Has it really been that long?

Has it been really since June that I last blogged?  Well...actually no, it hasn't been quite that long.  Sometime late in the summer I blogged, expressed some opinons, and had a bad experience with someone that used to be a friend who got really, really nasty with me because they disagreed with my opinons.  They crossed some lines and got quite out of hand, so I was scared off a little from the whole blogging deal for awhile.  I am not scared now, but I would be quite happy to not have a situation like that again.  I didn't apologize for any of what I said, because I don't believe any of it was offensive or out of line.  But I took it down, because I was sorry if it was taken in the wrong way and I didn't want to risk it being taken in the wrong way by anyone else.  So...that post is gone, and here I am back, to give it another go.  Me and Jesus are just fine and if not everyone else is fine, I can't let that be my issue.  So...onward!

So...there is so much to update...so little time.  Well, not really, but the phrases sort of go together, right?  On the weight front:  Hey, guess what...still fat!  But (as always) trying really hard not to be.  I signed up with Just for Women Weight Loss, who has an office in Houston, and I have been faithfully following their program for 26 days now.  I skype with my contact there, who keeps me accountable and helps me to konw what to eat and how to approach this weight loss thing.  Between this accountability, but more than that, the fact that I am actually paying for this program, I have been very very well behaved.  I lost 16 pounds in the first 2 weeks, which was awesome and I was so excited.  But of course,  now in the past week and a half haven't lost an ounce, which really frustrates me.  This program is sort of a primal/paleo type eating program.  The first 30 days are a detox-induction type phase where you don't eat any sugars, sweetners, drink any alcohol, eat any grains, processed foods etc.  You are supposed to take in a lot of fat from animal sources and coconut oil and such as that.  I am wondering if I am not eating enough.  I am not hungry and my cravings have gone away (thankfully), so that is all good.  I just don't know why my body is  hanging on to all this weight.  I skype with them on Friday, so I will ask about it and hope this weight starts moving again, because I have a loooooong way to go!  I can eat bacon.  That is the one time in my day when the clouds part and the angels sing...bacon time.

The other big thing going on is the re-launch of my little crafty business, SLS Creations, which I was going to begin many years ago--got the DBA filed and everything, but then I started doing youth ministry, had kids, and before I knew it 8 years had passed by!  So, here I am.  Got started because I made a cute little froggy afghan for one of my boys and posted a pic on facebook of it.  Then, later posted pics of  the bear I made for the other boy and some of my other projects.  Had some friends go nuts over it all, and the idea  hit me to take orders and see what happened.  I have since gotten an embroidery machine, have made many more afghans, sold several cute little candy-corn dresses, and have more orders to fill.  I have a little facebook page www.facebook.com/SLSCustomcreations and things are going well.  Not too busy, but busy enough to make a little extra money and have some fun.  The only bit of stupid I engaged in was financing my embroidery machine.  Felt like I made a pact wtih the devil by taking on debt.  I am hitting it hard now though, and trying to knock it out as soon as I can.  Its been fun because my kids enjoy the things I do and they are getting fun things I make too.  Also, on the weekends, I can say "gosh, I HAVE to sew!" or "gosh, I just HAVE to crochet!--darn!"  It has been a blast.  My house looks like hell, but I am keeping up with that when I can.  I think I may actually take a couple of nights off of work to clean house.  Sad, but true!

Guess that is about the extent of it.  My husband still makes me crazy, and not in a good way.  I sorta want to kill him most of the time, but not as bad as I did a few years ago.  Almost as bad, but not quite.  My  kids are still the light of my  heart and make me smile and so proud.  I still am tired of living in the swamp and want to move somewhere pretty.  God is still good and He still loves me even though I am a big fat mess, and I am grateful. 

So....wherever you go, there you are---and here I am!  I will try to be a little more faithful at this blogging deal, nonexistent readers!  Lets hope I can!  Til next time...tata!

