I recently read the book Beautiful Mess by the members of the country band Diamond Rio, written with Tom Roland. This book tells the personal stories of each of the 6 musicians in the band, as well as the story of their coming together as a band and their ups and downs through the years. Each of the band members stories are interesting, beginning from their childhood and progressing up to the time they connected as part of Diamond Rio. Woven throughout the book is the larger story of the faith and integrity which is very evident in each of their lives.
I am a lover of biographies, and this book is a dream for someone such as me, with 6 individual biographies as well as the story of a band. And anyone who has been a fan of country music in the last 20 years will recognize many of the songs that are mentioned and appreciate learning the stories behind each of them.
Beautiful Mess chronicles not only the high times of the band, including their rise to fame and their megahits such as "One More Day", but also their difficult times, such as when lead singer Marty Roe stuggled with vocal issues. There is a lot of honesty about their problems, which I truly appreciated. You feel reading this book as if you become friends with the musicians and get to know them much better.
I became slightly confused in the beginning, trying to remember which guy was who and how all the pieces fit together, but as I read on, especially beginning where all six band members lives converged, I found myself drawn into the story, pulling for these guys. Once the story of the band got rolling, I had a hard time putting it down.
I was already a fan of Diamond Rio, but learning about the heart each of these band members has caused me to see them in a new light. I was inspired by their faith and challenged by their honesty. Overall, I really enjoyed this book.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
It's been awhile...here's where its at!
Well, not that anyone has been waiting with bated breath for this blog or anything, but it's been a couple of months since I posted anything, so I figured it was about time! I'm still fat..but I'm still working on it too. I'm not really okay with that, but I am doing what I can do for right now. This full time night shift I am doing at the hospital has made everything a challenge. I love it on payday, of course, and I love that I can pay the bills without wondering where the grocery money is going to come from, but I'd be lyin if I said I feel like I have it all together and that it isn't taking its toll in some ways. Trying to be mommy and youth lady with this added on makes for pure chaos at times!
Of course, probably the biggest challenge I have is sleep (or lack thereof!) I work four 10-hour shifts a week, so I have only 3 nights out of the week to sleep, 2 off at any given time. When my work nights are during the week, I am home during the day with my kids, and mommy has to veg a lot! It's not really the way I have ever wanted to spend my kids' toddler years, but I guess its what we have to do. They are pretty wonderful about it, and I try to make up for it by making the most of the time we have together that I am awake. I will say, I believe I have the 3 coolest kids in the world, and I do cherish every moment I have with them. I just hope someday they will understand Mommy did her best, and why I have had to always work so much. Eating and exercise are other big-time challenges I deal with on this shift. Eating gets all goofed up because your days and nights get all goofed up. And you can try as hard as you want to to not eat, but doggonnit, when you are up all stinkin' night, you get hungry! I try to not eat as much during the daytime when I know I'll be working at night and keep the meals really light, but establishing routine is very difficult when you are constantly changing back and forth between being a day person and a night person.
Finding time to exercise was a challenge before I began this full-time gig, so it's even a little crazier now. I don't really have the option of getting up early to go, when I don't get off work til 6 am and have to tag team when I get home. I do manage to make it out maybe 3 or 4 times a week either for bike rides or runs...even if it is for a commute of some sort...but I do crave getting to be more consistent and the endorphins that come along with it! One cool thing as of late, is that my boys are playing soccer, so they are all about going and running around at the track to get faster and running around on the football field up at Slade....we've been doing a lot of that lately, which has been way fun.
I did get to do the Monster Dash 5K on Saturday, which was way fun..and surprise surprise, there were like 4 people behind me! A month or so ago, I did the swim and run leg of the Brazposport Relay Triathlon...didn't get to do the bike, since it was getting rainy and that sort of thing by then. But I did have a LOT of fun with what I did..and I did it right after a night of work too..crazy, I know! I am planning on doing the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half marathon this next month, which should be big fun. I haven't been able to train the way I'd really like to for it, but I'm not there yet either, so I'm hoping for a few more good training runs before then. I figure, if worst came to worst, I know I could walk the whole thing and still finish in time, so I'll take it for the experience that it is and have fun with it.
So, yea, overall things aren't much different with my goals and things than they were the last few posts back when...just a different timetable is about it. I did get to thinking about it, and I am pretty sure I won't be fat forever...one of these days, the "real" me will be back out and visible again! When my kids are in school, I know I will use some of that time to get out and run and bike and stuff...I crave it so much, and now I use whatever free moment I can muster (which are few and far between) to hop on the bike or whatever, so I know I can become at least a little more consistent...and will get a little bit of sleep too! Not only that, but the bigger my kids get, the more they will be running around and running my big butt out on the track and football field and stuff! That can only be good for me as I get out there and it gets more and more challenging to chase them around! So uh huh...I am encouarged to think that this fat-deal is really just a season...I mean, its been a pretty long season, mind you...but still a season, nevertheless! Right now, I am trying to get out and do whatever I can, but I also want to make sure and cherish every moment of my kids right now that I can. The boys are 5 and Gabriella is 3, and those are such precious ages! These years go by way, way too quickly as it is..I don't want to rush them anymore...so for now, I will have to be okay with being the fat-momma-wannabe-has-been-uglier-than-a-mud-fence-who-I-am-for-now me and know that hopefully someday that won't be the case anymore!! Time with my babies is precious, and I want to enjoy it for every moment.
