This is your life...are you who you want to be

Off the wagon, tryin to get back on

2012-02-10T03:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been off the WW wagon since Los Cucos threw a wrench into the slaw on Saturday last weekend, but I am trying to get back with it. I haven't been awful terrible, but just haven't really been good, and certainly haven't been tracking my points since the weekend. Well, we are at another weekend, and its time to get back to business. I could use the excuse of pms-chocolate cravings this past week, but you know, you can't allow those cravings to control your eating for like 2 weeks. Really, Stacy, come on! Also, this week, I have just been crazy, ridiculous exhausted. Not sure why that is, but its true. I haven't been riding the bike in the mornings because all I can do is just sit and lay my head back. My usual 4 hours of sleep feels more like an hour or so. So, yea...not a great week for my health, but a great week to KNOW I can only do better from here on out!

A little discouraged

2012-01-26T00:45:00.000-08:00

So, I am feeling a little discouraged at the weight loss efforts. I have been faithfully weight-watchering for a little over a week now, and my weight is only down about a pound-and-a-half. Which, I am thankful its going down instead of up, but for the first week of behavin, I would expect a bigger drop. I am riding my bike trainer and getting fairly consistent exercise too, although nothing like training for a half marathon or anything like that. So yea...makes me wonder if I will ever have success in this whole weight loss thing. I mean, I know I will, but I sure would like it to be sometime before I am 90! Anyhow...I am really trying, and I will continue to try--I just sure hope I see some more results soon! Thinkin I need to step up the exercise and concentrate on eating cleaner. I am doing the right things, so maybe ramping up those right things will help.

In other news...haven't done much writing, but have done a fair amount of reading. One of the most interesting reads lately was the book The Art of Storycraft by John R. Erickson of Hank the Cowdog fame. What a great book! He is such an interesting man with a distinctly Christian worldview and lives it out in his work of writing. He has some very valuable advice for writers in this book, including to write about what you know. He says living life is very important and if you haven't lived any of life it is awfully difficult to write about it. So, I need to figure out what I know anything about...umm...not too much, unfortunately! So, I need to get busy living and learning, I suppose! But I will still try to write in the meantime!

Related to the above, is that I have this past week figured out that I am pretty sure I am addicted to my iphone. I really, really need to work on breaking this addiction, because instead of living life I find myself doing much more reading about it on facebook than anything else. Seriously....do I really need to check the status updates 80 times a day? Ummm...that would be a no. So...I am going to try to leave the phone in my purse more and be engaged in life more. Here's to hoping I can do it!

On Writing....

2012-01-17T01:48:00.001-08:00

Okay, so one of the other goals I have, besides getting my body back this year, is to write. I really think I have a decent ability to write and I really enjoy doing it. I have one problem though, and its a big one. Ideas! I seem to have them here and there, but then when I think I want to write, I either can't recall them or they fizzle at the keyboard. I need to be doing some more writing to keep in practice, but am having a hard time figuring out: Do I want to write fiction? Do I want to write for kids? Do I want to write something of a memoir? Do I want to write my own little commentary of Scripture? Do I want to write a book about how running is like our walk with Christ in some ways? The answer to all of the above is YES! I want to write about all of these things and more! Now I just need to figure out how to narrow some things down and actually get words down. I have done some writing, but I need to do some more. Lord, I pray You will inspire some ideas inside this head of mine...help me to write what will honor You!

What a weekend!

2012-01-16T19:48:00.000-08:00

What a fabulous weekend my family and I had, camping at Buescher State Park just outside of Smithville, Texas. We had a great time and totally made the most of our 3-day weekend. We stayed in one of their mini-cabins which is right on the camp lake and it was so beautiful and relaxing, and for a camping trip EASY! We love our tent, but these little cabins were a great way to go! I would love to go back and do some more relaxing and also be able to take my bike, maybe. It was great. I couldn't exercise this time, unfortunately, because I am still trying to kick this bronchitis I have had going for a couple of weeks now. I am pretty much over it, but still cough like a maniac. Hoping to ride the bike trainer, which hopefully won't start the cough works up too bad when I get home in the morning. I will say, I was absolutely awful on my eating. I mean...aw-ful! I enjoyed my smores WAY too much and we ate Mexican food out last night in Bastrop which was fabulous, and had a last hurrah with some fried chicken tonight before I came into work. I am about to go down to the ER and though, and get totally honest with myself on the scale. I know I will not like what I see. But, see it, I must...and weight watchering, here I come. I have recently gotten hooked on Pinterest, and some of the cute little sayings/signs people pin catch my eye..one in particular that did said "This time next year, you will wish you had started"...so, so true! I want to be glad that I started now, when this time next year, hopefully I can be down by 100 pounds. That oughta be about 2 pounds a week. Do-able? Totally...with discipline! Oh Lord, please be my discipline! Here's to great weekends and new fresh starts....so glad we can have them each and every day!

Weight Watchers...again!

2012-01-13T01:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, my husband told me he is beginning to think I am on the diet of the week plan....because for a long time now, I have been bouncing from thing to thing to thing. Clean eating, South Beach, Medifast, etc. Though I don't dare tell him this to his face...he DOES have a point! I have been flitting here and flitting there trying this and trying that and not getting much of anywhere because I get tired of one way and then try something else. But, I do think I have, through all of this, been moving collectively in a more positive direction (albeit with no weight loss) in that we are eating at home far more than we eat out, and our eating at home has been much more health-conscious than it used to be. Not that it is 100% of the time, but I would say for the most part, I am trying really hard to use the clean-eating principles of using whole foods, staying away from lots of sugars and things like that. Now, making dessert is another matter. I haven't been great about staying away from that. But Lord willing, I will get there.

Here lately, I have been asking myself the question, "do I need a plan at all?" Well, I have gone back and forth, but the long and short of it, I think, is: YES. I do need a plan. I remember Howard Hendricks saying that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I feel like the structure of a plan helps me and gives me some guidance. And so...after much deliberation and wringing of the hands over it, I have decided to go back and try Weight Watchers. I have had success every single time (yes, does this tell you anything...there have been many times!) with Weight Watchers. I have done well and been able to sustain it pretty well in the past....until I get off track, which I just need to not be doing this time. I think I can use a lot of what I have learned about eating whole foods and staying away from sugar and refined flours and things and use the WW plan to keep my portions and my percentage of "cheats" in check. I really do think it will be helpful. So, I bit the bullet, paid the 56 bucks for 3 months of online membership, and I will give it 3 months to see how it goes. I will be hitting my big 4-0 about then. Sure would be nice to have some success to celebrate!

I have been doing better in the exercise department too....until I got sick with bronchitis, that is. I have been suffering this week with the most awful barky cough and chest congestion. We went to see my family last weekend, and my allergies went ballistic on me--cedar, I think. My allergies are always pretty bad, but I think whatever was in the air up there was worse and my throat started to get sore, from drainage I am guessing. Next thing I know, I am coughing and feeling like garbage. My CBC showed nearly 12% eosinophils!!! Which either means I have a parasite or allergies, most likely. That is a really high number. Well, I am thinking if I had a tapeworm I'd be gettin skinny, so since I am not, I will assume the allergies did a number on me. Thankfully, one of our great ER docs here at the hospital wrote me for some antibiotic and it seems to be helping clear up the chest stuff, although it's still there. We are going camping this weekend, thankfully in cabins, so I am hoping that I don't stir something back up.

So, that's the update. Weight Watchers, here I come. Lord, help me. I really need to get well, and need to get disciplined!

Just Do It!

2012-01-08T22:16:00.000-08:00

Okay...I have been playing kissy-face with this trying to get healthy stuff long enough....time to JUST DO IT! Gotta say no to eating crap and no to enormous portions and eating all the time and just get it right...I have been playing around saying "Oh, just today I will get the famous amos cookies because they are in the front of the vending machine and they will go well with my coke and then after that I will be good, good, good"--only to do that everyday and even to go so far as to buy the animal cookies in front of the Famous Amos so that I can then buy the Famous Amos and just leave the animal cookies in the breakroom at work, and then before I know it, I realize animal cookies aren't so bad so I just eat them TOO! Seriously, what I am gonna do with me? If I don't get this together like NOW, I am gonna be heading for having to be cut out of my house and have a Discovery Health show about my life called "The 848 pound woman" and it will be AWFUL! Do I want that? Noooo.....I want to be able to run and bike and play with my kids and look cute and not be afraid to wear polka dots and the whole bit! I want to feel better. I want more...so, ok, to do that, I just have to do it! I have been startin to exercise and that piece is coming together, ever so slowly...eating part, here I come. One. Day. At. A. Time. So help me Lord (as Cristy Lane used to sing)....but she was onto something, crazy-lookin perm and all....I just have to make the decisions, one after another, one day at a time.

Book Review: Shadows on the Sand

2012-01-03T21:59:00.001-08:00

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005707OHU/ref=cm_cr_mts_prod_img

Shadows on the Sand by Gayle Roper was an entertaining read, even if at times it became a little predictable, even bordering on a little cheesy sometimes. That being said, once I began, I couldn't put it down as I really was drawn into the story and the characters. Carrie, the main character and her sister Lindsay are well-known around the town of Seaside for the dining establishment owned by Carrie, called Carrie's Cafe. The story is told of how Carrie and Lindsey escaped a very dysfunctional and abusive childhood home at a very young age to begin life in the community of Seaside, and goes on to tell the story of a whole cast of memorable characters who are a part of the town. Greg, who frequents the cafe is Carrie's love interest...and it makes for an interesting story to see their relationship develop as they both work through the emotional baggage of their past. Also woven into the story is the connection of some of the characters to a dangerous cult. The twists and turns that unfold really do keep you reading.I enjoyed the book, even though at times I found myself shaking my head when I saw something coming. It was a fun read that kept me engaged, and I would recommend it.I received this book free from the publisher Waterbrook Multnomah to read and review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 55

Book Review: Essentials of the Heart; by Susan Weagant

2012-01-03T18:51:00.000-08:00

Essentials of the Heart is a great and practical little book that truly does get to the "heart" of the matter. It is an easy read, yet full of powerful nuggets of truth from God's Word. All of this is interwoven beautifully with Susan's own personal testimony of the Lord's redemption. I read this book in a short time and was captured by Susan's unfolding story and also had many "aha" moments which really hit home. Perhaps my favorite thing about Essentials of the Heart is its practicality. It is not simply a run-down of theological ideas (although there are plenty of them), but rather a practical guide of how to live these ideas out in daily life. I recommend this book without reserve to anyone wanting a time of refreshment and renewal from the Lord, His Word, and the testimony of one of His faithful.

I had the pleasure of working with Susan during the summer of 1994 when I served as a counselor for summer camp at Camp Peniel in my hometown of Marble Falls. She is a sweet lady and now I also know, a terrific writer with a passionate heart for Jesus. Thanks for the chance to read and review your book, Susan!

You can obtain a copy of it, from among other sources, at Amazon by clicking here: http://www.amazon.com/Essentials-of-the-Heart-ebook/dp/B004E8N3Y4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1325645738&sr=8-2

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T17:47:00.001-08:00

Well, 2012 is here...not sure where 2011 went, but 2012 has arrived, and of course with it that beautiful feeling at New Years of a clean slate and a fresh start. I am thankful that the Lord's mercies are new each and every morning (Lamentations 3), and though I know a fresh start can happen at any time, there is just something special about New Years. I need to sit and do my yearly "year in review" in my journal, which is always fun and a little eye-opening for me, and to make some goals for the new year. Not really resolutions, per se, but I like to set goals. Jon Acuff tweeted the the other day: "Remeber the book you wanted to write, the race you wanted to run, business you wanted to open? I dare you to do it in 2012". That so goes along with my recurrent theme of "This is your life, are you who you wanna be?".....I have so many things I want to do..so many things I believe that, with the Lord's help, I am capable of. Time to quit being a lazy-butt and JUST DO IT! I am revved and ready...just need to define these goals a little and get an action plan in place and then GO! This is a work in progress, but I will begin by taking a stab at these goals here right now:
1. Physical Health: I NEED to get this body in better condition. It is fat, out-of-shape, and a
lousy Temple for the Lord Who lives in me. I feel like so much of what I am lacking stems
from this. So....
a. LOSE WEIGHT: I am about 100 pounds overweight. Maybe 115 even. Yep, I could stand
to lose an entire person in order to become healthy. How will I do this? Well, my biggest
problem in this area is my penchant for sugar and truck-driver sized portions. Time to
kick this sugar addiction. Need. To. Detox! The Skinny Ms. Facebook page has a
no-sugar challenge going for January. I may try to follow this...I say try, because it
includes fruits and things that I think I probably need to cut out, at least for a time. Sugar
is crack, baby, and I need rehab--BAD! I am also going to try to get my portions down
and better habits established by utilizing Medifast again. I lost 50 pounds on it last year
(yes, I know, only to gain them back because I got lazy), and I still think there is little
better way to jump-start things and get those portions dialed back right than something
like Medifast...especially for a crazy-schedule like mine! I also want to embrace the "clean-
eating" lifestyle in what I eat and also what I feed to my family. That means whole,
natural foods, the way God made em, not a bunch of processed crap. I am sure there will
be exceptions here and there (birthdays, etc) but I will strive to make those exceptions
be excpetions in the truest sense of the word...ie, one-time deal!
b. RUN/BIKE/GET IN SHAPE MORE: This goes hand in hand with a above, but it deserves
its own entry, because I have some specific goals here in mind. I feel so much better when
I am exerting myself physically. Running is something I so want to get back to. Its not
going to happen right away, and it will take some walking to get up to speed, but whatever
it takes, I want so badly to run again. I am signed up for the Surfside Half Marathon in
February. Would love to run it, but even if I walk/run, I will be happy to be able to cover
that distance on my feet again. I want to take more long bike rides too. Some will
inevitably have to be on the trainer, due to scheduling, and thats okay, but I would love to
get in at least one weekend outdoor ride most weeks if I can. I would love to do the LBJ
100 bike ride as my birthday present to myself in March. By the time fall gets here, I
would really love to run the Chosen Half Marathon for Adoption in October...and do it in
less than 3 hours. Totally do-able, just gotta do it!
c. Sleep as much as I am able: My body needs more sleep. A lot of the time I can't help how
little I get. Some of the time I can help it. So....I need to quit farting around when I could
be sleeping and I am doing nothing productive, and go to bed!

2. Financial Health: We are closing in on the end of Baby Step 2, paying off debt on our Total Money Makeover, ala Dave Ramsey. Not sure if 2012 will see us debt-free (apart from our home) or not, but I need to do everything I can to control my money instead of having it control me in this next year, so we can get on with the rest of the baby steps. This means practical steps, like doing the budget at the beginning of each and every month, sticking to the budget each month, using cash for food purchases (envelope system), cooking home instead of going out, etc. I am already signed up for 1-2 overtime shifts each month at work...so, I need to make the most of them and make sure they are not wasted hours.

3. Home Health: Not like as in a nurse comes to your home, but you know, the state of our abode! I really struggle here. I endeavor to not leave dishes in the sink, to fold and put away a load of laundry each day, and to clean out and purge crap whenever possible. I also need to spend time in my kids' rooms more regularly so as to stay on top of the ever-increasing mess-tastic world they live in.

4. Family Health: Put. down. the. iphone. Leave it out of sight, out of mind. Be truly present with my family when I am present with my family! Read to the kids more. Play with the kids more. Use the crockpot more so all of the above can actually stand a chance of happening!

5. Work Health: Do my best. Be on time. Go above and beyond when I can. Make myself a
valued part of the team.

6. Mental Health: Read. A lot. I have done pretty well at this the past year. I have done a ton of reading and have loved it. I want to do more, specifically non-fiction reads. I know there is value in reading fiction too, but I want to read at least 1-2 nonfiction books every 3-4 weeks or so in the mix. Readers are leaders! I wanna be in that category! Also, writing....I really have developed a love for writing. I think it has always been there, but I have just sort of given it a name. I want to write in this blog regularly. Maybe not every stinking day, but at least twice a week. I want to write a book...or two or three. Or at least a handful of short stories. I will become a better writer if I write. So, I need to write!

7. Spiritual Health: This one is the most important of all. I need this one to come together before I can expect anything out of the other goals. (Matthew 6:33). I want to develop the discipline to keep my prayer list prayed over. I want to develop the discipline to be in God's Word each and every day. I want to study harder. I want to commit more of the Word to memory, writing it on my heart. If I say I love His word, I want it to be true, and to manifest that love in my life. I also want to be a better, more giving wife. A better, more present mother. A faithful daughter. And yes, even a better in-law (Lord, help me!).

Cool thing is, I know He will. He will help me. This is the time. I have one life. THIS is my life....am I who I wanna be? Well, as I have said before, not really...but by His help, I can be. The only thing holding me back is me....let's do this!

Book Review: The Pirate Queen by Patricia Hickman

2011-12-06T18:24:00.000-08:00

The Pirate Queen is a beautiful story which centers around main character Saphora Warren. She has lived a life with many material things and money, but has not found fulfillment in a marriage to her plastic surgeon husband, Bender, who has not been faithful to her for most of their marriage. She plans to leave him and begin anew, when he interrupts those plans with the news of his newly diagnosed cancer. What ensues is a trip to their summer home, much time in and out of hospitals for Bender's medical care, a revolving door of visiting family members and unlikely friendships that develop along the way. Saphora discovers again how to love her husband, as well as those around her and is introduced to not only new friends but also to a God who loves her and sees every tear she has ever shed, and cares about each one.
At first, this book seemed to be a dissapointment to me. I had a hard time following the many characters and didn't really feel connected to them at the beginning. I also had a difficult time seeing how they all interconnected. The story was also nothing of what I expected it to be upon reading the description. Something happened though, well before I reached the halfway point, and I was very much drawn in to the story. By the time I reached the end, I had laughed, shed tears, and was very much affected by the characters and their experiences. This story has some deep tradgedies, but through them, Saphora and those around her learn to see God at work, and allow Him to have His way in their lives. I believe this story will stick with me for a good long while, and would recommend it, with the encouragement to stick with it, even if the beginning is a little slow.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Clean Eating, Day 1...and oh yea, when is your baby due?

2011-11-29T02:09:00.000-08:00

So far so good on day one of Clean Eating. I have tried to eat protein and a complex carb at each meal, increase the fruits and vegetables, stay away from the sugars and white stuff, and generally behave. I haven't really been hungry, and everything has been pretty good so far. I am trying to be more adventurous with my food too....made a fritatta-type thing this morning with egg whites and chicken and tomatos, had a berry smoothie at lunch, and cooked quinoa with our pork chops at supper AND even tried brussel sprouts for the first time! I roasted them in the oven with some olive oil, salt, pepper, and garlic, and they weren't too bad. I do think there is some degree of acquired taste with them, but I was proud of myself for branching out. So...yay for one day of good eating so far!

And in other news....you know you have a weight problem when you go to draw blood on a patient, and she looks you right in the eyes and says "So, when is your baby due?". Ummm...yea, I'm not pregnant, just fat. Grrreat. Nothing to make you encouraged than the ol' thinkin your pregnant when you're not conversation! Of course, I will say I felt much better when she was looking down by the floor and thought she saw a dog...and then, she started reaching out to touch the wall, because she thought it was slick. Yea...the dog thing REALLY helped redeem the moment! No dogs in that hospital room, no sirree!!

Book Review: Life in Spite of Me: Extraordinary Hope After a Fatal Choice

2011-11-23T22:22:00.000-08:00

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Spite-Me-Extraordinary-ebook/dp/B0036S4EX2/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1322115689&sr=1-1

Life, In Spite of Me is the beautiful, redemptive story of Kristen Anderson. Kristen had a rather idyllic life growing up, but as the teenage years moved on, she began to experience more and more problems, including the suicide of a dear friend and a rape. These life-altering events, combined with the tension and angst so common during the teenage years erupted into a powerful and dangerous state of mind which led Kristen to attempt suicide by laying on the tracks in the path of an oncoming train. She tells this story in vivid detail, and goes on to share the struggles she faced after surviving this ordeal. She is very open and honest about her feelings as well as her pain, and in a beautiful way unfolds the story of how she became a new creation in Christ, and has continued to serve Him with her entire life.

I truly was inspired by this book. The story of hope that is contained in this book is a very powerful one. As a mother, it was difficult to imagine the pain this young lady went through, not only before her suicide attempt, but in the time since as well. But, seeing how the hand of God led her into a relationship with Himself, and then used this tragic time in her life to help others is amazing. I wouldn't say this is a "feel-good" book, as there is nothing lighthearted about suicide or the consequences for the person who attempts this route, nor the people that love them. However, seeing the hope that is on such full display in Kristen's life as she tells the story is truly inspirational.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah as part of their book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

I miss running

2011-11-20T18:14:00.000-08:00

I miss running. I really do. I have been taking walks nearly every day with my kids, which has been wonderful, but I really miss being in the shape to run. This time last year I ran a half marathon and was well on my way to weight loss success. This year, I am a slug whose butt is so big I hardly recognize it. There is something about the season that makes me miss running more too, I think. The cooler weather (at least every now and then) and the Christmas lights starting to go up. It's the time of year it just feels good to get out and let your own two feet take you places, and feel the amazement at your own self as you realize you haven't run this far without a walk break in a very long time. I could try again...and I will try again. My boys would be fine with me running, and my girl is in the stroller, so there really isn't a good reason why I can't. I think I havne't though, just because I have been so darn tired and also so uncomfotable as I try to run. I am big. I have a lot of extra weight right now. I am not training for anything. I guess the walking just seems easier right now. And part of me thinks that is all fine and dandy. No big deal. Walking is something and at least you are out there. But then, another part of me, the bigger part knows I can do more. It knows what it is to run 8 miles without a walk break, feel the steady breathing and the cool air in my lungs, and have my muscles fatiguing as I go...I love that feeling. I miss that feeling. I intend to know that feeling again.

Goal Setting

2011-11-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

Okay....not like I haven't done this at least a hundred times, but I need to do some Goal Setting! One of my heros, Dave Ramsey, talks a lot about Goal Setting. He said on a podcast I listened to the other night that if you set definable, measurable, clear goals with a timeline you are well on your way to success, and in the top 5% of people...now, exactly what that "top 5%" is, I am not sure, but hey, it still sounds like a good thing to be! I have been thinking about these goals some, and not saying they won't evolve and be adjusted here and there, but I have to start somewhere, so I will start now. Not to be like a mid-life crisis person or anything, but I just am not really happy with my life right now. I will be turning 40 in about 5 months, and the title of my blog really resonates with me: This is your life, Stacy, are you who you wanna be? Well, actually no. I am far from who I want to be, truth be told. In some areas I think I am doing all right, making lots of progress even, but in so many others, I am so far from who I want to be, and so far from where I even have been before. I want to regain the parts of me that have been lost through the years of bad marriage....I want to regain the parts of me that have been lost through poor financial behavior. I want to lose the parts of me that have been gained in food taken in mindlessly to fill whatever needs aren't being filled elsewhere. I have the next 5 months until I turn 40 to make a legit beginning again...and hopefully can carry the goals to completion and/or continuing progress. I only have this one life....its a gift from my God, and what I do with it is my gift to Him...not to be cliche or velveeta-cheesy about it, but it is so true. I need to honor Him with this gift of life...and be who He designed me to be...not this messed up mess that I have allowed my circumstances to make me into. So: Here goes: Over the next 5 months, here are some goals I want to begin working on:
1. Spiritual: I want to spend some time in God's Word each day...even if it is only a verse or two! I want to be in the Word. I would like to memorize a new verse at least every 2 weeks. That would be about 10 new verses between now and the big 4-0. I also want to keep up with my prayer list. I want to make sure I cover the whole thing at least once each week. ( I really want to do more than that, but I am trying to do something that is do-able, so as not to get discouraged.)
2. Family: I want to love better. Even if I do not feel loved, I want to choose to love. After all, I promised that I would. I must make it a daily choice. I do it already by cooking, cleaning, earning a paycheck, and taking care of all the home stuff, but I need to be kinder in my words and for sure in my thoughts and attitudes. Loving my kids is easy....crazy about them. I want to love them better though with my time. I want to give them as much of it as I can. I know this isn't measurable really, but I do want to make a concerted effort to love well.
3. Finances: We will be nearly debt-free by the time I hit 40. Would love to make it by the end of 2012. In order to do that, we will need to --eat at home. --use a grocery list. --not impulse buy stuff. --go easy on the gifts. --stay the course. We have paid our debt down over the last several years from nearly 100K down to a little less than 30K....we WILL get there!
4. Intellectual: I love to read. Have been doing a lot of it. Need to keep that up! I would like to challenge myself to read at least 1 nonfiction book per week. I am probably reading 2-3 books most weeks, but need to make at least one of them something I can learn from.
5. Physical: Okay, here we go again..but it is the thorn in my flesh, dontcha know! I want to lose 10 pounds/month minimum (should be do-able) from now until the big 4-0, continuing on after that until I have lost a total of at least 100 pounds. I have got to do it to be me again, and to get healthy. I have got to do it to be there for my kids. I have got to do it to honor the Temple the Lord has given me...it's His house after all!

So, there!! A place to begin. Lets hope I can keep at it and bring this together. Not in my strength, but in His, of course!

"Book" Review--Word of Promise New Testament, Audio Bible

2011-11-13T17:45:00.000-08:00

The Word of Promise New Testament Audio Bible is a dramatized, audio version of the New King James Version (NKJV) of the New Testament. Many famous voices are heard in this Bible, including Jim Caviezel as Jesus, Marisa Tomei as Mary Magdalene, Stacey Keach as Paul, and Lou Gossett, Jr. as John, as well as a host of others. It is a word-for-word rendering of the Scriptures, complete with sound effects and background instrumental music to accompany the narration.

I enjoyed listening to this Bible a great deal. It brings the Scriptures to life without being cheesy, as many audio recordings can be. The voices are believable and helped me to visualize the stories in a way that was different than when I simply read. As the Bible says, "Faith comes by hearing", and this is a great way to hear the Word. I enjoyed both the segments of dialogue and the telling of stories with realistic sounds you would expect to hear in the background of the setting of the stories, as well as the narration of the Epistles. I would recommend this audio version of the New Testament wholeheartedly to anyone who would like a fresh way to hear the Word.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

It's REALLY that big?!!!

2011-11-10T23:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, so obviously, I haven 't been on the wagon with the eating and exercising, as evidenced by the fact I have been remiss (again) at blogging. And, let me say....it is terribly depressing! I got a view today of my butt in the mirror with my jammies on before I went to sleep, and it was like...holy cow! I knew it was big, but I had NO IDEA it was THAT big!!! What a wake-up call! I am really, really in need of some discipline. I will be turning 40 in about 5 months....wonder how far I can make it in that amount of time? Wonder if I can get some discipline about me? Because what I am doing now just simply isn't happening. And I sure would love to be well on my way by the time that 4-0 hits! So, do I have a plan? Well, not really...but I do know a ton of stuff about what I SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be doing....so, time to ditch the excuses and pull it together....lets do this!

Aww crap!

2011-09-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am again..not quite as long of a lag time as the last hiatus, but still a lag nevertheless. I am not back with great news to report, in fact, I am pretty frustrated after weighing today. Back at 249....aaarrgghh!!! So much for my great aspirations! I get so frustrated, because it feels like I will never get this weight off. Two steps forward and three back. I really am sick of the roller coaster. Some things are getting better. I am finished with my job at church now, which is actually a blessing in regained time. I am thankful to have that time back to spend with my family and regaining some sense of control in my life, by getting the house in better order, etc. Things are looking up in that area. Money is a challenge, in that I gave up a significant amount of income to regain that time. But, hopefully only a little over a year left to pay on debt, and life will level out financially. I really am looking forward to that! Money is a challenge as far as eating right is concerned too. It is expensive to eat healthy! Well, maybe not totally, but it definitely is cheaper to get things like fries, sugar, etc. So, I am looking at incorporating a lot more of one of my favorites: beans. I keep reading all sorts of wonderful things about beans. They are cheap too! I never met a bean I didn't like. Of course, I do enjoy them with rice and meats, but I am going to try, I think, to do more substituting beans as a main course. I am good with this, and I am thinking my kids may be okay with it too, as they aren't real into meat. Now the husband is a whole 'nother story though! He definitely feels the need for meat. I do on occasion, but I am thinking I could probably do like one meat day a week and be fine. If he doesn't have meat at each meal, he starts to get grumpier than usual! Will have to figure out how to work around that one. I am exercising, which is good....gotta get that part together at least!

Anyhow...I am not exactly sure what I am after, other than healthy eating, but I will try to formulate in my mind what we need to do and carry it out and blog back again. I know the Lord didn't design me to be obese...which means there is a way to get past this. Freedom, Lord....I pray for Your freedom, so that I can be the daughter of the King You designed me to be...Help me, Jesus!

Well, heck!

2011-09-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

You can tell I have been off the wagon, as evidenced by my lack of blog posts! If I have nothing good to say about how I have been doing in the weight loss department, it makes me not want to write! But, alas, this is about accountability and honesty, so here I am, fessin up...AGAIN! I haven't been like out and out awful, but I haven't exactly been good either. I did get a treadmill a couple of weeks ago, which I am totally excited about. Have been trying to get to running again. I have been exercising, just not getting the eating under control. My quantities have been too big, South Beach went out the window after the boys' birthday (which was a month ago now) and I have been quite the dessert maker lately. My crockpot has been getting well-used, which is probably better than going out to eat all the time, but it hasn't exactly been crazy South-Beach-friendly fare coming out of it! So....that's where I am at. I need to get with it...again! Maybe I will check back in soon and have something good to say...maybe I can use this blog as motivation for that..maybe? Maybe! Ok...here's to blogging again sometime with something good to say before another month passes!

Off the wagon....gotta get back on!!!!

2011-08-24T02:01:00.000-07:00

Well, what I feared would happen with making birthday cakes and birthday celebrations happened, and I have got to un-happen it, which I am really not good at. Not good at at all! I fell off the wagon...off the no-sugar, South Beach, feeling good about me wagon...Aaarrgh! All it takes is a big bear cake and a chocolate dinosaur, both slathered in more buttercream stars than you can shake a stick at, and I melt like the butter I stuck in my bra to thaw! Holy cow! Their birthday was Thursday, and so we went to eat that night and had Italian...Luigi's, of course, for my two little Mario fanatics. I ate a pasta dish, which wasn't SB friendly at all, and then had some birthday cake. Like, a lot of birthday cake. This particular one was from Randall's, and it was just the actual day-of-birth birthday cake. Yea, had so much of it that I spent a good part of Friday in the bathroom poopin blue from the icing colors. Nice, huh! So, Friday night I start making chocolate lollipops for party favors for the birthday party and bake the cakes that I spent Saturday decorating, and before I know it, I have cleaned up the bowl of melted chocolate before it ever made it to the sink, and yea...lots of buttercream was consumed that day. And the next, because of course it was there. And then had some cookies...and before I know it, here it is early Wednesday morning and I have hit the snack machine at work for a 3-pack of Zingers! What has become of me! OK.....so, I have fallen off...so, I haven't weighed for fear of what the scale will say. I can start fresh, right? Right? Yes, I must. We are still sorta willy nilly on the routine, since my girly hasn't started preschool yet, but I am gonna try to get in some bike trainer time this morning and jump into the exercise, which I dearly love. And, I have GOT to get the food thang back in line. So, I am thinking, starting....NOW....no sugar, unless its in fruit. None of that refined flour stuff either. Can I do it?? I hope I can, I hope I can!! Back on the wagon I go...and yea, for whatever reason, this reminds me of the video I have of my husband from many years ago when we took kids to Young Life camp, and he tried to get on the blob in the lake at camp. He jumped off the platform and kept sliding off into the water...over and over and over and over again...jump, slap, sploosh! I am hoping all my jump-slap-splooshing has been these past several days....lets hope this blob gets on the blob and STICKS with it this time!!!