Music and Memories

Here is a post that is a bit of a departure from my usual, but its one of those you just have to put down as it sort of spills out all over and writes itself. I was headed into work this evening, driving the back country roads through Wild Peach on my way to work in Sweeny. It was a pretty normal evening with a sun that isn't quite yet setting and me trying to find what I wanted to listen to while I drive the half hour to work. I listen to audiobooks a lot on these drives, and podcasts too, but I have recently discovered Spotify. Spotify is an ap you can get for your phone where you can pull up most any music you can think of and listen to it. I have been listening to a lifetime worth of memories since I have had this ap. I have been back to being a little girl in my daddy's pickup truck listening to Linda Rondstadt on an 8-track tape in between his police radio and CB. Charley Pride also brought me back to Daddy's truck, and also my uncle's truck, who I remember loving the song "You're my Jamaica." Kenny Rogers and Neil Diamond were played most every Saturday morning for clean-the-house songs with my momma. She and I also listened to a lot of M-M-M-M- Mel Tillis. Dancing around the house together, as I recall. All I have to hear is a few bars of "Send Me Down To Tuscon" and I can see her dancing around and feel myself dancing with her, just like if I were about 10 years old again. And of course, there are the songs like Jose Cuervo by Shelley West and Afternoon Delight and Knock 3 Times that a kid sings at the top of their lungs, having no idea what in the world they are singing about. The soundtrack I found of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas movie takes me back to girl scount camp where I sang those songs by the campfire to my friends...Wow. What a stellar example of a kid I was, huh! Then of course, there were the junior high years of trying hopelessly to be cool with my Stevie Wonder "I just called to say I love you" and my Madonna Like a Virgin LP that puts me back in my little upstairs bedroom in Kingwood listening to my stereo in a heartbeat. And 7th grade wouldn't have been 7th grade without Chicago 17. Along comes a Woman, Hard Habit to Break and You're the Inspiration with Peter Cetera's falsetto voice made my heart swoon, and somewhere inside when I hear it now, a 7th grade girl inside still swoons. Moving to Marble Falls just before high school is where I go with many of those same junior high songs--I had a little red cube radio with a tape deck on it, and when we moved I remember drinking Diet Dr. Pepper in the old blue cans while I sat on the deck of our condo with my red cube radio which was picking up the faraway Waco 100 station while I looked out over Lake LBJ on Horseshoe Bay. Pretty sure every boy I had a crush on had a specific song, but I won't name names here! I also had 45s from all of our drill team routines from the year I was a Mini Mustang. Everybody Wang Chung Tonight puts me right back in a tiny little purple skirt and support hose with bright Mary Kay makeup on every time! Then, at A&M I rediscovered country music, because the cute boys all seemed to like it and liked to go dancing at the Texas Hall of Fame. This new guy not many people had heard of named Garth Brooks was one of my favorites, and though I only went to the Dixie Chicken once, I heartily sang our changed up lyrics to Friends in Low Places where we "slipped on down to the Dixie Chicken" with the best of em. And of course, David Allan Coe's You Never Even Called me by my Name, which was like the national anthem at A&M is still one of my favorites, and takes me back to those fun times as a college kid.Then, I had a boyfriend who introduced me to Contemporary Christian Music like Steven Curtis Chapman, who I still like even now that he doesn't have that mullet anymore, and Michael W. Smith. This boy used to play Rockettown on the piano in the lounge area of the dorms we lived in and I of course would Swoon. Just hearing the chord progression of Rockettown takes me back to being that awkward girl who really liked that boy who could play the piano. Then, when I was living on my own working my first job out of college in Brenham, Texas, I had a serious relationship with a boy I had grown up with, and there are a host of songs that take me back to that time--most anything by Little Texas, The Bellamy Brothers, and a few others too. Those are bittersweet memories, of good times that didn't end the way I'd have chosen, but in hindsight know it was for the best and I can look back and be thankful for how it unfolded. And that brings me to this evening and where my Spotify playlist brought me to on my way to Sweeny tonight. I have a playlist of starred or favorite music that I haven't quite figured out how to edit yet, and one day I saved nearly a whole album of Caedmon's Call to this list. The year is probably 1996 or 1997, and I am about 24 years old. I have been heartbroken over this broken relationship and daily was pouring our my heart to the Lord to, as I wrote in my journal "put back together the pieces of my broken heart." I was convinced I would probably never find another who would love me and that I would feel lost the way I did forever. I also had an acute sense of having wasted time. I lived in this town for about a year, and who did I know? All my effort and heart had been focused on this relationship, and when it ended, I didn't have any close friendships that I had cultivated. I was very down for quite some time. And then, I was asked to accompany our youth group from the church I was a member at on a trip to Dallas because they needed another adult. I was single, young, had a weird work schedule and vacation time I coulds use. So, I agreed, thinking what did it matter...It wasn't like I would ever have a date to think about again ever. (crazy how the mind can drag you down!) So, I agreed to go on the trip, and discovered more about who the Lord created me to be through that time. I remember listening to Point Of Grace sing and starting to sing with them during the conference. I remember having fun making the kids laugh and thinking to myself that I was laughing too, which is something I hadn't done in a very long time. I fell in love with youth ministry, and with teenagers. I began to accompany the youth to anything and everything that I could, and spent my remaining time in that community pouring into the kids the Lord put into my path. Caedmon's Call was just beginning to be known around that time, especially in the Houston area since they helped lead worship at the Metro Bible Study. I really liked them, and felt pretty hip when I'd listen to them. And I suppose that is some of what I was feeling tonight on my way to work. I was taken back in time, about 15 years to a time when the Lord put back the pieces of my broken heart. He put them together in such a way that I was able to see more clearly who He had created me to be. I discovered a passion that would later lead me to jobs I adored with Young Life and with my beloved First Presbyterian Church in Lake Jackson. I felt hope, I felt loved, and I felt like I belonged. There have been a lot of defining moments in my life since that time of course, and music played a role in all of them in some way or another, I suspect. But on June 6, 2012 on the road through Wild Peach in Brazoria County, I got to be 24 years old again, feeling a newfound freedom in the Lord and a hope for the future again. I was a girl who had so many dreams and knew my times were in His hands, and it felt good. It was good to feel that way again. And I am ever thankful for His gift of music and the power it has to help us see a little of what time travel must be like. Thanks, God, for music. It is a pretty amazing gift!