So...that's where it's at for now! There are a couple of areas of my life that cause me grief and pain and make me go yeeeech...but then I look at my kids and see that the Lord has indeed blessed me, more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined. Those sweet little smiles and little giggles are the best!!! I will also say, that I adore my youth that I work with at church...yes, at times they make me want to scratch my head and yea, scream sometimes too, but wow...what great kids we have been blessed with. I do so love my job at church, and I look forward to when I can devote more time and more of me to the work I do there...because it truly is fun!
Life can be hard...but, God is good...and I am so very, very grateful! And that's all I have to say bout that!
Of course, probably the biggest challenge I have is sleep (or lack thereof!) I work four 10-hour shifts a week, so I have only 3 nights out of the week to sleep, 2 off at any given time. When my work nights are during the week, I am home during the day with my kids, and mommy has to veg a lot! It's not really the way I have ever wanted to spend my kids' toddler years, but I guess its what we have to do. They are pretty wonderful about it, and I try to make up for it by making the most of the time we have together that I am awake. I will say, I believe I have the 3 coolest kids in the world, and I do cherish every moment I have with them. I just hope someday they will understand Mommy did her best, and why I have had to always work so much. Eating and exercise are other big-time challenges I deal with on this shift. Eating gets all goofed up because your days and nights get all goofed up. And you can try as hard as you want to to not eat, but doggonnit, when you are up all stinkin' night, you get hungry! I try to not eat as much during the daytime when I know I'll be working at night and keep the meals really light, but establishing routine is very difficult when you are constantly changing back and forth between being a day person and a night person.
Finding time to exercise was a challenge before I began this full-time gig, so it's even a little crazier now. I don't really have the option of getting up early to go, when I don't get off work til 6 am and have to tag team when I get home. I do manage to make it out maybe 3 or 4 times a week either for bike rides or runs...even if it is for a commute of some sort...but I do crave getting to be more consistent and the endorphins that come along with it! One cool thing as of late, is that my boys are playing soccer, so they are all about going and running around at the track to get faster and running around on the football field up at Slade....we've been doing a lot of that lately, which has been way fun.
I did get to do the Monster Dash 5K on Saturday, which was way fun..and surprise surprise, there were like 4 people behind me! A month or so ago, I did the swim and run leg of the Brazposport Relay Triathlon...didn't get to do the bike, since it was getting rainy and that sort of thing by then. But I did have a LOT of fun with what I did..and I did it right after a night of work too..crazy, I know! I am planning on doing the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half marathon this next month, which should be big fun. I haven't been able to train the way I'd really like to for it, but I'm not there yet either, so I'm hoping for a few more good training runs before then. I figure, if worst came to worst, I know I could walk the whole thing and still finish in time, so I'll take it for the experience that it is and have fun with it.
So, yea, overall things aren't much different with my goals and things than they were the last few posts back when...just a different timetable is about it. I did get to thinking about it, and I am pretty sure I won't be fat forever...one of these days, the "real" me will be back out and visible again! When my kids are in school, I know I will use some of that time to get out and run and bike and stuff...I crave it so much, and now I use whatever free moment I can muster (which are few and far between) to hop on the bike or whatever, so I know I can become at least a little more consistent...and will get a little bit of sleep too! Not only that, but the bigger my kids get, the more they will be running around and running my big butt out on the track and football field and stuff! That can only be good for me as I get out there and it gets more and more challenging to chase them around! So uh huh...I am encouarged to think that this fat-deal is really just a season...I mean, its been a pretty long season, mind you...but still a season, nevertheless! Right now, I am trying to get out and do whatever I can, but I also want to make sure and cherish every moment of my kids right now that I can. The boys are 5 and Gabriella is 3, and those are such precious ages! These years go by way, way too quickly as it is..I don't want to rush them anymore...so for now, I will have to be okay with being the fat-momma-wannabe-has-been-uglier-than-a-mud-fence-who-I-am-for-now me and know that hopefully someday that won't be the case anymore!! Time with my babies is precious, and I want to enjoy it for every moment.