What an amazing 7 years!

2011-08-18T00:42:00.000-07:00

Well, today we celebrate a very special day at our home....my boys will be SEVEN years old!! This past 7 years has absolutely flown by, and it has been the greatest adventure I have ever been on. I am so thankful for each and every moment I have been able to spend with my precious boys. They are growing up so fast and are becoming such wonderful young men, right before my eyes! They can read now, are kind and considerate, love Jesus and their family, and I am beyond anything I can describe absolutely in love with these little guys. So, so thankful! Hoping I can make it a special day for them, despite being in between night shifts. I also don't have nearly as many gifts as I would like to have for them, so I am hoping tomorrow we can make everything happen that needs to come together!

I am also hoping to stay away from the sugar of the birthday cakes tomorrow and this weekend! It may be tough, but I think I am doing pretty well with my cravings. Weight is still holding pretty steady, so hopefully it will move a little more when I can start exercising more regularly.

Finished reading The Help tonight too...what an amazing book! I loved it, and can't wait now to see the movie! Anyhow....da,da,da,dat's all folks!!!!!

Still hangin!

2011-08-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I am still behavin, still hangin in there! Nothing too exciting to report. Weighed in at 234 this morning, so slow and steady progress is good. I would love for it to be a little faster, but as long as its moving in the right direction, I'm not gonna complain! Today was an "awake" day for me home with just me and the kiddos, and it was awesome. I love days like today. Even got a few things done...there is a TON more that needs to get done, and I barely scratched the surface, but at least it's something!

Holdin on

2011-08-09T18:05:00.000-07:00

So, weighed in this afternoon at 235.5...holding steady. That means I neither gained nor lost over the weekend, and I am back on track now, so yay for me! Last night and this morning were pretty uneventful. Went and bought some groceries...lots of lean meats, grapes, sugar free pudding..you know, the good stuff! So, I'm back with it..hoping to stay that way! Slept a couple of hours before my husband put the dogs in to cool off, thinking they would calm down and go to sleep in my room, but I woke up to barking and chewing, only to find out that my chacos were chewed up....I couldn't sleep then, so I got up and sewed my sandals back together the best that I could, and now I think I am about to order some new chacs...my old ones were nearing replacement anyway, so this just sped up the process, I guess. Anyhow, then I managed about an hour nap before I got up, got to cooking, read 2 chapters of Hank the Cowdog to the kiddos, showered, ate, and had to head into work. So...there ya go! Holding on is good!

Back from the Vacay!

2011-08-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

Well, we had a most wonderful amazing few days of family time on our little vacation this past weekend! So blessed and so thankful! I worked til 5:30 a.m. on Friday, and we finished packing and cleaning house that morning before heading out on the road. I ended up sleeping only about a half hour, but really enjoyed the time on the ride even though I was sorta sleepy. We drove to San Antonio (well, actually, Boerne) and went to Bass Pro Shop (gotta complete the tour of as many locations as possible!) and then checked into our hotel. Then, we headed up the road about an hour to Mo Ranch, a beautiful camp property where we send our church kids to for conference. I had seen it, but not actually seen it-seen it, as I have only dropped kids off there. My kids had been wanting to see it ever since their daddy went last summer with our youth, so this was a great chance to visit. Let me say: I was super impressed! I knew it would be cool, but had no idea just how cool! Beautiful views, and just an amazing quality of stepping back in time--in a good way, not an outdated sort of way. It is the sort of place I want to and intend to take my family to, hopefully many times between now and when they are grown. I want my boys and my girl to be able to have some memories at this place. So cool! So, then, we went back to our hotel (after dinner with my husband's brother and nephew, more on that in a sec) and Saturday we went to Fiesta Texas...didn't intend to stay all day, but we did! It was GREAT! My kids had a ball, and it was so much fun watching them enjoy every second of what we did! We played at the waterpark and rode tons of rides, saw the laser and fireworks show at the end of the night, the whole bit. I think we made some sweet memories, and I am so thankful! Then, Sunday, we were intending to go to church somewhere locally, but were really tired, and the kids hadn't been able to swim at the hotel pool at all, so we decided to have church on our own that morning and let the kids swim a little while before we left. They really enjoyed it, and we had a devotion time and singalong in the van on the way to my parents house in Burnet. We had the most wonderful evening with my mom and dad.....so nice! And this morning we had to take off and head back home...but we took the scenic route..the very scenic route, as a matter of fact! We went to Inks Lake State Park to check out the campsites, and were very glad that we didn't camp this weekend like we had planned! The Lord had other plans for our weekend, and it turned out far better than we could have ever asked for. We drove around there, then headed back a different way than we usually go, to do some checking out of the Bulverde/Canyon Lake/New Braunfels area, where we hope to move in the next year or two, Lord willing. We also checked out Guadalupe River State Park, which is another on our list of possibilities for camping, and then we ate lunch at the Gristmill in Gruene. What a treat! To look out at the river while we ate yummy food!!! Speaking of which....how did I do on the eating while I was gone, you ask? (well, I guess I ask, since I am my only reader, that I know of!) I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't too bad either! Friday, I had a McDonald's salad for lunch...went with the fried chicken on it, which was a little of a stretch, but could have been much worse! That night, we ate at a place in Kerrville called Culver's, with Craig's brother and nephew (their pick). It was basicallly a burger joint, and I am pretty sure there wasn't much on the menu that was healthy. I did opt for a grilled chicken salad and got a side of sweet potato fries, which I am sure aren't as healthy as what I make, but I could have been WAY worse...then, they had this frozen custard ice creamy stuff and it was BAD tempting, so my husband and I got a kiddie size one and split it...so yea, I was proud of that effort! The next day at the hotel, breakfast options were a little dismal...waffles, breakfast "corndogs", fully sugared up instant oatmeal, muffins, you know, that sort of thing...unless you opted for the hard boiled eggs, which I did not--legal, but yuck! So, I did the best I could with a packet of oatmeal and an English muffin, knowing we had Fiesta Texas ahead of us. We got lunch to take at Subway, and I got a 6-inch Club...had some baked chips with it, which isn't great, but I could have gone for the footlong and regular chips, so relatively speaking, I didn't do too bad...Now, that night I was a little bad...but just a little. We went to Habaneros, which is a Freebird's-esque build-your-burrito-as-you-go type place. I got a burrito with some rice (a no-no) but I did have a wheat tortilla, beans, and steak, which were very yummy and okay! Of course, the chips for the salsa weren't so great, but I didn't have a ton of them. Sunday morning breakfast at the hotel was the same bleh offerings as the day before....but they did have what appeared to be a wheat bagel, so I opted for that. Probably way bigger than I should have had, but it was brown at least! Then at lunch we stopped in Blanco on the way to my parents and got gas and lunch at the Stripes station and store thingy. I was a good girl and opted for the grilled chicken salad they had in their cooler. Then was when I got a little bad later....tacos al carbon (3 on flour tortillas..oh, the shame!), refried beans (they had no charro option) and rice and more chips than I should have even thought about, out to eat Mexican food. Sure was good though! This morning, I didn't do a lot better, with 2 of these out-of-this-world biscuits my mom had, plus a donut hole, plus a little piece of the chocolate pie she made. But, I think had I not had any of that bad stuff, I'd have felt deprived. And I didn't go nutso or anything...just HAVE to get right back...which I sorta did at lunch..well, sorta. We ate at the Gristmill, an amazing place I havne't been to since I was a kid, in Gruene. I got the grilled tomatillo chicken breast with some pinto beans and it was AMAZING!!!! Then though, the bad part was the dessert...although we split it 5 ways, It was an awful lot of brownie, ice cream and deliciousness! But, we are back, and it's back to it..and I am good with that. I feel like my little cheats this weekend were minimal, and that they will help keep me on track. Moderation...Stacy REALLY needs to learn moderation!

Overall, this weekend was just the biggest blessing. I feel like it was a great ending to a great, but way too fast summer. Loved my time with my family, and I feel like we made some great memories and I cherish times like that. God IS good....ALL the time!!!

Testing 1.2.3.

2011-08-04T22:43:00.001-07:00

So, this is just a little test of the mobile blogging system. If it were a real emergency, you would hear instructions blah blah blah....So, yea...just learning a few features of this whole blogger deal, so here is me, a few nights ago sittin in the lab. Exciting, yes, I know! Hopefully I will get better at this...

Weight loss good! Some other stuff...blah...

2011-08-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

Well, I weighed in at 235 today. I was pretty jazzed about another pound down. I did get a Chick-Fil-A salad tonight, which was a bit of a cheat with the about 4 kernals of corn on it as well as the tortilla strips, but there really wasn't too much I was being bad with. We are pretty excited about going this weekend to San Antonio and then to see my parents later...so I hope I can behave, at least somewhat decently in the eating department while we are gone.

In other news...the blah part...I am just a little discouraged about my ministry job. I am almost done...less than a month, in fact. But, I just feel like I'm not doing a very good job, at least organization-wise, and I also feel a little frustrated with just not seeing my family nearly enough. That has to do with the lab job too, but just all of it together makes for a little bit of a blah evening. I am ready to not be stretched quite so thin. I am ready to be done with work when I clock out and go home. I am ready to be able to concentrate on my babies and be the momma they deserve. I do have to pay the bills, and I do have to get things done, but I really am ready for the season to change. And it will soon...but I am ready now.

You know, I have, for so long been so focused on vocational ministry. I want to serve the Lord. I have a gift here and there that surface that make it fun. There are even a couple of things I feel occasionally good at. But honestly...I am starting to lose that desire to minister for pay, and to be "inside" the church setting for ministry. I mean, I love my church..like crazy, in fact. And I love serving there, and I know the importance of worship and meeting together...don't intend to change a bit of that. However, I feel like my true ministry identity is changing somehow. I still am unsure some as to how, but I know it is. I have peace with moving on. I have peace with not being in "vocational ministry" again. Doesn't mean I won't be in ministry. Doesn't mean that I don't love Jesus with all my heart and want to serve. I just don't want to do it this way anymore. I feel like I need to be at church and serve as I can, but then go OUT for ministry...to be a fisher of man, rather than a keeper of the aquarium, as Howard Hendricks once said.

I do believe He is calling me to prayer, and to mommadom! So, I am gonna put on my big girl panties and dry up my tears of frustration. It doesn't take much to bring them on with me lately...I admit, I am struggling hard, with each and every thing I am obligated to for the next month. I admit that I am tired of my skin being so thin when it comes to ministry and church work. I am tired of the fact that thin skin has to be an issue.

So....guess I will keep on moving, however I can. Prayer and His Word, and loving people well. Prayer, His Word, and loving people well. Prayer, and His Word, and loving people well. This is what I am called to do.

Yay for bike rides and stealth mode around dogs!

2011-08-03T17:45:00.001-07:00

Well, this morning, my friend Emily and I went on a bike ride when I got off of work, as we try to do as often as possible during the summer. Summer is good, because she is a teacher and has a little more time to play with, and since I am married to a teacher, it gives me a little more time to play with too. So, the last time we went out last week, I had NO energy because I had had hardly any carbs for like 2 weeks, and wouldn't you know it, a dog came out to chase us! It basically hit me, and it happened so fast, that I am not really sure what happened. I know there was a big thud-plunk-thud, and I kept right on going and a few yaps later and thuds after that, the dog was whimpering away on its way back to its yard. Not sure if I ripped its nose off in my spokes or what, but thankfully, it didn't cause a major catastrophe. So, this morning, I am a little squeemish about the whole dog possibility. Dogs would start running around and my heart would beat faster and then I'd pedal like crazy...only to realize that the dogs were in their FENCED yard, and couldn't get out, so then I'd relax and keep riding. Had this happen a few times, actually!

Emily and I had devised a plan though, for this dog that got me the last time and that was surely still around to come out after us again...although, I had no idea if it'd come out with a full nose or only a sliced up one from my spokes last week! We decided to cross the road, as it wasn't terribly busy early in the morning and ride against the traffic on the opposite side of the road from where the dog lived. A little scary to ride so illegally, but between the road noise and our distance, we made it past with no sign of the dog! Of course, it helped too, that if the dog WOULD have come after us, it would have had to cross the traffic and probably been hit...so, yea, score for us! We ARE smarter than than a junkyard dog!!

Of course, a little later, we got chased by a pretty dog, who thankfully stayed on the grass and just ran along beside us. This of course pushed me into interval training mode the likes of which I haven't seen in a while....I was pedaling like mad!!! And then a miniature weenie dog got after us too, but he was easily outrun...after all, his legs were like, an inch long at best!

Anyhow...slept like a baby after all that. We only covered 15 miles, but with the extra adrenaline of the dog issues, it was a great workout! Weighed in at wake up today at 236. Slowly but surely...slowly but surely!

Going well..

2011-08-03T01:50:00.000-07:00

Well, so far so good this week on phase 2. I am much happier and more able to keep with this eating plan on phase 2....and my husband, who is also doing this, is happier too. I'd say much happier, but really, he's just happier with no superlative. He is still not enjoying this whole thing, but we need so much to get with it, so he has been doing well too. I weighed in at 236 this morning, so the loss isn't fast, but it is steady, which is a good thing I suppose. Tomorrow morning I am going on a bike ride with my friend, so that'll hopefully help too! I made some yummy sweet potato fries (in the oven) to go with our dinner tonight, and they were a treat! Can also eat some fat free, sugar free pudding, which helps too! I am hoping to get back with the running and biking thing too, so it all should work together to make less of me, which is a great thing!

As for trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up..well, I am still working on that one. I have been trying to spend more prayer time and Bible time, sometimes successfully, sometimes not--to try and figure some of this out, and where the Lord is leading me. Yesterday, I really felt Him just impressing on me how important my prayers are...to me, to draw me near to Him, but also the fact that He does hear them, and He does answer them. God Almighty, maker of everything wants to use the prayers of short, fat, often-useless Stacy to effect change. Okay...I'm in! I'm still not sure what all He wants to do with me, and what all He wants me to be pursuing, because I DO feel like there is more in the plans for how He may want to use me; but I DO KNOW that He wants me to pursue Him like crazy, on my own behalf and also on the behalves (is that a word?) of others as a prayer warrior. So, ok, Lord! Here I am....from my reading just a bit ago:
"I will praise You as long as I live, lifting my hands to You in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest feast. I will praise You with songs of joy! --Psalm 63:4-5
So....there! :-)

Goodbye, Phase 1...Hello Phase 2!

2011-07-31T22:33:00.001-07:00

Well, it is officially day 15 of South Beach, and though I had a few cheats over the weekend (all fessed up to already in the previous entry), the first 14 days went well and I believe have me well on my way. I am doing pretty good in the moderation area, and I was good all day Sunday, so I feel like I am back on track. Now, to keep on keepin on and to stay that way! I hope to get my exercise on regularly again soon too...usually that is what kicks in easily, but with summer and all we are doing, it's been inconsistent at best...that's okay...I am eating up every minute of the time I have wiht my babies, because I know I will miss them all terribly when they are back at school. There should be (I hope) plenty of exercise time this fall...I am hoping to ride my trainer in the mornings when I get home from work before the kids wake up (did I talk about this already a few days ago?) and on Mondays when I am awake to do either a long run or long ride...and would love to start doing more running on the weekends...like with the kids alongside on their bikes. I am sure it will happen in it's time...so thankful....until next time, imaginary readers!

So....

2011-07-30T23:07:00.000-07:00

So I haven't exactly behaved myself in the eating department this weekend...I mean, I wasn't out and out awful, but I wasn't exactly South Beach Phase 1 good either. Yesterday, day 12, I caved due to the fact I really just wanted to go out to eat and also due to the fact that I was working on about 3 hours of sleep total, that had been broken up into two different segments and I was stinkin tired! So, we went to Lupe's, which happens to be my kids' favorite, and I ate Mexican food. Not like drippin with cheese (I don't like cheese anyhow) enchiladas or a deep fried chimichanga or anything, but I did eat. I probably had about 25 chips, which is actually a huge improvement from my nearer to 25 basket of chips habit that used to be the norm. I also ate the 2 tortillas wrapped around my tacos al carbon too...another no-no. Oh yea...and I ate almost half of my rice too. Oooohhhhh....Dr. Agatson, I really blew it! BUT....I still feel like I did better than I used to. And I did get right back under control today...well, most of the day I did! Woke up and weighed in at 236.5, which is another pound down, thankfully, and proceeded to behave the rest of the day..until dinner. At dinner I wasn't awful. We went to Baytown Seafood, which initially I wasn't excited about, but it ended up being pretty good! I got grilled chicken and it came with a salad, vegetables, and some dirty rice. I ate about 4 bites of the dirty rice (a no no) but everything else I had was within reason I think, and then I brought home half my chicken. Oh...and I almost forgot the sweet potato fries! Not great, but still a better choice than regular fries would have been. So, like the country song says....I aint as good as I once was, but I'm as good as I ever was--or somethin along those lines anyway. I feel like I am learning how to live this in real life...the whole concept of "moderation" that seems to have escaped me somewhere along the way my whole life. I hope I am learning it anyway. I guess time will tell! So....hopefully tomorrow I can be good....I know I will try! Until then, imaginary readers....tata!!

Slowly but surely!

2011-07-29T02:40:00.001-07:00

Well, today weigh in was at 237.5. It's not fast, but it's happening, and I am thankful. This morning my friend Emily and I went and rode bikes when I got off work...pretty sure I burned a lot of calories there, especially when a dog came out and chased us and hit my wheel! I am thinking I probably took its nose out with my spokes, so poor doggie...you go what you had coming, I guess! And thankfully, I was able to keep on riding! Officially its day 12 now on Phase 1, so it won't be long now til I get a few more options in my eating...so thankful for that! Have a lovely day, oh you imaginary readers o' mine, and I will check back in tomorrow!

Down a couple more....

2011-07-27T23:47:00.000-07:00

Well, today weigh in was at 238...down a couple more from yesterday, so I am glad. Now if I can get consistent with my workouts, I will be set! So weird...usually its the other way around...my eating stinks and my working out is on like donkey kong! Have just had a hard time with consistency lately, I guess. I am doing good with the food thing...after this weekend I will start phase 2 of South Beach. Did some reading up on it today, and I think it'll be do-able. I can start adding in the healthy carbs slowly, and I am looking forward to that. Anyhow....until tomorrow!

Day 9 and feelin fine!

2011-07-26T18:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's day 9, and I haven't misbehaved! I am getting pretty used to my eating plan now, although I am pretty excited for next week when I can reintroduce a few things...like some whole wheat crackers to eat my hummus on...or a little whole grain rice to add to the veggies...or whole grain bread to eat a sandwich on....or well...you get the picture! Phase 1 is doing its job, and I am getting in the groove, so phase 2 oughta be a piece of cake...well, not really cake, but you know! Weighed in at 240.5 today, so I am good with that....ttfn!

One week down!

2011-07-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been one week of South Beach Phase 1, and so far, so good. No misbehavin, no cheats...it is looking like I have some momentum, which I am thankful for. The weight was like 242 this morning, but I am not despairing...I may have had more water or something, so it's all good. Got to ride my bike on the trainer last night while I played Super Mario with my family, and it was great! It has been a while since I had the bike on the trainer, but I actually really enjoyed it. I think I may try, when school starts, to ride when I get home from work early mornings before the kiddos get up, and then when its time for them to get up and go to school, I will have gotten in a workout. Sounds great, but of course, when I am tired coming home from work, the bed will be calling my name! Gonna try though! It is just too hard to try and figure out when to exercise in the afternoons, and right now, its too stinkin hot. And, the boys are gonna be having legit homework next year, being first graders, so we are going to have to make sure we put some effort and time into that for sure. Sure am looking forward to a day shift....someday!

Total Depravity

2011-07-22T23:23:00.000-07:00

Weight update for blog purposes: Day 5, haven't misbehaved, and weighed in at 240 today...which is down a couple more....but....here is the more important stuff below:

The last about 48 hours, I have really seen a lot. A lot of great things for sure..like the love of my family and my friends, the smiles of my kids, and the refreshing feeling that comes from getting some sleep. I tell you what though....I have also seen example after example of the fallen world that we live in. Of course, working in a hospital you see lots of things; and of course, working in a hospital means I can't say anything specific about the things I see. But I can tell you this--in a lot of ways, this world is really messed up. We are really messed up, as people. I think the last 48 hours I witnessed that fallenness with more than one of my senses. I saw sights that made me wince, heard cries that broke my heart, felt the grip of desperation on my hand, and smelled things I would rather not have encountered. Some of these things are brought about by the choices we make. Some of them are totally out of our control. Some of them are inflicted on us by others. Some we inflict upon ourselves. Common thread to it all though is that there is a lot of brokenness and a lot of pain out there. This common thread of brokenness really was vivid to me the last night or so. It tore at my heart and occupied my mind. And, though it broke my heart, it also drove me to my knees. I am so thankful for times like these, that open my eyes to the hurt, to the pain. As much as these times hurt, they are beautiful, because it "breaks up my fallow ground" (Hosea 10:12) and shows me that truly...apart from Christ, we can do nothing (John 15:5). I mean, I know that, but knowing it and KNOWING it are two different things.
Times like this stir my heart and move me to action. Seeing the hurt in the world makes me mad...engages me in the battle. And I love that. There is One who is bigger than all these hurts, you know...One who sees every tear and cares about them all...and hey...I KNOW HIM! I believe He wants us to bring the Jesus in us to the world of hurt around us in whatever way we are able, and to be engaged in the battle wherever we are.
I believe He is using times like these to give me some peace and clarity. Most of you probably already know, that I made a really difficult decision at the beginning of this summer to step away from my job as the youth director at First Pres and to step away from vocational ministry. (at least for a time). Along with this decision has come a lot of sadness, anxiety, and I guess just a grieving for the end of this season. I know it's the right decision, but sometimes what's right isn't always easy. As much as I am looking forward to having my Friday nights and Sunday evenings free and not having trips each summer, and not failing anymore at the administrative tasks I am so bad at, I know I will miss the sweet times with kids, the feeling of being "somebody", and of feeling like my work has an eternal purpose. I will miss having that "front row seat", as I like to call it, to what the Lord is doing with the kids I work with. Not gonna lie--there have been many occasions since I shared the news with my youth that I have second-guessed this decision.

I will say though, that clarity and peace has settled on my spirit now though....through of all things, seeing the total depravity that we as humans live with and live in on a daily basis. Having the "front row seat" be for all this depravity helps me to know that there is a battle to be fought and a war to be engaged in, and I don't have to have the label of being in "vocational ministry" to be a part of it. It's a really, really important job to train your soldiers well....but it's also really important to be out in the battlefield too. (and please don't misunderstand....being in vocational ministry is still being on the battlefield--I KNOW this....but, in a different way, I know He can use me wherever I am, no matter what environment I am in.) As a follower of Jesus, and a part of the Body of Christ, who spends time in a secular environment, opportunity to be His hands and feet abound. It may be a well-timed smile, a kind word, or even prayers that are uttered that are only heard by His ears....but I can still be a light in a dark place. (Phillippians 2:12-16)

Not sure if any of this makes any sense or not. And if it doesn't, that's okay....it makes sense to me. It reminds me of the simple facts: People are messed up. God still loves us. God and God alone can fix what is messed up. And you know...really, that may be all I need to know.

What the heck?!

2011-07-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

So, I am in the midst of day 3...though it is technically day 4, I guess, if you wanted to count "days", but for us night shifters, when days start and end is different than it is for the daywalking crowd. I am in the middle of the third waking cycle since beginning....hows that? Anyhow, my "what the heck" title refers to my weigh in from earlier today. Now, I know good and well weighing each day is really not a great idea...I mean, I could sneeze or go to the bathroom and things could totally change. But, of course, I am feeling like I'm behaving super well, and I had major intestinal distress last night (must be all the jicama I have been eating!) and in general I am just feeling like I am on track. The first day I was down several pounds, and now.....up .7 of a pound!! What the heck! I'm still behaving though....maybe I could sneeze and show a loss...guess we will see what tomorrow holds. For now, I am thankful I have been holding on and behaving. Here's to keepin on keepin on!

Has it really been over a year??

2011-07-19T17:29:00.000-07:00

Wow! Has it really been over a year since I blogged? I guess I have been quite remiss in my blogging...due to a variety of things, of course. Three kiddos who are growing up way too quick, two jobs, about to be one with one that has changed in the last year, and well....the fact that I was well on my way out of lardbutt-dom and have found my way back...not really what I would like to be writing. But, it's time to call it like I see it and to get honest and to be back on track...hopefully, this time to stay!

I had lost about 50 pounds in the fall, getting me down nearly below 200 pounds for the first time since I have been a mom, about 7 years ago or so. Sad, yes, that getting down to 200 is so freaking exciting, but like I said...time to get honest and call it like it is. I was doing the whole Medifast thing in the fall, and took weight off quickly and was feeling pretty good about things. I was running, and did 2 half marathons, was able to run about 7 or 8 miles without walking (albeit slowly), did an MS150 in San Antonio in October, that was WAY better than the one in May, when I was carrying a ton more weight, and though I had started to gain weight back already, in April did the Houston to Austin MS150 ride and was able to finish the whole thing. Now, here we are, midway through June, and I have put back on nearly all that I had lost. Was back in the land of 250, SO not where I wanted to be....

It is amazing how different your outlook can be when you are off track, as opposed to what it is otherwise. I have struggled this past Spring and it has been tough. I started my new med teching job at a small, wonderful hospital in February, and that was really when the weight gain began in earnest. It's not the job's fault, but it did get my schedule out of what enough that regular exercise was more difficult to schedule and as a result my eating went out the window. Now, I am still riding my bike, but its more of a struggle than it was, and I can run, but my endurance (and what tiny bit of speed I had picked up) is pretty much totally shot. I am signed up for an MS150 AND a half marathon in October, and hope to do another half in November, so goals are set...it's time to GET BACK TO BUSINESS!!!

I have been wanting to of course, and had a little weight watchers stint, have tried unsuccessfully to medifast again, and that sort of thing, but what really has been motivationally helpful for me lately, was to read a crazy, funny, true book on my kindle that I got for free. It's called Half Assed by a gal of the name Jeannette Fulda, and its her story of having lost a ton of weight. Great, inspiring, and funny read! I found her blog (current one as well as her old one) as well as some other weight loss blogs, and I don't know..there is just something about the kinship you feel with someone who is struggling with your same struggle. It's like you can know that you aren't the only one out there who feels like a lardbutt and has tried umpteen thousand times to lose the weight, only to fail...but you can still keep trying and you CAN do it! I know Philippians 4:13 tells me that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me, but I think that sometimes I forget how true that is. ALL things...even losing weight! ALL things...My God is a big and mighty God...He is able.

So, back to this concept of "This is your life, are you who you wanna be"....well, actually no, I'm not. But Lord willing, I am moving in the right direction! I want to be a momma who lives to see her great grandchildren. I want to be a momma who is able to be there in every way for my kiddos for YEARS to come. I want to be a momma who can run around and race them and have fun with them. I want to be a momma my kids can be proud of. Now, I know that's not all about how much I weigh...my worth is in my Jesus, and that is THE most important thing...but I also know that He gave me this body to be a home for Himself...and I am really a bad housekeeper! Time to get outta the ghetto and get on with it!!

So, where am I and what am I doing?? Well....weighed in yesterday, in my 5'4-1/2" body at 246.1. I am trying to model my eating most closely after the South Beach Diet method of eating...a healthy, sustainable plan that seems do-able. I am on day 2 of phase 1, which is the part that is supposed to rid you of your sugar cravings...so far, so good! Today I weighed in at 243, and have behaved myself. I got some great new cookbooks that are quick and easy, superquick types with simple, fast recipes that don't use a lot of weird stuff, and that helps a lot. Of course, I just got a text that one of my boys just gagged and threw up his food after supper, because he isn't liking mommy's new food experiments very much! Last night I made a peppered chicken with a lemon sauce dish that came from a Quickie South Beach cookbook...and tonight was a turkey cutlet stir fry, with jicama and tomatoes and a salad. Oh, and can't forget the buttermilk lemon sherbet! Yum! Anyhow...I am trying to be a little more adventureous with my eating in hopes of making this fun. I am all about the fun, of course!

Well....I suppose thats it for now. I hope to get more regular with my blogging again! I really don't even care if nobody ever sees it, it helps me to process this journey, as well as have a record of it. So, here's to losing about 100 pounds of me, however long it takes to do it! Wahooooo!!!!!!!

Time to get wid-it!

2010-04-04T23:27:00.001-07:00

Well, it's been forever since I updated this thing, but now its time to get wid it! Live has been fast and furious lately, and doesn't look to be letting up anytime soon. It is good though, and I am grateful. I am still full time night shift at the hospital, which keeps me super busy as well as part time youth lady at church, which is a whole 'nother adventure. And of course, I am the momma to my 3 precious kids, who are my world, as far as this world goes...Cause you know, Jesus is my WORLD...you know what I mean....

Anyhow....to update on the exercise/eating/I-am-unhealthy-hideous-and-generally-disgusted-with-myself-side of things....It is time to get wid it! I went this last week to see a nutritionist to get started on eating better, and am going to do a bootcamp this summer as well. I pretty much know what to do and how to eat, but actually doing it is a different matter, which is why I thought the accountability of a nutrition person and weigh-ins and all that would be helpful. So....tomorrow is get going on it day! I am trying to ride my bike whenever I can, which is great, and will try to get more consistent with the exercise as well.

And of course, I want to get my spiritual self in shape as well....I am craving more time in the Word of God and in prayer....Lord, help me to, one day at a time, follow you....filling my mind up with you, as well as honoring you with this shambles-of-a-Temple You have given me! Oh Lord, how I need you!!!!

Peace out, ya'll! Hoping to report some good news soon...and to keep reporting it much more consistently than I have as of late!

Beautiful Mess...Diamond Rio--My first book review!

