There is a Deeper River Still

Today I was at the gym working out (yay for me!) and I of course, had my ipod on. There is a song on there from an old Young Life CD I have called Snapshots of the Bigger Picture called Deeper River Still. It was one of those random CDs I bought at camp one year and it has a nice little variety of artists who have played at camps before and stuff. I've heard it many times, but for some reason today, it just reached out and grabbed me...or rather, I think the Lord sorta reached out and grabbed me with it. I actually went back and listened to it again to catch the lyrics. Just thought it might bless someone else too, so I thought I'd share it. I can't find the lyrics anywhere at all by googling it, so I guess the guy who sings it, Ian Morgan Cron didn't make it big in the music business (although I saw lots of other hits for him on google). Anyhow: Here are the lyrics. I hope they bless somebody today they they blessed me:

Deeper River Still--Ian Morgan Cron
(from Young Life's Snapshots of a Bigger Picture CD)

Well I believe there is a larger story written
And I will meet the Author face to face one day
And that joy will fill our hearts as He reveals to us the parts
That He wrote when time began for us to play.

With every month its like another chapter ending
With every year its like another dot connects
But it is the Rock of Ages that turns all of our pages
Oh I'm sure of this, the older, the older that I get

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
Though the plan seems so obscure, Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

So for the young ones who go to bed tonight with hunger
For the mother who lies awake without her child
For the old ones trapped in silence, that must settle for the violence,
Oh I swear one day The Master is gonna make all these wrongs right

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

So in the midst of all your darkness and confusion
When it seems this world is putting out your fire
Hold on to this point of light
Let it guide your ship this night
And remember, God will buy back every single painful hour

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

Anyhow...I just thought it was a cool song, and I wanted to share. I never really listened all that closely to the lyrics before, but to me, they were powerful. God is way bigger than anything I face...and though we KNOW it, it is good to be reminded--and often--that He indeed has a plan...and that he can redeem us, our choices, our pain, and whatever we may deal with. What a gift it is to belong to Him. He calls us to be a part of what He is doing...not because He needs us, but because He loves us and wants us to be a part of His story. Oh, if I could only remember EVERYDAY that its not about me.....its about Him...everything we have, we only have because of His amazing grace.

This song spoke to the part of my heart, that for several years now has been claiming and holding onto the promise of Joel 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--" Yes, this is referring to the locust plague in Judah way back when, but this Great Story of God's redemptive love is our story too! We live in a world that is fallen. Wrong things happen. We hurt. We screw up. Others screw up and hurt us. We hurt other people. And what we end up with, apart from the Father's grace is a nasty chewed up mess of a place! It reminds me of the summers back home many years ago, where it seemed like there were grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! I can't remember if it was when I was at A&M or back in the Brenham days or when, but I remember going back home to my mom and dad's house and they didn't have a leaf on any tree or plant and the grass was like a blanket of grasshoppers. I mean, there were those big honkin yellow grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! They made a HUGE wreck of everything...killed pretty much everything because they were so out of control. As do we, with the choices we make and the things we do.

But, I am so thankful that in Joel--and for us-- there is a call to turn back to Him....to "rend your heart...return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love..." (Joel 2:13) And...that there is that promise, that He will give back to us those years that have been eaten away to nothing. I know that I have way more of those years than I wish I did. Many, many years ago, I remember writing in a journal, through the process of grieving over a great loss, that I finally understood what hope was about--because I felt I really didn't have anything much to hold onto. I have been learning that lesson of hope ever since that time....and though I struggle to be thankful for the situations that bring me to that place, I am so grateful for the hope that I have.

He will give us back those years....and there IS a deeper river still! Thanks for the reminder today, Lord!

Frustration: Night shifter turns into COW!

I just had to vent a bit...I am really so grateful to have my full-time night shift at the lab now..truly I am! For the first time in I can't remember, I am able to get the bills paid and have the hope of getting this debt gone once and for all....so excited about that. I knew it'd be a transition and a challenge though...and I'm in the midst of that right now!

If you know me, or have read what I've written, you know I am an athlete-wannabe! I really, really love to get out and run (very slowly, yes...but it's still great!), to ride the bike, to swim, to challenge this fat-girl body of mine to get out there and push the limits of what I can do. I have known for several years how much I have liked doing this....but I am really starting to see more and more how much I NEED to do this.

Yes..I am fat...and yes...I want to lose weight so I can recognize the girl in the mirror and not be disgusted by her the way I am now. Yes, I want to be healthy so that I can be a better mom, better youth lady, etc...but I think more than that...this whole exercise deal is a matter of sanity for me, in a lot of ways. I really do function better with it than without it. My mind is clearer, I feel better, I am more patient with my kids and all the other challenging individuals in my life.

So....here is my question: How in the heck can I figure out how to get out there and run/bike/swim/climb a tree/wrestle a rattlesnake/whatever-you-name-it when I am working a full-time night shift.....ummm...and a part-time day job....ummmm...and oh yea, p.s. taking care of 3 adorable kids (they really are....I know I'm their mom, but ya...they really are cute!) under the age of 5???? I have got to try to get this deal figured out!

I know I've only been at it a few weeks (with the full time hospital gig and all) but man....it feels like every spare minute I have, I am just trying to sleep and catch up with that. I had a kid I work with tell me he got like 13 hours of sleep the other night....I was guessing I hadn't had that much sleep...like all week! I get home from work at 6 am, my kids are awake at like 6:30, and anyone who has ever been around little kids knows...once the kids are up, you are up!

My eating is all goofed up too...when you work all night, you pretty much get hungry and end up eating an additional meal. Then you may or may not eat later when you get home, and yea..it does weird things to the body. I worked nights for years, years ago...but it was before I had kids. I was on my own time schedule and it worked out okay. But trying to do it on their time schedule is really challenging. I need that exercise for my sanity...and to keep me from getting to be an even bigger cow than I am now. I am grateful to have it that night shift, because I do need to be able to support my family, which I am so glad to be able to do, but yea...I can feel my fat cells expanding everyday I don't get to get out there and sweat somehow! I really, really want to sign up for another triathlon...but I just don't know if I can be trained up enough with the way this schedule business is working out.

Anyhow....it's just frustrating....I know there probably aren't any easy answers. And I don't think I'm even looking for any. I just felt the need to vent somewhere about it though. So, since my kids don't really understand, I thought I'd vent here!!