So...that's where it's at for now! There are a couple of areas of my life that cause me grief and pain and make me go yeeeech...but then I look at my kids and see that the Lord has indeed blessed me, more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined. Those sweet little smiles and little giggles are the best!!! I will also say, that I adore my youth that I work with at church...yes, at times they make me want to scratch my head and yea, scream sometimes too, but wow...what great kids we have been blessed with. I do so love my job at church, and I look forward to when I can devote more time and more of me to the work I do there...because it truly is fun!
Life can be hard...but, God is good...and I am so very, very grateful! And that's all I have to say bout that!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Back at it....again!!!
Well, it's been a long while since I had much good to post about, but now I can truly say I am back at it! This past week, I got in 5 runs...the first running I have done in well over a month. In fact, the last run before this was on the 4th of July at the Firecracker 4...and later that night/morning of the 5th, was when my gallbladder started talking to me--really loudly! I had been having attacks on and off for at least 6 months or so, but when they passed, I felt fine and went about my business, not really tying it all together. But when I had this "mother of all attacks" on the morning of the 5th and then another one about 3 days later, I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. Went to the ER, since I couldn't get in anywhere and felt like..well, pretty much like I was dying...and the ultrasound showed a gallbladder full of stones. Had an ERCP (scopy-type procedure) to make sure there were no stones stuck in my common bile duct and a stent installed, had the gallbladder out the next day with a laparoscopic surgery, and another ERCP the next week to un-install the stent. I had my surgery on a Tuesday and was back to work Saturday, so I had a pretty quick recovery.
I hadn't been feeling great for awhile, and didn't really realize it I guess, and between going full time at the hospital and all the crazy gallbladderness, I had really lapsed in my exercise...and boy oh boy, could I tell! A Stacy who gets out and sweats is a much happier Stacy, I have found! Well, my doctor gave me the go-ahead to run when he took my staples out, just with the warning that my "organs would bounce around where my gallbladder used to be" so...uh...yea, that was encouraging...but, I went ahead and got out there....so, I am back at it!!!!!!
Last week, I got out to run/walk, and, being the first one back in awhile, it was tough. That, and the fact that it felt like it was about 200 degrees outside didn't help! But I made it through 3 miles, and felt pretty good after. The next day, I made it out again, and still felt slow as molasses, but made it. The next couple of nights I had to work, so when I got home in the morning, I went and ran before I went to sleep. Now, I was getting somewhere! It was so much cooler in the morning, and between that and just getting back with it, man oh man...did I feel good!!! I am now back to being able to run about a half hour before having to have a walk break, which is a HUGE accomplishment. Now, granted, I am WAY slow...and I am pretty sure I look like a giant ungraceful...hmm...hippo perhaps...plodding along! But, I can do it, I can do it!! It is absolutely amazing to me how the body can remember what it once could do and can get back with it relatively quickly! I was doing pretty good this Spring with my half marathon in Feb and then the triathlon in April, and after that was when it all sorta fell apart...but now...I feel like I'm back with it!!! Yay for me! So grateful for the gift of a good sweat...God is truly good, all the time!! Yep, I am blessed!
To keep me accountable and to give me a goal to work toward, I SIGNED UP for the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half marathon in November....WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! We've got a hotel booked (for free..with Marriott points...even better!) and everything, so I'm totally excited! Now, just to figure out how/when to get my runs in with this crazy schedule of mine...but I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!!!!
Just wanted to update...I have some good sweatin' to update about now, so I couldn't resist!
I hadn't been feeling great for awhile, and didn't really realize it I guess, and between going full time at the hospital and all the crazy gallbladderness, I had really lapsed in my exercise...and boy oh boy, could I tell! A Stacy who gets out and sweats is a much happier Stacy, I have found! Well, my doctor gave me the go-ahead to run when he took my staples out, just with the warning that my "organs would bounce around where my gallbladder used to be" so...uh...yea, that was encouraging...but, I went ahead and got out there....so, I am back at it!!!!!!
Last week, I got out to run/walk, and, being the first one back in awhile, it was tough. That, and the fact that it felt like it was about 200 degrees outside didn't help! But I made it through 3 miles, and felt pretty good after. The next day, I made it out again, and still felt slow as molasses, but made it. The next couple of nights I had to work, so when I got home in the morning, I went and ran before I went to sleep. Now, I was getting somewhere! It was so much cooler in the morning, and between that and just getting back with it, man oh man...did I feel good!!! I am now back to being able to run about a half hour before having to have a walk break, which is a HUGE accomplishment. Now, granted, I am WAY slow...and I am pretty sure I look like a giant ungraceful...hmm...hippo perhaps...plodding along! But, I can do it, I can do it!! It is absolutely amazing to me how the body can remember what it once could do and can get back with it relatively quickly! I was doing pretty good this Spring with my half marathon in Feb and then the triathlon in April, and after that was when it all sorta fell apart...but now...I feel like I'm back with it!!! Yay for me! So grateful for the gift of a good sweat...God is truly good, all the time!! Yep, I am blessed!