So far, so good!

Well, I believe that My Fitness Pal ap tells me I have been at it for about 37 days on the eating and exercising routine, and I have been behaving about that many days as well. I have lost 22 pounds and couldn't be happier with my progress. Now that the sugar cravings have abated and I am used to eating smaller portions, as long as I can keep from having some crazy binge that throws me into a tailspin, I think I can keep it up! And, I have a good month and a half, almost 2 months before we have big change in our routine with our vacation, so I should be able to get these habits well ingrained by then. Only in His strength, which I know is perfect! I have been cycling on the trainer and running some on the treadmill and can tell I am getting stronger, which is such a great feeling. Oh Lord, just hoping you will keep me on track! Until next time, nonexistent readers!

Still chuggin!

Well, so far so good! I think that My Fitness Pal tells me I have been behaving for about 17 days now, so go me! I am pretty excited about the consistency I have been able to maintain. Of course, I know its not me, but rather the strength of the Lord that is pulling me through. It is His strength that has kept my hands out of the bags of cookies my kids' have from their grandparents. It is His strength that is keeping me from buying the Milk Chocolate Blue Bell on HEBs shelves that I saw yesterday at the store. I am thankful for His strength. I really think this time will be different. Lord, how I hope it is! I have also been either riding the trainer or running/walking most every day too, which I am sure is helping. So far, I am down 13 pounds, and that helps keep me going too. I am still very much aware that I am big time obese, but it is truly amazing how just a couple of weeks of consistency can make you feel so much better about everything. I am really thankful. Here's to hoping it will continue! In His strength!

Let's Do This!

Yep...here I am, back again, me, myself and I.  I know nobody really reads this thing, but its fun to write and it helps me sort through all the stuff bouncing in my head, so I am all for it, even if it ends up being for my eyes only.

Well, we had a killer day at church this past Sunday.  One of those days where the Lord just speaks and keeps speaking to you and it really does effect a change in your attitude and in your heart.  It also gives tremendous peace to have an encounter like that.  I remember one of those life-changing God-encounters when I was single and struggling with it.  I was volunteering with  my church at the Super Summer camp we went to with the youth and the last night of the camp we were in the auditorium at Hardin Simmons University in Abilene, and Dave Edwards gave the talk and Joel Engle led worship and the combination of what Dave said and the song "All I can  Say" by Joel Engle was used by the Lord to minister to me in mighty powerful ways.  It gave me peace with being single and helped me to know whatever happened, He was big, I belonged to Him, and it would be okay.  Of course, I met my husband soon therafter.  Not sure if that was all God-ordained or not (just kidding...my kids help me to know it was supposed to be!), but whatever the case, it was part of God preparing my heart for what was to come.  For making ME ready to receive what He had, because prior to that I wasn't ready.

