream and to dream big. I am thankful for belonging to You, and I pray my life would reflect that gratefulness!

So...not much to say, I guess

I haven't written in a while, because there isn't a whole lot going on terribly exciting to write about at the moment. We were home on Spring Break this last week and just trying to get back in the groove. I began eating like I hadn't eaten in a year or so while we were in Wimberley last weekend, and pretty much kept it up for the rest of the week. I am trying to get back on track some now. One thing exciting was that I did cook and really enjoy a spaghetti squash today! Now that was good! If I could get myself hooked on something like that, I am thinking weight loss could actually happen...maybe?! Next weekend is my bike ride in Liberty Hill for my birthday, which I am super excited for. I have been riding some on the trainer and rode outside on Sunday afternoon and it was great. I really want to get consistent on my bike again....I do love it!

Well....I guess that's it for now. I still am struggling with what to write about. I am still struggling with getting consistent exercise. I am still struggling with spending time with the Lord consistently. I am still struggling with what I want to be when I grow up. I am still struggling thinking I will be fat forever.

Oh Lord, help me! I am crying out to You in my weakness. I sometimes don't even realize just how weak I am....help me to be obedient, and to know the hope I have in You!

What a day!

Well, yesterday was interesting. I have a feeling it still wont make the scale move, but I sure do feel good! I got home from work yesterday morning and rode my bike on the trainer for about 40 minutes, give or take a minute or two, and my phone rings. It is my husband, who is in Alvin (a 35-minute drive away) who lets me know he has my van key. We only have one key to the van, because we bought it used and it only had one, and it is a couple hundred dollars to get another made, since it is a fancy-schmancy electronic key. Anyhow, he had taken the kids to cub scouts the night before, so he had the key and he took it to Alvin. Grrreeeatttt..... So, the kids and I had to hop into high gear to get out the door so we could walk to school. I was kinda irritated at him over the whole thing, until we started walking and it was super nice outside. Mosquitos were bad, even with the one can off Off that wasn't locked up in the van sprayed all over us, but it still felt great outside. And to start/end (whatever a night shifter does at that time) the day with a walk felt awesome. I got the boys to school, had 3 offers for a ride before I got to my daughter's school with her, and then came back home. Figured out it was about 3.6 miles this morning altogether. But the day wasn't over yet! I got to sleep about 3-1/2 hours, and then got up and rollerbladed with the stroller to go pick up my girly at preschool...yep, only a goober like me would be rollerblading down the sidewalk through town pushing a stroller! My girly thought it was great fun, so it worked out well. We made the trip one way in about 10 minutes on the blades, which is about half the time of walking. So, she and I lay down for our little afternoon nap, like we always do, and I wait to hear from my husband if he can get out of work in time enough to come pick up the boys. As it turns out, he was a little late, so she and I got back up, got the stroller, and walked back to the elementary and got the boys. My husband met us about halfway home and we all got in the van. Well, as much as it kills me to spend money going out, I decided after this day, cooking was not going to happen....so we went out and I got a crazy good hamburger and onion rings--and I ate every last bite! I think I could have eaten a small-elephant! It was so ridiculous good...and I didn't feel bad about it, because it doesn't seem eating right is helping me much right now. Not that I'm going to go back or anything, but I just don't think an occasional treat like that will make much difference. So yea...total for today ends up being 42 minutes on the bike, 5 miles walked, and 2.2 miles rollerbladed. Other than being ridiculous tired, it sure was fun! I love how the Lord takes a big ol pile of crap and turns it into something beautiful....today ended up being beautiful!

Can I shoot my scale?

So, here I am, 2 weeks into eating well and exercising consistently, and whaddya know....the scale still hasn't moved! I would really love to take my scale outside and have target practice with it. Sorta like that dad did on youtube awhile back with his daughter's laptop. Seriously! What gives? I have always been able to lose weight. I have always known what to do. But now, its like I have been thrown a game changer and nothing that I used to do works anymore. It truly is frustrating, especially when you need to get about 100 pounds off. It starts to make me think maybe the eating right isn 't worth it. I mean, I know realistically that it is, but when you don't eat any sugars (other than some fruit here and there) and no chocolate and keep it all super healthy and the scale doesn't budge, it's awfully tempting to say it doesn't even matter and hit the cookies. Or ice cream. Or a ton of Cadbury cream eggs.

I am crying out to the Lord to help me. Honestly, I am at the end of myself, and I don't know what to do about this.