To keep me accountable and to give me a goal to work toward, I SIGNED UP for the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half marathon in November....WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! We've got a hotel booked (for free..with Marriott points...even better!) and everything, so I'm totally excited! Now, just to figure out how/when to get my runs in with this crazy schedule of mine...but I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!!!!
Just wanted to update...I have some good sweatin' to update about now, so I couldn't resist!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
There is a Deeper River Still
Today I was at the gym working out (yay for me!) and I of course, had my ipod on. There is a song on there from an old Young Life CD I have called Snapshots of the Bigger Picture called Deeper River Still. It was one of those random CDs I bought at camp one year and it has a nice little variety of artists who have played at camps before and stuff. I've heard it many times, but for some reason today, it just reached out and grabbed me...or rather, I think the Lord sorta reached out and grabbed me with it. I actually went back and listened to it again to catch the lyrics. Just thought it might bless someone else too, so I thought I'd share it. I can't find the lyrics anywhere at all by googling it, so I guess the guy who sings it, Ian Morgan Cron didn't make it big in the music business (although I saw lots of other hits for him on google). Anyhow: Here are the lyrics. I hope they bless somebody today they they blessed me:
Deeper River Still--Ian Morgan Cron
(from Young Life's Snapshots of a Bigger Picture CD)
Well I believe there is a larger story written
And I will meet the Author face to face one day
And that joy will fill our hearts as He reveals to us the parts
That He wrote when time began for us to play.
With every month its like another chapter ending
With every year its like another dot connects
But it is the Rock of Ages that turns all of our pages
Oh I'm sure of this, the older, the older that I get
Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
Though the plan seems so obscure, Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
So for the young ones who go to bed tonight with hunger
For the mother who lies awake without her child
For the old ones trapped in silence, that must settle for the violence,
Oh I swear one day The Master is gonna make all these wrongs right
Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
So in the midst of all your darkness and confusion
When it seems this world is putting out your fire
Hold on to this point of light
Let it guide your ship this night
And remember, God will buy back every single painful hour
Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
Anyhow...I just thought it was a cool song, and I wanted to share. I never really listened all that closely to the lyrics before, but to me, they were powerful. God is way bigger than anything I face...and though we KNOW it, it is good to be reminded--and often--that He indeed has a plan...and that he can redeem us, our choices, our pain, and whatever we may deal with. What a gift it is to belong to Him. He calls us to be a part of what He is doing...not because He needs us, but because He loves us and wants us to be a part of His story. Oh, if I could only remember EVERYDAY that its not about me.....its about Him...everything we have, we only have because of His amazing grace.
This song spoke to the part of my heart, that for several years now has been claiming and holding onto the promise of Joel 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--" Yes, this is referring to the locust plague in Judah way back when, but this Great Story of God's redemptive love is our story too! We live in a world that is fallen. Wrong things happen. We hurt. We screw up. Others screw up and hurt us. We hurt other people. And what we end up with, apart from the Father's grace is a nasty chewed up mess of a place! It reminds me of the summers back home many years ago, where it seemed like there were grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! I can't remember if it was when I was at A&M or back in the Brenham days or when, but I remember going back home to my mom and dad's house and they didn't have a leaf on any tree or plant and the grass was like a blanket of grasshoppers. I mean, there were those big honkin yellow grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! They made a HUGE wreck of everything...killed pretty much everything because they were so out of control. As do we, with the choices we make and the things we do.
But, I am so thankful that in Joel--and for us-- there is a call to turn back to Him....to "rend your heart...return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love..." (Joel 2:13) And...that there is that promise, that He will give back to us those years that have been eaten away to nothing. I know that I have way more of those years than I wish I did. Many, many years ago, I remember writing in a journal, through the process of grieving over a great loss, that I finally understood what hope was about--because I felt I really didn't have anything much to hold onto. I have been learning that lesson of hope ever since that time....and though I struggle to be thankful for the situations that bring me to that place, I am so grateful for the hope that I have.
He will give us back those years....and there IS a deeper river still! Thanks for the reminder today, Lord!
Deeper River Still--Ian Morgan Cron
(from Young Life's Snapshots of a Bigger Picture CD)
Well I believe there is a larger story written
And I will meet the Author face to face one day
And that joy will fill our hearts as He reveals to us the parts
That He wrote when time began for us to play.
With every month its like another chapter ending
With every year its like another dot connects
But it is the Rock of Ages that turns all of our pages
Oh I'm sure of this, the older, the older that I get
Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
Though the plan seems so obscure, Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
So for the young ones who go to bed tonight with hunger
For the mother who lies awake without her child
For the old ones trapped in silence, that must settle for the violence,
Oh I swear one day The Master is gonna make all these wrongs right
Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
So in the midst of all your darkness and confusion
When it seems this world is putting out your fire
Hold on to this point of light
Let it guide your ship this night
And remember, God will buy back every single painful hour
Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
Anyhow...I just thought it was a cool song, and I wanted to share. I never really listened all that closely to the lyrics before, but to me, they were powerful. God is way bigger than anything I face...and though we KNOW it, it is good to be reminded--and often--that He indeed has a plan...and that he can redeem us, our choices, our pain, and whatever we may deal with. What a gift it is to belong to Him. He calls us to be a part of what He is doing...not because He needs us, but because He loves us and wants us to be a part of His story. Oh, if I could only remember EVERYDAY that its not about me.....its about Him...everything we have, we only have because of His amazing grace.