2010-01-13T06:28:00.000-08:00

I recently read the book Beautiful Mess by the members of the country band Diamond Rio, written with Tom Roland. This book tells the personal stories of each of the 6 musicians in the band, as well as the story of their coming together as a band and their ups and downs through the years. Each of the band members stories are interesting, beginning from their childhood and progressing up to the time they connected as part of Diamond Rio. Woven throughout the book is the larger story of the faith and integrity which is very evident in each of their lives.
I am a lover of biographies, and this book is a dream for someone such as me, with 6 individual biographies as well as the story of a band. And anyone who has been a fan of country music in the last 20 years will recognize many of the songs that are mentioned and appreciate learning the stories behind each of them.
Beautiful Mess chronicles not only the high times of the band, including their rise to fame and their megahits such as "One More Day", but also their difficult times, such as when lead singer Marty Roe stuggled with vocal issues. There is a lot of honesty about their problems, which I truly appreciated. You feel reading this book as if you become friends with the musicians and get to know them much better.
I became slightly confused in the beginning, trying to remember which guy was who and how all the pieces fit together, but as I read on, especially beginning where all six band members lives converged, I found myself drawn into the story, pulling for these guys. Once the story of the band got rolling, I had a hard time putting it down.
I was already a fan of Diamond Rio, but learning about the heart each of these band members has caused me to see them in a new light. I was inspired by their faith and challenged by their honesty. Overall, I really enjoyed this book.

It's been awhile...here's where its at!

2009-10-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

Well, not that anyone has been waiting with bated breath for this blog or anything, but it's been a couple of months since I posted anything, so I figured it was about time! I'm still fat..but I'm still working on it too. I'm not really okay with that, but I am doing what I can do for right now. This full time night shift I am doing at the hospital has made everything a challenge. I love it on payday, of course, and I love that I can pay the bills without wondering where the grocery money is going to come from, but I'd be lyin if I said I feel like I have it all together and that it isn't taking its toll in some ways. Trying to be mommy and youth lady with this added on makes for pure chaos at times!
Of course, probably the biggest challenge I have is sleep (or lack thereof!) I work four 10-hour shifts a week, so I have only 3 nights out of the week to sleep, 2 off at any given time. When my work nights are during the week, I am home during the day with my kids, and mommy has to veg a lot! It's not really the way I have ever wanted to spend my kids' toddler years, but I guess its what we have to do. They are pretty wonderful about it, and I try to make up for it by making the most of the time we have together that I am awake. I will say, I believe I have the 3 coolest kids in the world, and I do cherish every moment I have with them. I just hope someday they will understand Mommy did her best, and why I have had to always work so much. Eating and exercise are other big-time challenges I deal with on this shift. Eating gets all goofed up because your days and nights get all goofed up. And you can try as hard as you want to to not eat, but doggonnit, when you are up all stinkin' night, you get hungry! I try to not eat as much during the daytime when I know I'll be working at night and keep the meals really light, but establishing routine is very difficult when you are constantly changing back and forth between being a day person and a night person.
Finding time to exercise was a challenge before I began this full-time gig, so it's even a little crazier now. I don't really have the option of getting up early to go, when I don't get off work til 6 am and have to tag team when I get home. I do manage to make it out maybe 3 or 4 times a week either for bike rides or runs...even if it is for a commute of some sort...but I do crave getting to be more consistent and the endorphins that come along with it! One cool thing as of late, is that my boys are playing soccer, so they are all about going and running around at the track to get faster and running around on the football field up at Slade....we've been doing a lot of that lately, which has been way fun.
I did get to do the Monster Dash 5K on Saturday, which was way fun..and surprise surprise, there were like 4 people behind me! A month or so ago, I did the swim and run leg of the Brazposport Relay Triathlon...didn't get to do the bike, since it was getting rainy and that sort of thing by then. But I did have a LOT of fun with what I did..and I did it right after a night of work too..crazy, I know! I am planning on doing the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half marathon this next month, which should be big fun. I haven't been able to train the way I'd really like to for it, but I'm not there yet either, so I'm hoping for a few more good training runs before then. I figure, if worst came to worst, I know I could walk the whole thing and still finish in time, so I'll take it for the experience that it is and have fun with it.
So, yea, overall things aren't much different with my goals and things than they were the last few posts back when...just a different timetable is about it. I did get to thinking about it, and I am pretty sure I won't be fat forever...one of these days, the "real" me will be back out and visible again! When my kids are in school, I know I will use some of that time to get out and run and bike and stuff...I crave it so much, and now I use whatever free moment I can muster (which are few and far between) to hop on the bike or whatever, so I know I can become at least a little more consistent...and will get a little bit of sleep too! Not only that, but the bigger my kids get, the more they will be running around and running my big butt out on the track and football field and stuff! That can only be good for me as I get out there and it gets more and more challenging to chase them around! So uh huh...I am encouarged to think that this fat-deal is really just a season...I mean, its been a pretty long season, mind you...but still a season, nevertheless! Right now, I am trying to get out and do whatever I can, but I also want to make sure and cherish every moment of my kids right now that I can. The boys are 5 and Gabriella is 3, and those are such precious ages! These years go by way, way too quickly as it is..I don't want to rush them anymore...so for now, I will have to be okay with being the fat-momma-wannabe-has-been-uglier-than-a-mud-fence-who-I-am-for-now me and know that hopefully someday that won't be the case anymore!! Time with my babies is precious, and I want to enjoy it for every moment.
So...that's where it's at for now! There are a couple of areas of my life that cause me grief and pain and make me go yeeeech...but then I look at my kids and see that the Lord has indeed blessed me, more than I could have ever hoped for or imagined. Those sweet little smiles and little giggles are the best!!! I will also say, that I adore my youth that I work with at church...yes, at times they make me want to scratch my head and yea, scream sometimes too, but wow...what great kids we have been blessed with. I do so love my job at church, and I look forward to when I can devote more time and more of me to the work I do there...because it truly is fun!
Life can be hard...but, God is good...and I am so very, very grateful! And that's all I have to say bout that!

Back at it....again!!!

2009-08-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a long while since I had much good to post about, but now I can truly say I am back at it! This past week, I got in 5 runs...the first running I have done in well over a month. In fact, the last run before this was on the 4th of July at the Firecracker 4...and later that night/morning of the 5th, was when my gallbladder started talking to me--really loudly! I had been having attacks on and off for at least 6 months or so, but when they passed, I felt fine and went about my business, not really tying it all together. But when I had this "mother of all attacks" on the morning of the 5th and then another one about 3 days later, I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. Went to the ER, since I couldn't get in anywhere and felt like..well, pretty much like I was dying...and the ultrasound showed a gallbladder full of stones. Had an ERCP (scopy-type procedure) to make sure there were no stones stuck in my common bile duct and a stent installed, had the gallbladder out the next day with a laparoscopic surgery, and another ERCP the next week to un-install the stent. I had my surgery on a Tuesday and was back to work Saturday, so I had a pretty quick recovery.

I hadn't been feeling great for awhile, and didn't really realize it I guess, and between going full time at the hospital and all the crazy gallbladderness, I had really lapsed in my exercise...and boy oh boy, could I tell! A Stacy who gets out and sweats is a much happier Stacy, I have found! Well, my doctor gave me the go-ahead to run when he took my staples out, just with the warning that my "organs would bounce around where my gallbladder used to be" so...uh...yea, that was encouraging...but, I went ahead and got out there....so, I am back at it!!!!!!

Last week, I got out to run/walk, and, being the first one back in awhile, it was tough. That, and the fact that it felt like it was about 200 degrees outside didn't help! But I made it through 3 miles, and felt pretty good after. The next day, I made it out again, and still felt slow as molasses, but made it. The next couple of nights I had to work, so when I got home in the morning, I went and ran before I went to sleep. Now, I was getting somewhere! It was so much cooler in the morning, and between that and just getting back with it, man oh man...did I feel good!!! I am now back to being able to run about a half hour before having to have a walk break, which is a HUGE accomplishment. Now, granted, I am WAY slow...and I am pretty sure I look like a giant ungraceful...hmm...hippo perhaps...plodding along! But, I can do it, I can do it!! It is absolutely amazing to me how the body can remember what it once could do and can get back with it relatively quickly! I was doing pretty good this Spring with my half marathon in Feb and then the triathlon in April, and after that was when it all sorta fell apart...but now...I feel like I'm back with it!!! Yay for me! So grateful for the gift of a good sweat...God is truly good, all the time!! Yep, I am blessed!

To keep me accountable and to give me a goal to work toward, I SIGNED UP for the San Antonio Rock and Roll Half marathon in November....WAHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! We've got a hotel booked (for free..with Marriott points...even better!) and everything, so I'm totally excited! Now, just to figure out how/when to get my runs in with this crazy schedule of mine...but I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!!!!

Just wanted to update...I have some good sweatin' to update about now, so I couldn't resist!

There is a Deeper River Still

2009-05-27T20:20:00.001-07:00

Today I was at the gym working out (yay for me!) and I of course, had my ipod on. There is a song on there from an old Young Life CD I have called Snapshots of the Bigger Picture called Deeper River Still. It was one of those random CDs I bought at camp one year and it has a nice little variety of artists who have played at camps before and stuff. I've heard it many times, but for some reason today, it just reached out and grabbed me...or rather, I think the Lord sorta reached out and grabbed me with it. I actually went back and listened to it again to catch the lyrics. Just thought it might bless someone else too, so I thought I'd share it. I can't find the lyrics anywhere at all by googling it, so I guess the guy who sings it, Ian Morgan Cron didn't make it big in the music business (although I saw lots of other hits for him on google). Anyhow: Here are the lyrics. I hope they bless somebody today they they blessed me:

Deeper River Still--Ian Morgan Cron
(from Young Life's Snapshots of a Bigger Picture CD)

Well I believe there is a larger story written
And I will meet the Author face to face one day
And that joy will fill our hearts as He reveals to us the parts
That He wrote when time began for us to play.

With every month its like another chapter ending
With every year its like another dot connects
But it is the Rock of Ages that turns all of our pages
Oh I'm sure of this, the older, the older that I get

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
Though the plan seems so obscure, Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

So for the young ones who go to bed tonight with hunger
For the mother who lies awake without her child
For the old ones trapped in silence, that must settle for the violence,
Oh I swear one day The Master is gonna make all these wrongs right

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

So in the midst of all your darkness and confusion
When it seems this world is putting out your fire
Hold on to this point of light
Let it guide your ship this night
And remember, God will buy back every single painful hour

Cause I believe there is a deeper river running
Beneath these meager streams we call our own
And though the plan seems so obscure,
Of this you can be sure
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still
There is a deeper river still

Anyhow...I just thought it was a cool song, and I wanted to share. I never really listened all that closely to the lyrics before, but to me, they were powerful. God is way bigger than anything I face...and though we KNOW it, it is good to be reminded--and often--that He indeed has a plan...and that he can redeem us, our choices, our pain, and whatever we may deal with. What a gift it is to belong to Him. He calls us to be a part of what He is doing...not because He needs us, but because He loves us and wants us to be a part of His story. Oh, if I could only remember EVERYDAY that its not about me.....its about Him...everything we have, we only have because of His amazing grace.

This song spoke to the part of my heart, that for several years now has been claiming and holding onto the promise of Joel 2:25 "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--" Yes, this is referring to the locust plague in Judah way back when, but this Great Story of God's redemptive love is our story too! We live in a world that is fallen. Wrong things happen. We hurt. We screw up. Others screw up and hurt us. We hurt other people. And what we end up with, apart from the Father's grace is a nasty chewed up mess of a place! It reminds me of the summers back home many years ago, where it seemed like there were grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! I can't remember if it was when I was at A&M or back in the Brenham days or when, but I remember going back home to my mom and dad's house and they didn't have a leaf on any tree or plant and the grass was like a blanket of grasshoppers. I mean, there were those big honkin yellow grasshoppers EVERYWHERE! They made a HUGE wreck of everything...killed pretty much everything because they were so out of control. As do we, with the choices we make and the things we do.

But, I am so thankful that in Joel--and for us-- there is a call to turn back to Him....to "rend your heart...return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love..." (Joel 2:13) And...that there is that promise, that He will give back to us those years that have been eaten away to nothing. I know that I have way more of those years than I wish I did. Many, many years ago, I remember writing in a journal, through the process of grieving over a great loss, that I finally understood what hope was about--because I felt I really didn't have anything much to hold onto. I have been learning that lesson of hope ever since that time....and though I struggle to be thankful for the situations that bring me to that place, I am so grateful for the hope that I have.

He will give us back those years....and there IS a deeper river still! Thanks for the reminder today, Lord!

Frustration: Night shifter turns into COW!

2009-05-23T14:35:00.001-07:00

I just had to vent a bit...I am really so grateful to have my full-time night shift at the lab now..truly I am! For the first time in I can't remember, I am able to get the bills paid and have the hope of getting this debt gone once and for all....so excited about that. I knew it'd be a transition and a challenge though...and I'm in the midst of that right now!

If you know me, or have read what I've written, you know I am an athlete-wannabe! I really, really love to get out and run (very slowly, yes...but it's still great!), to ride the bike, to swim, to challenge this fat-girl body of mine to get out there and push the limits of what I can do. I have known for several years how much I have liked doing this....but I am really starting to see more and more how much I NEED to do this.

Yes..I am fat...and yes...I want to lose weight so I can recognize the girl in the mirror and not be disgusted by her the way I am now. Yes, I want to be healthy so that I can be a better mom, better youth lady, etc...but I think more than that...this whole exercise deal is a matter of sanity for me, in a lot of ways. I really do function better with it than without it. My mind is clearer, I feel better, I am more patient with my kids and all the other challenging individuals in my life.

So....here is my question: How in the heck can I figure out how to get out there and run/bike/swim/climb a tree/wrestle a rattlesnake/whatever-you-name-it when I am working a full-time night shift.....ummm...and a part-time day job....ummmm...and oh yea, p.s. taking care of 3 adorable kids (they really are....I know I'm their mom, but ya...they really are cute!) under the age of 5???? I have got to try to get this deal figured out!

I know I've only been at it a few weeks (with the full time hospital gig and all) but man....it feels like every spare minute I have, I am just trying to sleep and catch up with that. I had a kid I work with tell me he got like 13 hours of sleep the other night....I was guessing I hadn't had that much sleep...like all week! I get home from work at 6 am, my kids are awake at like 6:30, and anyone who has ever been around little kids knows...once the kids are up, you are up!

My eating is all goofed up too...when you work all night, you pretty much get hungry and end up eating an additional meal. Then you may or may not eat later when you get home, and yea..it does weird things to the body. I worked nights for years, years ago...but it was before I had kids. I was on my own time schedule and it worked out okay. But trying to do it on their time schedule is really challenging. I need that exercise for my sanity...and to keep me from getting to be an even bigger cow than I am now. I am grateful to have it that night shift, because I do need to be able to support my family, which I am so glad to be able to do, but yea...I can feel my fat cells expanding everyday I don't get to get out there and sweat somehow! I really, really want to sign up for another triathlon...but I just don't know if I can be trained up enough with the way this schedule business is working out.

Anyhow....it's just frustrating....I know there probably aren't any easy answers. And I don't think I'm even looking for any. I just felt the need to vent somewhere about it though. So, since my kids don't really understand, I thought I'd vent here!!

Wish I didn't feel this way, but I do

2009-04-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes this whole concept of "seasons" of life sucks...I know that sounds crass, but I just have to put it where it is. I am in a crappy "season" right now, and it is getting more and more difficult to deal with at times. I know I am loved by the Lord, and I know He has a plan for me. I am blessed beyond belief by my babies, and I couldn't be more thankful for the gift of being their mommy....so I really need to get out of this funk.

Much of the time, though I know its not intended as anything of the sort, I feel very....hmmmm..inept? irrelevant perhaps. not necessary. useless....yep..all of those seem to hit it where it is--and it hurts.

I feel that way in pretty much every area of my life, except with my kids, where I KNOW I am needed. I may not be the world's best mom...but at least I know I really am needed there, and I haven't screwed that up too too bad (yet...hopefully I won't!)I used to feel like I had something to offer. Gifts and talents that were needed. But lately, I just feel that everyone is afraid I am too overloaded and will drop the ball and screw things up. I don't necessarily think that perception is 100% accurate, but I nevertheless, the perception is there and I am affected by it. Which makes me go: maybe I am inept. Maybe I am a screw-up. Maybe I don't really ahve that much to offer.

Painful, raw, depressing stuff, I know. Probably too much honesty for a blog. But you know what...that is where I am. I have to own it and turn to the Lord and pray He will make sense of things and make it all clear to me. I know He created me with a purpose. I know He wants to use me...He wants to use all of us in some way. So, I will keep on keepin on and wait on Him...trying to hear His voice more than I hear the others.

Lord, please help me. I am hurting, and I need Your help. I want to be useful..and the I need to understand that as long as I am doing what is pleasing to You, I am on the right path. "Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your power is made perfect in weakness.....that is why I delight in weakenesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Team World Vision

2009-04-28T15:13:00.001-07:00

Hey there, everyone,
As many of my buds know, I spent last week in Chicago at a youth ministry conference put on by Willow Creek Community Church--which is ginormous! I had a great time, learned lots of cool stuff, and was, as usually happens at these sorts of things--inspired! I wanted to share one of the things that particularly inspired me this past week, in hopes that maybe, just maybe it could inspire a few of you as well...and that you could be crazy with me!

Most of you know me, and know I am an athlete-wannabe, and have been for some time. (I am also a musician wannabe, an artist wannabe, and lots of other wannabes too...yes, I know, jack of all trades, master of none!) Anyhow..this thing I learned of appealed to the athlete-wannabe in me--and also, to the sense of purpose I have as a believer in Jesus Christ. What a cool thing when the passion of your first love (ie, Jesus) comes together with the other passions He wired us with! Back in the day at the Aggie BSU, I remember going through the then brand new study Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby. There were many great things about that study, but one of the ones that has stuck with me...oh, nearly 20 years later, I guess it is...is this: Take a look around at what God is doing, and join Him there. This sorta fits into that piece of advice.

Okay...get on with it, Stacy...Why yes, I think I will!

At the Shift Conference at Willow, there was a table and a short presentation made by World Vision, a Christ-centered relief organization that seeks to be the hands and feet of Christ in the world. In their words, according to their website: "World Vision is an international partnership of Christians whose mission is to follow our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in working with the poor and oppressed to promote human transformation, seek justice, and bear witness to the good news of the Kingdom of God." They do many, many different things from child sponsorships where you can provide for the needs of a child from anywhere around the world, relief for children with AIDS, disaster relief and supplying the needs of those affected by poverty not only abroad but also around the United States. Personally, I have always been somewhat leary of some of this "justice" stuff..simply because much of what I have seen of it in the past has left Christ out of the equation. I have shyed away because I felt that if it wasn't centered on Christ, well, then what really was the point?

I am beginning to see some of this in a new light now...We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ in a world that is without. The whole story of the Bible is that of a broken world that He came to redeem. He invites us to be a part of that. While it is grace alone that saves us, His doing and not ours, I believe that in order to truly have the "life and life to the full" that Jesus desires for us in John 10:10, we must live out our faith...There are many, many ways to do this, of course...but this particular way put forth by World Vision caught my attention this last week, and really "jingled my jangle", so to speak. World Vision has Christ at the center of all that they do, and their mission is a living out of that faith--and I was quite impressed by that, and inspired to join in the work...as Blackaby put it!

So..where does the running thing come in? So glad you asked! (yes, I am a bit crazy, I know, to be able to carry on my own conversation in a blog!) Team World Vision. It is an effort, very similar to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program, or even akin to the MS150 bike ride which raises money for multiple sclerosis research...or any number of organizations that raise money and awareness for a cause, by a commitment to train for a honker of an athletic endeavor and asking people to join you in your effort by supporting the cause you are running/biking/whatevering for.

Team World Vision is in its baby years, and only has a few "official" events as of now, but they are growing like crazy, which is really cool! They want to challenge people to run a marathon or a half-marathon in support of the work that they do. You choose an event, set up a little personal fundraising website, and train for your event. Ideally, it would be a group of people training together as a group in a community, to where you do your daily shorter runs on your own and have a weekly group run together, which is the long-run component of the training program. They have a support community of others doing the same thing and coaches etc. who can communicate with you and your team via email, but it would work optimally if there were a local "coach" so to speak, who knew the ins and outs of the training process, and who could help the group with the challenges of training for such an event.

There is no minimum amount that has to be raised...there is no obligation or catch...other than the accountability you have from the others who are taking on the same challenge and will be spurring you on! The shared time together training is cool...and so is the fact that you are running for something bigger than yourself is too.

I got all the info and heard some really cool stories of folks who have taken this challenge on. Their website is www.teamworldvision.org if you'd like to see more, or feel free to call or message me about it. I would love to take on this challenge with a group of friends....would love local friends, but even friends who are far away would be fun to keep up with and stay accountable to! You don't have to be a super athlete to do it (look at me...truly...if I can run a marathon--which I have--ANYONE can do it!) and you don't have to have any other special stuff....just a desire to challenge yourself and commit to something cool, and a desire to combine that with helping out with a really cool cause, that of sharing Jesus in very practical ways with a world in need.

Let me know if you want to know more!

ps...for anyone interested in the Chicago marathon in October--it is sold out, as of last week...but Team World Vision has a couple of hundred spots available...I can hook you up! (sounds like "pst..I know a guy! heehee!)

Lone Star Triathlon--I did it!!!

2009-04-05T22:00:00.000-07:00

Yay me!!! I did it, I really did it! Yesterday was the Lone Star Sprint Triathlon, and I did it!!! ! third of a mile swim, 12-mile bike, and 3.1 mile run. This was my first try at a tri (love the word play there!) and it was really, really fun! Today at church, lots of people were asking me how it went and all that sort of thing, and my standard answer has been: "I finished and I am alive--and it was fun!"

So, it ends up I went and did this deal all by myself...We decided it would be way too long of a day for the kiddos to come and try to kill time in between all of my stuff (especially as slow as I am) and that it was way too early to have to get them up and at em...so I ventured out on my own to Galveston for my big adventure. The night before I tried to get everything together, and everything came together pretty smoothly, with the exception of my goggles. I couldn't find them, because I used the bag they usually live in to go with the youth group to our weekend at Conclaves just last week, and I think I must've taken them out in an effort "not to lose them", so, I was up way later than I planned trying to locate those..which thankfully, I eventually did! I have my alarm set to wake me at THE buttcrack of dawn...Seriously...it was like 4:30. I often stay up that late, but to wake up in the 4s just seems insane to me--oh yea...it is me, so I guess that fits after all!

I get up and get the bike in the back of my truck and all my other stuff, and I didn't have much good to eat at the house, so I decided I had a few bucks, I would see what I could find on the way--because I just can't do something like this on an empty stomach. Yes, I do have enough fat probably to last me years, but I guess its not readily enough available, so I needed fuel. I was so, so sad to be told at the taco-stand-formerly-known-as-Mendozas that they didn't open til 5:30...and man oh man, did it ever smell GOOD! So, I drove off sadly to head to Galveston and see what I might find on the way. Well...uh...that would be nothing! Hitchcock is about the only town I went through, and...well...there isn't much in Hitchcock! So, I crossed the Causeway onto the Island, missed the exit for Moody Gardens I should've taken (which was a good thing) and low and behold...I found the place for my breakfast of champions--Shipleys! Oh yea...I'm an athelete, dontcha know! A coupla sausage kolaches and chocolate donuts later (yes, disgusting I know, but by golly, I was going to be in a triathlon!) I was back on the right road, headed to Moody Gardens. I find where I am going fairly easily, and as I pull up to the parking garage at the hotel, there are lots of people unloading bikes and stuff, so I figure I'm in the right place.

I proceeded to get all my stuff out, lock up the truck, and followed the herd. I really had no idea where we were going. It was dark (buttcrack of dawn still), I'd never been to Moody Gardens before, and I certainly had never done a triathlon before! So, I just followed the people pushing bikes who all looked way more athletic than me, and hoped we'd get to the right place! There was an old guy who must've could tell I was a newbie at this, and he was really nice and told me I'd be hooked after this first one. That was cool, just to have someone encourage me...especially since I was by myself and all...made it not quite so intimidating. So, I get my packet and head over for the "body marking" place, which sorta tickled and made me laugh. (yes, I am also the one laughing my head off when I donate blood, because it tickles when they rub the betadine on my arm!)...incidentally, that marker they use is pretty darn permanant! This morning at church I proudly sported my "945" race number on my leg and arm, and the "37" on my calf that said how old I was!! Craig told me they must mark your body because it is too hard to swim with a toe-tag on...yup, I was encouraged!

So, after I'm all marked up, I find my little about 8 inches of real-estate in the transition area, and get everything all set up and ready to roll.....Didn't know for sure what all I was doing, but the nice thing was, they had us arranged to where it was all first-timers where I was at...so I guess no one around really knew what all they were doing either, which was actually sorta nice! I met 2 nice ladies from Sugarland who were right by me there--Susie with some sort of a British-sounding accent, and Rita...whose name I remember because I was thinking one of those might taste sorta good when this was all over, if I managed to survive! (as in a "marga"...) I, being the cheesball I am, got them to take a picture of me before the race, which was cheesy but fun. So, by this time, its getting time to get down to bidness, so with everything as prepared as I could get it, I kicked off my chacos and left them in my bag, and headed off barefooted...and no wetsuit....to await my wave for the swim.

I follow the herd of mostly wet-suited out people with all the different colors of swim caps on for the different swim waves over to the beach area behind the hotel that looks out over the bay, and for the first time, I see the swim course. Hmmm...it looks sorta long, but maybe not too too bad. And I hear the announcer guy say that the "65 degree water is a little chilly this morning"....Holy cow! Sixty-Five! And I have no wetsuit...I would have loved to have had one, but honestly there was no moolah for renting one, much less buying one...so I just decided I'd give it a shot without one...just tell myself it would be miserable and gut it through. As I dug my toes into the sand waiting and watching I got more nervous and thought that even my feet were cold in the sand! I had a good 35 minutes or so to get good and nervous before my wave of first-timers were on deck, so yea...that was fun!

By the time my wave got up there, they were saying the temp was up to a balmy 66 degrees...mmhmmm....yea...I am pretty certain at that point I really am short of brain cells! What in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks was I thinking to sign up for this thing!?!?!? Oh well...no turning back now....so I put my feet in the water and I think "that's not SO bad"...and I get in to about my waist and I am thinking "holy guacamole, I can't breathe, I can't brea..I can't...."and I seriously couldn't get my breath, it was so cold. I don't want to say I panicked, but I did have a moment of "crap, I am so not going to be able to do this...I am gonna have to turn around" but then I thought to myself that I couldn't stop before I even started, so I just started moving and moving and got my breathing to start again and calmed down, and then honestly, the cold wasn't so bad. So, I swim....freestyled a little, but the saltwater in my mouth got to be a little too much, so I flipped on my back a bit, then breast-stroked a bit, and sorta rolled back and forth between those two. I kept on moving, and felt better when i saw someone had to hold onto one of the surfboards out in the water for a bit to rest....I didn't have to do that, so I felt like I must've been doing okay. I push on and keep on swimming, however I could, and I made it to the ramp to get out of the bay. Yay! I had the biggest ear-to-ear grin at that point, because I knew if I could do the swim, I could finish this sucker...yay me!

I go to the transition and pull off my wet shorts that were on over my swimsuit and throw on a dry pair, put on my running shoes and helmet, and get the bike. This was my FAVORITE part! Oh my goodness, was it ever fun! I started out with not quite enough air in my tires, but at the halfway point, I got the Bike Barn people to give me some more air, and man, did I feel like a new woman then! We rode along the Seawall in Galveston and it was just so fun to be riding there! I know its Galveston, and I know it's not fabulous or whatever, but there is still something so cool to me, about cresting a little hill from where we were and coming up over the top and there is the Gulf. Yea, its sorta brown and yea, who knows whats in there since Ike, but doggonit, its still saltwater and its still the ocean...well...you know...sort of! Anyhow...the bike part was way cool! I even passed several people, which was really fun! When you are as slow as me at so many things, its sort of amazing to think about passing anyone...so I fully enjoyed that part, since it is so rare! I even used the aerobars a little bit....for sure when I passed the photographer...I felt like a real athlete then!

So I finish the bike part, get it parked back in its spot in transition, and its time for the run....er...more like the "pedestrian" part of the tri....I was pretty spent by this point, so I had to alternate my running and walking. The run wound all around Moody Gardens and was really nice...with the exception of all their little man-made bridge-y things and what not that required uphills! But, I was still able to run a decent portion of it..albeit slowly...so I felt good about it. I even passed 2 little skinny 16-year-olds...and that felt really good! muwahahaha!!! So, I come to the finish, and I see the big archy-thing with the clock on it, and man, was I ever happy! The announcer dude said my name and age and that I was a first-time, from Lake Jackson, all that sorta thing...and it felt good! I got my cool towel and water bottle, and ya...I now can say I'm a triathlete!

It was really a fun experience, and I think I'd like to do another sometime....I'm not really up for anything longer than what I did, unless I suddenly had way more time on my hands and way less big-butt on my body than I have now....but I'd certainly do another sprint...it was fun! And, I guess, because you are floating for part of it and riding a bike for part of it, my body isn't nearly as sore as it was say, from the half-marathon I did. I mean, I can tell I did something, but it's not like the day after Surfside, when I could hardly move!

So, after calling home, so they knew I was alive, and a few friends, I hopped back in my truck and headed for home. Made the mistake of trying to go over San Luis Pass to Bluewater Highway....I think there is more washout than road from the hurricane between San Luis and the Surfside City Limits..it was a slow trip!

My kids watched me on the internet...at least we think they did! They saw someone finish at about the right time they thought was me, and they said "Mommy won, Mommy won!" Their daddy explained to them that mommy didn't win....when they asked why, he told them that it was because mommy was slow....they asked why again, of course. I asked him if he told them "its because mommy is a big lardbutt who eats Shipleys before a triathlon" and he assured me that wasn't his answer, so I guess that was a good thing.

Anyhow....it was really, really fun, and I loved it! I feel strong and like I accomplished something pretty cool, and I do hope to do it again sometime. I cannot thank my friends who encouraged me enough, and helped me to know what to do....especially Abbie and Donnie--man oh man, I would have been COMPLETELY clueless if not for their help! Incidentally, Abbie did the quarter ironman there today...and did so completely awesome!

So...I guess that's about it! That's my race report, and I'm stickin' to it! I am so grateful that the Lord gives us opportunities like this, and that we can see what miracles lie in His creation...namely these bodies He has made. I mean, mine is nothing special or anything, but He still gives me the ability to challenge it and push it and to do some pretty cool stuff! And I think that's very cool!!

Thanks for reading, if you actually made it this far! Below I cut and pasted all my results from the race website....happy trails, ya'll!!!!

Clock Time
2:23:14
Chip Time
2:23:14
Overall Place
179 / 974
Gender Place
81 / 410
Division Place
81 / 99
Swim 500M Rank
178
Swim 500M Time
21:50
Swim 500M Pace
4:22/M
T1 Time
08:06
Bike 12 5M Rank
167
Bike 12 5M Time
59:44
Bike 12 5M Pace
12.6mph
T2 Time
04:13
Run 3 1M Rank
183
Run 3 1M Time
49:18
Run 3 1M Pace
15:54

What might have been....

2009-04-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

The Little Texas song "What might have been" is in my mind....because of what is in my heart--and has been for a few days now. Darn facebook...it is so good..and so great...and so difficult sometimes to catch up with folks from way back when.

A heartbreak...really, probably THE biggest heartbreak of my life...from back many, many years ago is hurting all over again. This has hit me from nowhere, and man, does it hurt--probably as much, maybe more than it did so many years ago. Though I probably shouldn't be surprised by this, I am. And it is hard!

