Well, here I am, 2009 is here. Did I accomplish my goals in 2008?? Uh...that would be a negative. I had fits and spurts of progress, but not the consistent change I need to live this life in the way I ought to be. Well....Praise God from whom all blessings flow, whose mercies are new every morning, and who makes all things new. I love New Years, because it is a time to reflect and to look ahead...sure, you can do it at anytime, but there is just something about the passing of another year that lends itself to reflection and goal-setting..and I intend to do just that!
I haven't been able to run in about 3 weeks due to having been sick with a nasty crud that turned into a sort of bronchitis--as it always seems to...coughing up really attractive and colorful chunks of lovely lung stuff here and there doesn't really lend itself to running! As soon as I started feeling like maybe I could get back out there, Christmas was here and it was nearly impossible to get out and about with all there is to do in that week or so of the year. So...here I am, feeling more slothful than ever! And it didn't help today to see pictures of myself that are...to put it lightly...quite disgusting. I have a beautiful bunch of kids I am so thankful for, wonderful friends, and lots and lots of blessings..but honestly, I don't recognize the person in those photos anymore. I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror. Who is she, why is she so fat, and why can I see the years that have not always been kind to her on her face the way I do? I am ready to recognize what I see again...it may be an older, more weathered version than what it once was, but darnit...I want to at least see some joy back in that smile again! Its been far too long!
There are a few things I want to concentrate on in this New Year we have ahead....one of them is Consistency. I want to learn what this means because in the chaos of the last several years, I have lost the concept. I need first of all, to be more consistent in my time with the Lord. Being in vocational ministry is one of the most difficult hurdles it seems to consistent time with the Lord...at least it is for me! Sure, I spend a lot of time in Bible study and doing "stuff" for God, but what of my personal "Mary" time just to sit at His feet...just for the sake of being with my Savior? It happens at times, but not nearly enough! I have way too much Martha in me for my own good (don't we all!)! Consistent time with Him...which I have hope will lead me to letting Him define me, rather than my circumstances. I have had a lot of discontent with a lot of my circumstances for quite some time now....and I have been letting those circumstances rob me of my joy....It is time to let the One I belong to, and Him alone fill the empty places I am so keenly aware of. There is no reason in this world for me to feel unloved....He loves me more than I can ever imagine...wrinkles, gray hair, excessive adipose tissue, and all! Knowing this, I want to seek to turn to Him...instead of to the other vices in my life to deal with what is thrown at me. Food (chocolate in particular) can no longer be my best friend and my comfort. Food is fuel--period. Food is fuel...some may be able to handle thinking of it in other ways, but for me right now, I have to simply see it as my fuel--nothing else. I don't mean I can't enjoy meal time with my kids or whatever....but I need to concentrate on the time I am spending with them and not what I'm gonna have for dessert later!
Consistency with the Lord is the biggie...I know it will make all the difference. And I am hoping it will lend itself to consistency with my exercise. I have been off to such a great start--this Spring.....and then again this Fall, only to get derailed by stuff each time. Well....it's time to get consistent and serious about it. I LOVE to exercise...I love to run...I love to sweat my butt off (and lemme tell ya, that's a lot of sweatin'!) and feel like I have really done something. I just love that feeling.....so now I just need to conjure up the discipline to get myself in bed at a decent time each night so I can go out at the buttcrack of dawn and get after it...consistently!
I haven't run in 3 weeks. I am doing a half marathon the middle of February....I am doing my first triathlon in April...goals like this help me tremendously in my motivation. I'd like to find maybe something to shoot for after the tri, like a summer and a fall something....something to keep the consistency.
There are other goals too, dealing with finances and getting out of this ridiculous debt...we are chipping away on that. I am trying to perhaps have a chocolate-free rest of 2009 (if I can make it), and I have some big dreams I am dreaming for my youth group at church and a few other ideas I need to be praying more about to see what opens up and what closes...but for now, I guess my word is CONSISTENCY.
Okay...gotta get to bed now, so that I can get up and run in the morning! Here's hoping I will get up and do it.....no matter what the circumstances of the morning bring me! He is in control, and He is the source of all discipline...so look out LJ---this big mama is fixing to hit the streets again...wahooooooo!!!!!
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