This song spoke to the part of my heart, that for several years now has been claiming and holding onto the promise of Joel 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--" Yes, this is referring to the locust plague in Judah way back when, but this Great Story of God's redemptive love is our story too! We live in a world that is fallen. Wrong things happen. We hurt. We screw up. Others screw up and hurt us. We hurt other people. And what we end up with, apart from the Father's grace is a nasty chewed up mess of a place! It reminds me of the summers back home many years ago, where it seemed like there were grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! I can't remember if it was when I was at A&M or back in the Brenham days or when, but I remember going back home to my mom and dad's house and they didn't have a leaf on any tree or plant and the grass was like a blanket of grasshoppers. I mean, there were those big honkin yellow grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! They made a HUGE wreck of everything...killed pretty much everything because they were so out of control. As do we, with the choices we make and the things we do.
But, I am so thankful that in Joel--and for us-- there is a call to turn back to Him....to "rend your heart...return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love..." (Joel 2:13) And...that there is that promise, that He will give back to us those years that have been eaten away to nothing. I know that I have way more of those years than I wish I did. Many, many years ago, I remember writing in a journal, through the process of grieving over a great loss, that I finally understood what hope was about--because I felt I really didn't have anything much to hold onto. I have been learning that lesson of hope ever since that time....and though I struggle to be thankful for the situations that bring me to that place, I am so grateful for the hope that I have.
He will give us back those years....and there IS a deeper river still! Thanks for the reminder today, Lord!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Frustration: Night shifter turns into COW!
I just had to vent a bit...I am really so grateful to have my full-time night shift at the lab now..truly I am! For the first time in I can't remember, I am able to get the bills paid and have the hope of getting this debt gone once and for all....so excited about that. I knew it'd be a transition and a challenge though...and I'm in the midst of that right now!
If you know me, or have read what I've written, you know I am an athlete-wannabe! I really, really love to get out and run (very slowly, yes...but it's still great!), to ride the bike, to swim, to challenge this fat-girl body of mine to get out there and push the limits of what I can do. I have known for several years how much I have liked doing this....but I am really starting to see more and more how much I NEED to do this.
Yes..I am fat...and yes...I want to lose weight so I can recognize the girl in the mirror and not be disgusted by her the way I am now. Yes, I want to be healthy so that I can be a better mom, better youth lady, etc...but I think more than that...this whole exercise deal is a matter of sanity for me, in a lot of ways. I really do function better with it than without it. My mind is clearer, I feel better, I am more patient with my kids and all the other challenging individuals in my life.
So....here is my question: How in the heck can I figure out how to get out there and run/bike/swim/climb a tree/wrestle a rattlesnake/whatever-you-name-it when I am working a full-time night shift.....ummm...and a part-time day job....ummmm...and oh yea, p.s. taking care of 3 adorable kids (they really are....I know I'm their mom, but ya...they really are cute!) under the age of 5???? I have got to try to get this deal figured out!
I know I've only been at it a few weeks (with the full time hospital gig and all) but man....it feels like every spare minute I have, I am just trying to sleep and catch up with that. I had a kid I work with tell me he got like 13 hours of sleep the other night....I was guessing I hadn't had that much sleep...like all week! I get home from work at 6 am, my kids are awake at like 6:30, and anyone who has ever been around little kids knows...once the kids are up, you are up!
My eating is all goofed up too...when you work all night, you pretty much get hungry and end up eating an additional meal. Then you may or may not eat later when you get home, and yea..it does weird things to the body. I worked nights for years, years ago...but it was before I had kids. I was on my own time schedule and it worked out okay. But trying to do it on their time schedule is really challenging. I need that exercise for my sanity...and to keep me from getting to be an even bigger cow than I am now. I am grateful to have it that night shift, because I do need to be able to support my family, which I am so glad to be able to do, but yea...I can feel my fat cells expanding everyday I don't get to get out there and sweat somehow! I really, really want to sign up for another triathlon...but I just don't know if I can be trained up enough with the way this schedule business is working out.
Anyhow....it's just frustrating....I know there probably aren't any easy answers. And I don't think I'm even looking for any. I just felt the need to vent somewhere about it though. So, since my kids don't really understand, I thought I'd vent here!!