Oh Lord, will You please take the pieces of my broken heart and put them back together into what You want them to be....I trusted You with my broken heart so many years ago...and I still trust You now. Help me not to think of "what might have been" but to move ahead into the promise I have in You. I never really understood the concept of hope up until that heartbreak. I pray You'd help me to understand the concept of hope again...as I trust in You!

Surfside Half

2009-02-18T20:20:00.000-08:00

Well, this last Saturday was the Half Marathon I'd been looking forward to...It was at Surfside Beach, which is maybe about 15 minutes from home. It was a much simpler day, it seemed, than when I ran my full marathon in San Diego. I guess that's part of the beauty of racing close to home! Much cheaper too!

Anyhow....I had set my cell phone alarm to go off at I think 6 am, thinking I'd head out by around 6:30ish to get there, parked, etc. by around 7. Well...you know what they say about best laid plans! Of course, me being me, I had to snooze that cell phone a few times before I actually got up. Why my brain at early morning hours gets a warped sense of time, I'm not sure, but it does. "Sure, I can snooze til 6:20, and be gone by 6:30 still...yea, right! Well, I left home around 7, after having my little breakfast of champions of some leftover spaghetti (yes, I am weird!) and a Diet DP (uhuh..weirder still, that I don't like coffee!) and headed out to Surfside. This was the first time I'd been out there since Ike, so I wasn't real sure what to expect, especially in what the road was like, driving on the beach etc.. So, I thought I was doing the safer thing time-wise to cross the bridge and go straight to the beach and drive down it to the tent where the race headquarters were (and where my packet was awaiting me still, since youth group the night before prevented me from picking it up on Friday). Well, I think this was probably my first mistake of the day! It was slow going on the beach between the humpity-bumpity sand and all the runners up and down warming up and who I am guessing were the early starters. Not to mention the pea-soupy foggy wet air that morning too! So, I finally make it to the tent and get parked and by the time I did all that, it was probably 7:35ish...and all the prerace stuff was to start at 7:40, so thankfully there was still a decent line of people waiting to get their chips...and they couldn't start til everyone had those!

I get my stuff and they do a few group pictures and then wambamthankyoumaam before I knew it, it was on like donkey kong! We ran down toward the bridge for a little over 2 miles and then turned around...and I was feeling pretty decently strong. It was so fun too, at the point when all the fast people started coming back at us after their turn around, because you could see who was where and it gave you some good distraction! Then, the farther along I got, the more walkers and slower runners like myself were passing by and we were all woo-hooing at each other, which is always fun! So, we turn around and I'm still feeling pretty good, running pretty steady, and right around mile 4 (mile probably 7 or 8 for the fast folk way ahead!) we started getting this crazy, brutal headwind! I mean, it was like lean into the wind and run strong! Everyone where I was at was talking about how it felt like we were going straight uphill...and man, was it tough! I had hoped to try and run pretty much this entire half, and I toughed it out til about 6-1/2 miles, and then I had to walk. That wind just wore me out way more than I'd have thought! And it was weird, because it was almost like my legs started walking without my permission or much thought from me...like they had a mind of their own and just were like "doggonit, we are WALKING!" So...I complied and then when I tried to run some more it was like trying to move rubbery lead! I kept a pretty strong walking pace and got to talk to some new friends along the way, but I was only able to run for a few minutes at a time after that point.

Everyone who was up ahead and had already made the turnaround at mile 9 were telling us how great it was after you turned around. The tailwind was within my reach, and I was ready! Finally, I get to mile 9 and HALLELEUJAH (or however you spell it!) there was no more headwind. And it was much, much easier. But by now, my rubberized-lead legs were struggling, and I still only managed to run a little here and a little there. So, things are good, right? Well....for about a mile they were....and that was when the RAIN started. And I don't mean any ordinary woosy rain either....these were some honker drops that I honestly wondered if they were hail when I saw them hitting the sand in front of me! It started raining pretty good and I was actually ringing water out of my shorts.

Now, I make no bones about the fact that I carry A LOT of extra weight around....I am hoping I won't be doing this forever and that someday I will be a normal-sized human, but for now, I'm one big mama.....but holy cow--I wonder how much EXTRA weight I was hauling from water in my clothes and my shoes! I mean, I probably had the equivalent of a skinny person on my back! Wow...was I ever wet!

So, I managed to run about the last .2 or so miles back to the finish once I got there, because I was bound and determined to RUN across the finish...and there were my babies waiting on me. Craig had gotten everyone up and out there to see me finish, which was really cool. Gabriella was the first to see me and start yelling, and then the boys joined in and they were so cute cheering and jumping up and down. Nearly brought me to tears...I dont' know what it is, but there is something about being so stinkin' exhausted and seeing the ones you love that just gets to you! At least it does me! The boys were so cute "Momma, did you win the race??" Though there were finishers for the FULL marathon coming through at the same time as I did for the half, they didn't care...they were still pretty excited, which made it that much sweeter.

My final time was somewhere around 3:32, I believe. I dont' really ever go for speed, but it was slightly slower than I had hoped for. I had hoped too, that I could run most if not all of it without having to walk....but, honestly I think the wind was my biggest limiting factor. Well, that and I had been sick with a nasty cough the whole week before. But hey...I did it, and I was sooooo happy I did!

That evening, since it was Valentine's Day, Craig had arranged for one of our friends to come watch kiddos while we went to eat Carrabba's, which is about an hour away. Lemme tell you, I could hardly MOVE after riding that far! It was pretty sad! By Sunday morning, I was doing much better though....the healing of sleep is pretty amazing! By Monday, it was pretty much just what I call a "good sore" that I had left....enough to know you did something and to hurt just a little, but not so much that it really impairs your functioning.

Tonight (Wed) I ran to church, which is my first run since Saturday. It felt GREAT! It was only 2 miles, but I was still so glad I went. Anyhow.....I have been talking about this half for awhile, so I thought it only appropriate that I blog a bit about it! I'm looking forward to doing another one, and now its full steam ahead to the tri in Galveston in April....wahooooooooo!!!!!!

And.....I must say, a big huge thank you to all my friends who have been encouraging me in this journey of getting back to being healthy (and of being me again)! The encouragement, accountability, inspiration, and help of so many of my dear peeps is more of a blessing than I could have ever imagined. God is indeed good, all the time...and I am so thankful for the friends and opportunities He has given me....okay....can't resist another WAHOOO!!!! What a deal!

I am loving this running thing again!

2009-02-03T20:18:00.000-08:00

Well...I must say, I'm having fun with the whole running thing again. Its in the place where its fun again...not the "this-is-so-hard-and-I-am-miserable" stage running is in when you first start (or in my case start back)..but in the really fun part. I do need to work on getting back with the consistency thing. That is slipping a bit, due to scheduling, mostly....ie, working an unexpected double shift at the hospital--an evening-night double at that, preaching the other week and the prep that goes into that, and just generally a lot going on. But, I am still managing to get in 3-4 runs a week...I would like to get back to the 5 or 6 a week I was doing though. I have hopes that this next week may get me going again, as I am not scheduled at the hospital for the next 2 weeks at least...we shall see! I need to get my consistency back with the eating too....we hosted the superbowl party for my youth group this last Sunday, and ....well....can I just say DERAILED! yep...why is it that when I have leftovers, I feel compelled to eat them til they are gone? Oh yea...that whole they taste so darn good thing, I guess, huh! Well...time to kick the leftovers in the butt and get back to eating how I ought to. I haven't gained any weight at all...but I haven't really lost any in a couple of weeks either, so its time to get serious again.

Okay...now to the real point of this blog! I wanted to share about my 10K I did this past weekend....because it was so stinkin' fun! I think I have shared, that I haven't run a race since 2003, when I did my marathon in San Diego. That was a year before my boys were born. Now, I don't really know if what I do is technically "racing" or not, since there is really not anyone back as far as I am running to "race" with. For me, a race is sorta just a run with a number on and some other people who finished up awhile earlier when I get finished. But, it is really motivational to hang out with everyone and have water to drink a couple of times on your run and at least a few people going "woohoo" when they see you.

Well....I hadn't really planned on doing any races until the Surfside Half in a couple of weeks from now on 2/14....but, I was on facebook last Friday night and happened to notice my super-fast friend Abbie had on her status that she was running a 10K the next morning. I was hoping to get out and run Saturday a little longer than usual, but I didn't really have a ton of time, so I wasn't sure it was going to happen or not in between all the other scheduled stuff that day. So, when I see this 10K business, I thought to myself "self, you could go run that 10K for your run tomorrow...wouldn't that be cool!" So, then and there I decided I would give it a go. It was going to cost 20 bucks, which we really didn't have to spare, but I was gonna splurge, baby...Spectacle Spectacular, here I come! Besides...it was going to go for a good cause..spectacles! For who, I am not sure, but geesh..its the Lion's club and its glasses...so, that had to be good, right?!

So, I get my clothes all together, set my cell phone alarm, and am all ready to roll the next morning. I get up and decide to hit Chick-Fil-A on my way out of LJ for a chicken biscuit (breakfast of champions, of course!) and up 288 I went to Angleton. I got there just in time to sign up and get my number pinned on and before I knew it, we were lining up to run. I went way to the back of course, as slow as I am...but I'm okay with that! There was also a 5K race going simultaneously and they stayed with us for some of the course, so that was cool, since they had walkers--I wasn't completely alone running for at least part of the race! I can run as fast as the walkers, thank you very much! Anyhow...it was a gorgeous day, pretty much perfect for running--cold and clear and sunny and beautiful. We took off from around the courthouse in Angleton and I ran and felt pretty good. Got to mile 1 and I think I was just under 13 minutes, which for me right now is pretty good, so I was happy. There was water at mile 2 and I grabbed some, and by this time, I was pretty much out on my own. There was an oldish lady (not old, but somewhat older than me...you know what I mean!) up ahead of me I could see for a little while, but then she sorta took off and left me right around 2 or 2-1/2 miles or so...she was a beast, I tell ya! Anyhow...I told them at the water station as I was passing by that they could probably pack up and go after I was past, since I was the last one. They were so sweet and told me "ah, c'mon..there's always someone behind you!" and I had to tell them...well...no really--I was pretty sure I was it! They laughed and I ran on.....There was one point where we went around a little loop-ti-loop in a neighborhood and that concerned me a little, because there were no cones there, and by this time...no runners in sight but me! So, I followed the directions of the race volunteer at the corner and the spraypaint on the pavement and went on around--but it was pretty much all on my own! There was an estate sale going on at a house on the street I thought about stopping in to see, but then didnt...(just kidding!) anyhow...I kept on and there was more water at mile 4, and I kept going and then about mile 5, a coupla high school girls came out to finish up the last mile with me. One of them is a cross country girl from Bwood who is a bit of a local celebrity and an amazing runner--I see her all over town and she is FAST! The other was a sweet gal from Alvin who I think runs cross country too. These 2 girls were so sweet--they made this old fat momma who has lost lots of cool points feel good, especially by this point in the run! They were laughing at the stuff I had on my ipod and telling me about their running and asking me about mine and they made that last mile go super fast. Poor things...I felt bad for them though, because I think it was probably torture for them to have to run as slow as I was going! They were super sweet though, and a real blessing.

Anyhow...got to the end without having walked any of it, which was exciting. I think my Nike ipod needs calibrated again though, because it seems it gave me about an extra tenth of a mile every mile I ran...so it said I did 6.76 miles. It also said I did it in an hour and 28 minutes for a pace of 13:01 minutes/mile. I know its slightly slower than that, due to the distance being off, but it was still probably one of my fastest runs to date, and I was tickled snotless with it!

So, I get to the finish, and nobody is outside anymore and the time clock is already put up...but I didn't care because it felt GREAT! I so enjoyed it and it motivates me to keep working. And, I got my run in, which was sorta doubtful before I decided to do the race. I went into the church that was hosting the race, and found my super fast friends Abbie and Donnie and talked to them a bit, (they had already been back, for like an hour or so!) and as I was talking, I decided I probably should turn in the taggie thing from my number...you know, just so they didn't think I was dead on the road or anything. So, I go turn it in and said "hey, here's this, just so ya'll know I'm not dead" and we sorta laughed--haha--and then the funniest thing happened....they guy I gave it to came back to me a few minutes later and said "hey, it's a good thing you gave me that tag, because I think you got an age group award!"....HOW FUNNY IS THAT??!!! I was cracking up! Time clock was put up and everything, and I ended up getting 5th place in my age group--because, I suppose, there were 5 entered in my age group! I got a medal and everything....how stinkin' funny is that?! I was laughing at myself they whole way back home! I was so glad I went out!!!

Probably the best part about it all though, was just the encouragement I received...from being able to do it without walking, of course, knowing I can still complete a race, and from my friends and the other folks there who I've never even seen before, who encouraged me just by being there. Everyone was so positive and encouraging Saturday....no matter how slow I was. From the ladies at the registration table, to the other runners, to the water table volunteers and others, to the girls who ran me to the finish-- What a gift to be there and experience that! I truly enjoyed it, and I was sooooooo glad I decided to go!

So....next.....Surfside, here I come! Guess I better get to bed now though, so I can maybe get my big bootay out of bed and get a run in tomorrow morning! I don't want to get up at the buttcrack, but I proably should...so....gnight for now!

So, here's the deal...

2009-01-19T19:49:00.000-08:00

For a couple of days now, I have been aspiring to run a 10-miler as a get-ready for the Surfside Half run...and it hasn't happened. Last weekend, I ran an 8-mile run with NO walk breaks...I amazed myself with that one. I don't think I've ever gone that far without a walk break. I must qualify that by saying my pace (woo...and do I ever feel fast when I do it!) averages about 13-1/2 minutes a mile. I know for many of my friends that is crawling...but for this fat momma, it's like lightening speed! Well, maybe not lightening...but, you know! It's definitely a challenge! I was just tickled to have gone so far without the walk break. The cool thing on my speed though, is that it IS improving. I can look back on my running logs and I am going probably about a minute-faster per mile than I was back in the Fall, and I've even picked up 20-30 seconds a mile faster since the first of the year...so, slowly but surely, I'm getting there.

So...why didn't I do my 10 then? I was planning on doing it Saturday, and opted out because I was going to do it today (Monday) on the holiday-day. Well.....for me, getting out the door is always the hardest part. And Saturday was no exception. I folded laundry...and more laundry..and more laundry (I do have 3 kids, so that is like, totally justified!) and I got to hanging out with the kiddos and I don't even remember what else...and before I knew it, it was like 5 in the evening, which meant I'd have been running til nearly 8 pm for my 10 miles, and I just honestly didn't feel like doing that....so, I opted to do a shorter run, and ended up having an awesome time on a 4.73 mile run. It felt good, I felt strong, and I was planning on doing the 10 today.

Well....I, of course, had a butt-load (and yes, given the size of my rear, that is quite a bit!) of work to do....My kids were out of school Friday, which meant no office time for me, and they were out today, but so was Craig--so he stayed home with them and he graded papers while I went to work this morning. I got quite a bit done at the office and stayed a good while. I am preaching this weekend too, so I have a lot to do to prepare for that, so anyhow....after the office, I went to apply for an additional job. Yes...this has not much to do with running, but it all goes together, so--the deal is, our hospital cut everyone's hours back because evidently we are struggling to make the ends meet....(hmmm...that sounds familiar! At least I know that even the HOSPITAL gets itself into these situations too....its not just us personally!) So, they have (as reported in The Facts--so its not like I'm divulging some big hospital secret or anything!) decided that in an effort to save money to keep us operational, they have cut all the hourly employees hours by 10% and they have cut the salaried people's salaries by 10%. Well, me being a PRN (ie, hole-filler-inner; as opposed to a full-timer or part-timer) employee am at the bottom of the totem pole, so my hours are cut way back....they had already been cut pretty significantly, but now it turns out I lost yet another shift this month, which means I only have 3 shifts total at the hospital the entire next month. So...we were barely making it with me working 2-3 shifts a week, so this hurts quite a bit! Anyhow...that is the impetus behind me looking for a third job. Anyhow....after I left my office at church, I decided to go apply for another job and talk to the lady about it, and that took a little while, so long story a little longer--it was nearly 3 pm when I got home today.

I still had time to run the 10 at that point....but honestly...and this is kinda weird: I didn't run 10 because.....I didn't want to. Lame, yes, I know...but I do love running. I enjoy it so much--and I really thought going and doing maybe 4 or 5 miles sounded awesome...but I just did not want (today) to do 10 miles. So, I thought to myself..self, why are you doing this? What is the deal? Can you not feel good about yourself if you go run 4 or 5 instead of 10? Does doing a shorter run make you a loser? Who is keeping score? Will my facebook friends all think I'm a goober if I don't get to post about my 10 miles on a status update? For goodness sakes..its not like I'm an olympian or anything! Anyhow....so, I decided to do 4 or 5 instead. And I was really glad when I was out there that it was only 4 or 5, because for some reason today, it was extra tough--but I still really enjoyed it, and I am glad I went. I am losing a pound every two or three days, so my weight is moving, and I am certainly eating totally clean too...so I think I'm okay.

If it came down to it, I could go walk that darn half tomorrow if I had to....I could probably run it too, truth be told. Of course, I want to train right though, and get in another long run of at least 10 miles if not a couple more before Surfside on Feb 14. And I can...and I will....but today, I feel okay about my 5. I still earned my shower, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonnit...people like me! (okay..I'll put Stuart Smalley in a box..sorry!) Besides...I think I can relax taking as much time as it takes me to go run that a lot more after Sunday, when I have to preach....because I sorta have my hands full right now!

I guess what I'm learning too, is that I have to keep stuff in perspective. Running 10 miles doesn't define who I am any more than my bank account (thank you, Lord!) does, or my job does, or anything or anyone else in this world does--Christ and Christ alone defines who I am...and He gives me freedom. I don't have to be a slave to a 10-mile run or to anything else...I just need to abide in Him. There is true freedom in that. There is also a beautiful freedom in obedience and trust. He is teaching me so much about those things now...especially where the finanaces are concered. Truly, we are utterly dependent on Him. We always are, of course, but don't always realize or acknowledge it. I am very much aware of that dependence right now...and it is scary as all get out and sweet all at the same time.

Okay....philosophical/theological moment is past, and I need to get a shower (oh yes I do--one I earned!) and do some work on my sermon. Don't know if anything I said here made sense or had any logical order or not...but that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it! (and I will be out running, hopefully 6 days this week, as I have been pretty much every week for a few months now! I am REALLY loving feeling like I can do this again!) Toodle-loo!

Five for Five!

2009-01-09T21:48:00.001-08:00

It has been a good week! I have been able to run and run strong (for me, that is!) Monday through Friday. It has felt amazing! Now I know, to many of my friends, my running pace is probably equal to a Sunday stroll pace for them--but as stated in an earlier blog: Cushy shoes and need for the sports bra definitely qualifies my movement as running in my book!

Monday and Tuesday I went out early, like buttcrack of dawn early, and was able to run nonstop for around 30 minutes. That's sort of a big deal for me right now, especially since this was my first week back after having been sick for awhile and the holidays and all. It felt really good...and even though at times I looked for every reason in the world not to go, I was so glad when I was out there, and even more glad when I returned home and could write my miles (woo--like, all 2-1/2 of them!) in my little log book. Wednesday, I was going to get up early and go, but one of the boys kept me up most of the night with being sick...I think I probably did about 2 miles just going up and down the stairs to be with him! Anyhow....I was beat by Wednesday morning, so I slept in, with hopes that I could go run that afternoon when Craig got home. Thankfully, he let me go run Wednesday night and I was so grateful....I was able to make 3.6 miles without any walk breaks. This probably wouldn't be much of a big deal to most...and probably not that big of a deal to me, oh say as late as 5 years ago. But it's been AT LEAST 5 years since this big bootay was able to do that. Certainly pre-kids! I could do it when I was training for and running my marathon in San Diego....but that was in 2003! So, this was a huge accomplishment to me. I was on cloud 9 when I got back home! I mean, I still felt good and I was sweatin all over the place and sore and it so ROCKED! Endorphins really are wicked wonderful, I must say! I think part of being able to do it was how great it felt outside and the ipod, of course, but also the fact that it was in the evening. It makes it so much easier for me at that time of day--I think its more of my "prime time". Man, was it great!

So, I begged Craig for a chance at another afternoon run on Thursday, he kindly obliged, and I was able to do 3.4 with no walk breaks...and felt way, way good again! I know its not just a fluke that I was able to do it...its that whole consistency thing again...what a concept!

I did get up this morning at the buttcrack and went out to run and it was pretty good too. I had my 5th and 6th grade youth group tonight, so I knew there would be no time for an evening run, so I better get it in where I could...which meant it was basically back-to-back with the one yesterday evening. That made it a little tougher, but I was grateful to get out there. I probably could have trudged through it nonstop, but I did have two about two-minute walk-breaks. I decided to cut myself a little slack since it was a back-to-back deal. And I was very glad I made it out.

Tomorrow I am planning a long-ish run. Long for me, that is. Before I got sick, I was able to do a six-miler. Tomorrow its time for a 7 to 8-miler. We shall see how that one goes!

I have sooooo0 enjoyed having that ipod to run with. Who'da thought a little refurb nano from Hastings would be my best weapon against all the excess me! I have to say...I truly think most of my 80s stuff runs better than just about anything. Put Bryan Adams anything on, and man, I'm like a machine! As crazy as it is too, Whip It got me through a trying little stretch too, followed by Shania Twain's Whose Bed have Your Boots Been Under....good running stuff! Sometimes I feel sorta bad for passing by some of my great Christian music, but a lot of what I have just isn't real runnable....I mean, I love me some Watermark and Susan Ashton oldies and all that, but who ever tried to run to that stuff! Now Keith Green has some pretty upbeat stuff, and it makes you want to storm the gates of Hell with a waterpistol, so that's cool...but a lot of it is just too mellow for a run. My Christian running faves would have to be Jars of Clay, hands down. There isn't much they have that isn't great to run to. David Crowder isn't too bad, and I am all about running to Relient K (in my opinion, the Christian Bowling for Soup---who happen to also be great running pals on my ipod!) Yep....I still say when I am half this size I am now and everyone wants to know how I did it....I am going to tell them to buy an ipod! It so helps! I remember the days back years ago trying to run with a CD player thingy strapped on myself...yea, that really worked! Honestly, I think I left it in a friends bushes at her house because well....yea, a CD player worn on a body is cumbersome!

My little Nike+ deal for it is great too. Craig got it for me for my birthday last year. I am so loving it...tells me all the info about my run, will talk to me if I want it too, and saves it all on my computer when I sync up. It's so worth the about $30 it costs....it may not be quite as on as a GPS is, but once its calibrated, it works pretty darn well....I just love having that thing! I'm such a data junkie!

The eating has been going well too.....The only chocolate I've had this week was a slim-fast protein shake I forgot about the chocolate in when I opened it up. That was Monday. I have since sent those with Craig to school and haven't touched chocolate since then. It's harder at times than others, but the cravings are going away for it, and I am so glad. I've been having apples and oranges for my desserts instead....is this me I am talking about? Wow? I'm not recognizing this...isn't that wonderful!

Of course....Matthew 6:33 says to seek the Lord first and then it all comes together...some wise words that Bible has, huh! I know the discipline that has been conjured up in me isn't of my own doing...and I am so grateful for the One Who lives within me, who is changing me daily...and I am so thankful to finally be getting this Temple of His Spirit in a much better state of repair than it has been in for many years! As always....woooooohoooooooooooo!!!!!!

Here come better days...

2009-01-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am, 2009 is here. Did I accomplish my goals in 2008?? Uh...that would be a negative. I had fits and spurts of progress, but not the consistent change I need to live this life in the way I ought to be. Well....Praise God from whom all blessings flow, whose mercies are new every morning, and who makes all things new. I love New Years, because it is a time to reflect and to look ahead...sure, you can do it at anytime, but there is just something about the passing of another year that lends itself to reflection and goal-setting..and I intend to do just that!

I haven't been able to run in about 3 weeks due to having been sick with a nasty crud that turned into a sort of bronchitis--as it always seems to...coughing up really attractive and colorful chunks of lovely lung stuff here and there doesn't really lend itself to running! As soon as I started feeling like maybe I could get back out there, Christmas was here and it was nearly impossible to get out and about with all there is to do in that week or so of the year. So...here I am, feeling more slothful than ever! And it didn't help today to see pictures of myself that are...to put it lightly...quite disgusting. I have a beautiful bunch of kids I am so thankful for, wonderful friends, and lots and lots of blessings..but honestly, I don't recognize the person in those photos anymore. I don't recognize the person I see in the mirror. Who is she, why is she so fat, and why can I see the years that have not always been kind to her on her face the way I do? I am ready to recognize what I see again...it may be an older, more weathered version than what it once was, but darnit...I want to at least see some joy back in that smile again! Its been far too long!

There are a few things I want to concentrate on in this New Year we have ahead....one of them is Consistency. I want to learn what this means because in the chaos of the last several years, I have lost the concept. I need first of all, to be more consistent in my time with the Lord. Being in vocational ministry is one of the most difficult hurdles it seems to consistent time with the Lord...at least it is for me! Sure, I spend a lot of time in Bible study and doing "stuff" for God, but what of my personal "Mary" time just to sit at His feet...just for the sake of being with my Savior? It happens at times, but not nearly enough! I have way too much Martha in me for my own good (don't we all!)! Consistent time with Him...which I have hope will lead me to letting Him define me, rather than my circumstances. I have had a lot of discontent with a lot of my circumstances for quite some time now....and I have been letting those circumstances rob me of my joy....It is time to let the One I belong to, and Him alone fill the empty places I am so keenly aware of. There is no reason in this world for me to feel unloved....He loves me more than I can ever imagine...wrinkles, gray hair, excessive adipose tissue, and all! Knowing this, I want to seek to turn to Him...instead of to the other vices in my life to deal with what is thrown at me. Food (chocolate in particular) can no longer be my best friend and my comfort. Food is fuel--period. Food is fuel...some may be able to handle thinking of it in other ways, but for me right now, I have to simply see it as my fuel--nothing else. I don't mean I can't enjoy meal time with my kids or whatever....but I need to concentrate on the time I am spending with them and not what I'm gonna have for dessert later!

Consistency with the Lord is the biggie...I know it will make all the difference. And I am hoping it will lend itself to consistency with my exercise. I have been off to such a great start--this Spring.....and then again this Fall, only to get derailed by stuff each time. Well....it's time to get consistent and serious about it. I LOVE to exercise...I love to run...I love to sweat my butt off (and lemme tell ya, that's a lot of sweatin'!) and feel like I have really done something. I just love that feeling.....so now I just need to conjure up the discipline to get myself in bed at a decent time each night so I can go out at the buttcrack of dawn and get after it...consistently!

I haven't run in 3 weeks. I am doing a half marathon the middle of February....I am doing my first triathlon in April...goals like this help me tremendously in my motivation. I'd like to find maybe something to shoot for after the tri, like a summer and a fall something....something to keep the consistency.

There are other goals too, dealing with finances and getting out of this ridiculous debt...we are chipping away on that. I am trying to perhaps have a chocolate-free rest of 2009 (if I can make it), and I have some big dreams I am dreaming for my youth group at church and a few other ideas I need to be praying more about to see what opens up and what closes...but for now, I guess my word is CONSISTENCY.

Okay...gotta get to bed now, so that I can get up and run in the morning! Here's hoping I will get up and do it.....no matter what the circumstances of the morning bring me! He is in control, and He is the source of all discipline...so look out LJ---this big mama is fixing to hit the streets again...wahooooooo!!!!!

Two for Two!

2008-12-09T08:50:00.000-08:00

Well, we are two days into the new week, and I have run both days (at the buttcrack of dawn, no less!) so far--yay me! Not only that, but I was able to run for a full half hour without walk breaks. Now granted, I am probably running slower than most walk, but hey, I'm running! When I think about how much of me is out there running, I feel better about it...I mean, I probably comprise about 2 skinny friends worth...so if you think about a skinny runner running with another runner like strapped on their shoulders, well, that's the effort I'm putting forth...so I can feel good about that! (Hopefully that wont' be the case for too long...I am starting to see the scale move ever so slowly in the right direction!) And hey...at this point in my life, I figure, if I have to wear a sports bra and cushy shoes to do it, by golly, I can call it RUNNING! True...after 2 kids in 3 years, I should probably be wearing a sports bra and cushy shoes for most activities, but well...lets just say I am running...and I'm excited about it!

Oh..and I forgot to mention previously, that not only am I signed up for the triathlon in April, but yes, I have lost my mind yet again...and I signed up for the Surfside Beach Half Marathon in February....I figured I could walk a half now if I had to, so whatever I can run, so much the better. And it keeps me motivated to run, so thats exciting. Not only that, but its on a Saturday, which means I don't have to miss church for it, and I don't have to travel since its oh...10 minutes away! It's a also a relatively cheap event to enter, so that works too! Money is a huge stressor right now...or should I say, lack therof. We have been struggling so much for quite awhile, and every few months or so, we just have one of those seriously tight months where I have to pay stuff late and wonder if I can even pay stuff at all....we always get past them and the Lord always provides somehow, some way, but it still really stinks in the middle of it--this happens to be one of those months. Love that! Christmas! And taxes in January...ugh! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, as most of our major debt should be gone in about 3-1/2 years, but ugh....it just gets draining after a while. Time flies....except when you are trying to get rid of debt, it seems! I am so thankful for what we have though.....healthy, happy kiddos being right up at the top of the list. I can remember one of those incredibly tight months a couple of years ago when all I could do was stress over money...and then Silas broke his leg. More money stress yes, but oh my gosh...how badly he was hurting with that when it happened just put everything into perspective. There is a little boy who I get updates on who deals with multiple seizures per day and they don't know what causes them. My heart just goes out to that family....I hurt for them...and I am so grateful that despite all the junk it seems I have going on, that we truly have so much to be thankful for...and I am thankful!

Better get showered up and ready for work this evening at the lab....I'm not crazy about having to work this evening, but I AM so glad I EARNED my shower!!!! Woohoo!

Time to fess-up-date

2008-12-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

Well, its been a rough last week and I must confess, I haven't run in right at a week. I will say I am missing it though! Last week I got this nasty awful cold-type something and it threw me off big time. I went to bed one night at like 9:30, which is unheard of for me..like, ever! I don't think I had the flu, because I think I would've taken longer to get over it, but my body ached and I felt in general like crud. I know I had fever too, because I went to bed that one night with my coat on, flannel jammies, and a pile of covers, and was still freezing my patootie off (and lemme tellya....that's a lot of freezing, because I have quite an ample patootie!). Anyhow, the next day I felt slightly better, but not by much, and then the rest of the week I felt better each day, but still haven't quite felt 100% since. So, I missed a whole week of exercise....no running, no swimming, no nada. I feel like a big slug, but I really don't think there's much I could've done about it...I just hope it doesn't take me too long to get back with it, because I had been doing so well up to that point. I actually felt good enough to run yesterday, and was hoping too, but I am trying now to finish my class up that was started back at the beginning of summer, that I got an extension on courtesy of Ike. It's all due this Friday, so it's crunch time now. I took my final the other day, and think I did pretty well on it. I wrote my final paper last night...all 10 pages of it, and I need to go back and make sure the stuff I wrote at 4 am actually makes sense. I was getting pretty droopy by that time! Now, I just have one more paper to finish up, and can't do that until I go to Houston Thursday night for a Young Lives club I will be writing about. I have half the paper written with the background info, now I just have to fill in the other stuff with my specific observations Thursday. Wow...I just looked back, and this is a seriuosly boring note! I usually think I'm a decently entertaining writer, but crapola....I'm just sorta droning on tonight! Maybe once I get my run on and get those endorphins on the move I can be witty and fun again! But for now.....I'm settin the alarm, I have my clothes and my shoes out for in the morning, and I'm about to head to sleep...hopefully I will (in a fun way) post soon about another awesome run!

