For a couple of days now, I have been aspiring to run a 10-miler as a get-ready for the Surfside Half run...and it hasn't happened. Last weekend, I ran an 8-mile run with NO walk breaks...I amazed myself with that one. I don't think I've ever gone that far without a walk break. I must qualify that by saying my pace (woo...and do I ever feel fast when I do it!) averages about 13-1/2 minutes a mile. I know for many of my friends that is crawling...but for this fat momma, it's like lightening speed! Well, maybe not lightening...but, you know! It's definitely a challenge! I was just tickled to have gone so far without the walk break. The cool thing on my speed though, is that it IS improving. I can look back on my running logs and I am going probably about a minute-faster per mile than I was back in the Fall, and I've even picked up 20-30 seconds a mile faster since the first of the year...so, slowly but surely, I'm getting there.
So...why didn't I do my 10 then? I was planning on doing it Saturday, and opted out because I was going to do it today (Monday) on the holiday-day. Well.....for me, getting out the door is always the hardest part. And Saturday was no exception. I folded laundry...and more laundry..and more laundry (I do have 3 kids, so that is like, totally justified!) and I got to hanging out with the kiddos and I don't even remember what else...and before I knew it, it was like 5 in the evening, which meant I'd have been running til nearly 8 pm for my 10 miles, and I just honestly didn't feel like doing that....so, I opted to do a shorter run, and ended up having an awesome time on a 4.73 mile run. It felt good, I felt strong, and I was planning on doing the 10 today.
Well....I, of course, had a butt-load (and yes, given the size of my rear, that is quite a bit!) of work to do....My kids were out of school Friday, which meant no office time for me, and they were out today, but so was Craig--so he stayed home with them and he graded papers while I went to work this morning. I got quite a bit done at the office and stayed a good while. I am preaching this weekend too, so I have a lot to do to prepare for that, so anyhow....after the office, I went to apply for an additional job. Yes...this has not much to do with running, but it all goes together, so--the deal is, our hospital cut everyone's hours back because evidently we are struggling to make the ends meet....(hmmm...that sounds familiar! At least I know that even the HOSPITAL gets itself into these situations too....its not just us personally!) So, they have (as reported in The Facts--so its not like I'm divulging some big hospital secret or anything!) decided that in an effort to save money to keep us operational, they have cut all the hourly employees hours by 10% and they have cut the salaried people's salaries by 10%. Well, me being a PRN (ie, hole-filler-inner; as opposed to a full-timer or part-timer) employee am at the bottom of the totem pole, so my hours are cut way back....they had already been cut pretty significantly, but now it turns out I lost yet another shift this month, which means I only have 3 shifts total at the hospital the entire next month. So...we were barely making it with me working 2-3 shifts a week, so this hurts quite a bit! Anyhow...that is the impetus behind me looking for a third job. Anyhow....after I left my office at church, I decided to go apply for another job and talk to the lady about it, and that took a little while, so long story a little longer--it was nearly 3 pm when I got home today.
I still had time to run the 10 at that point....but honestly...and this is kinda weird: I didn't run 10 because.....I didn't want to. Lame, yes, I know...but I do love running. I enjoy it so much--and I really thought going and doing maybe 4 or 5 miles sounded awesome...but I just did not want (today) to do 10 miles. So, I thought to myself..self, why are you doing this? What is the deal? Can you not feel good about yourself if you go run 4 or 5 instead of 10? Does doing a shorter run make you a loser? Who is keeping score? Will my facebook friends all think I'm a goober if I don't get to post about my 10 miles on a status update? For goodness sakes..its not like I'm an olympian or anything! Anyhow....so, I decided to do 4 or 5 instead. And I was really glad when I was out there that it was only 4 or 5, because for some reason today, it was extra tough--but I still really enjoyed it, and I am glad I went. I am losing a pound every two or three days, so my weight is moving, and I am certainly eating totally clean too...so I think I'm okay.
If it came down to it, I could go walk that darn half tomorrow if I had to....I could probably run it too, truth be told. Of course, I want to train right though, and get in another long run of at least 10 miles if not a couple more before Surfside on Feb 14. And I can...and I will....but today, I feel okay about my 5. I still earned my shower, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonnit...people like me! (okay..I'll put Stuart Smalley in a box..sorry!) Besides...I think I can relax taking as much time as it takes me to go run that a lot more after Sunday, when I have to preach....because I sorta have my hands full right now!
I guess what I'm learning too, is that I have to keep stuff in perspective. Running 10 miles doesn't define who I am any more than my bank account (thank you, Lord!) does, or my job does, or anything or anyone else in this world does--Christ and Christ alone defines who I am...and He gives me freedom. I don't have to be a slave to a 10-mile run or to anything else...I just need to abide in Him. There is true freedom in that. There is also a beautiful freedom in obedience and trust. He is teaching me so much about those things now...especially where the finanaces are concered. Truly, we are utterly dependent on Him. We always are, of course, but don't always realize or acknowledge it. I am very much aware of that dependence right now...and it is scary as all get out and sweet all at the same time.
Okay....philosophical/theological moment is past, and I need to get a shower (oh yes I do--one I earned!) and do some work on my sermon. Don't know if anything I said here made sense or had any logical order or not...but that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it! (and I will be out running, hopefully 6 days this week, as I have been pretty much every week for a few months now! I am REALLY loving feeling like I can do this again!) Toodle-loo!
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