If you know me, or have read what I've written, you know I am an athlete-wannabe! I really, really love to get out and run (very slowly, yes...but it's still great!), to ride the bike, to swim, to challenge this fat-girl body of mine to get out there and push the limits of what I can do. I have known for several years how much I have liked doing this....but I am really starting to see more and more how much I NEED to do this.
Yes..I am fat...and yes...I want to lose weight so I can recognize the girl in the mirror and not be disgusted by her the way I am now. Yes, I want to be healthy so that I can be a better mom, better youth lady, etc...but I think more than that...this whole exercise deal is a matter of sanity for me, in a lot of ways. I really do function better with it than without it. My mind is clearer, I feel better, I am more patient with my kids and all the other challenging individuals in my life.
So....here is my question: How in the heck can I figure out how to get out there and run/bike/swim/climb a tree/wrestle a rattlesnake/whatever-you-name-it when I am working a full-time night shift.....ummm...and a part-time day job....ummmm...and oh yea, p.s. taking care of 3 adorable kids (they really are....I know I'm their mom, but ya...they really are cute!) under the age of 5???? I have got to try to get this deal figured out!
I know I've only been at it a few weeks (with the full time hospital gig and all) but man....it feels like every spare minute I have, I am just trying to sleep and catch up with that. I had a kid I work with tell me he got like 13 hours of sleep the other night....I was guessing I hadn't had that much sleep...like all week! I get home from work at 6 am, my kids are awake at like 6:30, and anyone who has ever been around little kids knows...once the kids are up, you are up!
My eating is all goofed up too...when you work all night, you pretty much get hungry and end up eating an additional meal. Then you may or may not eat later when you get home, and yea..it does weird things to the body. I worked nights for years, years ago...but it was before I had kids. I was on my own time schedule and it worked out okay. But trying to do it on their time schedule is really challenging. I need that exercise for my sanity...and to keep me from getting to be an even bigger cow than I am now. I am grateful to have it that night shift, because I do need to be able to support my family, which I am so glad to be able to do, but yea...I can feel my fat cells expanding everyday I don't get to get out there and sweat somehow! I really, really want to sign up for another triathlon...but I just don't know if I can be trained up enough with the way this schedule business is working out.
Anyhow....it's just frustrating....I know there probably aren't any easy answers. And I don't think I'm even looking for any. I just felt the need to vent somewhere about it though. So, since my kids don't really understand, I thought I'd vent here!!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wish I didn't feel this way, but I do
Sometimes this whole concept of "seasons" of life sucks...I know that sounds crass, but I just have to put it where it is. I am in a crappy "season" right now, and it is getting more and more difficult to deal with at times. I know I am loved by the Lord, and I know He has a plan for me. I am blessed beyond belief by my babies, and I couldn't be more thankful for the gift of being their mommy....so I really need to get out of this funk.
Much of the time, though I know its not intended as anything of the sort, I feel very....hmmmm..inept? irrelevant perhaps. not necessary. useless....yep..all of those seem to hit it where it is--and it hurts.
I feel that way in pretty much every area of my life, except with my kids, where I KNOW I am needed. I may not be the world's best mom...but at least I know I really am needed there, and I haven't screwed that up too too bad (yet...hopefully I won't!)I used to feel like I had something to offer. Gifts and talents that were needed. But lately, I just feel that everyone is afraid I am too overloaded and will drop the ball and screw things up. I don't necessarily think that perception is 100% accurate, but I nevertheless, the perception is there and I am affected by it. Which makes me go: maybe I am inept. Maybe I am a screw-up. Maybe I don't really ahve that much to offer.
Painful, raw, depressing stuff, I know. Probably too much honesty for a blog. But you know what...that is where I am. I have to own it and turn to the Lord and pray He will make sense of things and make it all clear to me. I know He created me with a purpose. I know He wants to use me...He wants to use all of us in some way. So, I will keep on keepin on and wait on Him...trying to hear His voice more than I hear the others.
Lord, please help me. I am hurting, and I need Your help. I want to be useful..and the I need to understand that as long as I am doing what is pleasing to You, I am on the right path. "Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your power is made perfect in weakness.....that is why I delight in weakenesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Much of the time, though I know its not intended as anything of the sort, I feel very....hmmmm..inept? irrelevant perhaps. not necessary. useless....yep..all of those seem to hit it where it is--and it hurts.
I feel that way in pretty much every area of my life, except with my kids, where I KNOW I am needed. I may not be the world's best mom...but at least I know I really am needed there, and I haven't screwed that up too too bad (yet...hopefully I won't!)I used to feel like I had something to offer. Gifts and talents that were needed. But lately, I just feel that everyone is afraid I am too overloaded and will drop the ball and screw things up. I don't necessarily think that perception is 100% accurate, but I nevertheless, the perception is there and I am affected by it. Which makes me go: maybe I am inept. Maybe I am a screw-up. Maybe I don't really ahve that much to offer.