Well, this past Sunday at church felt a lot that same way.  Maybe not quite as dramatic, but I still believe He spoke to me in a calming-lets-do-this kind of a way.  It was primarily in regards to my weight.  You know, I have been trying to lose weight for just about as long as I can remember.  Its hard to remember not being fat, because I have been varying degrees of fat since about 1999.  Yep, 13 years of fatness, baby.  I think I have had my doubts as to if it can really, actually happen that I could get un-fat and stay that way.  Like I try, but then get derailed and with every derailment I become more and more doubtful that I could ever not be stuck in this trap.  Well, this Sunday was a breakthrough, I believe...I am claiming it as one anyway.  Alan was preaching about Abraham and his faith.  Our church is doing the E100 Bible Reading Challenge, where we read 100 essential texts from scripture.  We are at the beginning, hence Abraham's story.  Alan talked about how Abraham had a command or a charge...and he had to be obedient...and he had to have FAITH!  Faith is believing what we cannot see.  We also sang "Healer" and my friend Lori sang the lead on it, and since I wasn't singing in the mic on that one, I was able to just stand back, sing, and be ministered to.  "Nothing is impossible for You...Nothing is Impossible..." we sang in the bridge.  And you know what...I GOT it.  I really think I got it--NOTHING is impossible for Him...not even my weight issue.  I have to trust Him and BELIEVE He can give me the discipline I need to make it happen.  I also am believing that He can work my schedule out somehow in such a way that I can get enough sleep as well as have time to exercise.  I don't know how He's gonna do that, I don't know what its going to look like, but I am asking boldly for that to happen, and asking Him, knowing He WILL answer to give me what I need to get healthy.

Good stuff!!!  The kind of stuff that makes you want to storm the gates of Hell with a water pistol.  I am only on day 2 of my eating clean and healthy, but one day at a time and I know it will happen.  I feel like this time can be different because I am trusting, believing, and relying on His strength and not my own.  My strength sucks...His is perfect.  Holding on tight to that! 

I am using My Fitness Pal on my phone to log my food and calories and workouts.  I think it is helping.  I withstood the lure of red velvet cupcakes here at work tonight even...I really am trying!

So yea...Let's Do this!  I am ready, and I am so thankful that I belong to the One for which nothing is impossible!  If He can raise the dead from the grave, surely he can transform a lardbutt into a svelte and  healthy thing of beauty!  Woo hoo!!!!

Facebook Friends-- Top 10 List

Ok...here is a total departure, but it's something that keeps making me laugh some, so I thought I'd write about it. This post is somewhat in the vein of the "Stuff Christians Like" blog by Jon Acuff, which I am a regular reader of...but, hey...it's fun, so why not?! So, without further adieu, here are the Top 10 types of Facebook Friends I have...maybe you have some like this too??

1. The Food Picture Poster: We all have that friend (heck, sometimes we ARE that friend) who posts endless pictures of their food. Sometimes its stuff they have cooked, so they can brag on how great of a cook they are, and sometimes its beautiful restarant food, so we can feel totally jealous we aren't eating there too. They will post pictures of a big roast chicken, browned to perfection...or maybe some ribs on a bbq pit, or a big hunk of chocolate cake. Sometimes its a pretty dessert with strawberries on it. These friends often also post check-ins at restarants and frequently have statuses about meals as well.

2. The old-picture person. I have a few friends that have pictures up on their facebook profiles that are at least 20 years old....and nothing recent at all. I guess this is supposed to make me feel bad for how badly I have aged, when they still look 20 years younger. Sometimes they will fess up to it being old when someone is like "Wow, you haven't aged a bit!" and sometimes they won't, but yea...its just funny.

3. The vague status poster: You know the one who likes to make you wonder what is going on, good or bad in their world. They are the statuses like "Sometimes, I just feel like I could..." or better yet just "I am______".....like, fill in your own blank and guess how they are. This can also be used for exciting times. Like a countdown for something that no one else knows about. Or prayers for something exciting to happen, but not actually saying what it is. Yea, I see a lot of those.

4. The person who posts mostly those cutesy little pictures and sayings: We all have a few of those. We steal their pictures too, because they are so darn cute and funny. Sometimes because they are thought-provoking and sentimental...naaah, nevermind...I would only steal the funny stuff!

5. The person you keep around as a friend just because they are a little bit of a freakshow! You know them, but really you probably wouldn't want to hang out, but its sorta fun to see neuroses on parade. Cmon, you all know we have those friends!

6. The person you really don't even like, but you keep them as a fb friend so you can just not like everything they post....Please don't tell me I am the only one this shallow! I do have a couple of folks on there that are simply for that reason. I am so wrong for this, I know..but sometimes it just makes you feel better...ok--even wronger.

