Well, I weighed in at 235 today. I was pretty jazzed about another pound down. I did get a Chick-Fil-A salad tonight, which was a bit of a cheat with the about 4 kernals of corn on it as well as the tortilla strips, but there really wasn't too much I was being bad with. We are pretty excited about going this weekend to San Antonio and then to see my parents later...so I hope I can behave, at least somewhat decently in the eating department while we are gone.
In other news...the blah part...I am just a little discouraged about my ministry job. I am almost done...less than a month, in fact. But, I just feel like I'm not doing a very good job, at least organization-wise, and I also feel a little frustrated with just not seeing my family nearly enough. That has to do with the lab job too, but just all of it together makes for a little bit of a blah evening. I am ready to not be stretched quite so thin. I am ready to be done with work when I clock out and go home. I am ready to be able to concentrate on my babies and be the momma they deserve. I do have to pay the bills, and I do have to get things done, but I really am ready for the season to change. And it will soon...but I am ready now.
You know, I have, for so long been so focused on vocational ministry. I want to serve the Lord. I have a gift here and there that surface that make it fun. There are even a couple of things I feel occasionally good at. But honestly...I am starting to lose that desire to minister for pay, and to be "inside" the church setting for ministry. I mean, I love my church..like crazy, in fact. And I love serving there, and I know the importance of worship and meeting together...don't intend to change a bit of that. However, I feel like my true ministry identity is changing somehow. I still am unsure some as to how, but I know it is. I have peace with moving on. I have peace with not being in "vocational ministry" again. Doesn't mean I won't be in ministry. Doesn't mean that I don't love Jesus with all my heart and want to serve. I just don't want to do it this way anymore. I feel like I need to be at church and serve as I can, but then go OUT for ministry...to be a fisher of man, rather than a keeper of the aquarium, as Howard Hendricks once said.
I do believe He is calling me to prayer, and to mommadom! So, I am gonna put on my big girl panties and dry up my tears of frustration. It doesn't take much to bring them on with me lately...I admit, I am struggling hard, with each and every thing I am obligated to for the next month. I admit that I am tired of my skin being so thin when it comes to ministry and church work. I am tired of the fact that thin skin has to be an issue.
So....guess I will keep on moving, however I can. Prayer and His Word, and loving people well. Prayer, His Word, and loving people well. Prayer, and His Word, and loving people well. This is what I am called to do.
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