I feel good!

2008-11-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

Wowza! Okay, I know this is no biggie...and today's run used to be like, my normal everyday thing, like back in the day...but for a fat girl getting back into running, today was a great day! It has been a gorgeos day in Lake Jackson today...sunny, breezy, blue skies, and I'd say our high was probably in the 50s, maybe low 60s...yep, pretty much perfect weather! Well, I did some house cleaning and hanging out having fun with my kids--painting the boxes our new car seats came in (the ones that are being replaced since the wreck) out on the driveway to look like racecars, that sort of thing...and really just enjoyed the day. It took me awhile to have the chance to get out there and run, but I was so glad I did!Back when I ran before, I had, what I had measued at the time, to be a little 4-mile route I'd do regularly. It's been literally years since I've run this route, but I used to do it nearly daily. Here lately, I've only been getting in between 2 and 3 miles in the mornings, due to time constraints, so this was a nice little "long run" for me at this stage in the game. So, a few minutes after 5, I finally set out and I start out thinking this might be sorta tough. I run a little after I warm up, and then I have to walk pretty soon. Then I run a little more, and walk a little more. Then, I'm out about a half mile, and there are these 2 kids up ahead of me walking...Do you know what I'm talking about? They are just far enough ahead of me that I won't catch up to them walking, probably, but might catch up to them running, and I didn't want to pass them, only to have to start walking right away after that...so, I was like "do I walk or run?" and then, I determined it was not going to be up to 2 junior high kids if I got my running in or not, so I decided to start running. It also didn't hurt that "Friends in Low Places " came on the ipod...how can you walk through that song? So, I think to myself, if I can run to up to the next street and down it to the next (about a mile or mile-and-a-half or so), yay for me....well, halfway down that street, I so wanted to walk. Well, I had a little self-attitude check, and it was like ...Okay, I'm not hurting anywhere and I'm breathing okay, so I'll keep going. And I did make to to the next street, which was about 2.2 miles from home, a little over a mile from where I started running. Not too bad. So, I walk down it for I think 1 song, then Bryan Adams comes on, and I start to run again......so I'm running and I think, If I can run to the next street, which brings me back to my neighborhood, I'm good...I can do that, surely. Well, here's where it gets fun. Some Chris Rice song came on, and I'm keepin' on, and I get to the street I was aiming for. Still feeling good, I decide to keep going. My Sacrifice by Creed comes on...okay, there is NO STINKIN WAY to NOT run to pretty much any song by Creed, so I think, maybe I can make it to the next cross street...and I do, and then THE HAPPY SONG comes on!!! Like ANYONE can even stinking THINK of not running to that! So I kept going, thinking can I make t to the next cross street? Can I ? Well, I did, and then wouldn't ya know...the EAGLES come on...don't remember which song, but heck..it's the Eagles! So, I run and promise myself I will start to walk at the next landmark near to home. And I do...and I am feeling sooooo good! I walked around the corner into our neighborhood, and as per my usual, I sprint the last block to my house...don't know why, but I feel the need to go as fast as my short, fat legs will take me that last little bit..which is..oh, about 8 minute/mile pace--I think that's a leisurely stroll for some of my friends but for me, it's really truckin! So, I get home and my ipod (calibrated ipod, that is!) tells me I ran 4.55 miles at an average of pace of 14:38/mile, which included my walking and stretch breaks and stuff...not too bad! Not too bad at all! I have always said too...someday when I lose this weight, when people want my advice, I will tell them to GET AN IPOD! That music really kept me going tonight!I know its probably not a big deal, but I feel like I can say "I run" again! I have a long way to go, but to be able to keep going as long as I did tonight is a huge accomplishment for me! I am so grateful! The weather was awesome too...so...wooohoooo....yay me!!!Guess I beter get to working on confirmation lessons again...I think I will sleep good tonight--and not probably be ready to get up when I need to! And.....I EARNED my shower tonight...I just love that!

On rain, swimming, discouragement, and what good a workout can do!

2008-11-12T20:38:00.001-08:00

Well...I guess since I mentioned every possible topic in the title to this post, I should make sure I cover all the bases! Rain! It's been raining a lot lately...mostly in the morning...at oh, like 5:00 am, when I am supposed to be up running. I say a lot...like, the past 2 days really, I guess. Now I don't mind a little rain, mind you, but I just don't think I'm hardcore enough to be out in an out-and-out downpour yet! I can remember running in some pretty decent rain back in the day, but I just didn't want to be out in such a huge downpour as these have been....so, when I hear the rain falling, I"ve been turning off the alarm and just sleeping in a little while and enjoying the sound of the rain, which is so nice! I do want to get back to the running...I really do....but, I will say I have enjoyed the little break (and will be praying for more rain tomorrow, probably!) It does sorta make me feel like a weenie though, when it gets to be like 10 am and its bright sunny outside! "Really, it was raining at 5...I promise!"
And I guess that brings me to the next thing....swimming! I have really been enjoying my pool time! One day I did 17 laps, I think 15 another day, and tonight I did 16. Those are like back-and-forth being one lap...so, like 32 lengths, if you were to count it that way...I will say...If I could use a kickboard in the triathlon, I think I'd so have it made! I will usually do a few laps with the kickboard to warm up and cool down and man, I can boogie on that thing! I could go for stinkin' ever with the kickboard! But alas, I think I probably have to be all on my own power for the tri! So, I've been swimming....breaststroke, backstroke, and crawl and alternating between them all. I'd like to work up to doing more crawl, but man oh man...that one wears me out! I'm getting a little stronger at it, but its still tough! I really am enjoying the swimming though, for something different. It feels really good, and I do feel like I've really done something when I get back.
The discouragement, is thankfully abating a little bit, but I had a few dumpy days there, which have weighed me down a bit. I had a meeting that, in my opinion, was a little rough the other night and that was discouraging.....things at home seem to have been discouraging for awhile--the ridiculous mess and housework that piles up being only a part of the problem--a significant part, no doubt, but yea...I don't blog about that. I'm not done with my class yet, which is hanging over my head, the bank account is overdrawn til I get my paycheck tomorrow, and geesh! I was just feeling a little hammered on there for a few days. I know the Lord won't give me more than I can handle, but crap...why does he have to think I'm so stinkin' strong! He is faithful, and I know and hang on to that. And I am thankful He has given me a body...albeit a short, fat, very unattractive body (and that's not His fault...he gave me a good gift, I just happened to have screwed the gift up over the years!)...that can, despite its weaknesses...still run, still swim, and still be challenged! What a gift it is to be able to go to Him in prayer, but also to know its a gift from Him as well, to be able to sweat out frustrations as well....I was feeling much more encouraged after all that.

Here's to hoping we all continue to feel encouraged!!!!

So far, so good...and yes, as a matter of fact, I HAVE lost my mind!

2008-11-05T20:44:00.000-08:00

So, the running is going well. I went Monday morning early and this morning early. Tuesday I couldn't go because I worked until 6 am Tuesday morning and Craig had to leave as soon as I got home, so no run for me that day...I was pretty much comatose most of the day anyway, from the night shift. The election really made for a crappy end of the day too...so yea...yay for Tuesday being over! Anyhow, I feel like I am getting stronger on the running now. I mean, I will probably never be fast or anything, but just to be able to keep on going is such a wonderful feeling. My Nike ipod thingy tells me I am averaging around 13 minutes/mile, which isn't too bad, wtih the walking averaged in, I guess. Yes, I am a turtle, but I'm totally fine with that! That ipod is really helpful too...and I have such a crazy mix of stuff on it! Jars of Clay and Relient K are some of my better get going selections, and anything by Bowling for Soup gets me to kick into high gear too. Bryan Adams old stuff and Bon Jovi isn't too bad either! Throw in a little Rich Mullins, Patsy Cline, Larry Gatlin, and Point of Grace (yes, I am cheesy!) and you've got yourself a cooldown! Sometimes, I do this "run a song, walk a song" thing to time out my breaks, and let me just say....the Lynard Skynard extended dance mix of Freebird makes for a pretty long run for this outta shape momma! That one isn't for the faint of heart! So, the losing my mind part....yes, its fun! Okay, the story goes, I have done a marathon before when I ran, and would love to do one again sometime, though I'm not anywhere close yet. Something else, a little goal (well, not such a little one!) or dream is maybe a better word for it, that I'd like to do and have always wanted to do is a triathlon. I have crazy fiend athlete friends that do them, and wow! I am in awe. Not long ago, I ran across a dear old friend from high school and college that is not only a dentist, but also a professional triathlete now as well...like, big time! Anyhow....the last opportunity I had to think about it, I weenied out. I know I could do the running and the biking part--yes, slowly, I admit, and probably not terribly gracefully--but given enough time, I COULD get myself from point a to point b on foot or on a bike. But the swimming...that scares the crud out of me! I swim, yes...but not like THAT! Well, this weekend, I hear about this triathlon at Moody Gardens in April, so I googled it and found it. They have the longer ones on Sunday, but Saturday is the Sprint one, which is the short course....swim 0.3 miles (I think), bike 12-something, and run a 5K (3.1 miles). It would be quite a challenge, but I like the idea of it because:--It IS a challenge...and I thrive with a concrete goal to work toward.--It would push me to work really hard..and I love that!--I think the distance is doable...--It's in April..so I have like 5 months to train.--It's in Galveston, so I wouldn't have to travel, which would make it cheaper and easier.--It's on a Saturday, so I wouldn't miss church for it.So.....I SIGNED UP!!!! Paid my money, I'm committed, baby! So.....I went and swam tonight....and man, do I stink at it!! When I was a kid, I swam like a fish..not so much now! WEll, maybe a dying fish, or one with a hook in its mouth or something! Yea....that's gonna take A LOT of work! But I'm committed, so there's no turning back now. And crappy swimmer or not, I feel really really good right now! I'm loving this! Brain or no brain, I'm in!!

Yes, I'd be a slug

2008-10-30T06:47:00.000-07:00

Well, the past 2 days I've been a slug, and felt the need to fess up about it--for myself, even if no one else reads this! Yesterday, Craig had to get his grades in at school by like 8 am and hadn't done it yet, so he left the house early, early to go to school, which would have put me leaving home to run at like 4 am. That was waaaayyyyy too early...5 I can do, but getting up in the 4's is just sort of ridiculous! So, I was going to go later on in the day...first while the kids were in preschool, if I got enough work done at the office. Well, we had a staff meeting that ran a little longer than we thought it might, so I didn't get as much done by 1pm as I had hoped, and so I kept working til it was time to pick up the kids at 2. So then, I was going to go after I took them for a little special date at Chick-Fil-A last night, but it didn't happen because the childcare at the gym closes at 8pm, and it was like 10 after 7 by the time we finished eating...and of course, at Chick-Fil-A, you can't leave until you've got to climb around all over the playground thingy and sit in the little airplane up there for-e-ver! Then, when I got home, I cleaned house for a bit, just mostly doing clutter control, and then I needed to work some more getting ready for Sunday. It is our pastor's annual trip to Colorado, which means I get to preach. I absolutely LOVE getting to do it. Pretty much whenever he goes away, I get to fill in, although he doesn't go away very much. It is really something I love to do, but it requires a commodity that is in short supply in my life right now to get ready---nice, quiet, uninterrupted time! So, last night after kids were in bed, after I got the house de-cluttered enough that I didn't want to strangle someone (I'm showin the love, huh), I worked on my sermon. Tomorrow we have a big fun deal at church for the kids, and then my 5th-8th graders are having a little party-type get together, so there won't be a lot of time on Friday. And Saturday, I will have to leave to work at the hospital about the time everyone is laying down for their naps, after lunchtime. I work til 10:30 Saturday night, which isn't late, but it does limit the time I have to work on all this Saturday....so, I am trying to be pretty much ready to go by the time I go to bed tonight....which, may mean not getting out early in the morning (which may very well translate to no exercise that day). I am hoping not, but I do need to make sure I am ready for Sunday. If I don't make it out, I WILL be out there come Monday morning, for sure, and back at the consistency. I really am missing the early runs right now, and that's a good thing....I'm not really enjoying the sleeping in til 7-something--which surprises me in a wonderful way! I am just trying to get my 6 or 7 hours of sleep in, which is another commitment I am making for the sake of my health--these 2 to 4-hour nights of sleep I've done for years have been part of my undoing for weight, I'm sure. So, all things work together for good.....

Okay, there! I fessed up! And yes, it feels better to get it out of my head and somewhere I can look at it and see it makes sense to do what I am doing. There is a lot of empty space up in my head for all these thoughts to rattle around in....its nice to have them nailed down on a blog! Later, taters....love, the the Slug....aka, Stacy!

Forward Motion

2008-10-28T08:15:00.001-07:00

Well, I didn't know if I would make it out the door today or not, but I did it, and I am so glad. I had to work the evening shift at the lab last night, which meant I was supposed to get off at 10:30. I was working blood bank and microbiology last night, which was amazingly quiet. I think I crossmatched blood on only a couple of folks, did a cord blood, and only set up a handful of cultures....which means I should have been able to get home on time, possibly even early. I was hoping for the early thing, because I was sleeeeeepy after having been up since early! On MWF I work at my office at church in the mornings too, while the kids are in school, so it wasn't really just a leisurely morning either--suffice it to say, I was ready for sleeping! Well, there is this little (or actually not so little) training deal we all have to do in the lab that I should've gotten done a while ago, but because I am not there all the time and because when I am there, I am often by myself (working nights), I hadn't completed it yet. It's one of those computer thingys with a powerpoint type training session and it tests you and you have to pass and all that stuff....and can I just say, all of those type things put me to sleep like crazy! I mean, I would so rather stick icepicks under my toenails than have to sit through one of those things! So, I am making my way thorugh this awful thing (it was on packing dangerous goods, and transporting them, and "class A, UN number 2833 under IATA code 3423.32.38 and use packing instruction 402" type stuff for---oh, like every dangerous good known to man--and how to pack it for an airplane and----aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!! Seriously, can I poke a finger through my eye now????--all ELEVEN CHAPTERS of it!!! So, I am close to finishing it and it's time to go home--but I am not quite finished. As tired as I was, I KNEW good and well I DID NOT want to sit down and finish this stupid thing later (or do it ever again!) so, I stayed to finish it up and it took me until 11:30! So much for going to bed early! And of course, once I get home, I can't go straight to bed--gotta have a little wind down time--usually on facebook, reading the paper online, etc. (I really needed to clean the dirty kitchen that was left for me, but that's another story I won't get into! Needless to say...I need to do some housework today!)Anyhow....I'm in bed at around 1 am, thinking there is no way I will be getting up at 4:45 to run, and I probably should allow myself some grace because of having to endure that stupid SAFTPAK training for so long. Well, my alarm went off at 4:45, and the snooze alarm and I had a little fight---and though the fight went for a couple of rounds, I WON, I WON! Yep, I was out of bed at 5:05 or so, and after stumbling around on my sore feet and trying to find my socks, I was out the door at 5:30...woohoo! It seemed sort of appropriate that the first song to come up on my ipod was "Forward Motion" by Relient K--and how I have trouble with forward motion! Some Linda Rondstat (when will I be loved), Chris Tomlin, Jars of Clay, Garth Brooks, and Bowling for Soup later, I had gone about 2-1/2 miles, according to my newly-again-functional Nike+ipod thingymadoo. I had to get a new sensor for it (I got it for my birthday last year) and I havne't calibrated it yet, but out of the box, it is pretty close to being accurate for most people, statistically. I was able to run the whole way around my neighborhood's "big block" without a walk break, which is about a mile, for the first time since I've been back at it....a mile isn't terribly far, but for me right now, that was quite a milestone! I think the cold weather is helping a lot too....I have always LOVED to run when its cold! With the walk breaks, I averaged about 12-1/2 minutes per mile, which for me, is pretty darn good right now! (I was never fast....even 3 kids, 100 pounds, and 8 years ago!) If I can move one foot in front of the other faster than I walk, that's a run for me, baby---no matter what the speed! So...after the shower that felt soooo good--because I was cold from the weather, hot from the run, and because I EARNED it--I was updating my prayer list, reading, and enjoying the quiet of the morning, just me and Jesus, hangin out. I love those times--while they last, that is! Barrett and Silas were bounding down the stairs pretty soon...yes, like, buttcrack of dawn soon! Anyhow, I took the opportunity to snuggle up with them on the couch while they watched their "mornin shows" as they call them, and the next thing I knew, I opened my eyes, and it was daylight, and we were all the way to Tigger and Pooh on Playhouse Disney! So much for staying up with no naps...but but its worth it! After all, I felt great from my run, and Barrett and Silas will only be 4 for a little while...speaking of which, Miss Gabriella, who will only be 2 for a little while is up now, so I better go give her some equal opportunity! She who is at 0.97 percentile on the weight scale....she didn't inherit that from me!!!! Maybe I need to get her to teach me a thing or two--she never stops moving! I think that's why she's so tiny!Thanks soooooooo much for the encouragement too!!! It helps a lot--because I know I don't want to post a status update that says "Stacy is a lazy slug who didn't get out of bed to run!" Yep, accountability works!

Four days down makes my first week back!

2008-10-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I made it out the door early Wed, Thurs, and Friday, and got out this afternoon for 4 days out walking/running/shuffling my feet/yada yada yada....so, that's my first week back at the "I wanna be a runner" quest. I am so happy I am getting back out there. I already feel better and just the consistency and the routine are things are thrive with....I'm loving it!
Today, since nobody had to go into work or anything, I decided to sleep a little later...well...slightly later. The boys came and woke me up at 6:15 wanting to see their "mornin' shows"...ie, The Wiggles, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Tigger and Pooh and the morning Playhouse Disney lineup. 6 stinking 15! I don't know where they get this up at the buttcrack of dawn trait, but if it keeps up, it will serve them well, I'm sure! Oh, how I wish it came as naturally to me to get up so stinkin early!
Anyhow, the new LJ firestation was having an open house, so we went over there this morning and sat in firetrucks and ambulances and looked around at everything for awhile, and then came my trip to PetSmart to the SPCA setup. We fell in love with this precious pup named Pickles, who is going to be a great family-type dog, I"m pretty sure. We used to have dauchsunds, and due to their digging out of our yard as well as their propensity to not be so great with kids, they are in a new home now. I have been wanting to find a good family dog, because the kids, especially Gabriella are just dog crazy. So, we found Pickles today. An intense conversation with dad, several papers, and about an hour later, our adoption was sealed. She has to be spayed before we could bring her home, so we'll be getting her on Wednesday. (yes, that has nothing to do with running, but it was a big event of today, nevertheless!) The kids are soooooo excited for her, and I'm looking forward to seeing them bond. She really is sweet.
So...back to the running! It was a gorgeous, gorgeous day today, and I was going to go on my run while the kids were napping, but didn't make it out there before the boys woke up. They have been getting a little rambunctious on me, and are starting to really test their limits some more (ie, look at me and laugh when I tell them no and whine, whine, whine about stuff!) so, I think a good outing should do them some good. They got bikes last year for Christmas--with training wheels--and are pretty good on them, so I strapped on their helmets and put on my shoes, and we went out for a bike ride for them and a run/walk/traffic officer time for me. When they go fast, it pushes me on the running, which is great...when they don't go fast, well...it's either a nice brisk walk, or a leisurely stroll, just depending on how far we've gone so far! I got a little of all of the above in today. We went down the cool sidewalk-that-looks-like-a-road off the side of Oyster Creek Drive, and they were having big fun on that, and started to recognize we were getting near the neighborhood of church. They really, really wanted to ride "all the way down to church, Momma!" so we went on down. I guess church is probably between 1-1/2 and 2 miles away, so we probably ended up doing a total of between 3 and 4 miles. They loved it, especially on the way there. They were getting a little tired on the way home, but they were troopers and did really well. We've ridden that far several times before, but it's been awhile. I did a lot of walking on the way back, but I figure at least I was still out there. I mean, it wasn't like a heart-pounding workout, but it was so much fun to listen to them talk and chatter away and see them riding there beside and around me. It was a lot of fun, and I'm hoping we get out to do it again soon.
They were pretty pooped by the time we got home, and Gabriella had been awake from her nap for awhile. Craig said when he got her up she got all sad because her "boys" weren't there.....but, she got over it and was very happy to see them when we got home.
The early runs have been so great this week....I've really enjoyed them, and the nice quiet time built in after I get home before the kiddos wake up. It's really been a blessing, and I so hope I can keep it up. The one thing I don't like about getting out at the buttcrack of dawn is how dark it is then. That is a little creepy...but I honestly don't know what self-respecting perpetrator would mess with me! I'm careful and all, but truly...who is going to want to jump an ugly fat woman with this much gray hair and an empty bank account wearing my tacky totally uncoordinated painting shorts with splatters all over them?? The good thing is, is that there seem to be quite a few people out walking and stuff at that time of the day..and that the time change is next week! I usually hate this time change, because I love the longer days, but I am thinking I"ll like it for the early morning-stuff. It'll be nice to have a little earlier daylight.
My eating isn't quite where it ought to be yet, but its moving in the right direction. I'm being a lot better than I had been, but not quite as good as I need to be on it. For me, it seems the healthy eating always follows the exercise...never the other way around. So, I'm trying to get that where it oughta be too.
I'm making my goal to be out running/walking/moving at least Monday through Friday mornings early. I am hoping to also get in a Saturday workout too. There has to be at least a day off a week, to give the body some recovery time, so that'll probably be on Sunday. When you are on staff at church, Sundays are pretty much work days--I seem to go morning til night on Sundays between church and my responsibilities there, teaching confirmation, and then leading a small group for youth and having high school youth Sunday evenings. Next Sunday I am preaching, so I'll REALLY be on the go then! (I just love it when I get to preach..but it does take a lot out of you, to preach 2 services...it's so fun though!) Anyhow, if I can do the Monday through Friday or Saturday thing, I think I will feel pretty consistent and like I am making progress. It wouldn't hurt to move down the line in my closet too....I have my super-ultra-fat-clothes (the ones I am in now!), my super-fat-clothes (a little smaller, worn during the first part of my twin pregnancy and some of my single-baby pregnancy), my fat clothes (which I wore before having kids for a few years), my sorta bigger clothes (from when I used to think I was fat--but that I"d love to be down to now!), and my normal person clothes, which are the goal!!! I'd so love to be in the normal-size-person clothes and toss those other ones OUT! (of course, I'd give them to Salvation Army or something...but I'd love to first toss them in a trash can, sorta like they do on what not to wear!)
Anyhow....so, 4 days down. Not a bad first week....not too bad at all, I think! Thanks again for all the encouragement! Accountability is a good thing!

New shoes, one day down, and wooohooo!!

2008-10-22T14:31:00.000-07:00

Well, as a followup to my last marathon (no pun intended!) note, I thought I'd catch up. First of all...thank you so much for all of the feedback and encouragement! I truly am blessed with some amazing peeps! I am so grateful for my friends...old friends that go all the way back to Marble Falls, and new ones in Lake Jackson--ya'll are such gifts, and I appreciate you each one!So....I haven't had a new pair of running shoes since 2003, when I ran the San Diego Rock n' Roll marathon (and pre-kids). I think the last pair I got I used to train in for awhile and run the marathon itself in, and they have been used off and on since then on the rare occasions I actually made it out the door in the past 4 years! So, I decided it was time to invest in another pair of shoes. After all, these are the only legs I have, and they are carrying a whole lotta me on them! Back in the day, I went to Fleet Feet in Rice Village in Houston and learned I needed motion control shoes, and I ran in Saucony Grid Stabils for awhile and then discoved the Brooks Ariel, which is one beast of a shoe! (in fact, the man-version of it was called the "Beast"...don't know if it still is or not, but that is the lineage of the shoe...the Beast!). My Ariel's served me well, but since it had been so long ago that I'd had my gait looked at, I decided a trip to the Running Shoe store was in order, rather than just ordering willy nilly online (which probably would've saved a little money...but I needed the service this time). There is a great...I think fairly new...store in Pearland (and one in Clear Lake) called "On the Run" and that is where we went...by we, I mean myself, and my 3 sidekicks, who happen to be aged 4, 4, and 2. I had seen the Pearland store before, but couldn't remember exactly where it was, because Pearland is like...crazy built up these days! I remember way back in the day when Pearland was just podunkville out in the country south of Houston...no buddy, not anymore! It's a stinkin shopper paradise now! It pretty much runs into Houston and its hard to tell where one stops and the other begins. In the last 10 years since I've lived here, it's exploded like a seagull eatin' rice! Anyhow, we drove the about 40 minutes up to Pearland, and then drove around every little storefront place that looked like where I remembered seeing the store for about as long trying to find it! Finally, my synaptic misfire got straightened otu and I remembered where it was and we made it there. Of course, my sidekicks were MORE than happy to be out of the van by this time! So, I go in, walk around and try on lots of shoes....Sauconys, Mizunos, Addidas, Asics, not sure what all else, and then the Ariel...yep...they are still the one, baby! They felt so good on my feet, and I knew they would help motivate me to get to bed last night and up and at em in the morning. And I have to remember its an investment, because it takes me about a half shift of med teching to earn the 100 or so bucks to buy them....It's hard to spend the money, but I'd rather spend it on shoes to get me running and take care of my body than to spend it later on medical bills because I'm a big fat unhealthy slug. Anyhow....so I get my Ariel's and I'm so excited! Of course, by this time I had to reassmeble a few things at the store due to my kiddos and deal with the carnage, but overall it was a successful trip. And the kids were excited to eat at Chick-Fil-A while we were out and about. So......last night, I was actually ready to sleep at 10:30ish, which is amazingly early for me! My alarm went off at 4:45 this morning, and I snoozed only once to get me to 4:50, and I was up and at em! Brushed my teeth, got dressed, got the shoes on, and I was out the door....whoohoo! It felt great! And though I'm not breakin any speed records, I was able to run a little more than I was the other day..probably mostly due to the shoe situation. It felt so good...I was a sweaty mess when I got home, and it RAWKED! Of course, I was getting a little stressed about 5:50 or so when I realized it would be shortly after 6 that I got home. Craig was waiting on the driveway, but he was nice to me, so that was a nice surprise...I thought for sure I'd be in trouble for being late. (it was a fw minutes after 6 I got home). So, he left for work, I got to take a shower I felt like I actually "earned" and had about an hour before the kids woke up to spend time with my Lord....does it get better than that? Naw....not really, at least not for now. I'll take it....it's been a good day!Anyhow....lets see if I can do it again. Get to bed early, get up early, butt out of bed, go Stacy go...one foot in front of the other....repeat! We shall see!! I think I can, I think I can!!!

Can I do it???

2008-10-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

Okay....I have to admit it: I am crazy jealous (in a good way...not in a vicious evil sort of way!) of all my runner and athletic friends...skinny ones too, of course! I am jealous in an "I-am-inspired-and-encouraged-to-do-better" sort of a way, and I want to challenge myself.I had never been terribly athletic growing up. I mean, I played softball as a kid on a league and did pretty well and had fun with it, and I lived to jump rope and run around and ride my bike and that sort of a thing, but I was never like the super athlete, play on a team, crazy granola girl type. And I used to remark that the only time I'd run was when being chased...which was pretty much..uh...never...so, that was that for the whole running thing.Until later...like, oh, bout 1995ish or so. I was in medical technology school at Methodist Hospital in Houston, and my lab coat was rather...um...well, it was getting tough to button! You know when your scrubs start to stretch across your bootay, things are a little out of control! Too many Double Dave's pizza rolls at A&M, too long of having an apartment next to Shipley donuts in college, and too much studying and eating until all hours of the night in med tech school were catching up...not to mention that at the ripe old age of ...what was it then, like 22 or 23...my metabolism was at the slowest rate I'd seen to date. and thus, the weight wars began!!I started running when I was in med tech school, living in the medical center in Favrot Hell...um, Hall that is. There was a little workout room in the basement and I'd trek down the 11 floors down to there and walk on the treadmill, and then started running. I distinctly remember that was when I learned the lesson to not close your eyes on a treadmill, as I was "relaxing" (or some such attempt) and ended up on the floor behind the treadmill, which I'm sure was quite a sight! I worked myself up to being able to run a mile and a half on the treadmill and thought I was like a crazy running machine! For a fat girl who had never gone more than like 2 feet, that was pretty good! Then, my friend Scott Gogulski who lived down the hall from me, and about my only English-speaking friend in the dorm, who was an Aggie to boot, took me to Memorial Park to try to run there. I thought Scott was sorta cute too, which helped...and between that motivation and just being out in the fresh air with the wind on my face, I managed to run my first 3 miles without stopping to walk. I REALLY felt like a running machine then! I continued to run the rest of med tech school and then when I moved to Brenham, I ran some there as well, but never quite as regularly as I did during that year in Houston, when I'd go out pretty much every day after class and run the perimeter of Rice. Which, incidentally, was another place I landed flat on my face, after tripping on a big tree root at the corner of Greenbriar and University, I think it was. Of course, it was on a baseball game day with lots of traffic that saw me too....lovely! Yes, I am graceful!So, I ran off and on in my years in Brenham, and took it up pretty steadily to lose weight for my wedding in 1998. As in the past, the running began as a quest to lose weight, but ended up being something I did just because it felt so good and I enjoyed it so much. I took a little hiatus when I moved to Lake Jackson, adjusting to being married and new job, and all the changes in my life, and then took it back up again, of course to lose weight, which I did, but of course just started to enjoy it again. Feeling like a machine again, I decided I wanted to do a marathon. It would give me a goal to work toward and I just wanted to do it..sounded like fun!So, I trained and worked hard and was signed up for Austin, when my husband lost his job and our world fell apart for a little while. Too many hours of work for me and trying to hold things together meant no trip to Austin, where I was expecting to run in about 5-1/2 hours. I was in decent shape then, and LOVED the whole running thing, was addicted! I got up to a 23-mile long run before the trip got derailed and I began to get fat again. yeech.So life levels out, everyone is gainfully employed again, and I begin to work for Young Life...which has a lot of beautiful and athletic people...and a lot of good food too! Not to mention the "hey, let me take you out for a milkshake" that I loved so much in contact work with kids. and I gain more weight.I still had the marathon bug and decided I wanted to for sure run one before I had kids.....fat me or no fat me! So, I sign up for the San Diego Rock and Roll marathon in 2003 and ran it and LOVED it. It took me 6-1/2 hours to do, but it was awesomely fun and I felt like I had accomplished so much by finishing it. I was then going to run the Disney marathon when we were in Florida in January of 2004, but found out I was pregnant right before we left on the trip....I decided not to run, seeing as how I had had pregnancy problems aplenty in the past, and it was totally worth it, of course.....little did I know, I was carrying not one but two babies, which turned out to be my Barrett and Silas, who are 4 now. (when did that happen....that so feels like yesterday!).So, fast forward (this is becoming quite a long note, huh...I guess I'm longwinded!) past 6 weeks of bedrest in the hospital having the boys in August of 2004, learning to be a parent with a litter of kids to start with, and then having Gabriella in September of 2006. Three babies in two years is hard on a body! It's really hard when you are trying to do so much by yourself and don't get out much, except to work. It's really tough on the body...hence, there aren't really any recent pictures of me up on here! A few years of stress eating and only getting to exercise every now and then has taken its toll, as most who know me up close and personal the last several years can probably see and attest to. So, here I am....I want to begin to get this body in some sort of working order again. I miss running and all the cool things that go with it! I know I'll never be fast, but it would be enough for me to feel that sense of accomplishment that comes when you hit your stride and it feels fun instead of painful! I love the sore you get after a good run....and feeling your blood pump...and also feeling like you are using the gift you have been given in this body to its fullest potential. The Lord, I believe, is honored when we take care of the Temple He's given us....and honestly, my Temple has looked abandoned for years now....like I'm thinking this Temple is in major disrepair....and it's time to do something about it!So, what is one to do when you are a mom to 3 kids under the age of 5 and pretty much the only time you are able to get out is when the kids are sleeping? How do you work 2 jobs and take care of a home, mostly on your own, and wear all the hats you have to wear to do it? Others do it....I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm ready to start trying something new...because what I'm trying for the last several years isn't working so well.I'm not an early-riser kind of a person....I may STAY UP til 4 am regularly, but rarely will I GET up at that time. But it seems to me, that many of the folks who juggle all these sorts of things do the get up early and get out there deal. Can I do it? I don't know...Craig leaves for work at 6 am now...If I can get this ample butt of mine out of bed and out the door by say 5, I could get in a decent run/walk/whatever it becomes and be home by 6 in time for him to leave. Can I do it? I don't know, but I want to try. So, why did I just put all this here? Well....it gives me some accountability, I suppose. If I can get to bed before say, 2 or 3 am, I bet I could do it. I bet I will feel better. I bet it will benefit me in more ways than I can list. I really, really want to try! I am just coming off of 3 night shifts now and working on maybe about 8 hours of sleep since last Thursday....so, its probably not going to start tomorrow. But, maybe, just maybe, it can start the next day. Big butt out of bed, big butt out the door....that's all it takes, and then one foot in front of the other. Can I do it? I don't know, but I'm going to try! All I can do is try!! I'll post back in a few days and keep my accountability going! Even if no one takes time to read this (and honestly, you probably have better things to spend your time on!) but, at least I put it out there for me to see...and to work toward...and to try. Can I do it??? I don't know, but I'm going to try.....we'll see!!!