Painful, raw, depressing stuff, I know. Probably too much honesty for a blog. But you know what...that is where I am. I have to own it and turn to the Lord and pray He will make sense of things and make it all clear to me. I know He created me with a purpose. I know He wants to use me...He wants to use all of us in some way. So, I will keep on keepin on and wait on Him...trying to hear His voice more than I hear the others.
Lord, please help me. I am hurting, and I need Your help. I want to be useful..and the I need to understand that as long as I am doing what is pleasing to You, I am on the right path. "Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your power is made perfect in weakness.....that is why I delight in weakenesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Team World Vision
Hey there, everyone,
As many of my buds know, I spent last week in Chicago at a youth ministry conference put on by Willow Creek Community Church--which is ginormous! I had a great time, learned lots of cool stuff, and was, as usually happens at these sorts of things--inspired! I wanted to share one of the things that particularly inspired me this past week, in hopes that maybe, just maybe it could inspire a few of you as well...and that you could be crazy with me!
Most of you know me, and know I am an athlete-wannabe, and have been for some time. (I am also a musician wannabe, an artist wannabe, and lots of other wannabes too...yes, I know, jack of all trades, master of none!) Anyhow..this thing I learned of appealed to the athlete-wannabe in me--and also, to the sense of purpose I have as a believer in Jesus Christ. What a cool thing when the passion of your first love (ie, Jesus) comes together with the other passions He wired us with! Back in the day at the Aggie BSU, I remember going through the then brand new study Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. There were many great things about that study, but one of the ones that has stuck with me...oh, nearly 20 years later, I guess it is...is this: Take a look around at what God is doing, and join Him there. This sorta fits into that piece of advice.
Okay...get on with it, Stacy...Why yes, I think I will!
At the Shift Conference at Willow, there was a table and a short presentation made by World Vision, a Christ-centered relief organization that seeks to be the hands and feet of Christ in the world. In their words, according to their website: "World Vision is an international partnership of Christians whose mission is to follow our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in working with the poor and oppressed to promote human transformation, seek justice, and bear witness to the good news of the Kingdom of God." They do many, many different things from child sponsorships where you can provide for the needs of a child from anywhere around the world, relief for children with AIDS, disaster relief and supplying the needs of those affected by poverty not only abroad but also around the United States. Personally, I have always been somewhat leary of some of this "justice" stuff..simply because much of what I have seen of it in the past has left Christ out of the equation. I have shyed away because I felt that if it wasn't centered on Christ, well, then what really was the point?
I am beginning to see some of this in a new light now...We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ in a world that is without. The whole story of the Bible is that of a broken world that He came to redeem. He invites us to be a part of that. While it is grace alone that saves us, His doing and not ours, I believe that in order to truly have the "life and life to the full" that Jesus desires for us in John 10:10, we must live out our faith...There are many, many ways to do this, of course...but this particular way put forth by World Vision caught my attention this last week, and really "jingled my jangle", so to speak. World Vision has Christ at the center of all that they do, and their mission is a living out of that faith--and I was quite impressed by that, and inspired to join in the work...as Blackaby put it!
So..where does the running thing come in? So glad you asked! (yes, I am a bit crazy, I know, to be able to carry on my own conversation in a blog!) Team World Vision. It is an effort, very similar to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program, or even akin to the MS150 bike ride which raises money for multiple sclerosis research...or any number of organizations that raise money and awareness for a cause, by a commitment to train for a honker of an athletic endeavor and asking people to join you in your effort by supporting the cause you are running/biking/whatevering for.
Team World Vision is in its baby years, and only has a few "official" events as of now, but they are growing like crazy, which is really cool! They want to challenge people to run a marathon or a half-marathon in support of the work that they do. You choose an event, set up a little personal fundraising website, and train for your event. Ideally, it would be a group of people training together as a group in a community, to where you do your daily shorter runs on your own and have a weekly group run together, which is the long-run component of the training program. They have a support community of others doing the same thing and coaches etc. who can communicate with you and your team via email, but it would work optimally if there were a local "coach" so to speak, who knew the ins and outs of the training process, and who could help the group with the challenges of training for such an event.
There is no minimum amount that has to be raised...there is no obligation or catch...other than the accountability you have from the others who are taking on the same challenge and will be spurring you on! The shared time together training is cool...and so is the fact that you are running for something bigger than yourself is too.
I got all the info and heard some really cool stories of folks who have taken this challenge on. Their website is www.teamworldvision.org if you'd like to see more, or feel free to call or message me about it. I would love to take on this challenge with a group of friends....would love local friends, but even friends who are far away would be fun to keep up with and stay accountable to! You don't have to be a super athlete to do it (look at me...truly...if I can run a marathon--which I have--ANYONE can do it!) and you don't have to have any other special stuff....just a desire to challenge yourself and commit to something cool, and a desire to combine that with helping out with a really cool cause, that of sharing Jesus in very practical ways with a world in need.
