I just had to vent a bit...I am really so grateful to have my full-time night shift at the lab now..truly I am! For the first time in I can't remember, I am able to get the bills paid and have the hope of getting this debt gone once and for all....so excited about that. I knew it'd be a transition and a challenge though...and I'm in the midst of that right now!
If you know me, or have read what I've written, you know I am an athlete-wannabe! I really, really love to get out and run (very slowly, yes...but it's still great!), to ride the bike, to swim, to challenge this fat-girl body of mine to get out there and push the limits of what I can do. I have known for several years how much I have liked doing this....but I am really starting to see more and more how much I NEED to do this.
Yes..I am fat...and yes...I want to lose weight so I can recognize the girl in the mirror and not be disgusted by her the way I am now. Yes, I want to be healthy so that I can be a better mom, better youth lady, etc...but I think more than that...this whole exercise deal is a matter of sanity for me, in a lot of ways. I really do function better with it than without it. My mind is clearer, I feel better, I am more patient with my kids and all the other challenging individuals in my life.
So....here is my question: How in the heck can I figure out how to get out there and run/bike/swim/climb a tree/wrestle a rattlesnake/whatever-you-name-it when I am working a full-time night shift.....ummm...and a part-time day job....ummmm...and oh yea, p.s. taking care of 3 adorable kids (they really are....I know I'm their mom, but ya...they really are cute!) under the age of 5???? I have got to try to get this deal figured out!
I know I've only been at it a few weeks (with the full time hospital gig and all) but man....it feels like every spare minute I have, I am just trying to sleep and catch up with that. I had a kid I work with tell me he got like 13 hours of sleep the other night....I was guessing I hadn't had that much sleep...like all week! I get home from work at 6 am, my kids are awake at like 6:30, and anyone who has ever been around little kids knows...once the kids are up, you are up!
My eating is all goofed up too...when you work all night, you pretty much get hungry and end up eating an additional meal. Then you may or may not eat later when you get home, and yea..it does weird things to the body. I worked nights for years, years ago...but it was before I had kids. I was on my own time schedule and it worked out okay. But trying to do it on their time schedule is really challenging. I need that exercise for my sanity...and to keep me from getting to be an even bigger cow than I am now. I am grateful to have it that night shift, because I do need to be able to support my family, which I am so glad to be able to do, but yea...I can feel my fat cells expanding everyday I don't get to get out there and sweat somehow! I really, really want to sign up for another triathlon...but I just don't know if I can be trained up enough with the way this schedule business is working out.
Anyhow....it's just frustrating....I know there probably aren't any easy answers. And I don't think I'm even looking for any. I just felt the need to vent somewhere about it though. So, since my kids don't really understand, I thought I'd vent here!!
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