Aaahhhh......ROUTINE!

2008-09-24T13:10:00.000-07:00

How sweet it is! Routine, that is! We have been living in a topsy-turvey world for the last 2 weeks, since dear old Hurricane Ike came to visit us. Schools not open, unable to work, except at the hospital, and a crazy existence that has just felt plain weird.

Today, my husband went back to work at school, as they are open for students for the first time since the storm tomorrow. Yay!
Today, my kids went back to preschool, first time they have been open since the storm. Yay!
Today, I went back to work at church. First time we've had power since the storm. Yay!
Today, I got up a little early and spent time with the Lord for the first time in awhile....I have been sorely undisciplined to do so lately...at least first thing in the morning. It was sweet. There is nothing better than to sit at His feet to begin the day....and continue the day, of course, too. I got myself a new study to work on for awhile. It's a Beth Moore study called "Jesus"....big book with journaling and readings and stuff for each day. I am more used to following my own plan, whatever it may be at a given time, but right now, I am needing and craving the structure a study like that brings. As I said....routine is beautiful!

I never thought I'd be so about a routine. We always in this world seem to get so wrapped up into things being different or "changing up the motonony" and so forth.....well, we got a good dose of that here on the Texas coast, compliments of Ike. My area less so than many others, but he still packed a good enough wallop to change our status quo and to change it up a lot! It's sort of exciting for a few days....crazy as it sounds.....the evacuation, the battening everything down, the staying up all night to watch the storm on tv while you are away...sorta neat for an adrenaline junkie, such as myself. But then, when you return, its hard to not have that routine thing....no school, no stores, no gas, no work, no anything that seems like the life you left behind a few days before. We had power at least....much more than you can say for many others around our community, but still, life was definitely interrupted.

And now, here we are! I am convinced that we serve a God who is all about ORDER. We are made in His image, and whether we realize it or not, He created us with a sense of order that works so much better to function with than the chaos we are in...whether created by ourselves or by circumstances beyond our control. You don't realize the beauty of the order until its gone for a time. And then are so thankful for it to return!

I woke up feeling more hope today than I have in awhile....more optimism, more joy, and just a general feeling that "its going to be okay!" Lord, help me to hold onto this feeling, which I know is only from You! Help me to live in the order You have created, and to walk with You. It's gonna be okay....I just need to trust and obey...and it will be okay!

Think I'll head to the gym now.....gotta be some order to this body of mine, now!

Time to change

2008-08-10T23:51:00.000-07:00

Okay...time to get a few things in order, so that I can feel better about things. I am still in a bit of a crappy funk, but I am determined to plow through and let the Lord work in me and through me.

There are a lot of things about my life I cannot change: the choices I have made that have brought me here, as well as the circumstances and person I might like to change. Those things are just givens and it isn't within my power to change them. I can pray and let go of the past and that sort of thing, but I can only be responsible for who I am, and the choices I make. So, I am going to commit afresh to making better choices and trying to get back into control the things I DO have control over!

So, here goes:
1. Exercise!!!!!! This is always a mood lifter as well as motivation for me to behave myself on eating. It's a much healthier stress release than is Blue Bell milk chocolate! I need to get back to the gym, get back to walking, and get back with it....consistently!
2. Eating better: Smaller portions, healthier stuff. I need to cut out the fried/high carby junk I have been living on lately....cut out the fast food. Cut out the monster portions. I need to eat like a human and not the ginormous elephant/whale I have become. Part of this is going to be painful---It pains me greatly, but I HAVE to give up chocolate. I don't know if it's forever or for a season, but me and chocolate go round and round and round...and it seems to win everytime! I gave it up for the 6 weeks of lent and made it. I should be able to make it longer than that, as long as I get it out of my system and stay away from it.
3. Staying off of this stinking computer....I don't waste time with TV, but I am really bad about the internet. I need to limit myself to like 5 minutes, unless I'm working on something specific. I also need to not be on during the day when my kids are awake, unless again, I am working on something that specifically needs working on.
4. Try to do the fly-lady cleaning stuff around here....baby steps to get this house in some sort of an order!
5. Quit negative talk....especially about a certain someone who drives me batty...instead, pray! (way more easier said than done!)
6. And last, but really, really not least...in fact, this should have been way at the top of the list: Draw near to the Lord and spend more consistent time with Him......When I seek Him first, the rest seems to work so much better.....amazing, isnt' it!

It's Monday now....so, time to hop to it! No better time than now! Lord, please help me!

The death of dreams

2008-08-05T19:41:00.000-07:00

I know I should be pouring out my heart before the Lord instead of to all the people who don't read this blog, but in getting my feelings out here, I feel I am pouring out my heart to Him. Don't know if that counts or not, but I just need to get some things out. Not major, crazy, earth-shattering things, but things that hurt my heart, nevertheless.

I hate to be so negative lately....I really don't like what I've allowed my circumstances to do to me, in that I seem to be frustrated and depressed and all that sort of stuff lately, feeling like there is no way out of crappy circumstances. I know so much is in my attitude, and in my heart about things....and I am struggling to try and reclaim the joy I know is mine in Christ, and that is a gift I have always, ever since I can remember, enjoyed in abundance...until oh, maybe the last 10 or so years...it's been there, but only in fits and spurts the last 10 years. I am struggling with that fact.

The place we are in life is so much a function of the choices we make all along the way. Maybe not everything, but enough that at my age of 36, there are a lot of choices to look back on and either probably feel pretty darn good (which is not the case with me) or to feel extraordinarily crappy about where I am--primarily as a result of poor choices on my part. I don't think I'm a horrible person or anything...but I have really screwed up my life, and don't seem to have much to show for it, and that seems such a waste.

I can go back a long way...to when I took the easy way out way back in school and didn't take any more math than I had to...and my laziness ended up putting me behind once I got to college in some ways. I mean, I did the calculus and all that, but not easily, that's for sure! And try as I might when I got to Texas A&M, I struggled like crazy. I majored in Biomedical Science, and though I never made below a "C", I made lots, and lots of C's...enough that I didn't feel I had any hope of a chance at going to medical school or to PA school or something like that, that I had intended when I began. I settled for Medical Technology school....yes, it was at the best medical technology school around and it was a great choice for many, I'm sure, but ho-hum is about all I can say about it. I settled because there were no tuition and no fees and a stipend paid to all the students...and because I got in...like 8 students of 100 or so applicants who got in. This must be it, right? Well, I was excited and poured myself into school and did pretty well at it. I think I tried to even think I was all into at one time...but now, I can look back and know it was settling. Maybe a year after I began working in the field, though I enjoyed my job and that sort of thing, I was already looking at what else I could do....medical school? nursing school? graduate program of some sort? Yep....I was restless, and I had settled. What I truly loved was ministry--and had discovered youth ministry along the way. Now THAT was my passion. That was truly what I loved to do! I felt gifted for it, and I enjoyed it so much, that it didn't feel like work. What a deal. I wished many, many, times that I hadn't have settled for the "safe" career choice and that I'd have gone to seminary back then, after I got out of A&M. But, once you are on your own and supporting yourself and paying bills like a real grown up, well.....there goes a dream; another one bites the dust.

So....a few years go by, and I am getting quite restless with my state of singleness. I feel quite certain I will NEVER meet anyone who will love me...will never meet anyone who will want to spend their life with me. At the ripe old age of 25, I felt certain I was never to know what it meant to be loved, within the context of a marriage, that was. See, at 25, when like 2 or 3 friends call you with the wonderful news that they are engaged, it feels like it's 200 or 300 friends, and you start to truly feel a part of the minority...and very much alone. I had known what it was to love and to be loved once before...and really, honestly, it was a good thing it ended, because I'm sure I'd have been divorced LONG ago had it worked out! It probably truly wasn't meant to be.....but, that kind of love, that kind of being passionate about another person--that's not something you can conjure up because you feel like it. You might try and you might just fool yourself for awhile, but it's not going to go the long haul and keep you warm at night when you feel very much alone in the midst of a relationship. You can't sustain self-conjured up emotion for the distance....it just doesn't work, and try as you might, eventually, you end up drained and alone when you realize the death of another dream....a BIG dream....because of settling. Once again...my own choice, which has led me down a path I'd really rather not travel.

So, life goes on, and you DO have glimpses of joy...the things that make it seem all okay again--that let you know that the Lord can indeed redeem our choices. The smiles of precious little angels and their sweet, sweet laughter. Their little voices singing and their tiny arms around my neck...their sweet little wet kisses and what can melt my heart more than ANYTHING ever, ever could. Oh Lord, You ARE a redeemer....I KNOW that everytime I look into their faces. Everytime I hear their voices. You can and do redeem our poor choices. With dreams that have died have also come blessings that I could have never imagined...and I am grateful...really, I am!

And then, you think you have it together. You think things are coming together again, and the rug sorta gets pulled out from under you. I assumed too much. I thought I had it all together. I was working toward something, and I guess I have too much pride or something, because for some reason, I am supposed to be falling now....and its' hard. The death of a dream.

Honestly, I don't know where to turn right now. I feel very alone and well....like a failure. I've felt that more times in my life than I care to recount, but this time....well....it just hurts, that I've made choices...all of them, in my life, that have collectively brought me here. I'm sure I'll be okay. God is good and I know He loves me and will never leave me. I know He has a plan. Ultimately, I know it'll all be okay....but dangit.....I sure would love to have some of that abundant life in the here and now that Jesus talks about in John 10:10!

Finances....marriage....career...school...passions....oh the choices we have....and what choices we make can make the difference between the death of a dream and abundant life. Oh Lord....please, please help me not to screw this life up anymore than I already have....I so need You, and I want to walk where You lead me. I hold on to Your hope--I've really made a mess of this first 36 years...I pray I may make better choices, and see Your redemption in the next 36!

Ventings, ramblings, and a lot of prayer

2008-07-27T00:01:00.001-07:00

I need to get some sleep, which would probably help me a lot, but I am really just sort of drained right now. My frustration level is high, my anxiety is way up too, and I have more dissapointment with the situation that I find myself in than I ever would have imagined.

I am crazy about my God, my kids, my friends, and my work--and those things are what hold it all together for me now....these are the motivation that compels me. I need so much to get some wisdom so I know what to do. I need to know how to please Him and what is best for my kids. It is more of a struggle than I think I even comprehend sometimes.

Lord, help me to be who you want me to be. Help me to come back to the joy You once filled me with, but that I have allowed my circumstances to steal from me. Help me to choose to look to You and to be filled with Your joy once again. I pray you'd provide, and I pray you'd love through me. Lord, I need You, and am more aware of it than ever.

Facebook can be fun, but humbling!

2008-07-09T21:36:00.001-07:00

This is a copy of a note I put up on my facebook tonight:

Wow...I haven't been on this thing (facebook) for very long, and it seems we could have a virtual class reunion from my high school class on here! Not to mention several friends from my college years and beyond I've found too. It really is amazing how technology has made the world a smaller place. I continue to be amazed by that.I am so enjoying seeing what people are up to, seeing pictures of their families and where life's journey has taken everyone. It is so much fun to see where everyone is at and a little slice of what their life is like, through pictures and just seeing what they are up to. It is quite humbling though....especially when I see everyone from way back when! I am thinking I must be the only one who has aged in the last however-many-years its been. Everyone else looks so young and still so beautiful....not really any different than what I remember them, truthfully. Pretty amazing! And then I see my pictures from even 10 years ago. Whew! Have I ever aged....and expanded...and aged...and expanded! Humbling for sure, if not maybe even downright heartbreaking! I know Jesus loves me...and that's the thing that matters. Really, I do know that! It is still difficult to confront the years (and the pounds, and the debt, and the dissapointments, and the....well, yada yada yada) sometimes though. I love the Switchfoot song that goes "This is your life, are you who you wanna be...this is your life...is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger....and you had everything to lose...." Well....I hate the song and I love it all at the same time! I hate it because it reminds me that...well, quite frankly, there is a lot that isn't all I dreamed it would be. I try not to blog or otherwise publically complain about those issues, so I'll leave that at that. I love the song though, because it reminds me at the same time, to ask myself that question and to try to "press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me....forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead...I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." I am grateful, that when I am at my weakest, and at my lowest, that His strength is at work within me. I am also grateful that I can have hope in the face of some awfully humbling times. This is my life...am I who I wanna be??? Well, not really...but I am here, and I'm not alone, and I'm not done; by His grace, hopefully someday I will be who I want to be. For now though, I will rest in knowing I belong to the One who loves me more than I could ever imagine.

Light up frisbee!!!

2008-06-05T19:44:00.000-07:00

Okay...I don't have a lot of time for much of a post...and I am in dire need of catching up on here....but can I just say: Throwing around a light up frisbee in the street in the dark is A LOT of fun!!!! Sorta makes you forget all the stuff that weighs you down, even if just for a little bit.

I highly recommend a light-up frisbee to throw around for anyone in need of stress relief...(or not!)

Yes, this is a random post....but I'm a little random at the moment!

It's been too long!

2008-05-07T19:51:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's been way too long since I wrote! As evidenced by my lack of weight loss, I'm sure! I h aven't gained any back to speak of, but I have been holding right at steady for a little over a month now. I got off track with the eating...not like way off track, but enough to not be losing anymore. I have been staying fairly consistent with the exercise, which is probably what's helping me to hold steady. I really need to just kick it into gear and get started losing on the rest of this! I still have a good 70 pounds to go! Baby steps, I guess...baby steps!

Things have been challenging for me lately in a lot of ways, but I am trusting the Lord for His provision and guidance. Of course it seems I am always facing challenges on the homefront, which is still the case, but I'm doing the best I can to deal with that. Took my husband to the cardiopulmonary specialist today and they are going to get him set up for a sleep study soon, which should help a lot, getting him set up with a sleep apnea CPAP machine thingy...maybe with some air pushing up his brain he will get some energy and wake up some of those neurons in there. Yea, that'd be cool!

My kids are wonderful fun...I am so thankful for them. I love being their mom and my heart swells with love and gratitude with every little giggle and look from all those big, sparkly blue eyes. Mother's Day is this weekend...and I tend to get weepy anytime I think of the joy I have from my 3 precious little ones.

There is really far too much that has happened for me to remember it all, but one thing I did want to share was my latest read:

I don't know if my book picture worked here or not, but if it didn't--I just finished reading Me, Myself, and Bob by Phil Vischer, the creator of VeggieTales. I am a HUGE VeggieTales fan...have been ever since I began watching them with my kids about a year ago or so. They are so well done and so funny any grown-up can enjoy watching them, kids or sans-kids...really! The songs are catchy, the messages are great, and the characters are just...well...plain old cute! Before I started watching the Veggies for myself, I knew there must be some value to them, because the kids in my confirmation class seemed to recall even the most minute of details about pretty much any Bible story we would dive into. "So, how did you remember that?" I would ask, several times over again (especially when I didn't remember some of those details myself!) and the reply, over and over would be "VeggieTales, of course!" Yes, my confirmation kids had lots and lots of Bible knowledge, courtesy of the VeggieTales. That to me, said a lot.

I had heard a little of the rise and fall of Big Idea, the company Phil Vischer founded that was the home for the Veggies, and a while back found his blog. He detailed a lot of information about the history of the Veggies and that sort of thing, and then I saw he was coming out with a book that told the story. While I was at the local Christian bookstore the other day, Bob the tomato happened to catch my eye on the book cover, so I got the book and I could hardly put it down. It grabbed me from the very beginning with just how simply fun and funny Phil Vischer is. He's got a cool sense of humor that I connect with and to read about how he began in animation and his story, and then to see how the Veggies came into being was really, really just fun reading. He is very honest about his own shortcomings and the book doesn't mince any words about the downfall of the company. It really is refreshing to read.

When he gets to the demise of Big Idea, it is really sad in what it meant (the Veggies wouldn't be quite the same from that point on), and also in what it did to so many who poured their heart and soul into the ministry. They lost their jobs and their livelihood and also there was the death of a dream. Even through these dark periods though, the humor is there and the lessons become clear.

Toward the end of the story, Phil Vischer talks about so many of the things he learned in the whole process. The thing that stuck out to me more than anything and what it all boiled down to in the end, was that it is more important to follow the Lord...to seek Him for Him...than it is to follow our dreams, even if they are dreams for Him. The dreams are great and the things we do for His glory are great, make no mistake. But we miss the boat if that distracts us from seeking Him just for the sake of Him. What a lesson there is in that....I know that far too often, I am seeking after "stuff"...good stuff mind you, but it pales in comparison to the "incomparable riches" of simply knowing and dwelling in Him.

I hope and I pray that I will seek Him...simply for Him...today, and each day! It's a lot harder to do than it is to say, because I get so caught up in my little world...but He is so much bigger! I pray my all in all will be found in You alone, Lord!

The Gated Community

2008-04-11T22:01:00.001-07:00

Hey there, everyone...(yea right...ummmm....like ME!),
Here I am....it's been a few days, but I just don't have terribly much time to blog. But, I thought I'd write a quick one now before I go to bed.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to Houston to a really cool event; hence, the title "The Gated Community" because it happened to be in one of them! I chuckle myself everytime I say/write/think that, because there is a really funny little Veggie Tales Silly Song called "The Gated Community" (on the "Do the Moo-Shoo" DVD, for any Veggie fans!) and it cracks me up. Larry the Cucumber is a little boy with a ball that lands in a tree, and when his ball falls out of the tree, it lands in "The Gated Community" where it is "free of debris" and the little wealthy-golf-playing Veggies live in their "Gated Unity." It's just funny! The Veggies in the gated community are all dressed up in golf gear and have their little (as a friend of mine put it the other day) "horseshoe head" baldness with the hair on the sides and the back and they are just too, too funny....while Little Larry the Cucumber sits and wants his ball. Anyhow....enough diversion for now:

The event I got to go to was "An Evening with Dr. Chap Clark" who is a professor of Youth, Family, and Culture at Fuller Seminary, which is where I am working (very, very slowly mind you...but still working nontheless) on my Masters. It was at the Royal Oaks Country Club in Houston...like really--RIGHT IN Houston. It was a pretty fancy schmancy affair with beautiful food and tables and lots of people dressed up pretty cool and just a super nice place this was. Of course, I had lots of trouble finding just the right gate to actually get into the gated community, but once I finally found it, was quite impressed with the inside. It was truly cool. I saw a sign on the way in that said homes were from the 400,000's to over 3-million...which for our real estate market, is super pricey!! Anyhow, I met some really very, very nice people--some who actually live in the Gated Community! And though I felt very out of my element, it was still a really neat thing to go to. It wasn't what I thought it would be--a night about understanding the kids I minister to more; it was more of a rah-rah event for Fuller in Houston, but that's okay....it was exciting to feel like you are a part of something like that, so it was all good. Dr. Clark talked about John 4 and the Woman at the Well. He talked about how Jesus honored the woman...somehow, he honored her enough that she was willing to tell everyone all about him. It was a familiar passage, but he brought out some things I really hadn't thought about before, which is always refreshing...and as out of sorts as I was in that beautiful room with all the beautiful people and all--it is Christ Who died for each of us, and that lives for and within each of us. Thanks be to God for loving us, no matter who we are, and making us all the recipients of the greatest inheritance ever! What a cool thing! He honors us...and what a challenge that we would honor others in order to bring them to know Him.

In other news....well, there's lots of other stuff, but since I have to work at 6 am, I'll keep it brief. The weight is holding steady. Of course, that could have something to do with my insatiability for chocolate right now! Don't know what the deal is, and I haven't gone crazy, but I do need to reign myself in a bit. I did a pilates class at the gym today. That was cool...well, sort of! It's really not for fat people, I've decided! The instructor kept talking about "imagine you have a beach ball" like right in your belly area....ummm, excuse me....I don't have to imagine! There's a whole lot of me right there in the way of trying to do those crazy contortions she had us doing! I have to giggle when I do some of that stuff at how ridiculous this fat girl looks doing them! But, the instructor came up and talked to me some after the class and told me how impressed she was with how strong I am, because I was able to do a lot of stuff that people aren't normally able to do at their first class. That made me feel good. After that, I did 20 minutes on the elliptical, so it was a good workout day.

I work tomorrow the day shift and then I need to work on my sermon for next Sunday the 20th. I'm excited to get to preach....challenged, but that's part of the excitement. I better get some sleep now. Just wanted to catch up some! Gonna lay down my head in my non-gated community home now! Heehee!

Super Silly since '72!

2008-04-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am, writing my birthday blog...albeit a few days late! On Saturday, March 29, I turned 36 years old. That sounds so different than 35 did, but not too awfully daunting, I guess. I have been meaning to write for a few days, as birthdays are a good time to sort of take inventory and to ask yourself, in the words of Switchfoot: "This is your life...are you who you want to be?" Hmmm....well, I don't know exactly how to answer that. I think maybe I am closer than I was a few months ago, but still worlds away from where I'd like to be, in so many ways. I am so glad I am working on getting healthier. I have had a hard time staying "good" with my eating, especially with my birthday and also with Lent being over...(ie, chocolate!) But, I am still slowly working my way down on the scale. I haven't really gained, so that's a plus. I am still hovering between like 217 and 222, around a 27-ish pound weight loss since the first of the year. I would much love to be farther along, but you have to live too, so at least I am still pretty much making forward progress....however slow it may be!

I am happy to be making progress financially...we have worked really hard and have made great progress in paying off and down debt...though we still have a heck of a long way to go...it feels good to be making progress.

I feel like I have the most wonderful kids in the world, and a girl couldn't ask for better friends--or job(s) for that matter! (especially the church job, but there are some pretty wonderful friends at the lab, so I can't dismiss that one out of hand!)

Marriage...eeeehhhh....lets not get into that one. Definitely one area where I'd check "need for improvement." Sleep? That one could be better too...I haven't been sleeping nearly enough lately, and I can tell.

My walk with Christ...I hunger and thirst for that to be more disciplined. Praise God for His faithfulness, even when we fall so short!

So, overall.....not too too bad, I guess!

My birthday itself was quite wonderful, if I do say so myself! I got a good night of sleep the night before and my first call of the day was a great conversation with my mom, who is super cool. We had a good visit, which I always enjoy. Then, we got the boys' bunk beds out of the garage and up to their room, cleaned up, set up and the rest of the room cleaned and set up. A big hit, and it made a lot more room too! Then, we took the kids to Chick-Fil-A, ,which was fun, especially with Sweet Potato the Clown! (who they are still talking about, by the way!) Then, I had a hard nap and my sweet friends Julie and John came over to watch the little ones for us so we could go out to eat....Cafe Annice, which was wonderful as always! And they met us at my SURPRISE PARTY at the church...well....I should say, as soon as we were out the door, they were hard at work to make this party happen....(especially since I wasn't exactly cooperating, unbeknowst to me!) which was a total surprise and shock...and which I happened to be quite late to, due to taking my own sweet time visiting and hanging out beforehand! It was absolutely beautiful and so much fun, just to hang out with so many of my friends...there is nothing I'd rather do, so it was truly a blessing!

I got my little Nike+ipod thingy for my birthday, which is SOOOO COOL! I'm hooked already, and can't wait to do more runs to try it out! I found out the San Antonio Marathon got bought out by the Rock-n-Roll marathon people, so I am seriously thinking of training for it! I had so much fun when I ran San Diego, I really think it'd be a good challenge to work toward. I also got asked to do a Sprint Triathlon in Austin in June....I think I"m going to try, ,although I'm a big weenie about the swim part!

Well, I better get some sleep now....this is my last chance to sleep really til Friday night, since I"ll be working the rest of the week! As the Veggie Tales would so...."Toodle Do!"

I LOVE to SWEAT!

2008-03-13T21:50:00.000-07:00

Woohoo!!! Okay....can you tell ("you", like anyone reads this thing! Haha!) I just got back from a run?! Yep...I'm sweaty head to toe and I love it! There is nothing like a good workout...a run, in my case...to make you feel like you accomplished something. Woohoo! I so didn't want to go because I am so stinking tired. But, as I knew I would be, I am so happy I drug myself out there to run. The scale is hovering between about 218 and 221 right now, so I'm looking for consistently being under 220 as my next little mini-milestone. I've been behaving, so I am thinking it'll happen soon, at least I hope so!

" I run in the path of your commands,for you have set my heart free." Psalm 119:32 I saw this verse in a signature line on a forum post about running....so, yes...I am admitting to blatantly stealing the verse for the same purpose! What a great one! I know I've read it, but seeing it on it's own like that is sorta cool. I'm not generally a big fan of taking things (especially scripture) out of context, but that was pretty cool. So, yea, I am trying to run in the path of His commands. I think I probalby fail far more at it than not, but Praise Him for never, ever giving up on me! He has set my heart free....I pray I will not walk, but RUN in that freedom!!

what a weekend!

2008-03-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back from a fun and exhausting weekend at Camp Cho Yeh with my youth. It was a lot of fun....for lots of reasons; the main one being that I simply got to hang out with the kids and have fun with them. I really enjoyed that. Bonding like what we got to do helps encourage me that I am building relationships and that feels so good. It's a step in the right direction toward the wider goal of helping these kids truly become disciples. What could be better than that? The theme for the weekend was "Hope is in our midst." It was a great message and I know the kids got a lot out of it....and it was a very appropriate message for myself as well. I can remember many years ago being in a situation that felt sorta hopeless....okay, it was after having my heart broken worse than it had ever been broken, up to that point in my life. I remember really finding and focusing on the concept of "hope." Seems too, that I remember writing in my journal something about how I never really understood the concept of hope until I didn't have any.

Well, I've got a lot of great things going on right now, but there are also some things that don't seem as filled with hope as I wish they did. I was reminded this weekend that hope IS in our midst...all the time, because the Lord is with us, and He is our hope. I must remember that!

I truly want to spend more time praying or in the Word, too. I am hungry to sit at the Lord's feet. How I hope for a quiet, peaceful time to sit at His feet soon.

In weight loss news: Don't know where the scale is standing now, but I feel much better than I did. I ran around all over camp this weekend and the portion sizes on meals were quite small. So, I am thinking I did pretty good. (not counting the Sonic I got tonight for dinner....I didn't really feel like cooking after I got home, so we went to Sonic with some gift cards we had been given and I ate a chicken strip basket. Not good, but I am thinking the weekend probably more than compensated for it.

I missed my sweet babies while I was gone. It was good to be back with them!!

Well, tomorrow starts..what is it? week 8 or 9 I guess of my M-F workouts and eating better. I'm looking forward to it and hoping I will do okay!!!

There's nothing like a run outside when it's cold!!!

2008-02-27T22:48:00.000-08:00

Aaaahhhhh...yes, you can tell I've been running! It's about 50 degrees here and perfect weather for running! I didn't get to go earlier to the gym as Missy G still is a little sick and I worked a night shift last night and got off of work at 6 am...soooo, I went out running tonight in our neighborhood and it was darn near perfect outside! I took just a short walk break once, I think, and I ran the rest of it. A total of about 2.25 miles. The stars were beautiful, the night peaceful..really, really wonderful! Then to come inside and start sweating was pure joy!!! (yes, I'm a sicko, I admit it!) I think there is nothing like a good butt-kicking sweat-fest to cope with the stresses of life...well, you know....after prayer and all!! I think movement must be one of the greatest gifts the Lord gave us.

I do have a crazy idea...I really would love to run a marathon again someday. I wonder if there are any other nutcases out there like me who stay up way too late and would want to train for a marathon? I know of one friend who might would be game....I am thinking how cool it would be to have a "midnight marathoners" group. Do all your normal short runs on our own and then get together for a long run each week....but instead of getting up early to go like most people with sense would do, go at like 11 or 12 for a long run. It wouldn't be too hot, not much traffic out, and you wouldn't conflict with other stuff going on. Just a crazy thought I had!

Need sleep now!! Working on only about 3 hours for the last 2 days! Nighty night!

Down a couple more!

2008-02-26T07:40:00.000-08:00

Woohoo....I am down under 225, headed for the 2-teens now. It seems I was stuck at that 227ish area for a few weeks, but things are moving again, and I am so thankful for it. I am now weighing in consistently between 221 and 224....next mark, to be consistently below 220. My birthday is at the end of March, and how wonderful it would be to be in the 2-0's by then.

I've now completed 6 full weeks (plus 1 day so far) of working out EVERY M-F without fail. It feels sooooo good, and I am not only feeling better physically, but emotionally too. Exercise is sooooo good for the mental health! I think I forgot how much I loved getting my blood pumping and my muscles moving.