7. That person you forgot was there because they only creep and never post, and then...you hear from your mom that your great aunt Bessie found out that you were at Wal-Mart at 11 pm because you posted it on facebook and why were you out so late...you know how it works!

8. The person from high school that was so cool, and you feel cool-by-association now that you are grown ups and friends too! I was never a cool kid...but facebook sometimes makes me feel like one now, since it is a place where I can actually hang out with the cool kids! Growing up can be a great thing!

9. The people you vaguely remember who they are but not really but since you have tons of mutual friends you accept because they are legit. Yep, that says it all. I have several of those. I mean, I think I remember who you are, but not really, and I am certain we never talked, but yea, I will be your friend.

10. The people you wish you'd have gotten to know now that you see how amazing they are through a window like facebook. I must admit, I have several friends like this from my past. People I knew who were nice people and all, but I never knew what a strength of character they have or realized how much I would admire them for the beautiful person they are inside, by God's grace....Facebook gives us a little window sometimes into a person's brain and their heart. We can see what someone's thoughts are, and you realize what a great person they are through that window. Those are really fun..the kind that make me want to seek that person out and hang out with them now.

Birthday Bike Ride!

I just realized I never did post about my birthday bike ride! We went to Liberty Hill, which is very near to my hometown, and I had signed up for the 44-mile version of the Spokes and Spurs Ride, which benefits a beautiful ranch up there, Spirit Reins Ranch, where they do equine therapy with children. Beautiful, beautiful area and a near perfect day for a bike ride! We had also gotten Craig his road bike not too long before, so he took it and he and the boys rode in the 6-mile family ride, while GG went and had an amazing girl-day with my mom. Anyhow....My kids did amazing. They were super proud after their 6 miles, and did a great job! My 44 mile for my 40th bday was super fun...but tough! First of all, I saw a friend from high school that I have kept up with on Facebook, but haven't seen since high school, over 20 years ago. He is all into running and triathloning and such and in great shape, so 40-year-old me was sort of embarrassed to show my fat self, but I was friendly and it was good to see an old friend. The day started out a little overcast and cool, but felt great. The first couple of miles weren't too bad, and then we hit some hills, which to locals up there who are used to riding them aren't so bad--but for someone who mostly rides in the flat swamp, it was tough! I was kicking in my Granny Gear within the first 5 miles on some of the hills, and was thinking to myself "Good Grief, how I am I gonna do THIS??" And sometimes I would kind of have to stop and tell myself it wasn't a race...not that I am fast...but I would feel like I had to hammer out and keep a certain pace, and really, I didn't need to. So, once I kept remembering it was for fun and just relaxed, it got a little easier and more fun. Well...for awhile! Just before the first rest stop at around 13ish miles or so, we came around a corner, and were looking pretty much straight up a wall of a hill with a sign at the bottom that said "Get ready to climb"...holy cow! They weren't lyin! I had to dig in and give it all I had to keep moving and almost fell before I was able to unclip and I had to walk up it the rest of the way. I always feel like a weenie when I have to walk, but this was killer! There was one other hill I had to get off and walk up later on, but I was able to ride to the tops of the rest of them. By the time we hit 30ish miles or so, it was getting out and out hot outside, and somewhere around 35, my phone started to lose charge, so I had to quit using my Cyclemeter, because my power button on my phone is broken--I am afraid if it turns off I will never get it to turn on again! so, the last 9 miles or so was kinda tough not knowing exactly where I was mileage-wise (oh, how spoiled we get!) but it was fun! I hit 40 miles and thought to myself that I could technically quit there if I wanted to, since it was for my 40th bday...but I kept on going and made it the whole 44, and it was awesome! I didn't feel great after that (headache, etc) but got over it later that night and had a great bday dinner with my mom and dad. My mom had made an amazing chocolate cake for me with chocolate cool-whip stuff inside it and I indulged freely since I had ridden so far. Gosh, it was good! The next morning I got to sit beside the San Gabriel River where we were staying and just sorta think and be thankful for the 40 years I have been given. I want so badly to get healthy so that I can have many more birthdays...not because I want some long glorious life, but because I want to see my kids grow up and know my grandkids, and I often pray that I might get to meet my great-grandkids. Kind of a bold prayer for a woman who didn't have kids until her 30s, but I pray it anyway. My God is big enough....and He is big enough to help me get smaller....Here's to an amazing 40 years! Thank You, Lord!