Let me know if you want to know more!
ps...for anyone interested in the Chicago marathon in October--it is sold out, as of last week...but Team World Vision has a couple of hundred spots available...I can hook you up! (sounds like "pst..I know a guy! heehee!)
As many of my buds know, I spent last week in Chicago at a youth ministry conference put on by Willow Creek Community Church--which is ginormous! I had a great time, learned lots of cool stuff, and was, as usually happens at these sorts of things--inspired! I wanted to share one of the things that particularly inspired me this past week, in hopes that maybe, just maybe it could inspire a few of you as well...and that you could be crazy with me!
Most of you know me, and know I am an athlete-wannabe, and have been for some time. (I am also a musician wannabe, an artist wannabe, and lots of other wannabes too...yes, I know, jack of all trades, master of none!) Anyhow..this thing I learned of appealed to the athlete-wannabe in me--and also, to the sense of purpose I have as a believer in Jesus Christ. What a cool thing when the passion of your first love (ie, Jesus) comes together with the other passions He wired us with! Back in the day at the Aggie BSU, I remember going through the then brand new study Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. There were many great things about that study, but one of the ones that has stuck with me...oh, nearly 20 years later, I guess it is...is this: Take a look around at what God is doing, and join Him there. This sorta fits into that piece of advice.
Okay...get on with it, Stacy...Why yes, I think I will!
At the Shift Conference at Willow, there was a table and a short presentation made by World Vision, a Christ-centered relief organization that seeks to be the hands and feet of Christ in the world. In their words, according to their website: "World Vision is an international partnership of Christians whose mission is to follow our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in working with the poor and oppressed to promote human transformation, seek justice, and bear witness to the good news of the Kingdom of God." They do many, many different things from child sponsorships where you can provide for the needs of a child from anywhere around the world, relief for children with AIDS, disaster relief and supplying the needs of those affected by poverty not only abroad but also around the United States. Personally, I have always been somewhat leary of some of this "justice" stuff..simply because much of what I have seen of it in the past has left Christ out of the equation. I have shyed away because I felt that if it wasn't centered on Christ, well, then what really was the point?
I am beginning to see some of this in a new light now...We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ in a world that is without. The whole story of the Bible is that of a broken world that He came to redeem. He invites us to be a part of that. While it is grace alone that saves us, His doing and not ours, I believe that in order to truly have the "life and life to the full" that Jesus desires for us in John 10:10, we must live out our faith...There are many, many ways to do this, of course...but this particular way put forth by World Vision caught my attention this last week, and really "jingled my jangle", so to speak. World Vision has Christ at the center of all that they do, and their mission is a living out of that faith--and I was quite impressed by that, and inspired to join in the work...as Blackaby put it!
So..where does the running thing come in? So glad you asked! (yes, I am a bit crazy, I know, to be able to carry on my own conversation in a blog!) Team World Vision. It is an effort, very similar to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program, or even akin to the MS150 bike ride which raises money for multiple sclerosis research...or any number of organizations that raise money and awareness for a cause, by a commitment to train for a honker of an athletic endeavor and asking people to join you in your effort by supporting the cause you are running/biking/whatevering for.
Team World Vision is in its baby years, and only has a few "official" events as of now, but they are growing like crazy, which is really cool! They want to challenge people to run a marathon or a half-marathon in support of the work that they do. You choose an event, set up a little personal fundraising website, and train for your event. Ideally, it would be a group of people training together as a group in a community, to where you do your daily shorter runs on your own and have a weekly group run together, which is the long-run component of the training program. They have a support community of others doing the same thing and coaches etc. who can communicate with you and your team via email, but it would work optimally if there were a local "coach" so to speak, who knew the ins and outs of the training process, and who could help the group with the challenges of training for such an event.
There is no minimum amount that has to be raised...there is no obligation or catch...other than the accountability you have from the others who are taking on the same challenge and will be spurring you on! The shared time together training is cool...and so is the fact that you are running for something bigger than yourself is too.
I got all the info and heard some really cool stories of folks who have taken this challenge on. Their website is www.teamworldvision.org if you'd like to see more, or feel free to call or message me about it. I would love to take on this challenge with a group of friends....would love local friends, but even friends who are far away would be fun to keep up with and stay accountable to! You don't have to be a super athlete to do it (look at me...truly...if I can run a marathon--which I have--ANYONE can do it!) and you don't have to have any other special stuff....just a desire to challenge yourself and commit to something cool, and a desire to combine that with helping out with a really cool cause, that of sharing Jesus in very practical ways with a world in need.
Let me know if you want to know more!
ps...for anyone interested in the Chicago marathon in October--it is sold out, as of last week...but Team World Vision has a couple of hundred spots available...I can hook you up! (sounds like "pst..I know a guy! heehee!)
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