I am also 3 weeks no chocolate. That's a real big deal for me. I'm not missing it too, too much, really. Just if things get a little stressful. Like this past weekend. I had an awful lot going on with the youth potato luncheon at church that I pretty much have to pull together and working the other job (2 night shifts last week) my 5th and 6th grade youth group Friday night, etc. Oh, and my baby girl was sick Saturday night with vomiting and stuff, which I don't do very well! By the time Sunday got here and I was working on like about 6 hours of sleep for the entire week and everything going on, I was REALLY feeling the need for some chocolate!! I made it though, and even though it was all around me, the Lord helped me to keep the commitment to stay away from it--and it felt like a little victory, which is a cool feeling!

Yesterday I didn't get to go to the gym because of the lingering effects of Missy G's little stomach bug (ie, diarrhea) but my good friend and I went walking last night late and so I still got in some exercise. We walk pretty fast and last night I think we went around 4-1/2 miles....a little over an hour of walking. It felt great, and really therapeutic. My husband was having a very difficult time last night (okay, when is he not?) especially difficult, with some major problems and stuff going down at work. I have been so frustrated with him, so it took all I had to try and walk the line between compassion and telling hard truth. It was really wearing me out. Well, by the time my friend and I had walked, things were feeling a lot better. It is good for the mind as well as the body! We'd go around the 3/4-mile block in our neighborhood and get back to my house and be like "we aren't done talking yet...let's go another!) and by the time we finished, it was nearly midnight and 6 laps later! She's been through quite a lot herself lately, so I think it was good for both of us. Praise God for the gift of wonderful, precious friends!! I have a lot of things that I am less than pleased with in my life.....but my cup overflows with blessings from my friends...who are really like family. My kids are pretty darn wonderful too!

2-teens, here I come! (never thought I'd be so excited to say that!)
Later, gators!

Two-a-day!

2008-02-18T21:32:00.000-08:00

I feel great tonight...had my first "two-a-day" workout today...I went to the gym this morning and ran on the treadmill for 35 minutes (with a walk break or two, of course) and then tonight a friend came over after I had my kids were in bed and she and I got to take a 3-mile walk. It felt soooo great! The weather is sorta cool and it's pretty much perfect for going out and walking. It felt so, so good, and it's so nice to walk with a good friend and get to visit and catch up.

And, I hopefully worked off most of my supper! Can't beat that! We are gonna try to go again tomorrow night, and I'll go to the gym in the morning, so hopefully tomorrow will be another 2-a-day. I have to work overnight Wed and Thurs, so all I'll get in those days is my morning at the gym workout...but hey, I'll take the late night walk whenever I can get it! I'm feeling good! Woohoo!

Hangin' in there

2008-02-18T12:22:00.001-08:00

Well, last week I finished up 5 weeks of M-F workouts and have already started with 35 minutes of running/walking today at the gym. My weight isn't changing a whole lot this last week, hovering between 225-228 or so. I am hoping to be somewhere consistently below 225 by the end of the week.

My eating has been fairly okay, although Saturday night we ate at Chili's and I ate a little more than I probably should--but not too too bad. Last night was youth group and we had a Sunday school class fix us Tacos...I ate 2, which wasn't too awful, I don't guess. I have successfully managed to stay off the chocolate, which I am VERY happy about. I've had a few temptations here and there, but I've made it.

Now I need to start knocking a few things off my to-do list. It's so long, I hardl know where to start. Oh well! Guess if I get off this computer I might make some progress!

still going strong!

2008-02-14T22:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm at almost 5 full weeks of working out and eating clean, and I'm down about 20 pounds. (I say "about" because I'm not totally sure where I started at! It was too scary there for a while to get on the scale!) I feel much better and am so happy to be on my way!

I'm doing good with no chocolate too...even tonight at work with the prettiest chocolate cake you've ever seen there tonight! It was the toughest challenge yet, but I made it, and am so glad.

I know this is short, but so is time, so I'll be going for now! Just wanted to say YAY!! I'm doing good! Thanks, God, for YOUR strength that keeps me going!

So far, so good!

2008-02-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

Well,today was day 5 of the no-chocolate thing, and so far, so good. I am really excited to be making the progress I am. My weight is hovering around 227ish right now, give or take a pound or two, depending on my state of hydration and whatnot, so I'm going in the right direction. Yesterday my eating was a bit erratic because it was such a busy day at the lab. I didn't get to eat lunch and then I slept when I got home, so then we went and ate Lupes for dinner. I was a lot better than I could have been, but it was still Lupes! Today I did good with just a frozen dinner at lunch and then we had youth gruop tonight and the wonderful folks who fed us made hot dogs. I ate just one, so that wasn't too too bad I don't guess. No dessert either. Not to mention the ultimate frisbee we went out and played after dinner for an hour! Being controlled is getting a lot easier than it used to be.

Tomorrow it's time for me to go back to the gym. I'm gonna go in the morning, I think, probably when I pick the boys up from school, before we come home. I have to work a night shift tomorrow night at 8, so it'll probably be too rushed to go later on in the day.

I need to sit and re-read the "phase 2" part of the Chantel Hobbs book. I think this is the one where you just add strength training in on the stability ball a couple of days a week and stay away from one problem food for a month. I want to re-read it though, and make sure there is nothing else I"m forgetting.

I am so happy to be making progress!

Four weeks down..and 3 days sans chocolate!

2008-02-08T20:29:00.000-08:00

This is gonna be short and sweet tonight, because I am whooped! I have so much to talk about, but I'm really exhausted and have to work at the hospital at 6 in the morning....the only reason I'm up now, is because I have to get my scrubs in the dryer after the washer finishes up!

I worked overnight Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at the lab this week, so my body is a little mixed up right now. I haven't had a ton of sleep, because my kiddies need me awake during the day and also because I sang at a funeral today...that's part of what all there is I could be writing about. I had my 5th and 6th grade youth group tonight, and then I go into work early tomorrow morning at the hospital again.....so, all of that is why I'm sorta wiped out.

On the weight loss front...I'm still hovering between about a 15-16 pound weight loss. I made it to the gym Monday through Friday to either run or do the ellipical each day for at least a half hour, and this is day 3 without chocolate. It was a little challenging at youth tonight with the desserts, but I made it and am so happy I did. I may not be looking much better yet, but I am thankful to be feeling better. It's amazing how much it changes your attitude to just be working on a goal like this and to be making progress. Thanks be to GOD for His strength and mercies that are new every morning!

Tuesday already

2008-02-05T20:59:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is Tuesday, and it's been several days since I wrote anything. I'm staying the course on my eating and exercising, so I'm happy with that. I ran at the gym yesterday for like 25 minutes...wanted to do more, but we got there a little late and the childcare was only open til 8pm, so I had to get the kiddies and go. Tonight was the same sort of thing, only I did the elliptical. Last night I ended up doing an overnight shift at work, so I'm pretty certain I made up for the extra 5 minutes by running around the lab until 6 am! It was a good night, thankfully! Today, all the treadmills were full, so I used the elliptical, and I was sweated down pretty good by the time I finished up. It felt great! I ran into one of my old Young Life kids tonight too, which was fun. She and I talked about the last 10 minutes or so of my workout, so it went super fast! My weight is down to like hovering around 231 or 232...I've been saying I'm down probably 15 pounds since I started this whole thing.....I'm not totally sure where I topped out at, but It was somewhere mid-to-high 240s, so I'm thinking I'm right at 15 pound gone...now only 85 more! I'm looking forward to breaking that 230 barrier to get to the 220s. And then the 2-teens, and for sure getting down below 200 into ONEderland. I'm way ready for that! How awful is that, that I'm looking forward to the 220s! I never in my life thought I'd be making progress to make it there! It feels so much better though, to be working on it.

The next project is giving up chocolate...at least for awhile. I'm going at this with 2 ideas in mind, actually. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday....the beginning of the Lenten season. Now, having grown up as the Baptist that I did, the only "lint" (ph. spelling) I knew of was in my dryer! I never knew a thing about Lent or any of the creeds, or any other kind of liturgy! I will say I grew up with a healthy knowledge of scripture (commited to memory) which I am so very grateful for today. I also grew up with the awareness that God was God and I'm not, and that there was a definite right and wrong....I'm very, very grateful for that, but being the Presbyterian that I am now in this season of my life (and probably for the rest of my life, if I had to guess...only the Lord knows!) I am excited to learn new things (new to me, that is) and to learn to love the Lord with more of my mind than before, and take on some more challenges. Enter Lent!

This year, I've decided for the first time ever, to give something up for Lent....I've never done it, and I'm not going ot make a big deal of it or anything, but it is sort of a big deal to me! I'm going to give up chocolate. I DO love Jesus more than chocolate, and I want to exercise some much-needed discipline with it during this season. I want to instead of focusing on chocolate, to focus on Him and what He wants to do in and through me. Now, for some people, chocolate may not be a biggie....but for me, it's HUGE! I gave up chocolate once before, but only because I was pregnant with my high-risk pregnancy where they were watching everything I did like crazy and wanted me to have NO caffeine...which meant no chocolate. Well, that lasted til the end of my first trimester, and then it promptly ended when my healthcare professionals thought it safe for me to eat it again. So, it's sort of a big deal to me...I am a chocolate lover....but I'm hoping to curb that love to some degree through this!

The other motivation I have, which does tie into trying to be the best I can be for His glory, but still an independent concept, is the Chantel Hobbs book. Her phase 1 is the exercise 5x a week for 4 weeks. Phase 2 is to keep that up, add some strength training with the stability ball, and then to identify a problem food (just one) and keep away from it for a month. Well....it just so happens that this is week 4 of my hard-core working on this, and so it would have been next week anyway that I would have had to give up a problem food....and for me, by far the biggest problem is CHOCOLATE!

So, I'm just starting this phase a little early, and trying to exercise it as a spiritual discipline as well, connecting it with the Lenten season. So....Fat Tuesday being about over....no chocolate, here I am!

Three weeks down!

2008-02-01T19:51:00.000-08:00

Yay! I made 3 straight weeks of working out somehow or other Monday through Friday for a minimum of 30 minutes per day! I am pumped! This evening, after the words we had last night I guess, I was allowed to go out and run just before we ate supper at like 6 pm. I was able to be more creative about my route, since we still had some daylight left. It was cold and felt great! I ran/walked (mostly ran...slowly, but still a run) probably a little over 2 miles. It felt great! Then, I had some taco soup and a salad for supper, which was way good. (lunch was posole and a salad.) I still haven't had my fuji apple today yet...thinking I still might want that!

Today was sort of weird in an unexpected-type of a way. I got the kids up this morning and one of the boys still had a fever, so I was going to let the other one go to school and have him stay home with me and Sister. Everyone was all prepared and ready for that, and we got to school and it looked awfully quiet. No one was there, parking lot empty, etc. There was one car in the drop-off line with a Grandma who was going to drop off her grandson. I pulled up and noticed it was really weird, so I asked her if she knew what was going on and she said there was a sign on the door that said preschool was closed today! No notice, no anything...just a note. This is really, really weird! She thought maybe it was because so many kids have been sick, but I really don't think they'd close school for that. We are all paying our tuition and not only that, but there is always a time of the year when kids get sick and miss school a lot. I don't know if they couldn't find teachers or what was going on, but it was weird! I tried calling the boys' teacher to ask and a couple of other friends with kids there, but got no answers at anyone's homes, so...even weirder! I guess I'll find out soon what the deal is.

So, we stopped by my office at church quickly to get my mail and stuff and then went to the drive thru at the bank. It was so funny while we were there...I looked back, and both boys had their shoes and socks off, wiggling their little toes at me. They make me laugh! It's the little smiles on their faces and how proud they are of stuff like that that is so precious. We came home after that and laid sorta low....watched some tv and played with some toys and stuff. I didn't want to push it too hard with them still getting over their sick stuff.

While they took their nap, I had a little time with the Lord, which is always a good thing. I was fighting to stay awake, but it was still good. Speaking of which...as crazy as it is for me, I think I'm about to take a shower and crash now. I never, ever go to bed this early, but I have to work at the lab at 6am, so that will be here awfully early!

Three weeks...yahoo! The Chantel Hobbs Never Say Diet book is broken into stages, and the first stage is simply to exercise 5 consecutive days each week for at least a half hour. She says after the first 4 weeks, it becomes habit. Well, it's habit and not only that but an ADDICTIVE habit! I have always loved exercise...it's so wonderful to have the chance to get back with it again! The weight is down about 14 pounds total since the start of the year. I'm pumped with that!

Okay...better go and get some rest so I'm ready for whatever the lab throws at me tomorrow!

Did it again!!!

2008-01-31T21:04:00.000-08:00

Yipppeee Yahhoooooo!!! I just got back from another late night run. Not my first choice of workout...the late night part, that is, but praise God, I got the workout in! Thirty-eight minutes of sweat, stars, and breathing really hard in the freshly cold air! AAAhhhh....I love it! There is nothing like the feeling of a good run! Especially when you haven't had many of them in a too long time! I love running in the cold. I mean, it's not like super cold--just about 50, but for us, that's like polar time!

I've been sorta stewing all evening at my husband for not allowing me the little bit of time I needed to get in a workout this evening sometime. We exchanged a few words over it later on tonight before I went out. He said I should've told him when I wanted to go....to which I replied that he was just going on about what all he had going and how he was going to do this, that, and the other and then get to bed--period, end of story. I had told him the only plans for tonight, only thing I needed was my half hour to go do some sort of workout. He never said much one way or the other and the next thing you know it's 9pm, dark, and I'm putting my kids to bed.

Well, I am not a negative person by nature. I'm really not. But sometimes I get pretty frustrated with this situation. So...in an effort to re-think this in a more positive manner, while I was out running, (did I mention it felt awesome!) I decided that instead of cursing the fact that I am married to a jerk that won't let me get away for 30 minutes to exercise while the kids are awake, I would instead choose to thank God for the fact that I live in a wonderful town where I really don't have to feel terribly afraid to go out and run at 10 pm. Of course, I would prefer not to, and I was extra super careful, but really, it is relatively safe here--if I lived in Houston or a lot of other places, that probably wouldn't be an option. So I will choose to be thankful instead of negative. (now, to carry that out....that's another matter entirely!)

I will say too...whenever I lose this weight and I'm down like 100 pounds from now, and people ask me what my secret is and how I did it.....I'm going to tell them to go BUY A STINKIN IPOD!!! That little thing keeps you exercising long after you would otherwise feel like stopping! This is just a little refurb older model nano I got for pretty cheap at Hastings...and I seriously think it's some of the best money I've spent. I used it for my class, which was great and the whole purpose of it in the first place...but man, as a workout tool, it's invaluble!

I did fairly well on the eating today. Mostly soupy stuff! I did the usual packet of cinnamon "Weight Control" oatmeal for breakfast, followed by a Fuju apple and just a few pretzels. (Apples, pretzels, and a diet Dr. Pepper are one heck of an awesome combo!) I'm sorta into those Fuji apples now. I used to be a Granny Smith girl, but I'm thinking since I've been to Fuji, I'm not going Granny again anytime soon! They are sweet and yummy! Then, for lunch I had a salad and some posole stuff I made last night. It was an old weight watchers recipe idea I hadn't made in good while, and it's yummy! You just cook up some onion in a pan with some cooking spray, add a couple of cans of Ro-Tel, a big can of hominy, some cubed up chicken breast, and a jar/can/whatever of salsa verde tomatillo stuff. It's a yummy spicy soup type thing that is great when it's cold outside. I like it a lot, and there's really nothing bad about it. The chicken cooks right in the soup and it's yummy! Then, I made some taco soup for supper. Super easy, super yummy, and not much too bad about it either. The worst thing in it is the hamburger meat, but there's not much of that, I used lean meat, and I rinsed it to get the grease off after I cooked it before it went in the soup. It was quite good!

The scale said I was down another about 3 or 4 pounds this morning. I'm thinking I was probably somewhat dehydrated, but I'll take it! Any sign of it going down is good in my book!

My sweet boys are feeling better today, so I am hoping they can go to school tomorrow. They so miss not being there! I tried to keep them low-key today just hanging out and resting mostly so they could get over this junk they've got. Missy G thankfully isn't showing any signs of being sick and I'm terribly grateful for that! Other than that, I feel sorta accomplished, because I made a big dent in the laundry today! I was hoping to go to bed tonight with everything in this house being clean, folded and put away....and though the night isn't over yet, I'm thinking it may be tomorrow before that goal happens. We go through SO much laundry around here! I'm working on it and feel good about the progress I did make though.

I did get to have a little time with the Lord today too, although it was shorter than I'd have liked. It is still sweet just to sit at His feet. I am going through this little study called Loving Well by Beth Moore. It' s just a little devotional journal type thingy and it's not terribly involved, but the simple truth in it is amazing. I read about a friend who went through it on her blog, and I decided to check it out. Beth tells 4 truths in the book that can help us love well:
1. God is perfect love.
2. God pours His perfect love into our imperfect hearts.
3. Nothing can seperate us from God's perfect love.
4. Accessed, I can love anyone through anything.
Today focused on number 1, about how God's character is love. Just as I am a woman...nothing will change that--not my mood, not my circumstances, not my age, nothing. I AM a woman...and God IS love. His love is so different than mine! I believe He is calling me to love well. I am praying for a miracle in the one part of my life where loving well is the most difficult. Thank God, He isn't finished with me yet! I know He can work a miracle...even in a stubborn heart like mine!

Okay....better go do some more laundry now. It's been a good day...and this run made it that much better! Tomorrow will be 3 weeks down. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.......

Woohoo...hoohoo...woohoohoo!!

2008-01-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

Yup...I'm excited! I am still sweating like a pig from an awesome RUN....outside no less! The best run I've had in....probably 3 years! It was awesome....but more about that in a minute. I feel the need to recap the day! (I didn't feel this good til about a half hour ago!)

Anyhow...Was up several times last night with a sick little boy. He just didn't feel good, I think, and was having a hard time resting. I was going to try and send the other one to school, and thought we'd be able too, but I didn't have them up long and saw the only one feeling good today was Missy GG! Both boys were hot, and couldn't take 2 steps without just being in tears and upset....they were just very obviously not feeling good. I just hate it when they feel that way--I want so bad to help them feel better, and there's nothing I can do. It's a really helpless feeling I'm sure every mother is familiar with. The one silver lining though, was that I was home and didn't have to work at the hospital today. I was very grateful for that. I called and told them at the office I wouldn't be able to make the staff meeting and called the doctor's office as soon as they opened. They worked us in, and after the hour drive and lots of upsettedness (is that a word?) later, found out one just has the crud of some sort that is going around and the other has an ear infection--his third one in his 3-1/2 years. Not too bad, at least not relative to a lot of kids we know. Anyhow, we stopped on the way home for some lunch at Taco Cabana, and the boys didn't eat much, but that precious girl was covered head to toe in bean burrito by the time we got home! She was cracking me up! She only has 4 teeth, but those 4 did some major burrito damage! I got 2 steak fajita tacos, which were just fajita meat and flour tortilla, so that wasn't too terribly bad, although it was more I'm sure than I should be having at a meal.

We got back to town and dropped the prescription off at CVS (BBBBS as the boys call it!) and then stopped by the church for a second to check my mail and such. By the time we got home, it was nearly 3 pm, so there went today! They were all tired from the trip, so everyone had naps and I did a few things before laying down for a few minutes too.

I got a little frustrated (yeah, whats new!) with Craig, as he didn't get home til 5:30ish...I needed to go pick up the prescription and was hoping to get away for just 30 minutes TOTAL to take a walk or something, so as to keep up my M-F workout deal...I'm treating it as a non-negotiable. Well, by the time I got the prescription, got him and kids fed and then bathing kids, etc., of course, my workout didn't happen. I get just a little frustrated, because I really don't ask for much. I always take the kids to the gym with me so as not to disrupt whatever he may (or may not) be working on. I couldn't take them today because of the fevers, so all I wanted was 30 minutes. I am guessing that was too much, because it never happened. Okay...I've said I wouldn't blog about such things. Vent over, onward now:

Anyhow, my sweeties got to feeling better and I got them all in bed, and so I decided FINE....I am NOT going to let anything stop me from getting in this workout. So, as nervous as it made me to do it, I went out and went around our big block in our neighborhood tonight on a walk/run. There was actually another couple out walking, which was good to see. I think I started out walking like quite the fiend, just with my adrenaline kicking in!

Anyway, I went around our big block 3 times, which is probably a total of about 2.2 miles. I ran a LOT too! Probably more than half,which is better than I've done in a long time. It felt SO good! It started to rain on my just a little when I was walking down to the end of the street to cool down. I was so happy though: 1) To still get in the workout, even with what the day was like and the obstacles; 2) To have had such a good run...a feeling of accomplishment! I can really tell my working out is making me stronger, and I love that feeling!

There are still things I'm not so happy with--the laundry that needs folding right now (and washed!), the general state of my house, and I REALLY need more time with the Lord. But, I feel really jazzed about the working out deal. I'm tickled snotless about it!

Not sure what will happen tomorrow....hoping for healthy boys who are feeling much better, and a little girl who stays healthy! And a nice sweat-your-butt-off (and for me, that's a lot of sweat!) would be good too! Wooohooooooo!!!! I've got some energy now, so I guess I'll fold some clothes!

Today was good, but what to do tomorrow?

2008-01-29T21:36:00.000-08:00

Well, today started a little rocky with a big, bad headache and then when I got up, I was so dizzy I had to hold onto the walls to walk through my house. Craziness! I am never dizzy like that....so yea, that was a little unsettling. I got a later start this morning due to that. I got my sweeties up, got their breakfasts, and then told them we needed to just sit down for a little bit so mommy could feel better before we went to the gym. Well, we finally got going and stopped by the church to do a few things we needed to do and then made it to the gym. I got in 30 minutes on the elliptical, and it felt good, although a little harder than usual, between how I was feeling and using the "interval" program for the first time. But, I made it, was covered in sweat by the end, and loved it like crazy!

After that, I had to get to work at the hospital, so I got the kids their lunches, and they really started to melt down before I went to work. I was in tears by the time I left! It's so hard to have to go to work when I feel like they need me. Well, by the time I had been there for a little while, I got a call from my husband that one of the boys seemed really hot and was very upset, nearly incosolable. Thinking we would need to make a trip to the urgent care clinic, I came home (I had the carseats) and he was doing much better.....seems when he was told he would have a visit to the doctor that he started feeling MUCH better. He was still rosy-cheeked and a little warm, but he was smiling, eating, and saying he felt fine. So, I decided to go back to work and see how things are in the morning.

Now, to figure out tomorrow. I don't think he can go to school; but what about his twin? It's awfully hard to take two 3-year-olds to school (which they love) and try to explain why one can go and one can't. I am also supposed to have a staff meeting at church in the morning, and had even made arrangements to go to school for lunch to see some of my youth. Not quite sure if I'll make it to anything as of now; I guess I'll just have to see how things go in the morning. Oh...and I HAVE to figure out a way to get some exercise tomorrow. I highly doubt that my husband will let me leave the house without kids while he is awake, but we can't go to the childcare place at the gym if he's sick. Geez! Speaking of which....I guess I better go clean the kitchen now. Came home from working tonight to food still being on the table and nothing being cleaned up (again)....gotta love that. grrrrr!

Hmmm....maybe I should spend some more time in that "Loving Well" devotional book I've been working my way through.....I need the Lord to do some lovin' through me...because I don't always feel like doing it on my own! Off to the kitchen now!

Monday, Monday

2008-01-28T21:22:00.001-08:00

Today's been a pretty good day. I took the boys to school and then went to my office and got only a few things done before Missy GG started to melt on me. She usually starts getting tired and whiny about 10:30 or 11 and we have to go home. We went and picked the boys up at school after that, and I had to pull over before we got out of the parking lot to let one of them go show his music teacher his little truck. He wanted to take the truck into school, but I wouldn't let him, and I told him he could show her the truck when I picked them up. Well, it was a different teacher that walked them out today, so he was all upset about not getting to show off his truck....as was his twin brother! So, we got out of the pickup line, parked the van, and he was so proud to show his little truck off. Little stuff like that is just so precious. I am truly blessed with 3 precious little angels. They have their moments, of course, but I am just so crazy about them.

I came home after that and cleaned house and folded laundry. Made a little dent in stuff, but I could do nothing but house and yard work for probably a month and still not be totally caught up. A little dent is better than none though, I guess.

After everyone woke up from their naps, I got on my grubbed out workout clothes, and we went to the gym. I got in only a 30 minute run/walk on the treadmill, but it sure did feel good. I can tell I am getting stronger and more able. It feels so, so good to sweat! Went from there to church for my youth team meeting; and here I am, back at home.

I'm excited to say I got in the workout I did. I've been trying to treat the workout as a non-negotiable. No matter what else, I HAVE to make sure I get that in.

what a day

2008-01-27T22:54:00.000-08:00

Wow...what a day this has been. Good in so many ways, but I'm whooped now! I really am needing some sleep. I was up til about 3 am yesterday trying to make sure I was ready for my children's message, sermon, and confirmation class this morning at church. It all seemed to come together well, which I am so grateful for. I had really prayed for the Lord's insight into the passage (Acts 12) I was preaching about, and as I was preparing yesterday, there were lots of things that just came to mind that I hadn't thought of before. One of those things where you KNOW it's the Lord and not you....I love stuff like that! Anyhow, I received a lot of wonderful encouragement and positive feedback, which really is more than a blessing than I can say. I enjoy so much getting to help with the preaching....and it makes it that much more fun to feel like what you've said actually resonates with a few people. Thank You Lord, for the opportunity and for giving me what I hope were Your words and not my own.

After the 2 services and teaching confirmation, I came home and took the boys to the grocery store with me because we were out of some stuff, and then we came home, ate some lunch and we ALL had naps. I slept for a solid 2 hours this afternoon, and it was dang hard to get my big butt up off the couch when it was time to go to meet up with my youth group tonight! We went bowling tonight, which was fun--and of course, now I smell like the bowling alley--aka, a big ashtray! So, I really need to get these clothes in to wash and wash my hair and all that sort of stuff so I'm not so smelly! I also managed to go to praise team practice and caught the tail end of it, and that was fun too.

When I came home, Craig had the video from service today that he wanted us to look at before we took it to the TV place for broadcast. He has to make sure all the sound is working right and stuff like that--and I saw myself preach. Now, the hearing isn't so bad. I've gotten to be mostly okay with that. But....the visual is just....AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!! Okay, so I've lost a few pounds...but I am still probably the fattest person I've ever seen in my life. I can't tell I've lost a thing. I am enormous...which really stinks! That's the kind of thing that makes you never want to eat again. It's pretty darn depressing. I'm thinking the only thing worse than seeing how disgusting you look on a video like that is knowing that that video will be on TV in a week or so, seen all over town. Yeech!
There are a couple of posiives I can pull out though.....
---I am more determined now to NOT look this way for long!
---Hoping nobody could see me...but that maybe, just maybe it can be the Christ in me that shows, rather than me.
I must hang on to those things, or I'd just go crawl under a rock somewhere, for fear that someone might have to look at me.

Anyhow, tomorrow is back at em....I'll have to work out as soon as the kids wake up from their naps, hopefully around 5ish somewhere. I go into the office in the morning and we've got youth team meeting tomrrow night at 7, so I'll need to take that opportunity after naptime while its there. I also need to get the eating cleaned back up. I haven't been really bad, but we did go eat Mexican food yesterday since I had a lot to get ready for and really didn't want to cook. Tonight there were no good choices to eat while out bowling, so I didn't eat until I got home. I had some soup, which wasn't so bad....but at 11 pm, nothing is really going to be too good.

Anyhow....I am ready and determined and want to be whole hog (pardon the pun...get it, hog...me!) on this weightlosing thing. It'll be the beginning of week 3 of a M-F workout schedule, so we are close to having formed a habit, which is really cool. With His help, I'll get there!!!! Right now, I'm ready for this head to hit the pillow...as soon as I get the bowling alley smell out of my hair, that is!!

Two weeks of Monday through Friday down!

2008-01-25T21:36:00.000-08:00

Well, I went to the gym today. Only got to do 25 minutes on the elliptical because I had a lot to do to get ready for my 5th and 6th grade youth, which was tonight, and a few other errands while the boys were at school. By the time I made it to the gym, 25 minutes was all I could push it. It wasn't long, but it was long enough to work up a good sweat and feel accomplished for the week. Can't complain with that. My eating was a little scattered today, but not terribly awful. We had pizza/calzones at youth tonight, so I ate 2 little pieces of the calzone and a half slice of pizza, which wasn't nearly as bad as I could've done. We only had 2 kids show up tonight, which was a bummer, but the 2 that were there had a lot of fun and it was good times with them. I really do feel the need to spend more time in prayer and trying to be creative with these kids. I ordered several books today from Youth Specialties today with ideas and stuff about youth culture and all that. It seems to be so different than even a few years ago when I left Young Life staff. Speaking of which: I have been sort of nostalgic for my Young Life days here lately. I don't miss the fundraising or stress of not knowing if I'd get a paycheck or not, but I do miss a lot of what we did and the kind of kids we tried to work with. I love my church kids dearly, but its not the same...I am trying to bring some of YL to my ministry at church, but that's easier to say than to do. Mostly because I am the First Pres lady now, and not the Young Life lady. Even if people aren't very active in their church or maybe even don't know Christ, they still have a loyalty, generally, to a specific church or denomination which makes it difficult to be the "First Pres" lady. When you are the YL lady, pretty much everyone loves and supports you; well, at least to some degree. Anyhow, the thing that really charges me up is sharing Jesus with kids who don't have a clue. Kids who realize they truly have a NEED for a Savior. There is nothing like it. I'm finding it difficult at times to help kids realize the importance of putting Christ first, when they sort of take their Christian faith and upbringing for granted. The gift of God to us in Christ is a gift we should never, ever be complacent about. It's not something to take for granted, though we (myself included) often do. It is a BIG deal...HE is a BIG deal...a really, really BIG FREAKING DEAL! I need to remember that, and I need to figure out ways to get my kids to get that.

Not much else exciting around here. I paid bills today, which isn't ever fun. I am thinking we have not a whole lot left to live on for a couple of weeks, but we can do it. Our freezer is full and our pantry is too--and Craig will hopefully have a check coming for some videos he did a month or so ago soon. This is a loooong tunnel we are in with our finances, and we aren't really seeing light yet, but we are moving ahead, which I am so grateful for. The Lord provides...and I am so humbled and grateful for it!

Well, I guess I need some sleep. I need to work on my sermon some more, so I"m hoping I can stay awake long enough to make progress there. As it says on the back page of our Veggie Tales book...."For now....Toodle do!"

Still truckin!

2008-01-24T22:14:00.000-08:00

Well, today was Thursday, and I'm still truckin' along okay. I'm down 10 pounds so far, and grateful for that. Today I did 45 minutes on the elliptical at the gym and I dripped some sweat...that's so like the defining moment in a workout--when the sweat actually DRIPS off! I LOVE it! Yes, how weird am I?! It just feels so good to sweat and work like that. I listened to all sorts of stuff on that ipod while I worked out. I really, really like that thing! When I think about all the money I have spent through the years on...well....crap for weight loss--and the best money I ever spent was for that little refurb nano. I can workout like a fiend with it on! And it's sort of like my getaway time, because I don't ever have the chance to listen to music and just sorta relax like that, so it's extra cool. I listened to Relient K, Sonny and Cher, the Eagles, Clay Crosse, Wes King, Jars of Clay, and I don't remember who else.

I was good on my eating today, although I didn't get to eat supper til much later than I'd have liked. I worked at the lab this evening and we were really, really busy. I didn't hardly stop to even use the bathroom for the longest, and I didn't get to eat dinner til around 9 pm, about an hour before time to get off work. I ordinarily wouldn't have eaten that late, but there wasn't much choice tonight. We had lots of work to do!

Oh....been meaning to post about the fact I gave blood Sunday. Our church had a blood drive, and so it was very easy to go do after church while we were still there. I was amazed that my hematocrit was like 45 or 46--thinking their little machine thingy must be wacky. That translates to about a 15-something hemoglobin, which I've never had in my life! My pulse was 60, which was much better than I expected, and my BP was like 118/70-something, which is pretty darn good too. I got the card today with my cholesterol on it, and it was 131, not fasting, which isn't too shabby either. Aside from the extra 100 pounds, I guess I"m pretty healthy.

Anyhow....tomorrow night is our Friday Night Live, 5th and 6th grade youth. I need to finish getting ready for that and then work on my sermon for Sunday. Thankfully, I don't have to work at the lab on Saturday (though I was asked to this morning!) so I will have some good time to work then.

Well, guess that's all for now. I plan to go to the gym tomorrow morning before I pick my boys up at school. Then, it'll be 2 weeks of M-F workouts...yay! With the Lord's help, I'm getting there!

Next time....on contemplating giving up chocolate! (say it isn't so!)

Wednesday

2008-01-23T20:15:00.000-08:00

Well, today was a good day. Went to the office this morning and got to talk at length with one of our new elders who will be working in Christian Ed the next 3 years and got to discussing some important stuff, which was good. Prayer, prayer, prayer, is the conclusion we keep all coming back to....are we really a people of prayer, or do we fall miserably short? I think the latter is probably more of the case--praise God that He is able to work despite our weaknesses and bring us back once again to our knees, where we should have been all along.

My boys stayed at preschool for stay and play today successfully, so that was big fun for them. I am so proud of how well they are doing with their potty stuff. Baby G napped a little bit while we were home, but she wanted to get out and play mostly. So, it was some good mommy-daughter time! When I picked the boys up, they had notes in their backpacks that one little boy at their school (also a twin, incidentally, and one whose parents I know) had a heart transplant on Sunday. I don't know any of why or any of that, but I can't imagine what they must be going through with that. My heart goes out to them. There was also another little boy, who I don't know, who has a brain tumor that is evidently producing some sort of seizures, and he is going to be undergoing radiation to have it shrunk. I just can't imagine; I was in tears reading this letter from preschool. Life is such a precious gift; and we would do well to remember that!

In other matters, I worked out at the gym this evening. Not a big deal, just 35 minutes of running/walking on the treadmill. I got to sweating pretty good and it was awesome. I am somewhat trying to follow along the program by Chantel Hobbs, which I read about in her book Never Say Diet. She is a gal who lost 200 pounds!!!! And now she is like model-gorgeous! Amazing, incredible story. I saw her on TV and then I had to read her book. She is super fit and really an inspiration. She is also a Christian, and it seems she really is using her "new self" to bring glory to the Lord, which is way cool.

Anyhow, I got my working out done....tomorrow evening I have to work at the lab and then Friday night I have my 5th and 6th grade youth, so those will be busy days--I'm planning on the gym in the morning before I have to work and then again on Friday, probably in the morning after I leave the office a little early.

Anyhow, so far so good! I'm determined this time around to make this work and see it through!!!!

Good day so far

2008-01-22T12:46:00.000-08:00

Well, its been a good day so far. Haven't accomplished as much as I'd like, but I did make it to the gym for 45 minutes on the elliptical. It said I burned 600 calories! Don't know how accurate that was, but wow! That was pretty good! It feels easier in some ways than the running, but you don't really ever quit moving or slow down, which is the challenge. The kids LOVE going to the "gwym" as they call it. That sure does make it a whole lot easier to make it there.

I'm in need of cleaning my house up some, doing laundry, working on my sermon for Sunday and some time with the Lord, just to sit at His feet. Think I'll take advantage of the quiet house right now with my 3 little nappers!

Happy Monday!

2008-01-21T20:49:00.000-08:00

Well, today was a pretty good day. I didn't do a whole lot, but I did get my workout in at the gym, which felt awesome. I'm also down another pound for a total of 9 now. I'm so glad!

Since it was a holiday, the boys were out of school, so I gave them their haircuts. They both sorta screamed all the way through it, especially with the clipper buzzing the way it did, but they were oh so proud of their haircuts when it was over! So glad they are so forgiving of mom's less-than-perfect haircuts, to say the least!! Baby sister was just hanging out watching it all being precious, of course!

Then, we went to the gym and I got on the treadmill and walked/ran for 50 minutes. I think there was a little more walking than running, just because I felt a little low on energy today, but I still managed to drip some sweat--(love that!) and get a good workout. It felt awesome. I so love to sweat! Today it was to Sonny and Cher, The Eagles, Clay Crosse, Relient K and even the Mighty Wind Soundtrack. Do I have weird musical tastes or what! I did pretty good all day on eating too. Not much to be upset about there.

After the gym I had to get home because I had to be at work at 1:30 this afternoon at the lab. It was a pretty busy evening, but it calmed down an hour before I got to leave around 9pm. I was in hematology tonight, so I got to stay pretty focused on one area, which was nice.

Tomorrow is a no-school day for the boys, so we will probably go to the gym and I'll work on laundry and stuff like that, and try to work on my sermon for Sunday. I'm preaching this week, and I have things lined out pretty well, but I need to work through it some more and add more meat.

In other news, I'm totally pumped, because I found out the Fuller campus in Houston is going to, most likely, start offering the MDiv degree beginning in the fall. I'm working on my Masters now there in Youth, Family, and Culture, which is fine, but I really wanted to get the MDiv rather than the MA....and now it looks like that may be a possibility. I'm pretty pumped about that!

Okay....better get going for now. Need to work on my sermon and figuring out youth stuff for the weekend too. Happy Monday, anyone who might happen to stumble on this!

One week of working out down!

2008-01-18T21:14:00.000-08:00

Well, today was Friday and it was a busy, but good one. I was thinking I wasn't going to be able to go to the gym at all, because I go to the office at church on Friday mornings and I also had to work at the hosptial this evening. So, I was thinking my only option for a workout was early morning--which, anyone who knows me knows that probably isn't very likely to actually happen! Of course, when the alarm went off at 6 am, I just hit the "off" button and slept another hour until it was time to get up and get my kids up and out the door for school and to my office. But, I had packed a bag and decided to just leave the office early before I went to pick the boys up at school to work out. I didn't have long, but I still got in a 20-minute run-walk, which felt AWESOME! I am so glad I went! It just feels so good to sweat, and then you feel better the rest of the day too. Anyhow, I had a good little run. I then picked up the boys, got everyone their lunch and down for naps, and then it was time for me to go to the lab for my evening shift. We had a good evening, so I'm glad for that. Now, I just need to clean my kitchen up....I'm not into coming home to a dirty kitchen, but I'm REALLY not into waking up to one! My husband left me a note that the boys were scared of the thunder tonight, so he couldn't clean up. So....oh well....guess I better get to cleaning then.

today

2008-01-17T21:35:00.001-08:00

Well, I got in a great run/walk at the gym today! I am so pumped to be seeing progress! I didn't have to rush too bad because we got out the door early enough that we weren't rushed, which was nice. The boys and sweetie girl love playing in the play area at the gym, which I am so thankful for. I walked for 5 minutes on the treadmill to warm up, then started running...sorta slow, but it was a run. Was able to run for 10 minutes, then walked 5, then ran for 15--had planned on doing 10, but I felt so good, and I think that was when Lynard Skynard "Freebird"...like the extended dance mix version...was on! So, I went 15. Then, I walked 5 and ran hard for 5--like 5 and 6 mph, which for me is top speed right now! Then, I walked for 5 to cool down. I was sweating like a pig and it was awesome!

I shudder to think other people will read this and know what I weigh, but I am doing this blog for accountability, and I feel like I need to be perfectly honest. I've lost probably 7 or 8 pounds in the last couple of weeks--and today I was 237. There....it's out, my totally embarrassing and disgustingly ridiculous obesity, set to numbers...oh yea, did I mention I'm only 5'4"? Yup...not a pretty sight--not at all! I'll add pictures at some point--hopefully before and some AFTERS that tell the tale of where I've been!

Anyhow...it's late, so I better get to bed. I'll write more about my other stuff I"m trying to fix with me later on!

In other news

2008-01-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

Went to the gym tonight...felt soooooo good! I only had about 25 minutes after supper, cleaning the kitchen and getting the kids packed up and gone with me, but what a great 25 minutes! It was awesome! Have I mentioned that Bowling for Soup is awesome to run to?! Oh yeah, it is!

2008-01-16T21:44:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty stinkin' excited! My grades were just posted this evening on the Fuller Campus Pipeline website....which I have been checking like..oh, everytime I'm at the computer for weeks now, pretty much, and
I GOT A B+ IN MY CLASS!!
Wahooooooo!!!! I'm really excited! I was sure, sure, sure that I failed really, really bad...so, so thankful that I didn't! I don't know what the individual grades were on the tests and paper, but the final, overall grade was a B+! I hardly ever did that good in my biomed stuff at A&M, so I'm way tickled over this!
Now I'm encouraged to sign up for another class for the Spring Quarter. Not sure if I'll do the Old Testament class in Houston or another distance one yet, but I will take one in the Spring quarter for sure, one way or another. I am glad I took off the winter quarter though....The retreat last weekend was worth it and I am making some progress at getting life leveled out, so I still think it was a good decision. I called Alan--our pastor, my boss, my mentor--when I got my grade, just because I needed to tell someone about how I did...especially someone who had read my paper and seen my tests. In his very distinctive North of England accent he said "Oh, so I guess you still have a brain up there after all..." Why yes, I do believe I guess I must!!!

MySpace blog archive; copied here

2008-01-15T23:39:00.000-08:00

Monday, January 14, 2008
This and that
It's been awhile since I wrote on here, so I thought I'd post something new. I usually just try to write when there is something cool to write about; well, I guess there hasn't been too much too cool to write about, but I did have a really fun weekend, so I can tell a little about that!
Our church had our annual women's retreat this weekend and it was so much fun. It was my third one to have gone on, and it is just really a fun time to get away and hang out and enjoy getting to know folks you may not know that well and enjoying the company of those you already know and love. The first year I went it was in Palacios and we had a pretty cheesy speaker and sessions, but it was still fun to hang out with everyone. It was before I had kids, and it was also the weekend that the Columbia space shuttle was destroyed when it was re-entering the earth's atmosphere. That's a lot of what I remember about that year. Not being a mom, the "getting away" part wasn't as big of a deal and being the news junkie I am, I felt a little cheated at not being able to see the immediate news coverage of the shuttle disaster. (yes, I know, I'm weird!) I do remember it being fun though.
Last year, I was given a trip to the retreat as a Christmas gift from my husband, whose babysitting fell through (he had a bridal show to do at the mall for his video company) so I spent most of the weekend running back and forth so I could hang out at the retreat and take care of my kids pretty much all day....but I loved the time I was there and enjoyed it a ton.....so, this year, when I decided to not do school this quarter, I was for sure signing up for the retreat. My husband had his parental units come down to help with (well, lets be honest...to take over the childcare) my kids for the weekend, so I got to be there for almost the whole thing this year. (almost, because I had one of my youth groups Friday night and couldn't leave until it was over.)
It was sooooo relaxing, so fun, and I laughed til my face hurt. I roomed with a dear friend who is also a night owl, so though we didn't sleep much, we had such a great time getting to stay up til all hours visiting. She is a wonderful listener and was kind enough to listen to me do a lot of venting about some stuff that weighs heavily on me, and what a gift that was to be able to talk that out. I hope I was a good listener as well, although I don't think there's any way she could have received as much blessing from me as I did from her over the time we were there!
I also got to spend time with some other dear friends working on and helping to lead our worship times with music, which was a ton of fun, and got to play my guitar more than I have in a long time. The weather was beautiful, the speakers were good, and it was just an overall really sweet time of refreshing, which I am so thankful for. Oh...and we got smores!!! How cool is that!!!!!!
I'm grateful for the gifts of my friendships and know that I have been blessed. I also have some renewed hope to try and make some things in my life better. There is a song by Switchfoot called "This is your life" and it's been meaning a lot to me lately: This is your life, are you who you want to be? That is the question the song asks...I know I'm not, but Lord willing, hopefully someday I will be.
In other news: Went to the gym today and it was awesome! I have been able to be pretty consistent at it, and it is amazing how much better I feel. I got to run some on the retreat this weekend outside too, which was great. As I type, I am putting some new songs into my itunes from old cd's so I have some more running music. I think I probably have the most eclectic ipod repertoire known to man. I mean, who else do you know that has Casting Crowns and Chris Tomlin and hymns followed by Merle Haggard, Patsy Cline and Rhinestone Cowboy by Glen Campbell? Oh, and we can't forget the Harry Connick Jr (have I mentioned he is just hot?! heehee!) and the Bowling For Soup that is like the best running music I've EVER heard! Got some Bon Jovi and Bryan Adams too...Have I mentioned that ipods are cool?! I am really enjoying mine...and I am convinced it will get me skinny someday!!!
Other thing I'm working on is a sermon for week after next when I get to fill in. Gonna talk about Acts 12--such a funny story! Luke would have been fun to get to know...at least based on Acts 12! Peter getting released from prison by God, rushing to go see his buds and the gal who opens the door is so excited to go tell everyone she leaves him out in the cold....it's like a movie! Anyhow...working on that.
Okay...that's probably good for now; who in the world would have any interest to read through my incoherent ramblings I don't know, but if you are interested, here it is! And that's all I got to say about that!
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Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Sweatiness is next to godliness! Current mood: refreshed
Sweatiness just HAS to be next to godliness...I never feel so at peace as when I am drenched in sweat, head to toe from making this hunk-o-chunkiness self of mine do more than it really ought to!
I know it's nothing unique to me, but I have been wound tighter than a spring on a new Serta the last several weeks...okay, probably years, but we'll give me the benefit of the doubt and just look at the last few weeks. I have been trying to finish this class I am taking, plus the 2 jobs and taking care of the house and kids pretty much by myself...which is another source of frustration in and of itself, but that issue isn't one for blogging about. I feel like I am stretched about as thin as thin can get right now. Put on top of that the fact that there isn't enough money coming in to keep up with our bills and that I feel like a completely fat slob in this overweight-by-100-pounds-I-had-3-babies-in-2-years-and-I-REALLY-eat-a-lot-when-I-am-stressed body of mine, and well......as you see, I'm probably on a bananna peel ready to pop a gasket at any time!
I've been needing sooooo badly to exercise. I go and change clothes but then someone needs a diaper changed or my house needs cleaned so the health department won't shut us down, or someone has to go potty, or it's 3 am, or whatever, and before you know it, another day has gone by and here I go getting fatter and more stressed.
Well, last night I decided (at least for today) that enough is enough already, and this morning I WAS going to make it to the gym, come hell or high water! This morning I got up and got dressed, and lemme tell you, I was SO ready by the time we were done with breakfast.....it was a no-preschool day today, so we didn't really have a schedule to keep, but it just felt like, to me, that there was an inordinate amount of whining happening around here...I'm really not a fan of whining....okay, let's call it what it is: I loathe whining! I do my best to have patience since my precious whiners were only 3 and 1 years old today, but you get must past that, and there's no mercy from me on the whining issue!
Anyhow, by the time we made it out the door, to the church to pick up a few books for this paper and to the gym, I was ready to run until I blew an artery....This fat body was going to make that treadmill smoke, baby (and not just from the impact of my weight on it!)! I needed that exercise like a druggie needs a....well, whatever druggies call what the drugs are they do! (I watch Intervention on A&E, but have never picked up on all the lingo yet).
Oh....one more bit of info I must insert.....I had to (well, maybe not had, but it was certainly a justified purchase) to get an ipod the other week....primarily for the reason of listening to my class lectures. I got an older model refurb, so I didn't pay all that much, but my lectures were all MP3 and I needed a way I could listen to them without being tied to my computer, otherwise this class was never going to be finished. Anyhow, I have slowly been adding music to my little nano, and so this was the first time I had the chance to take it to the gym and use it for something besides school stuff.
Okay...back to the gym now---I put my little ipod on and I ran on that treadmill....I walked a lot too, but I was MOVING, which was really the whole point. I ran to Casting Crowns and Bebo Norman. I ran to Jars of Clay (they run really well, by the way) and to Rich Mullins. I ran to my kids' "Folk Playground" and to Mighty Wind. I ran to Chris Tomlin, Harry Connick Jr (who is so good looking, you could just imagine being skinny and running to whereever he is...heehee!), and even to Merle Haggard (Okie from Muskogee runs pretty well!) I ran to Jonah Werner and some random Young Life musicians whose names I don't know. My kids were playing and having a blast in the play area and I was running like a crazy woman....and it felt GOOD!
I can remember when Craig and I used to fight..well, I mean, we fight all time now....never mind....when we would be in an argument, I can remember going out (this was back the first time I trained for a marathon and I was actually in pretty decent shape) and running...especially when it was cold outside....and he'd be on the bike beside me. I remember even though we'd be nearly at each other's throats before the run, I actually sorta liked him again by the time we'd covered 5 or 6 miles! It was sorta like that today.....I was such a stressball....and I am pretty darn mellow now! I've gotta work this evening and will probably be the mellowest med tech the lab has ever seen!
Anyhow, all that to say, I am refreshed and I need to commit to getting my exercise more, no matter how much is going on. It would make my body healthier (and much easier to not be disgusted by, I'm sure) but I think I really need it more than anything for my emotional well-being. I'll probably be sore tomorrow...but that's okay! Call me masochistic, but I really actually LOVE that sore feeling from exercise! Yes, I like the way a sunburn feels too, so I'm a freak show, I know! Soreness has to be pretty close to godliness in my book too!
Now, if I could just stay away from the chocolate therapy, I'd be doing REALLY good!!!!
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Tuesday, November 27, 2007
3:19 am and wow!
Yep, It's 3:19 in the morning, and I just finished listening to my last lecture for my class I am taking about the Gospels. It's a distance class, and I think I got myself into quite the pickle with it...it's an individualized distance learning class; i.e. if-you-tend-to-procrastinate-you-are-toast kind of a class! All my course work is due in about a week and a half..which means I still have a buttload of reading to do (and yes, for me that is A LOT!) a paper to write, and taking my final. It's one of those things that I know in my own strength, wouldn't even be remotely possible....Yes, I am in a "big, bumpy pickle" as my boys would say (ala the veggies!)
But wow, vinegarized (is that a word?) cucumbers aside, what a wonderful class this is! The last lecture I listened to tonight especially. So much so, I felt compelled to blog at 3:19 am! She (the professor) was summarzing the message of the Gospels as well as the Gospel as laid out in Paul's letters too, and she ended up with such a profound, yet challenging concept, especially given the culture we live in.
She talked about how we tend to approach Bible study with the angle "what is in it for me" or "how does this relate to me" sort of an attitude. In other words, we turn everything toward ourselves and tend to make it fit our own circumstances or our own needs....I suppose part of that is an attempt at application, which is fair enough, but she was making the point that we must remember...the Gospel is about GOD and what HE does...regardless of our response, our life, or anything else. Yes, He loves us and He came to redeem us, as part of His people, but we must approach our study with GOD being first...and understand what does this teach about Him.
Our salvation isn't about anything WE do...yes, we have the option of responding or not responding, but it is HIS perogative and HIS work that it's all about. To remember the first phrase of Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life book, "it's not about you." Geesh, what good it would do for us to remember that truth. Pretty much everything we are surrounded with every single day in our culture, what we are immersed in, is contrary that statement. She pointed out that in one of Paul's letters (and no, I don't remember which one at the moment) our life is to be "hidden with Christ"...what a wonderful thing, that WE wouldn't be seen, but it would be Him that is what it's all about. Well, I say it's wonderful, and it is, but it's so against my nature. I mean, I want to be all cool and everything..."look at me, I follow Jesus" and "honk if you love Jesus, praise-a-leujah!!" and all that sort of stuff....which is so NOT the point of the Gospel message. Gosh, it's that whole flesh thing again.....what a pain!
Incidentally, one of the really, I think, hilarious things she did toward the end of the lecture was tell us of her habit of surfing the internet for sermons and seeing how they line up with the message and life of Christ and the Word. She said it's depressing, to see what sort of stuff is out there, and she gave us a few examples...it really served to illustrate the point well....about how we try to make God's Word all about us. Scary thing is, I saw some of my own flawed ideas in some of her examples. It was a good thing to see it pointed out in that way--really eye-opening.
Lord, help me to properly handle Your word and to always remember it is truly ALL ABOUT YOU! I ask that my own attitude would be focused on You and You alone, that I might reflect that to others as well.
Oh, and help me to fall asleep now.....I probably should really get to bed!

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Monday, November 05, 2007
Uh oh!
Wow...what a weekend this has been...I'm awfully tired, and am really ready to get to sleep here soon. But, since I had a little something to say, I thought I'd write!
Friday night I worked a night shift at the lab for training on nights, which went just fine. I got off of work at 6 am Saturday morning and slept about 4 hours after that and just couldn't really sleep any longer. Then, since I was preaching this morning at church to fill in, I was up pretty darn late...til 3ish last night, which meant about 3-1/2 hours of sleep or so was all I got last night. The preaching went fine and then we had youth group tonight.
We had a movie night, so as to be a low-stress sorta evening after all the prep that went in for this morning. And that all worked out fine.
Then, it was time to leave.
It was a little crazy, because the nursery ladies had gone already, so I had my 3 little ones and was trying to care for them and finish up with my high school friends and clean up, etc all at the same time. So we finally get all our stuff from the movie and the food etc. put up and taken care of and I am really, really, really ready to get home at this point, since my 1-year-old is screaming her sweet little head off because she's tired and my 3-year-olds are pretty much ready to be gone too.
So, I walk out to my van with the last kids who are left and the last load of stuff to carry out and I have locked all the doors behind me, turned lights out, etc. I am on the way out to the parking lot and open the van doors with my key thingy...the kids comment on how it's cool the doors open like that. Well, I get my little ones all strapped in their car seats, go to leave, and.....
Uh oh.....where are my keys?
I KNOW I had them going out...otherwise, how would I have locked the doors of the church and opened the doors to the van? Of course I had them with me.
I proceed to dump my purse and tear my van apart (all with my baby angel screaming her baby head off, mind you) in the dark trying to find my keys...to no avail, of course! I pull out my cell phone to call my husband, and the battery is so dead on it that it doesn't even tell me it's low...it's just DOWN for the count.
Cue the "oh crap" panic attack, please!
Now if I were on my own, it would've been a not good situation. But with my two 3-year-olds and a 1-year-old, this was bad....very bad! I had thoughts of walking home with them...but that's a 3-mile trek. Okay for me, but not for them, especially in the dark. Maybe I could go somewhere to call my husband. Everywhere was much farther than we should've been going....and all I wanted to do was get home..
Did I mention too, that all my important cards and ID and all were also with the keys that are MIA? Oh yes, lets not forget that too!
I decided I had to do something, so I got the little stroller out for Missy G and told the boys to start walking with me. We all went, hand in hand, to the house next to the church. I had remembered going there to invite kids to the Family Fun Night at church a couple of years ago at Halloween and also inviting kids to VBS. The porch light was on and it looked like an "awake" home.
The boys and I pray for the Lord's safety, not knowing where we re going for sure, and we knocked on the door. A nice lady opened the door and when we told her our situation, she was so kind to invite us into her living room and let us use her phone. So, we got ahold of Craig, and he was on his way, and we visited for a few moments. I am so grateful for her help and hospitality, and don't know what we'd have done without her help.
Well, we go back to the van and meet Craig in the parking lot when he arrives and we try to solve the mystery of the missing keys. Where in the world could they be? How could I have them one moment and not the next?
After tearing the van up looking for them...for the second time in about an hour's time, moving the van and shining the lights down in the parking lot to find them, we are about to give up. Geesh..so much for my driver's license, cards, etc....I've really got a mess on my hands now.
So, at this point, thinking hope is lost for finding them, Craig gets a thought and stands up to where he can see the roof of the van--"found 'em!" Yep, you guessed it...Stacy the dorkmom of the year had put the keys on the roof of the van when I went to strap kids in the car.....I NEVER put the keys on the roof!! Well, until this time, I guess!
It was a sweet relief, and I am so glad my keys, but more than that, my kids, are safely and happily at home sleeping in their beds (well, the keys don't have a bed and technically don't sleep, but you know what I mean!)
Thinking I need to get to bed too....before I pull another smooth move like that one off again!

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Saturday, October 20, 2007
A random act of kindness
Tonight I was the recipient of a very unexpected, very appreciated, totally random act of kindness from a sweet friend.
After we finished our supper tonight, I loaded up the little ones and went to Wal Mart to get a few things for youth group tomorrow night and a couple of things for us personally...but mostly, I went to get a watch. My watch had been on the blink for a few days, but last night while I was working at the lab, it finally gave it up and died. Ever since, I've been a little wacky with not being able to look at my watch....I'm one of those "I-can't-live-without-looking-at-my-watch-and-if-it's-gone-I'll-go-crazy" type of people. I REALLY "need" my watch! I use it a lot at youth group too, for timing games, etc. At the gym I use it...trying to keep up with my jobs I use it...you get the idea!
So anyhow, we walk into Wal-Mart and we see my friend as we are walking in. She and I visit a bit, which is always nice, since we don't get to visit nearly enough, normal catching up type of stuff, and I mention I am there because I just HAVE to get a watch, yadayadayada....So she says "hey, well lets go look at watches while we talk." I think nothing of it, and we visit and talk, and my kids are much happier being in motion than not, so it's great.
I proceed to pick out my little Timex ironman watch...not an expensive watch, but not one of the $5 ones either, simply because I can never work the cheapies....I found out many years ago to just get the ironman, even though it's a little bit more than the cheapies, because at least I can operate it!
Well, I find the watch I want, and my friend grabs it from me and says she wants to buy it for me....how sweet is that? I truly tried my hardest to talk her out of it, because I really didn't tell her I needed a watch for that....we were just talking about what we were doing there tonight. Well, she insisted, telling me she'd been wanting to do something for me for awhile and proceeded to buy my watch.
How can I say thank you enough? It was one of the kindest, sweetest suprises I have had in a long time. I am truly thankful, and I hope I can be that kind of friend too. We may not have any money, but we are rich beyond all belief where friends are concerned.
It's hard for me to accept stuff like that...it really is. But, my husband had a point tonight, I guess, when I told him about it. He said "sometimes, you just have to let people love you and care for you." Don't tell him I said so, but this time, I think he's probably right.

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Sunday, October 14, 2007
This is what it means to be held....
What a day today has been....I got up, after my usual about 4 hours of sleep, got the little ones up, dressed, and fed, and then went to church. Had to do the children's message, which was fun, and sang as always. Even got to go to my own Sunday School class, which is unusual, since I am usually trying to recruit help, talk to kids, or whatever else during that time. So, the day started out pretty normal, I guess.
Then, it was time to go to Hosuton for the Houston Aid in Neonatal Death (HAND) Remembrance Ceremony where I was to sing this afternoon. My dear friends lost a baby 4 years ago (hard to believe how long its been now) and they are involved with the group in Houston and also lead a ministry locally to be there for grieving parents. What a blessing to have friends that care so deeply as they do and are willing to use the pain they have experienced to help others who are grieving. Unbelievable blessing is the only way to describe these dear friends of mine and their heart for Christ.
Anyhow, they asked me to sing the song "Held" at the ceremony...a song about loss that is more honest than most anything I've ever heard. I was pretty much fine wtih the singing part all week and even this morning at church when we did it for our service. I ended up making it okay, since it was at the beginning of the ceremony, but whew...after that, it was time to fall apart.
The ceremony was a bittersweet, wonderful yet terrible experience that you wouldn't have wanted to miss, after having been through it, though it was really painful and gut-wrenching. It was difficult, yes, because of my own pregnancy losses, but more so I think because of the depth of the pain all around me. Being a mom myself, I think made it even more difficult. My heart goes out to all the families who were there today...and I feel so helpless to say anything but that, which sounds like so little.
This group really does such a wonderful thing by giving these families a safe place to grieve. I hurt to be there and after I left, but the Lord uses times like that to give us hope and refreshing, after the rain falls. I'm pretty much emotionally spent....but that's what life is about in some respects, right? The Lord is faithful, and He uses times like these....I believe He has used today to bring healing, I know to my heart in so many ways.
My prayer is that He used the time to bring healing to others as well..at least to the degree that we can have true healing, this side of Heaven.
Thanks, God, for teaching me more today about what it means to be "held."

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Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Have to try it!
Okay...so I have to put a blog on here, I guess! I've spent waaaaay too much time on this silly website tonight trying to make it look a little less "sterile" and a little more "me" and now its too late for me to try to study. So, I thought I'd just type something here and call it a night.
I honestly can't imagine anyone being interested enough to read any thoughts I might have on a blog, but maybe from time to time I'll put some down anyway.
For now: I am thankful for my babies and our good health. I am thankful the Lord has always provided for us. I NEED to trust that He always will. Times are really tight right now, but He has never not seen us through. I need to trust and I need to spend some more "knee time" as well.
Okay...got that out! That wasn't so hard to type something now, was it?! (uh oh...this myspace thing is getting crazy now...I'm talking to myself on a blog!) Uh oh...I REALLY had better get to bed now!

New me, new blog!

2008-01-15T23:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I tried this once before and wasn't very successful at it, so I"m going to try again. I have blogged a few times on my myspace page, which I will copy onto a posting here, just for posterity. This though, is really an accountability thing for me though. The title is from the song by Switchfoot that asks the question: "This is your life...are you who you want to be." Well, actually....no, thank you very much! I am NOT who I want to be; but Lord willing, someday I will be. I should say will be again; I feel I have drifted away from being the real me and who I want to be because of my life circumstances, but I am no longer going to be controlled by all that. I am going to let God re-make me into His creation, giving Him glory for whatever I do.

One thing about this blog, is I'd like to use it for accountability to becoming who I want to be--especially in the way of this big awful thing we call my body! I am trying to get it smaller and healthier, and hope to post some pics along my journey to better health.

I am a child of God...a daughter of the King, saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. I am a wife...although, not a very good one, I am afraid. I am a mommy--my favorite title in the whole world! And I am a youth director at my beloved church. Over the last 10 years, I have fallen in so many ways. I am ready to begin picking up the pieces, and being who I was created to be! Even if no one else reads this thing....I think it will do me some good!